Caroline Stanbury is packing for the girls trip to Nurai Island.
She walks around apparently with some weird lizard attached to her shoulder. That seems very un-Carolineish. Also she walks around the house with a 27 year old Spanish dude attached to her. He’s strange, and I can’t see her putting up with this smothering long term.
You think that Sergio is joking when he is begging her to attend the trip. Like he literally says, “please” like kids say, when they ask for something, and you say “no” to them. It’s bordering on pathetic.
Caroline calls this “cute” in her yap, since they just got married. No, this isn’t cute at all. And this behavior is not just because they just got married. She keeps selling this as a “good problem to have.” Yeah I thought that in the beginning too in my relationship. It’s not. It’s annoying. He keeps pleading. It’s weird.
She makes an umbilical cord joke, that she has to explain, because he doesn’t know what an umbilical cord is. It is weird to crack that joke when referring to your husband. Especially when you have one young enough where it is actually possible he could have been attached to your umbilical cord.
Moving on… Please let’s move on.
Sara meets Brooks for desert four wheeling. Do you guys remember on OC when Vickie, Tamra, and Kelly went dune bugging in the sand? Tamra failed to negotiate her turn and just completely wipes out. I knew she wouldn’t have been able to drive that thing. It just didn’t seem very Tamra. She completely overestimated her adventurous driving skills. Eddie should have really known this, and never let her take the wheel, especially with two others on board. And guess who was the one that got the most hurt during the crash?
Luckily they knew their limits, and weren’t really trying to go 100 mph. There was a minor wipe-out with Brooks falling in the sand.
They stop for a picnic in the desert, in 98 degrees with zero shade, and call their zooming around a ‘crazy ride.’ It didn’t really look that crazy. I would have been a big sissy too about and not gone 100. But I also wouldn’t have called it a crazy ride.
Brooks asked her how long it took her to heal after her divorce. She says two years, but it depends on your situation etc etc. Sara goes into her doling out of advice, but it was minor. She was probably being careful to not be too annoying, even though she did ask.
I think they do actually have a lot in common with occurrences in their lives. Their personalities, not so much. Brooks is a lot more hardened than Sara.
A lot. She’s fucking scary.
They even both have sons similar age range (Brooks’ appears older) that apparently get bullied at school. Sara’s, I kind of picked up on being not really a ‘rough and tough’ type, (trying to be careful how I word it in today’s environment, I’m not trying to talk negatively about a child, no one needs to get offended and/or triggered etc…) I can sort of see kids, unfortunately picking on him. Brooks’ son didn’t really appear that way. They both seemed like sensitive sweet kids, that would get targeted by assholes. If you are a Housewife viewer, you know it happens clear into being in your 50’s and 60’s, so it’s not limited to child’s behavior. They discuss that briefly, and Sara promises to be her friend. We shall see how long that lasts. I’m sure until Sara gets all preachy again, and Brooks won’t be havin it, again.
They meet to leave for their trip. Nina said she never has spent the night ever away from her kids. Okay so SHE needs to cut the actual proverbial umbilical cord! Wow, her kids aren’t exactly toddlers. Ayan is in an extra good mood on the boat to the island, and is serenading the ladies, and she has the worst ever voice. And she does not care.
This island is beyond gorgeous. This house is unbelievable. And now of course the biggest buzzkill of all on all Housewife trips in all cities. The Dubai ladies are no exception!!
The room selections.
Can you even like imagine for a second being in this house and giving two fucking shits what fucking room you sleep in? I HATE to sleep or even sit on the floor, but if I was told to grab a pillow, bitch, you get the floor, I would not care! Ayan is skipping around and jumping on the beds and acting really strange. I foresee her annoying the shit out of the two grumpy old Carolines if she keeps this up.
Already a comment, that I really missed what started it, and does it really matter, about Ayan having her tongue in Lesa’s asshole from Grumpy Old Caroline 2.
They literally argue over whose friend Lesa is, or the closer friend or some fucking shit. I don’t know why, but I expected more out of this franchise. I was hoping for less pettiness, to be honest, like the other ones. These bitches are living like fucking queens for chrissakes. But here we are, arguing over what bedroom is biggest, and has the best view, and who is besties with whom. Unbelievable.
