Kyle has Dorit and Crystal over. “OhMiGod you don’t have a business manager?? Of course you do!” Dorit is just so… I don’t even know. Who wants to tell her that she’s a nobody, married to a poser, who’s always been a broke ass loser.
Sounds like someone else I know. A poser, and a loser.
Kyle, I believe has some sort of obsession with Sutton, because she is imitating her non fucking stop.
Does she not realize this is what it looks like? Jealousy and obsession? Also, she’s terrible actress.
So she goes into, AGAIN as she already did for Dorit via FaceTime, once wasn’t enough for her, imitating Sutton, imitating Erika. She’s going to scare her dog again. Actually she’s scaring me. She doesn’t seem well. Is she okay? That horrific face she’s making? Maybe she should start drinking again. Girlfriend needs to chill.
This constant “what do you think it is? What could it be?” She’s Sutton! She’s weird. She enjoys her vokkas !! The fact that they’re acting like Columbo, and this is a big fucking mystery, is making them look so stupid. And viewers stupid for watching it!
Is this FOR REAL her story line that she’s going to try to stretch into February?
Even though she’s playing scissor kicks with a girl her daughter’s age, and she and Mario are essentially separated, living in the same house. It doesn’t take Columbo to figure this one out!
But hey Kyle, it’s cool, let’s keep dancing around “do you think Sutton has a drinking problem??” As per uszzzzze, it’s always someone else’s fucking life on the chopping block, never her own.
She keeps repeating the same boring shit, but is getting the camera time. It’s the same shit year after year that seems to work and keeps her relevant.
Vodka can make you really mean?? Okay, pot. Apparently so can tequila KYLLLLLLEE! Case in point:
And I wouldn’t really call Sutton ‘mean.’ She’s speaking up for herself. That’s not mean Kyle, YOU are mean. Project much??
******
Sutton and Garcelle meet for lunch. Technically does bacon count as meat? Let her have her bacon, and be a vegetarian too. It’s not like it’s a big ole’ rib eye.
This Kyle vs Sutton thing is one big giant yawn fest.
Sutton noticed that she has replaced her wedding bands with a different ring. That’s because she cannot stand to be in the presence of her husband (and I think the feeling is mutual, even though for some reason this season he’s pretending otherwise.) At this point, early this year, during filming, they were basically over, and there was story after story swarming around, about Mario and his extracurricular love life, along with pictures of Kyle hanging around this new young country singer, looking in photos to be much more than friends.
Let’s call this Garcelle’s funniest and most poignant statement ever. We NEED her to stand behind this though! When Dorit bitches about it at the reunion.
Garcelle needs to not pussy out with “oh it was just a joke!” No, it’s not a joke, it’s a valid point. She says she noticed that Doirt had all of her fine jewelry after the ‘robbery.’
These very sweet polite, not very smart thugs, that carefully laid her cell phone at the gate for her, didn’t bother to to ask where the jewelry was. They were just interested in purses, and her rented clothes, apparently..
******
Erika has a new ‘talent’ manager/publicist. She ditched the dude she did have that leaked to the press last season, about Kathy or whatever the hell.
Erika is so hard to take seriously every single time she opens her pie hole. This woman tells her she needs to take accountability for her part, blowing through all of his money, I assume, and all of the vile things she has been saying for the past three fucking years. I like this bitch. She seems to tell it like it is and doesn’t tiptoe around this stupid hag like everyone else does.
******
Garcelle and one of the twins have dinner. I’m forever getting them confused. The one without the frosted hair, and got pissy with her at the beach. He tells her that he’s known since he was eight that she and his dad split up because he was a fucking cheater. A fucking CHEATER! Sound familiar? Mr ‘Trust Issues?’ LOL. A cheater with a cheater – how’s that workin’ out for ya??? Do they sit and discuss who was the better cheater?? LOL. What a joke.
Jax – this is Jax. I’ll remember next time.
******
Okay, here we go with this Kyle and Morgan Wade scene. I watched this in kind of disbelief the first time, at how completely obvious it is that these two bitches are hooking up. Couldn’t they try to hide it, since she’s in this extreme denial about her separation from Mario, and her newfound lesbianism.
They meet at a tattoo shop where Kyle is getting more ink, against Mario’s very adamant order, but as we know, “he doesn’t have a choice. He doesn’t have a choice.” Guess this is how tattoo shops look in bougee Beverly Hills.
Her five tattoos, that she’s so proud of, are weird and really basic, and looks like a six year-old drew them.
Her GOOD FRIEND Morgan arrives, for moral support, or a date, or whatever.
I wasn’t prepared for her extreme Southern accent. She is a country singer, so I guess I should have been.
Kyle lights up when she arrives. She’s clearly smitten with this chick.
I think the tattoo guy feels uncomfortable, and in the way. Get a room ladies, he’s probably thinking.
