Picking up from last week. Kyle officially went bananas after Lindsay earned her check and got him riled up for no reason whatsoever.
He did his running outside thing, as he tends to do when he’s having a hissy.
I get his frustration though.
It’s excruciatingly difficult to stay calm when you’re busting your ass and not only is it not being appreciated, you’re getting told you suck and it’s not enough, or this isn’t exactly right and you didn’t do this or that.
I might sound like I’m speaking from experience, which I kind of am.
I HATE that I’m siding with a man, but Amanda is so weird. She’s so detached and so devoid of any emotion. And so fucking LAZY.
So I have no other choice than to dive in to this super pathetic ‘fight’ between these two girlfriends Kylie and Carley
I’m so annoyed that I have to actually watch this shit show again of these two pussies threatening to beat each other up. Please.
Kyle did actually have blood drawn, however no punches were thrown. Perhaps it was a ‘slap.’ One of my followers thought he cut himself on the Loverboy can that he threw.
Anyway, Carl follows him outside in an effort to de-escalate. Kyle starts bitching at Carl for complaining that he didn’t invest in Soft Bar.
Shouldn’t we stick with the matter at hand.
Carl’s attempt at a tough guy walk is laughable. He tries.
Everyone’s bumbling around in panic mode.
Granted he could have stayed calm, and described what it’s like to live with Amanda, but Kyle isn’t capable of being calm.
Did we notice how Amanda tried to shut it down when he started talking about how she’s dead weight. And he’s right, that’s not a partnership. A marriage is a partnership. One person can be responsible for all tasks.
A marriage is also a LEGAL contract by the way, for those of you who may need reminded of that. When you were fucking around, you and your holier-than-thou chubby side-piece were breaking a LEGAL contract. Morons. Miserable stupid disgusting morons. You’re leaching off of her by the way and EVERYONE SEES IT, and you should be embarrassed.
Back to this, so they argue in each other’s faces and they look rather stupid, calling each other petty names such as ‘loser’ and ‘6’5” mother fucker’ and there’s the word ‘support’ being thrown around like 800 times.
Wow these girls are brutal.
They keep yelling “all summer long” which reminded me of the Kidd Rock song.
Kylie is so mad that Carly is a foot taller.
Someone tell Kyle he can hit hit him if he wanted to. He can still reach. He’s not THAT short.
The women finally get up off their assholes to see what’s going on when it starts to sound serious. Which it really wasn’t, but it sounded like it.
Amanda is the last to get up off of her ass. Ciara runs (never saw her running before) because it’s an excuse to be on top of West.
“No guys he’s not okaayyyyyyyyy.”
Wow Amanda you’re so poignant. You’re banging his friend, and canoodling with him constantly right under his nose, but that sure is OKAYYYYYYY.
Amanda runs up to West, and West tells her they should just fight it out, as the other guys who are NORMAL, try to pull them apart.
I guess I could see dudes agreeing with that but I don’t know, is West just hoping Carl kicks his ass? Like what was the desired end result here?
Even Amanda who cares nothing for Kyle at all, says that’s not what we’re doing.
I know this is reality (sort of) TV, but all of this is so bizarre. Everyone in the house being involved in their marriage is so fucking weird.
Did you ever notice that it’s everyone and their aunt, uncle sister and brother talking to Kyle and Amanda about their relationship?
Kyle and Amanda legit never talk to EACH OTHER about their relationship.
There’s always the karens that point it out (insert karen voice here) “we’re not seeing their entire lives, only a small snippet.”
I get that, but they even say that they never talk to each other about anything, even at home, so that’s what I’m basing that off of.
I mean having your friend tell your fucking husband you want to do a trial separation instead of doing it yourself, is cowardly.
Ballsy of the friend, and cowardly of the wife for even thinking that’s acceptable.
And Lindsay scolding and reprimanding Kyle about his marriage in front of Amanda, and talking bout her like she’s not even there is cringe.
That’s what you do with children, incompetent or very elderly people. Which of those is Amanda? The first two suit her for sure.
