Real Housewives of SLC Season Premier 9/5/23

New season. Opening with Biblical verses, really? I feel like truly religious people would be a little offended by this. They most likely probably don’t watch Housewives, but still.

As I always say, it’s Housewives, we gotta just roll with it.

I am kind of confused though, are they religious or are they not? Like Heather and Whitney who have abandoned the Mormon faith, but they still believe in God? And Lisa is confusing since she claims to be Mormon but drinks, and has a tequila business. She claims to be so religious here and there, when it’s convenient.

Lisa’s oldest, “fudge college” Jack, has decided to officially fudge college. He’s going on a two year mission instead. This kid must really not want to go to school.

She gets in the car with John and rambles on and on.

I don’t know why she’s crying in her yap about how did she miss this? He pretty much laid it all down last year, and said he doesn’t want to go so… not sure where she was during that convo. So the viewers knew he wasn’t feeling it, but she didn’t.

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What is with Housewives wearing shit like this in the snow? She’s shoveling in six inch heels? This is not normal. I like my high heels, but can’t Housewives ever take a break and wear normal shoes? On all shows, they wear the most insane heels even when it’s seems so inconvenient.

Meredith arrives: “are you seriously doing the shoveling?”

Yes Meredith, she seriously is, in six inch boots. Meredith doesn’t think that’s worth pointing out. It’s more astonishing that she’s shoveling snow. Ans she’s not actually shoveling snow. The driveway appears to have been plowed, and she is trying to get of ice that accumulated after it was plowed.

This voice of hers is like nails on a chalkboard. *** “Most of us hire someone to do this…”

This woman is pretentious as fuck.

Silly Heaather for purchasing a home- my landlord takes care of this for us.

Meredith, the serial renter should probably just shut up. Her landlord probably hires someone to shovel her driveways, so she never has to worry about it at all.

Her demeanor and posture is so weird. Is this her camera persona or does she always act like she has a tree trunk up her ass, and tilt her head in these weird positions?

Heather’s book made the NY Times Best Seller list. She and Whitney had a ‘vague’ conversation about moving forward. Their convos last season were also vague. One second Whitney wanted to move forward, the next she didn’t.

Meredith is put off about some idiotic interview that Whitney did in the press, about she and Seth taking baths together. Meredith is a little too worked up about it. In the beginning, you think she can’t possibly be this ticked off that Whitney insinuates that her bathtub isn’t clean. But nope she’s taking it all personally, and brags that her ‘housekeeper’ cleans her bathtub every day, which I seriously doubt.

So she’s been on the screen for all of three minutes and she’s bragged about having her snow removed for her, and her bath tub cleaned by ‘help’ at her latest rental.

She does have a point about Whitney’s hot tub, which are known to not be the most sanitary places to be. But it’s just ridiculous how she’s taking it so seriously. This woman has zero sense of humor.

To me, if would have made more sense to ridicule the fact that they were bathing together on camera. No one wants to see a late forties/early 50’s old married couple bathing together. But to be fair, we also didn’t want to see Whitney and Justin going at it either. If forced to choose, I would definitely go with Meredith and Seth in a bubble bath.

That’s also part of my lease….

Cooking dinner and having wine” is how Whitney claims she unwinds with her husband? Not that little soft porn interlude that cost Justin his job last year? Seems like she’s suddenly attempting to change her image. Maybe we’ll be seeing her on the pole a little less this season. If you saw on the previews, seems like there’s a little trouble in paradise.

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Little bit shocked about Mary’s return. I thought with all of the controversy about her church being a cult, demanding thousands upon thousands of dollars from the members, even referring to herself as God. The bizarre service they showed last season, in addition to that dude that she was having an affair with, that shared how she demanded he mortgage his house to extort 300g from him (and sadly passed away from cancer) that Bravo would not have brought her back.

So yeah, never mind allllllll of that, here she is and I guess we’re supposed to forget about it, and pretend like it didn’t happen??