She complains to her about Mario. I guess that’s typical when you’re fucking around. You bitch to your new lover about your spouse. I wouldn’t know, but it seems like something people do. I have somebody I can ask if that’s how it’s done. He would know, he’s a cheater dating another cheater. What a circus!
Kyle keeps carressing her hair. Morgan teases her she’s going through a mid life crisis, and that’s why all of the tattoos.
“People are really confused by our friendship.” No Kyle, we’re not confused – we know you’re in love. It’s cute. A little creepy due to the age difference, I’m not going to lie, but kind of cute. And good for her having the shits of Mario’s wandering eye and penis, finally.
I’m confused if this scene was to show the viewers that they are getting it on, or to trying to convince us they’re just friends. Kyle is not a good actress, so in her mind, who knows. She probably has no idea how obvious it is that they’ve been intimate.
Even this IG pic that we’ve seen months ago, she’s sitting on Kyle’s lap for crissakes. It’s honestly a little disturbing. I’m fine with all types of relationships, love is love, so it’s not that. I guess it’s just the age difference, and kind of makes me feel she’s taking advantage of this girl. It seems a little predator-y.
Kyle feels like she has to prove she’s still fun even though she’s not drinking, so she’s having a pot -infused dinner party. Their banter is clearly flirty.
Kyle’s making the biggest deal ever out of these tattoos she’s been getting, and they’re all teeny tiny, black, basic, and placed where you can barely even see them. Like who the hell cares. She’s so fucking into herself. NO ONE CARES about these fucking tattoos. She acts like no one else has them.
They joke about putting pepper down there. I mean, really.
“We need more rumors started.” Okay Kyle, please stop.
Is Mario working out of their house a new thing? There has never been scenes of him sitting in front of this ginormous screen before. Kyle seems really anxious to show off her new tatt, like a teenager trying to piss off a parent. Mario pretends he’s interested in having sex with her, when it’s pretty obvius that ship sailed a long time ago.
Kyle is really patronizing to him. Mario looks like he’s aged ten years since last season. Maybe it’s juggling all of the bitches. He still has hair, but it’s a lot grayer.
******
Sutton has over a matchmaker, and Dorit, to help her pick the new guy! She thinks Dorit might be beneficial in helping her choose, since she chose PK, so she can help her not be so picky.
I guess Dorit gets her back by telling the matchmaker that Sutton is unself-aware, erratic, and aggressive. This gets the woman’s attention and she shuts up, and stops laughing for the first time she she arrived.
Who’s lacking self-awareness here right now Dorit?? SHUT UP.
Dorit chooses for her, Bachelor #1. Let’s hope her one date goes well.
******
Kyle gets ready for the pot party. Her girlfriend calls and shows off the ‘K’ tattooed on her arm. Okay. Is this some kind of joke? I’m really trying to figure out if she’s playing with us or not.
Apparently Kyle tattooed it on her, after she got hers. The two giggle and laugh like when you first meet someone you click with, and every fucking thing they say or do is funny. Until it’s not.
(And then, you realize it was all a big fat lie and facade. And they’re really the most horrible, abusive and deceptive person that you’ve ever met in your life.)
Kyle does not stop laughing and smiling every time she talks to her. It’s actually kind of cute. Even though I did say it was creepy. Can it be both?
I’m happy to see Kyle ditching the Morticia hair for a change. Not sure I’m liking this look though.
So apparently there are ‘Herbal Chefs’ that specialize in the pot addition to prepared meals.
Faye Resnick arrives. You all remember her. She was friends with Nicole Brown Simpson, and wrote a controversial book about her and OJ shortly after her murder, and was accused of cashing in on the grisly death of her good friend. Which definitely seems to be the case. And is kind of slimy.
New Housewife, Annemarie (she’s in the new cast photo, so I’m assuming) arrives wearing that same fucking dress worn by Erika, Drew, Jen Shah, and Bethenney’s 13 year old daughter. I feel like there are a few more I’m leaving out. Maybe Kyle too. It’s time for it to go away.
She seems really delighted to be here, as the new Housewives usually are.
It’s official, I’m not feeling Kyle’s hair. She looks like she stuck her finger in a socket. I see what she was trying to achieve, but it’s a fail.
Denise Richards and Camille Grammar are to be arriving, to mix it all up a bit. We’re just missing Brandi Glanville! Why not throw her into the pot too? The pot. Heehee.
Denise arrives shitfaced. Not sure if it was a lot of wine, some pills, some both? I don’t know. She probably just wanted a little liquid courage, and overdid it a little.
So Faye and Camille hate each other, apparently. I didn’t watch the early days, so not even sure what that’s all about. Camille might hate her, because she’s her, because she was so desperate for money she exploited her friend’s death, like any good friend would do. I did a quick search, and apparently she talks more about herself than her murdered, abused friend in her book. Also she was married four times. And was a manicurist at the time of the murders. Explains why she needed money.
Kyle and Sutton convene in a separate room, and Kyle accuses her of not being herself, so ohmiGod are we going to do the ‘what’s going with you’ dance, yet again?? Yes, we sure are.