And don’t even get me started on Lindsay suddenly trying to sound like Captain Relationship Expert.
The girls separately telling both guys to ‘just breathe’ is funny.
I know that’s a thing girl to say, but you know everyone is breathing. They’re alive, so they’re breathing.
Also how these two weenies keep yelling at each other about ‘support’ and lack of support, in case you didn’t catch that. This is the weirdest dude argument I have EVER seen.
Amanda tells Kyle “no one’s attacking you.” To be fair, Lindsay kind of was.
Back to the original argument for one sec, clearly Amanda did know he got offered to play in Vegas. If she had such a problem with it, why not talk to him about it. Instead of getting minion Lindsay to do it for her.
But what fun would that be?
Carl’s instruction to ‘just breathe’ I guess didn’t work, because he charges back outside to confront Kyle again, in his most manliest gait he can muster.
Meanwhile, back outside, Kyle is still yammering about why he didn’t invest in Soft Bar.
He put more of his own money in his business that Carl put into his, apparently. I don’t know why Amanda thinks she has to put her hand over his mouth so he doesn’t finish saying that. Sounds like it’s probably factual, and doubt if that offended Carl.
Does that excuse Kyle for not donating? Not really. Especially when he expected him to sell his product.
Whatever. That’s neither here nor there.
Carly now says that he’s going to beat the fuck out of him. Kylie calls him a Vagisil.
Somebody please shoot me.
Amanda threatens to punch him in the face if he doesn’t shut up. I had some comments from viewers as to how that is different from him saying ‘fuck you’ to her.
So Amanda served no purpose going out there. Kyle didn’t care that she came out, she did nothing to calm him down. She told him to breath and that was her contribution.
Not ‘I’m sorry for smirking at you’ as you were getting attacked by Lindsay for no reason.
She may as well as kept her lazy ass glued to the chair.
She proceeds to go inside and give the energy to West that she couldn’t to her fucking husband.
What I want to say about Kyle is he really just acts like a dick and lashes out when he’s provoked.
People are capable of things outside of their normal character when they’re being provoked. It’s just a fucking fact. And Kyle gets provoked a lot. Why? Because of his epic reactions.
I say that about Lisa Barlow on Salt Lake too. She’s forever getting poked at unnecessarily, and not that I’m a Lisa Barlow fan by any stretch, but it’s totally obvi they do that shit purposely.
For everyone that drags Kyle and calls him abusive and a narcissist, etc, if you’re watching the Valley, and saw the last two episodes of Danny interacting with Nia, THAT’S abusive and that is classic NPD.
You never see Kyle ordering and bullying Amanda around like that and trying to destroy her happiness for no reason whatsoever. Never. He literally runs around desperate for a smidge of attention.
Anybody can do ANYTHING if they’re provoked enough. Period.
All Kyle does is mutter ‘fuck you’ or call her a bitch and runs outside and cries.
I think he is extremely frustrated with everything, from the business failure, to having a wife he has to babysit, from being responsible for all household duties etc etc etc.
Amanda comes charging back in taking off her earrings with the girls asking her if she’s okay. She’s ‘fine’ says.
So does she even care that he said “fuck you?” Not really. But is she going to eat up all of the pity and ‘poor Amanda- Kyle’s so mean’ all night? Yes. She is.
So Kyle’s out there losing his shit and ‘she’s fine.’
What’s funny is how the argument became more about Kylie and Carly somehow.
We should have done a drinking game every time they say ‘all summer long’ and ‘support.’ Or how many times Kyle points out that Carl is tall.
I do think Carl used the ‘Kyle not investing’ whiny thing as part of his story line.
At this rate this recap is going to be 37 pages.
It was kind of brutal for Kyle to refer to Carl being mad he didn’t reach out to him on the death anniversary of his brother as “the brother shit.”
But he does have a point that he’s been there for him over the years, and shouldn’t be judged on one issue.
West expresses what I said earlier. How did we get here? He’s actually mad at Lindsay. She’s the one that started this shit.