Yet that Jenny chick that was friends with Lisa, got canned for not being a brainwashed liberal and speaking out in 2020 about all of the lies and bullshit that was going on? And making FaceBook posts that didn’t conform to Bravo’s beliefs. Her posts weren’t racist, if I can remember correctly, she was pointing out all of the contradictions with Black Lives Matter, which has now been proven to have questionable motives. Also there is this free speech thing in America, so she was/is entitled to her opinion.

It’s plain to see where Bravo’s loyalties lie, and it’s kind of sick. Mary and her husband were extorting money from their ‘church’ members, and Jenny was making some social media posts not in line with Bravo’s beliefs.

Anyway, I probably said too much about that. Her son has a girlfriend that ‘everyone is telling her is his wife?’ Who is everyone? And why wouldn’t she ask him? And how old is he? Who says this? Of course she and step pappy are still pretending to be husband and wife. He’s been in Vegas for six months. Okay. Doing what in Vegas? Maybe he went for a sandwich.

Mary asks about you know who, and Meredith does that bizarre coy act, and acts like she doesn’t care at all.

Look, she threatened to expose me, if I didn’t pretend to believe her lies, so stop asking me about it!

Remember how she suddenly was this ride or die for Jen last season, and insisting that she wasn’t guilty? There was something really weird with that. And she literally made THIS face every single time that she was asked, if she thought Jen was guilty and what was with her sudden alliance and support. And remember in previous season she HATED her, and her shadiness, and refused to be around her?

She brushes it off and says everyone needs to just move forward. Weird thing to say.

But strangely, she hasn’t visited nor written to her since she’s gone away. She gets all defensive when producer asks her if she’s had contact with her. Pretty sure Jen is allowed to have visitors Meredith, so let’s cut the bullshit. I would think someone who was her ride or die BFF that she was so supportive of, would have paid her a visit or two by now, or written at letter here and there.

Am I sounding defensive?? Because I’m not!!

I am 99% sure that Jen Shah had dirt on her, and threatened her to act in her corner during filming. Meredith is a fucking attorney and knew full well she was guilty. Honestly it didn’t really take an attorney to figure it out. Anyone with half a brain could see that she was guilty as charged, if you paid any attention whatsoever to her body language and expressions.

So what dirt do I think she may have had? Possibly the cheating Meredith was rumored to have been doing a few years ago, OR, (or maybe both) she was involved in this scheme? Maybe Meredith was doing some of these phone calls too when Jen dangled the opportunity in front of her like she did to the new Monica chick? The looking down, and guilty expression is evident that there is something shady going on there, and she was only supportive of her because she was pressured to be.

So that little visit wraps up. Meredith latches onto the most controversial Housewives for some reason. Also, I don’t think she appreciates Mary’s bathroom humor, but pretends to.

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Angie, (she was going hard for Jen’s spot last season, and looks like it paid off – the other Angie, not so much) Lisa, and new Housewife Monica, a previous employee of Jen Shah’s meet for lunch. Monica seems like an interesting addition, right? Divorced, four daughters, and keeps reminding us this is not her usual put together look.

Doesn’t take long for some Jen Shah shade to be thrown around. I don’t hate it. Monica recounts how Jen tried to suck her into her web of theft and dishonesty, thought it sounded weird, contacted a ‘friend’ in the Secret Service, and told her she was about to be arrested. Do you really think this friend would have told her that? I feel like that would be a little frowned upon if you’re in the Secret Service. You know, ‘Secret’ Service?? Don’t think they’re supposed to be blabbing to random people who they’re about to arrest. That person may be losing their job.

Like was this friend completely sure she wouldn’t give Jen a heads up?

She flexes how she was a witness in the trial. I thought it ended up not even going to trial if she plead guilty. I forget. Who cares. Hope she stays there for a very long time, and Coach dumps her dumb criminal ass. And I hope Heather steps in if you know what I mean. I read that she’s besties now with that Elizabeth Homes chick that ran the fake blood testing company. Do you wonder what they talk about?

Sushi nachos? Yay or nay? I say nay. And I love sushi, and definitely love me some nachos, but together?

I can relate to Monica and the milk trip at 10pm looking all disheveled.