They continue to argue and bicker about this, down a very long hallway.
Brooks again repeats the tongue in asshole thing. Because, you know, once was not enough. I am sure Lesa is loving everyone discussing her asshole right now. Or maybe she likes having two bitches argue over her. I guess it would be kind of a good feeling. Ayan doesn’t get the reference so Grumpy Caroline 2 is more than happy to give the visual of Ayan having her tongue in Lesa’s asshole. Thanks. Think I’d rather watch the women pooping commercial. Brooks seems to be jealous of their friendship. Duh. Please don’t let Sara start preaching right now. That will push this lush right on over into crazy town.
Ayan calls her jealous, which is accurate, and I just stated above. And I love this what takes place next. I. Freaking Love. This. She tells Brooks that she needs a hug, and gets the hell up, walks over and tries to hug her.
Unfortunately, Grumpy Old Caroline 2 isn’t having this, acts disgusted, and shoos her away like she’s a disease.
Yeah Ayan, how DARE YOU try to hug someone that wants to stand there and wallow in their misery, and project it onto you? I tried that one time with a ‘grumpy old man’ who shall remain nameless, that actually told me to do that, when he starts making his way to the ledge for no reason whatsoever, and acting a fool. So I did.
He pushed me away, and I never did it again. Because he preferred to act a fool, push people away, literally and figuratively, and then play the victim. Good times. Men are fun, right ? When their mouths are closed, and their wallets are open. Just kidding. Not all dudes carry wallets. Hee hee.
Ayan and Lesa are having a convo AGAIN about Lesa’s freaking asshole. You can’t make this shit up. No pun intended.
Brooks points out that Ayan repeats, and echos everything that Lesa says. Ayan doesn’t get defensive, and just says, “I didn’t realize I did that, but I guess that’s just who I am, why can’t you accept me for who I am? I don’t tell you how to act?”
Again kudos to Ayan for remaining calm with a grumpy person, that wants to be cranky and a buzzkill, that you know just wants to nit pick at your flaws, and just be UNHAPPY as fuck. I think she needs a drink. I have been reading some things that she IS an actual alcoholic. Which makes sense, because later we see that she’s already inebriated as they sit down to at the dinner table. And there was the issue at Stanbury’s wedding party thing, where she arrived also inebriated, and continued to drink while there, and then gets really extra with Sara.
Stanbury, (who seems to be in good spirits and not at all cranky I know! ) Nina and Sara? are sharing a room, and decide collectively to wear pajamas to dinner. It is just in the house with each other who cares. And we know what their ‘pajamas’ are like. Not exactly an old tee shirt and shorts. I never got them always getting so over the top dressed on these shows to just have dinner in the house. I know their thinking the cameras maybe, so take time to look presentable. But to be overly vavava voom when not even leaving the house seems so unnecessary.
Ayan just got done saying she accepts Brooks the way she is, so she should accept her the way she is, but is now scolding the pajama ladies for coming to dinner like this. Ayan, girl, lighten the hell up, practice what the hell you preach. Sometimes you just wanna be comfy! Who cares if you are in ‘Valentino.’ We know you do designer formal wear just to go to lunch. And if I looked amazing in a group, and some others put no effort in, that would make me feel better, and prettier. Who cares.
But whatever, Sara gives in to the peer pressure and changes, which is dumb. Grumpy old Caroline 1, of course does not. Nina doesn’t care either. She would look good in a burlap sack.
Dinner seems to go like a normal dinner, with NO screeching, but they didn’t film it all. Miracles DO happen, or maybe there was a meltdown that ended up on the cutting floor.
They then get into their pajamas, now it’s acceptable, and ALL of their pajamas have feathers on them, and look like $500 pj’s. So yes, back to above, if your pajamas are more than some people’s entire closets, than they can be worn anywhere. Brooks is feeling better, clearly, has had some wine and comes up and embraces Ayan from behind. She must be in that window of drinking, where she’s in a good mood. A few more and she’ll be flipping out at Sara again about the Adam argument.