West again reprimands Kyle for ‘looking at Amanda’ who is his fucking wife, who was sitting directly across from him, and who the conversation was about.
Lindsay’s inside saying she feels bad that she didn’t mean to instigate this. Oh okay Lindsay. You didn’t ‘mean’ to.
That poor chef. How awkward does he feel.
Amanda referring to Kyle as “that man.”
It wasn’t Lindsay’s place to bring this to the table. No pun intended.
Then there’s Amanda reassuring her she’s glad she said what she did, even in light of what it has caused.
And she agreed with everything and that’s why she ‘sat there quietly.”
In what realm is this a healthy way to discuss your marital problems?
Like the fact that she has no regrets about any of this and seems completely unbothered is mind-blowing.
I really need to move this along.
Carl drags him to some of the others that Kyle doesn’t have his own music and the whole DJ thing is not worth his time or energy.
Lindsay confronts Kyle reassuring him she wasn’t trying to get him cranked up.
Again, her relationship guru facade, when every dude we saw her with, and there were several, she treated like shit.
She refers to his Vegas gig as a ‘residency’ which it’s not. It’s just another one of his DJ jobs. Vegas is far, but I do think it’s being overblown. Also it’s none of her fucking business, so there’s that.
No one was ‘thrown’ by it.
I was going to commend Ciara for having clothes on then I realized you can see her entire ass through her mesh cover-up.
She even gets up to leave as soon as West does.
I was laughing about the watermelon rolling around the porch. Like no one can pick it up and take it in the house.
Was it a subliminal message to order a watermelon from Uber Eats, which they advertise on the show? Because when the commercial came on and they were showing random grocery items on the screen, one of them was a watermelon.
Then I also thought of Dirty Dancing when Baby shows up where all of the employees gather to ‘dirty dance’ and when she’s asked what she’s doing there she says “I carried a watermelon.”
And last but not least, I don’t recall this, but apparently there was some sort of watermelon smashing scene several years ago when we still had the Werkus twins.
Remember the one was married and the other one followed Carl around everywhere, just like Ciara does West. And the married sister was mad she was hooking up with Carl and threw a watermelon in his room?
Oddly enough, I don’t know that I remember that.
Meanwhile, Lindsay takes Kyle in his room, along with Ben because we still need to talk this to not only to death, but buried and decomposed, apparently.
Kylie starts the water works and cries about what Ciara told him on the beach that they should ‘take a break.’ See what I mean? So many people talking on behalf of Amanda to him is fucking weird.
A few years back when Paige was still around (I actually haven’t missed her, have you?) I remember Kyle used to ‘confide’ in Paige his issues with Amanda. Of course knowing full well she’s going to report back to Amanda. I remember thinking what a strange way to communicate in a marriage.
Not to mention, it’s a huge MASSIVE conflict of interest to bitch about your wife to her friend. And it puts the friend in an impossible position.
Lindsay continues to pry into their marriage, and he continues to complain about Amanda.
She blames the DJing for why Amanda feels ‘abandoned.’ Correct me if I’m wrong, which I know I’m not, but Kyle complained about Amanda not speaking to him ever, not wanting to do anything and ignoring him PRIOR to the DJing.
He shares how there has been zero intimacy for seven years. Sheesh, not even three years BEFORE they were married? That’s rough.
Lindsay calls those remarks ‘angry and defensive.’
She’s the one involving herself, so he’s giving his side. I can even see Amanda is not a picnic to be with. I feel like Lindsay of all people should understand his frustrations with Amanda.
Didn’t she have these same types of complaints with Carl when he was in his ‘figuring it out’ stage? Only Amanda’s not ‘figuring anything out.’ She knows what she wants to do, and that’s nothing.
It’s funny Lindsay didn’t bother addressing that part of the table conversation with Kyle at the end when he said she pulls no weight in the relationship.
Guys, this got long. I’m going to break here. I think it was the watermelon rant.
Stay tuned for Part 2!