Her bit in her yap shading Lisa is kind of funny. She seriously DOES ramble on about herself, a lot. Remember last season Heather opted to partner up with her on their activity, because she knew Lisa would not give two fucks about the black eye thing, and talk about herself the whole time. And she did.

She wonders how she ‘missed’ that her kid wants to get the hell out of the area, but not do the college thing? Maybe stop being so obsessed with yourself for five minutes? I’m not saying she’s a bad mom, but she does do a lot of talking about how she’s obsessed with her kids and what a great mom she is. And when you have to keep trying to convince yourself and others of that constantly? What does that usually mean? Jack seemed to be sort of low-key telling her that last season. And she still missed it.

Monica is sort of like an outsider listening to this shit and seeing through all of Lisa’s bullshit about her perfect life. Whomever cast Monica as a housewife deserves a goddamned raise, and a promotion.

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Heather is setting up for her ‘Fresh Start’ event. Wonder if there will be orders of a certain color of attire. She’s pissed that Lisa brought Angie as her ‘friend.’ Remember they were at odds last season over Heather sucking up to Jen whilst she was treating Angie, her friend of 20 years, like crap. Also Angie wasn’t acting like a fucking brainwashed programmed robot, and pretending she thought she was innocent. I like Heather, but she needs to fucking get over it.

Monica spillin’ the tea left and right in her yaps about what Jen had to say about all of the ladies. Heather was no exception. She had nothing nice to say about anyone, she says. Sounds about right.

Mary low-key shades Heather by asking ‘how she’s doing’ without Jen. Heather answers some gibberish about their connection or whatever. She admits she wasn’t setting boundaries and Jen took advantage of that.

She feels like a weight has lifted she tells her. So do you also feel like a complete fucking moron for supporting a woman that was harassing elderly people, that didn’t have a lot of money, and talking them into purchasing useless services? Heather, own the shit.

That was really a bunch of dancing around the real issue. I would actually call her the smartest one in the group, and one of the few intelligent Housewives across all franchises, and she made a complete ding dong out of herself latching onto that woman. And for what?

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Lisa and Meredith chat about their differences, and decide to go for a ‘hike’ (yeah, okay, a hike, wonder if they’ll wear their six-inch heels for that?) to talk things out.

Not one of these bitches even bothered to read Heather’s book. That’s kind of sad. And I could be wrong, but it actually seemed as if Heather DID actually WRITE this book herself. Not sat there and yammered thoughts to a ghost writer. There were several scenes last season where she was writing. Or said she was.

Meredith approaches Whitney and Heather, and they discuss the ‘Special K/Ketamine’ rumors about her that were brought up at the reunion last season.

Meredith’s odd facial expressions voice, head gyrations are really something to behold. There is honestly something off about this broad.

If I make these peculiar faces, will you see I’m really ticked off??

You know she’s dying to bring up the bath tub interview with Whitney.

And here we are.

How dare you, Whitney, take digs at my bath tub?”

Whitney in yap, shades her new rentals that she lives in every year. She does have a ‘type’ when it comes to styles of homes. Just not sure why they don’t just buy a house. It’s pretty sad if they didn’t even purchase a house in 2020-2021 when interest rates were like 2 – 3%. There must be some sort of income or credit issue going on, where they can’t apply for a mortgage. And Jen Shah was a renter too, just sayin.’

Meredith brings up the porn painting scene last season. Brain cells ARE being lost in this bath tub convo. And that’s pretty sad when Whitney is the one that needs to point this out.

I was literally just trying to change my image so my husband can get another job.

Snowball fight until the snowballs are gone… seems like a bad idea.

Starts out playful, until it’s not.

Got aggression?

Monica does some sort of aggressive tackling wrestling moves to Angie for some reason.

I’m taking you down bitch!!!

Something is not right with some of these bitches. The altitude maybe? The Mormon weird culture? The water? I don’t know.

Also seems to be trouble in paradise with some of these ‘perfect’ marriages. Wonder if Justin has been holding onto animosity over his losing his job due to Whitney’s drunken antics on the show. He seemed to have been taking that a little too well last season, at least while cameras were fired up.

Some of these previews are really disturbing. Buckle up.

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