Super – they’re playing ‘never have I ever’ with tequila. Who is going to be attacking whom. And someone does NOT need tequila.
No one really understood it. Now “Two truths and a Lie.” Brooks doesn’t understand it, because her ‘lie’ is an obvious lie. They know she only has one child. She claims she has dated a ‘President Elect’ (of the United States I assume?) and by that she means right after the elections before he was in office I guess.
(maybe this is why she made her lie an obvious lie, she was dying to divulge this) So who was this? Pretty easy, HAS to be Obama. And the timeline works out. She was still in the states in 08 when he was elected. She was probably in her early to mid twenties at the time. What ??? If true, he was taking a page from the Clinton playbook. Is there a navy blue dress with white stains she has for evidence? This was aired last week and I have seen no chatter about this on Twitter or the Housewife/Bravo FaceBook chats I’m on. This is kind of big. Do you think she’s making it up??
Now a third game where they have to hump each other with balloons between them until they break. What’s with all the games? Doesn’t anyone just lie around and eat popcorn and watch 80’s movies? And since when is Stanbury (aka Grumpy Caroline 1) so into giggling and having fun?? Must be all the sex she’s having with a 27 year old. Well what am I bitching about ? No one is screaming right now so it’s all freaking good!
So a really deep convo at breakfast. Lesa tells a story about how brother/cousin, was shot and killed by his ‘friend.’ Lesa kept having dreams about it, and was getting hints about the killer’s whereabouts in her dreams. Stanbury enters when she’s about here and stares at her impatiently until she finishes. Doesn’t bother to ask about the part she missed, questions, nothing, doesn’t care. Like this is about as deep as a convo as possible to walk in on.
If this does not represent what a shallow human she is, I do not know what does. Lesa goes on to explain that she actually solved the murder from the dreams she was having. She was telling her husband about her them, and he thought she was losing it. But she kept at it. Her brother was telling her in her dreams where to find the killer, and everyone is hanging on her every word.
Not Grumpy Old Caroline 1. When she finishes, she doesn’t even say anything, or ask about the part she missed. Everything has to always be about her.
They are biking to the beach, and Ayan is not dressed to ride a bike, in a long flowy dress, that is actually NOT evening formal wear, but she manages. They arrive, and go right to the bar for tequila shots. There is one of those pools where there are simulated ocean waves. I forgot that Stanbury (Grumpy Caroline 1) is fighting with Lesa, which goes clear back to the argument at that birthday party which seems like months ago. No wonder she didn’t care about her story at breakfast. Well she wouldn’t have cared about anyone telling that story, since it wasn’t about her.
They boogie board on the ‘waves’ and Sara is brave and tries the surfing. No one else does. It looks difficult.
Ayan keeps wearing white everywhere. Is this some sort of Fuck You, at Grumpy Caroline 1 over the wedding dress thing. I like the two white dresses she’s worn so far much better than that weird ‘ diaper and cape thing she wore to Caroline’s engagement thing. She should have worn one of these. Then she wouldn’t have gotten in trouble for the cape/train thing. Maybe Grumpy Caroline 1 would have still been pissed, since they’re both prettier than her prom dress.
They are at dinner, and thankfully no one is wearing pajamas. Grumpy Caroline 2 must have been drinking in her room, because she is acting pretty lit and demanding immediate alcohol, like NOW.
Apparently Sergio has posted on Insta, a video of him crying that he misses Caroline. Ayan asks if that’s normal. Again Stanbury is really goin in hard for the sell of how she realizes it’s a little extra, but he really really loves her and cares about her, and it doesn’t bother her he’s ridiculously clingy, and a big cry baby.
So no one asked me, but no it’s not normal, it’s very odd. It’s concerning. He’s legit posting on SM crying, that you have gone on a girls trip for 3 days. She is not going to enjoy being suffocated like this. It’s not hard to see this is not going to end well. Also I think he has an unhealthy infatuation with her.
Sara of course, has an opinion on this. Well two, she has two points. 1. He is giving her the love he wants to receive (well he better pack like ten lunches for that, because he’ll be waiting for a while) And 2, God sent him to her. Nina adds point #3, that she ‘manifested’ him.
