Real Housewives of NJ 4/19/22

Still on their vacay “out west” and we’ll be talking about Teresa’s tantrum for an entire fucking hour. Oh joy !!!!

And here we go — 30 seconds in. Yawn. I am in zero mood for this, especially after some wine and a big bowl of pasta…

Jennifer’s daughter has a blue mustache from a drink the previous night. Love that.

Everyone is up and eating actual food, and Jackie makes it clear that she just wants coffee. On WWHL tonight, I thought it looked like she MAY have put on a few pounds. A few.

And what are we talking about ? And of course her minions are making excuses for her left and right. OF COURSE Joe and Melissa had already called her and talked to her like she’s two.

Jackie’s point just CANNOT be disputed. Teresa does and says anything that she wants about people, then lies about it. At least Margaret is owning that she’s asking questions about Teresa’s sex-crazed weirdo abusive ‘boyfriend.’ (allegedly)

Margaret wants her to apologize. Mmmmkay. Good luck with that.

Boys are off on some party boating excursion , girls are doing this song recording thing. The guys pour drinks in baby blue and pink solo cups ?? Is there a baby shower?

Since Dolores is afraid of pissing Teresa off, she stays back and calls her to go shopping. What does it take for everyone to kiss MY ass like this??? My God. Margaret tells Dolores good-bye and looks like a giant towering mammoth next to her. Is she wearing 6 inch wedges again ? Thought I looked up Dolores’ height and she’s like 5’7”?

Well Joe Gorga really IS short. Is he shrinking? And being so muscular doesn’t help. I think he really is 5’4” like Frank said at the softball game. When he was standing next to Melissa at the house, I don’t think she had shoes on yet, and she appears taller. She’s 5’5.” Math isn’t my strong suit, but I would say he IS 5’4″. So sad for a guy.

Okay done discussing everyone’s height now. (Anything to keep from talking about you know who.)

This boat looks kind of “low budget.” If the Jersey princesses were here they would surely be complaining. Doesn’t seem like the guys care. They’re sucking cheap beer from a hole in cans so…

The girls arrive to the recording studio. Jackie texted Evan already to check up on him. Now they’re talking about the Gorilla. Can they go back to sucking on beer cans again ?

The girls flash back to an old “On Display” clip. Remember when Melissa vehemently denied that she got a nose job, and said it was “contouring?”

These poor songwriter guys, guess they can’t get any other job in Nashville doing music, other than this. This sounds like a bunch of four year olds singing together. Why didn’t Melissa just do this herself?

Dolores and Teresa are checking out cowboy boots.

The guys are still drinking from the pink cups as Joe presents Frank with a rubber dick. I am NOT making this up. This is a bad episode. I should actually be glad no one is screaming at each other. I am.

Teresa loves this “poking the bear” analogy. Does she know it’s an analogy? Does she know she’s not a bear, she’s a gorilla ?

Dolores tells her she needs to apologize for the previous night table tantrum. She agrees to apologize to “the group” but definitely NOT to Margaret for throwing food and drinks all over her.

The girls come back and Tiki, who had to sit out the party boat because he had to “work” is sitting there enjoying the peace and quiet. They get him to make coffee for them because “he made it so good this morning.” And he fell for that.

The guys are back and all buzzed and cranked up. Bill looks like Jack Nicholson in “The Shining.”

Tiki gets the door for the party decorator chick who arrives carrying a box the same size as her, and it doesn’t occur to him to carry it for her.

They seriously need a “decorator” to set a picnic table for them and throw some candles and Party City crap on it ? Can I be a coddled spoiled reality star in my next life that doesn’t have to lift a fucking finger ?

Almost time for this catered cowboy event. Margaret announces about her Joe – “he refused to wear his long sleeved shirt.” as if he’s two.

Dolores is at the party making excuses again for the angry gorilla. The gorilla is again repeating “I’m done WIT her.”

They do line dancing and play their song. It was all painful.

Teresa apologizes “to the group” and rolls it out with “that’s not how I usually act…” okay teresa. You are so delusional. She of course makes excuses and says “but I was provoked.” Her henchmen reassure her that “it’s a great apology. ” Then she says that it wasn’t for Margaret, it was for the group. Joe says this is ‘growth’ for Teresa. Growth my ass, Joe. She’s was an asshole, she’s still an asshole, and she will always be an asshole.

Teresa then says she didn’t eat dinner last night but “Margaret always eats dinner.” And then has the most sinister look on her gorilla face.

When she gets scolded for saying that, she also gets told that you don’t say “but” when you apologize. Then Teresa does this weird thing, EVEN FOR TERESA, and says to Melissa, “Tell her I didn’t say but.” (She did.) Why is this angry gorilla dragging Melissa into this stupid fight that has NOTHING to do with Melissa. Teresa is a fucking animal. Joe should not be sitting there mute like a pussy while she basically badgers and heckles Melissa.

Luis smirks.

The gorilla killed the mood and everyone goes in.

Finale next week — is the good news!!