Real Housewives of Salt Lake 11/28/23

We’re charcutering and wining again in Salt Lake. No one charcuteries more than these bitches. Angie hosts Heather.

Her view IS ridiculous. I guess I would live there. I’m not going to be no fucking Mormon though. That shit is wacked. No cute underwear, no alcohol, no caffeine?? What kind of craziness IS that?? How is that any way to even live? Three of my favorite things! Three of any normal person’s favorite things.

“When did it go left?” Referring to the Pioneer party.

Oh I don’t know Heather, maybe when Lisa, right on queue, insulted Monica, with that stupid kicking her off of the covered wagon game?? Like, stop it, just stop IT. Stop insulting the viewers! And enough with these fucking ‘games!!’ On all of the shows! Aren’t these women smart enough to start their own fucking arguments??

Don’t answer that.

Just like her mom, Heather, nothing about Monica is charming. Sometimes, she seems NORMAL, most of the time, not. But I would hardly describe her as fucking charming, Heather.

They knew what they were getting into when Lisa called her “nasty and unsupportive of women.”

I think Monica is kind of off, not a fan of a woman who seems to be proud of her cheating escapades, but I don’t condone intentionally provoking people for reactions either.

She sort of describes Lisa’s demeanor too, when she lists all of Monica’s several dispositions and personalities.

Lisa can be calmy, “Oh I love that” as she admires your necklace one second, ripping you a new ass the next second, the doing ugly cry face and calling John for pity, the next.

So Heather sit the fuck down. She compares her to Jen. I would not describe her temper as comparable to Jen Shah.

There’s another arguing event coming up – Meredith’s jewelry event. Angie did not make the cut.

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Justin and Whitney are on their way to therapy. Okay, they need some therapy for wearing matching fucking Gucci tee’s to therapy. They’re probably not even real. I’m sure she hits Canal Street at every reunion.

Of course a dude therapist is going to take the dude’s side. Whitney accuses him of shutting her down when making a point. Therapy is a fucking racket. I think they intentionally making you argue, so you keep coming back. Duh. Why do I have to know everything? I’m exhausted.

They’re going to be divorced within the next few years, or separated at least. While living in the same house. It’s the Housewife way.

She gets bad news about a good friend suffering from cancer, and that she’s being intubated, which isn’t a good sign. Awful. She had just attended her Prism whatever event.

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Meredith and Lisa meet for lunch or dinner I don’t know, it’s daylight. Meredith is wearing a weird vinyl thing. Hopefully it’s dinner.

They discuss Monica, then they start to argue. We know when Meredith says she’s ‘not upset or angry’ that she’s upset and angry.

Lisa looks like she knows this too.

Okay so this disagreement boils down to semantics, and EXACTLY what Lisa conveyed to Angie, and the EXACT verbiage that she used. I always love when they say ‘No I absolutely didn’t say that.’ Then they explain what they did say, it’s basically almost identical.

Meredith is referring to the “vuuuumors and the nastiness’ convo, and apparently Lisa repeated what she had said to Angie. Lisa claims that she is bothered by gossip, and threats of repeating rumors about marriages and husbands.

Meredith is offended by that. She claims saying “I could ruin Angie’s life” isn’t technically a threat.

This conversation is giving me a massive headache. Triggering and pumping breaks, with Meredith’s horizontal head. I can’t

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We’ve had a little Mary break, which was refreshing, but she’s baaaaaack. She’s hosting Monica. At least she’s mixing it up and serving dessert instead of cheese and salami like everyone else. It looks like carrot cake, and it looks divine.

Mary tells her she looks so pretty, and seems cheerful. Is she okay? What’s in that cake?

It’s kind of funny that she’s serving cake, when she shaded Monica at one of the ‘events’ for eating dessert, and asked her if she didn’t care about her weight, or something like that. Maybe this was on purpose.

Mary is protecting her sanity, she says as they flash on the embarrassing scene of her accusing Whitney of calling her ‘pornography.’ She meant predator. Ughh, I know one of those. An actual predator.

