Diving right in with the Lindsay/Danielle theatrics. Danielle being addressed first, and sharing that she “hated her face” in their kitchen convo on the finale. Her hair sucks again. I thought I remember her hair and makeup sucking last season too.
Was Lindsay’s smirky smuggy condescending face really a surprise to Danielle?? Lindsay has no heart to begin with, and Danielle was wrong on a lot of occasions when it came to her and Carl. I don’t know how Danielle thought their friendship would be fine.
I’m shocked Lindsay even gave her audience at all. Probably because she just wanted to squeeze out every last second of camera time. And she does love making that ‘ I do not give two fucks’ expression. It’s like her resting bitch face on crack.
Lindsay mumbles something about wanting to have “open dialogue” with her, that sounds like word vomit. Anyway, I thought we even already did this on the finale. To me, nothing else needs to be said. Lindsay told her to fuck off and stared holes through her head. Like what am I missing, that’s missing??
Danielle made their engagement about her, INSISTED that Carl should have given her a heads up. No one gets that train of thought except for her. I wish she would just say that she’s jealous that no one wants to marry her.
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I’ve been saying this too, that Kyle and Amanda were actually really cute together and didn’t fight and insult each other the whole entire time. I stand by my theory that it was the lack of prenup that has Kyle now kissing her ass non-stop and telling her she’s hot and wonderful.
Well, whatever works. I made fun of Amanda for being stupid and lazy last season, for claiming she didn’t understand a prenup, when really she was being super smart to play dumb. Well I guess the joke’s on me. Not to mention she was pretty much outlining in her yaps that if they divorced, she’ll own Loverboy, so pretty sure this is what Kyle’s extra delightful behavior is all about. He even gave in to her dog demands, times two.
Amanda credits the dogs to bringing them together, and being on the same page.
Thanks Amanda for letting us know that you’re on your period.
Andy brings up a ‘blind item’ thing which are these rumors and theories that fly around the social media platforms. Apparently, and I missed it, but I haven’t been on Twitter as much, and that’s usually where I see them, Kyle last summer cheated on Amanda. Well maybe this is the reason for why he’s so accommodating,
Of course he vehemently denies it, and makes a joke that according to the internet, he’s been with all of the ladies of the cast at some point.
So Carl and Lindsay get awfully defensive when Amanda points out that the timing of the rumor was curious. Lindsay goes into some over-rehearsed garbage that Kyle “has no time to have a full blown affair…” She seemed like she had more when Andy cut her off, since she didn’t even address the question that Andy asked.
He didn’t ask if she thought it was true or not, he asked about the ‘timing’ of the rumor (insinuating she was possibly responsible.) Here’s my over compensating suspicions again. In order to exonerate herself from being the one that started the rumor, (or out him if it’s true) she goes into this super dramatic respectful opinion that Kyle would NEVER do such a thing,
So Paige wakes up, when I thought the giant fake flower around her neck had cut off her circulation, and insists that Lindsay/Carl (most likely Lindsay) started a rumor about Craig getting kicked out of Kyle and Amanda’s wedding last year, and she thinks that they are also responsible for this narrative as well.
Carl explains that he did hear that Craig’s behavior was ‘questionable.’ I think he kind of admitted guilt there, right? Paige claims the knows for a FACT that it was them, and informs them that the gossip bloggers have no loyalty to their sources. And we all know Craig gets sloppy drunk, so there probably was some issue at their wedding.
Carl and Lindsay start to talk over each other with their over-denials. They remind me of Rinna and Erika last season, who were doing ALL KINDS of sketchy shit on the sly, as they thought, and how they acted when confronted. That’s an embarrassing comparison. Paige accuses them of lying.
They bring up how Lindsay accused Kyle of cheating four years ago, and planned to bring it up on his birthday. So here again, although I hate Lindsay, I don’t get why the cast members drag each other for bringing shit up ‘on camera.’ Ummmm, I don’t know, because it’s their fucking job? It’s like asking a cop why they arrested someone, or a realtor why they sold a house? It’s such a stupid argument. Do these people forget they’re on a reality show? They literally – signed up for this.
Carl and Lindsay again look guilty as fuck, (even though Carl probably wasn’t in on that shit, four years ago, but I’m sure she told him what she did) as they sit there with a straight face, as Carl looks down.
She then says “mutual friends saw you.” So I’m assuming they’re still talking about the four years ago cheating, not the this summer supposed cheating.
Paige mutters “she’s lying” under her breath.