Sutton says that her ex wanted to take her kid to England or some fucking shit, that made no sense, that has been causing her distress. He got a big promotion, a big promotion, and this is what was causing her strange behavior, not the vodka.
We can safely call this rich girl problems. Sutton does tend to do that. And it’s ridiculous anyway, because they’re divorced. And how old is this James kid? He’s not a fucking child. He has to be at the very end of the child support thing.
Kyle is not being very empathetic. It’s all ridiculous. I have to agree.
Crystal is sent to retrieve Kyle since they’re getting ready to serve the food and THC.
Meanwhile, Denise is acting like a wacko at the table as they wait for the food to arrive. What is wrong with her mouth? Did she have some faulty injections at some point?
And here we go,
Crystal: “I think you’re doing the same things to each other.”
I don’t think Crystal has ever uttered anything that makes this much sense. She couldn’t have come up with that on her own.
Crystal’s Nancy friend reminds me of Cynthia Bailey on Atlanta, or used to be on Atlanta.
The herbal dinner people go around the table to get everyone’s dosage amount. As if it wouldn’t be so easy to get their dinners mixed up. Denise declines. Probably a good idea. Dorit requests 1 mg. Like, why even bother?
Crystal decides to earn her Bravo check today, and announces that Sutton and Kyle should ‘clear the air.’
Kyle’s dress has to go too. She likes to squish those poor girls. They look so sad.
And if you can even fathom it, Kyle presents her issue with Sutton to the group, and, again this ‘what’s going on with YOU?’ fucking diatribe. Jesus. I do not know how they’re all sitting here watching and listening with a straight fucking face. That’s some acting skills.
I thought it was Kyle’s goal in life to have something interesting to talk about during filming. All we ever have seen in the past ten fucking years, is shopping, drunken splits, claiming her life is perfect, and picking on her sisters. Not necessarily in that order.
Now finally, she has a ‘thing’ that’s mildly interesting. She’s ditching her husband of 27 years, has decided she’s a lesbian, and has a fucking girlfriend!! But somehow we’re on episode #6, and we’re not talking about it. Instead she’s beating to death that Sutton has a few too many fucking cocktails!!
So fucking what!!
Even though on every fucking season, she also has had more than a few too many cocktails!! Last season Erika had more than a few too many cocktails too, but we’re being convinced that this is more interesting!! By Kyle the numb skull of all numb skulls fucking Richards.
Whatever, this is her world, and we’re all just living in it.
Sorry for all of the F bombs but holy shit, it’s lame and frustrating.
I don’t know why Sutton keeps whining about her work-out regime. She adds this time, that she doesn’t eat. If she had gained a shitton of weight, and stopped exercising, would we be bitching about that? No, we wouldn’t. Even though that would make more sense, since it’s unhealthy to eat garbage and not exercise. No one every questioned Erika being chubby, did they?
Kyle then accuses Sutton of also not eating.
Oh my fucking God.
I honestly don’t think Kyle is starving herself. Her body looks to me, to be healthy and toned. She doesn’t look overly skinny to me. Keep in mind she’s only 5’2” and has a small frame.
This ‘argument’ is beyond silly. How long are we going to drag this out?
Whatever the hell Dorit has on her head, I don’t know what look she’s going for, but she looks like a nun, or she’s going to an Amish funeral.
Super dramatic music, as everyone looks so fucking serious and intrigued, as they again exchange insults on this very critical topic.
This is one of the top five funniest scenes I’ve ever seen on Bravo, as far as it’s ridiculousness.
Somebody has GOT to parody this.
Annmarie: “You’re not saying anything right now.” Oh really??? I hadn’t even noticed. She must be really smart. She has really big hands.
Kyle’s horrible 80’s hair is definitely adding to this scene. It just wouldn’t be the same without it.
Garcelle helps things along her by saying “her marriage” in reply to – whatever could be going on with Kyle?? Followed up with asking, “what’s with the new ring?”
It’s just a ring she bought for herself. Yep, we’re going to keep dragging this out. I mean, it’s not as if we don’t know!
Her wedding ring is “in the bank.” I guess that’s in the event she gets robbed again. By robbers almost as friendly as Dorit’s, as they were kind enough to contact her and ask if she wanted her jewelry back.
Faye wrote-a-book-about-her gruesomely-killed BFF Resnick, refers to this question as inappropriate.
“What you’re saying is my husband cheated on me??”
Yes, Kyle and you have a girlfriend. We wanna hear about that too. It’s slightly more interesting than Sutton’s Kettle One’s with grapefruit.
She looks a little Linda Blair in The Exorcist.
She points out she did share a month ago, that this wasn’t her and Mario’s ‘best year.’
“That’s marriage” Faye contributes. Well she should know, since she’s done it four times.
She still will not ‘admit’ what we already fucking know. Guys, I’m not going to be able to do this for two more fucking months.