Her imitation of Lisa’s “OhmiGod, I love that, I love that…” is spot. On.

Mary is actually speaking in intelligent sounding, grammatically correct sentences, as she reminds Monica that she goes after Lisa too, and she’s not innocent. Also, holding grudges eats away at you.

Mary scolds her for calling Lisa wrinkly, when she body shamed Monica, and told Heather that her necklace was ugly.

I don’t know how you watch this shit without an impeccable sense of humor.

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Whitney’s friend Shari, did pass away. She had just attended her Prism event, one week before she died. That’s so sad.

I’m just saying for me, I would not want to attend an event when I was devastated about losing a friend or loved one, but these women are different. The show must go on.

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‘Modern Missionary Menswear’ is an actual store. I get a little bugged with the scenes of Jack going on this mission. I don’t know why, other than the obvious.

Lululemon slacks for dudes are weird. I don’t love that.

They squabble over the wardrobe selections. Lisa keeps choosing loud bright colors, when she was told he needs to dress conservatively. I think it’s probably a good thing Lisa has only sons.

No Lisa, he’s not teaching people about ‘love, kindness, and God.’ Why does she keep saying that? It’s misleading. He’s expected to rope poor unknowing people into being part of a fucking evil cult. What’s kind about that? This woman is in denial and a fantasy world. This is probably why the kid left, and came back two months later. Like she actually had him convinced of this.

I think maybe he should’ve joined the Coast Guard, or Peace Corps if he really wanted to get away, and be a do-gooder, but didn’t want to sit in chairs, and in front of a computer for the next four years. I think he felt like he only had one of two options.

She’s such a bitch to John. He makes a joke about her being stuck with him, and she says curtly, not even smiling, “that’s true.” Yeah Lisa, he’s pretty hard to take. Mr. Yes Dear does whatever the fuck you say, and says not one unkind thing, ever. I would give my eyeteeth for a man like that.

Sadly I will never have one.

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Okay so it’s Meredith’s event time, “a line of jewelry for people who can’t afford fine jewelry.” Monica is still going to Bermuda, thank GOD.

If Lisa can’t fucking stand John, why drag him to an event featuring women’s jewelry. I’m sure he’s super excited about it.

Whitney arrives, visibly upset. I just think it would have been more respectful of her to not attend, since it’s been only one day, and still raw. I think she just had FOMO, and had her dress picked out, and didn’t want to miss it.

Lisa being Lisa, just not good with death, as we learned when Meredith’s and Heather’s fathers both recently passed away, ignores Whitney. Lisa knew of what happened since Whitney had called her, and she chose to not approach her, or address it. But then again, it’s my opinion that Whitney should have sat this one out.

Monica over does an apology to Lisa. We’ll see how long this lasts. She lays it on really thick.

So Whitney has been silently unraveling about Lisa ignoring the fact that her friend passed away 24 hours prior, when Lisa pulls her aside to bitch about petty Meredith shit. I honestly think maybe she forgot? Whitney stops her, and Lisa looks like she feels stupid. And she needs lipstick.

She yammers to Heather that she didn’t know if she should have brought it up or not.

Monica does some big to-do thing and gifts the girls with a bottle of Bermuda rum and Portuguese pastries, as she apologizes again to everyone. Lisa is trying extra hard to be extra nice to her.

“I believe you, this was so thoughtful, I love this…”

Lisa tells Whitney that she ‘can’t keep a mental calculator of what’s going on with everyone at every moment.’ Wow.

They continue to haggle. Whitney storms out. Lisa follows her and keeps repeating and yelling “I’m so sorry for your loss, really I am” Which sounds very strange. Woman, it’s too late. Shut the fuck up.

And Whitney if you’re this upset, you shouldn’t be here.

Lisa does the very dramatic mic removal ritual. I think she just likes taking her clothes off on camera.

Why doesn’t she just leave?? I don’t get it. And after she yanks it off, we can still here her so… Kind of dumb.

John dutifully follows her.