Lindsay apologizes. But they want her to further admit that trying to spin the accusation as being ‘a good friend’ was fucked up. I mean, this does all sound so Lindsay. I don’t get where the shock factor is, and it’s kind of a snooze fest. We know Lindsay is an evil heartless bitch. And, can I just add that I wouldn’t be surprised at all if Kyle did actually cheat on Amanda, four years ago, AND last summer. He comes off as sneaky to me.
Aside, from now, they’ve always had kind of a volatile and unhealthy relationship. And last summer, they seemed to actually hate each other. I couldn’t believe they even got married. I thought at the one year mark they would soon be headed for divorce. Amanda wanted nothing to do with being involved in the planning of her own fucking wedding. Her mom begging her to “engage” with her, in ironing out the details. It was ridiculous. And she seemed so childish.
Anywho, Kyle goes on to complain that it seemed over-produced, and Lindsay was just trying to promote herself, by sharing this juicy gossip.
So I guess Carl and Kyle seem at odds again, after all of the amends making and what not, and Kyle reassuring him that he was so happy for him and Lindsay, and whatever whatever. Carl tells him he overproduces too, by promoting his company.
Yeah wouldn’t call that ‘overproducing.’ It seems like tit for tat with these two. Carl seems awful freaking defensive. Kyle was actually one of the first Bravo reality stars to be launching an actual successful original business, unlike most of the Housewives with their phony generic shit that they just have their names slapped on.
Is Carl not working for Loverboy anymore? Paige makes a comment later that “neither one of them have jobs.”
Lindsay claims that she “had a hard time going though with that” in reference to telling Production she was going to drop a Kyle cheating bomb four years ago.
Paige and Amanda snicker at that one, as we all were.
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Mya gets put on the hot seat, (sort of) and I was kind of waiting for this, about how she addressed Sam for “speaking too much” and how it was kind of a cunty move. I honestly think that Sam was way too nice about it, in my opinion.
I was hoping they would bring up (I have to get better at getting my viewer questions in – I did have Andy ask one of my q’s on WWHL two years ago) the comparison to Mya’s meltdown last summer, and how she felt like she was being treated unfairly due to being a woman of color. So how do we justify being so blatantly rude to a woman of non-color? Sounds a little like reverse racism to me, but what do I know, besides everything.
Anyway, Mya lies her fucking ass off, and says she never had any intention of hurting Sam’s feelings. Liar. You don’t say what she said, in the way she said it, in any other way than to hurt someone’s feelings, and make them feel bad about themselves and inferior. I wish she would just own the shit. And why is she wearing a bathing suit top? Not sure about most of these outfits, actually.
Andy asks Sam if she took it as mean spirited, and again, I think Sam is walking on eggshells because of Mya’s race baiting bit last season. She’s being entirely too understanding, and refers to how that is a big insecurity of hers, so therefore she didn’t take it as mean spirited? What??
When someone wants to personally attack you, of course they’re going to target something that you’re insecure about. Duh.
Like I’m old enough to remember how Mya is insecure about being called the wrong name, so last season when Andrea accidentally called her Lexi, it was THE BIGGEST FUCKING PRODUCTION EVER because her teachers in grade school confused her with the other black girl in her class.
They needed to be all sensitive to that, and made Andrea feel like crap, but Mya was NOT sensitive to a white chick that’s been told all her life that she talks too much.
I am not racist, I express my disdain for many a white chick, but girl, take a fucking hike. Really, take a hike. You’re a big fucking phony. Or admit you made a mistake by saying that. Absolutely unbelievable how no one is pointing this out, and poor Sam has to sit here and make excuses for her, and make it okay because Mya is black and she is white. And Bravo is allowing this blatant unfair and reverse discriminatory behavior.
Fuck me, that is frustrating! If you’ve been reading my recaps, you know this has been bugging me.
I was hoping Mya would be apologetic, and own this unfairness, but no, she’s sticking to her story, and Sam is letting her off the hook. Hoping she at least sent her flowers or something, and said ‘hey thanks.’
Mya continues to lie and is really eager to take the out when Sam says she was glad she was told, instead of everyone talking behind her back. Okay, let’s go with that. Hey Mya, what’s your name again? Is it Ciara?? How about Dumb Ass.
Well that’s over, and I probably ranted more than I should have. But sometimes I get these things that just annoy the piss out of me.
Andy addresses Gabby and Ciara, and how they didn’t seem to hit it off. So like were they auto supposed to just be besties because they’re both black? Does Andy like all gay Jewish guys??
That seems kind of a racist assumption. I think Ciara recognized her for being pretentious and phony, and it turned her off. I agree with her.
I do like Ciara, I think sometimes she can be a little boring, but she seems to be not an asshole, which I automatically respect in people. Maybe it’s just because I have known so many assholes in my life. I say let’s get rid of Gabby and Mya next season.