Brooks who I can see better now, is definitely shitfaced, wants “the blue print for her manifestation.”
Chanel is telling her “you are young” and I don’t know what it has to do with this conversation. I guess pointing out that she has time.
Stanbury is trying to think of how to answer this manifestation question, and comes up with, “It takes character from a woman to have a man want to invest in you” (Since when does Stanbury have character?) But I think this goes left, and there becomes MASS confusion at the table, (now THIS is more like a Housewife vacay dinner, right??) because when Stanbury said ‘invest in’ she didn’t mean financially. Stanbury doesn’t need this kid’s money. She was married to it, probably got a nice settlement, and 5-figure monthly ‘child support’ for three kids, and also comes from it.
She actually meant something deeper than financially. I know, right ? This is Shallow Stanbury. Her point being, Sergio, as annoying as he is, really does love her. Another way of saying it is, you have to focus on being a great partner (which she doesn’t really seem like she is, sorry Sergio) to have someone want to marry you. (AKA ‘invest’ in you.) She needed to say it like that.
She did get asked for advice, and tries to give Grumpy 2 something to go on, because she looks like she’s going to unravel any second, honestly.
Sara, surprisingly, also thinks she was talking about money. I guess I get the miscommunication – ‘invest’ sounds like a reference to money, however I knew what she meant, not to brag. It seemed like common sense to me. Even Shallow Stanbury, who does like money, wouldn’t refer to herself as an “investment.” So Sara points out that she could “do it on her own.” And then there’s a lot of back ground chatter that she doesn’t “need a man, blah blah blah. Caroline keeps trying to tell them that isn’t what she meant, but no one will fucking stop talking and listen.
Sara gets on a soapbox about a man paying for a woman, and how it’s bad, because, when the men goes so does the money train. Brooks says “no man is paying for me!!” Sara and Brooks high five. Oh. My. God. I thought these women were smarter. I can see this misunderstanding with Teresa, Erika, Rinna, Drew… you know our less intelligent crew. I’m feeling Stanbury’s frustration. And I’m even sitting her in my pajamas, with a terrible drink. I need to make an alcohol run.
Stanbury does gets a few words in and says “I don’t know where the dependence comes from.” I get the feeling like she’s not understanding the misunderstanding! I feel like I’m watching like ‘Three’s Company’ or ‘Friends’ or some stupid sitcom . But again she really can’t get two words in since they’re like losing their fucking minds right now.
These bitches are being really empty headed right now, even Sara our ‘honorary PhD.’ Brooks is just shit faced, and can barely speak coherently, so I guess she’s excused. Her eyes are looking like she’s blacked out, actually. Or on something more than wine.
So now they’re on this ‘male dependence train’ and cannot seem to get off. Ayan gets involved and if you think it was going left before, now it’s all the way to the Pacific. Ayan says she depends on her husband and she loves it. And when she says that, I almost think she doesn’t mean financially? But not sure. I’m not sure what he does, and I have no idea what a successful model would earn in Dubai.
Stanbury says, “Chanel, no, it’s very different.” Everyone is talking. I really don’t think Chanel meant financial dependence. Thought she was this high fashion most successful black model in Dubai. Is she doing this shit for free? So confused at how this is so confusing. This isn’t hard.
Anyway Stanbury asks her if she’s ever run her own business, and Ayan goes off. Honestly I don’t know where that question was going. Maybe she was making a comparison to running a relationship is like running a business. Not sure. I don’t believe it was going to be a judgmental comment insinuating she does nothing.
Ayan starts talking about all that she does, and is, and is talking very very fast, as Caroline repeats several times, “Chanel, Chanel, Chanel, that’s not what I said, please listen.” Chanel is still on this tangent about how successful she is. Caroline does finally get in, “there is a difference between dependence and an investment.” Still doesn’t really explain herself and what she really meant, and how her ‘investment’ statement got misconstrued. It’s not registering with these women.
It ends with Chanel telling her “Let’s be honest, I’m way more successful than you.”
Wow. I wish I had a better drink for this. Brooks was right to come to dinner already blacked out drunk.