I don’t know why we have to delve into Ciara’s and Danielle’s fight last season. I wonder if Danielle is smart enough to see how Lindsay manipulated her to not like Ciara, and fight her battles for her. If you recall, the actual strife was between Lindsay and Ciara, because they were fighting over Austen of all things. Lindsay is the one that should have worn the wine glass, actually.
Paige can’t stop mumbling under her breath and making agitated faces towards Lindsay.
******
“Babe Babe BABE”
So we go around the table with the newbies as to Carl and Lindsay’s relationship. Of course they all think it’s great, because they’re not getting the concerns that everyone has about Lindsay being compatible with the newly sober Carl. And they want to be asked back next season, so they’re not about to get on her bad side.
Klye claims he would have concerns about her dating anyone, due to you know, how Lindsay is, a dick, and her kind of alcohol problem. And now she’s dating a now-sober alcoholic. But honestly Carl is a big boy, and everyone just needs to back off and let him figure it out.
A viewer asks if their seemingly ‘perfect’ relationship seems fake. The new kids think they’re oh so authentic. Paige says yeah, they’re fake.
She points out People Mag ran their engagement story right after the engagement ep aired, so that made it pretty obvi that the engagement was not a surprise.
Lindsay tries to dispute the People Mag thing, and Paige is like yeah, no, it had to have already been to press for it to have been printed the following Sunday when the show aired on Monday. I do kind of doubt they turn their articles around that fast.
So Paige really hates Lindsay, she does. Not news. I think she’s always hated her since the early days because Lindsay saw her as competition and was immediately bitchy to her. However, Paige seems a little extra passionate about bringing her down this season.
This is when she rolls out the “neither one of you have jobs” thing, to elude to the fact they do a lot more press than the others because it’s currently their bread and butter. I was wondering about Lindsay and her previous publicist career, because she never mentions it anymore. Also there was a comment made early in the season about Lindsay not working, in relation to that is the reason why she’s mad when Carl is putting in extra hours with Loverboy.
Danielle gets drilled if she thinks that they’re fake and putting on a front. Andy starts using the word ‘cracks’ and was I the only one giggling? “Do you think they have cracks, have you seen their cracks?”
Say crack again. Some of you will get that.
Danielle takes this opportunity to give the intricate details of an argument that they got into when they were ‘the amigos.’ Am I also the only one that chuckles at the ‘amigos’ thing? She is sort of insinuating that they were a throuple? I actually think it’s for reals what this chick wants.
Danielle takes accolades for not talking about this argument all season, however she has no problem with it now. Lindsay doesn’t seem really happy with her for disclosing this since she was getting all sloppy and picking a fight with Carl. She’s not saying anything, which is shocking, but she looks like she wants to punch her. To me, Danielle is not a friend, to sit here and rant about this right now. We know they argue. It’s Lindsay. We’ve watched her freak out on guy after guy. Even one last season that she just freaking met.
They discuss ‘The Engagement Dress.’
Lindsay tries so hard to dispute the fact she knew what was goin’ down.
Who the hell goes around and asks everyone what the hell they’re wearing to a ‘bonfire’ and if the dress code is going to be ‘elevated?’
Wouldn’t you respect her more if she says “okay yes I did know, but it wasn’t until shortly before.”
Paige’s eyes are rolling in the back of her head.
Honestly though, does it really matter?? She clearly knew. First Carl admits she may have known, then he swears she didn’t.
So we delve into Danielle’s odd reaction. They flash to her expression to Kyle and Amanda getting engaged, and she made the same confused and disgusted face.
Paige gets questioned on claiming the Lindsay beef was squashed, then when she and Danielle starting having friend problems, Paige seemed to reignite the beef.
Gabby questions why she would be ‘excited’ over it. She denies being excited. But honestly, yes she was very excited. Just like she was excited last season when Ciara was pissed at her, and she kind of egged her on to confront her that night of the wine throwing.
They flash to Lindsay being her condescending self towards Paige her first summer. Paige points out she always seems to have issues with all of the girls in the house, so let’s look at the common denominator.
Is it just me or does Lindsay seem to have a scowl on her face non-stop at this reunion? Her face is so contorted, that she doesn’t even look pretty to me. It’s so sad.
She just seems so miserable and unhappy. And so does Carl for that matter.
Paige points out she treats everyone crappy – fans, production, employees at BravoCon, and asks Andy to corroborate that he had to correct her at BravoCon for being bitchy to staff.
She glares at him. He doesn’t answer.
Paige challenges her as to what girls from the house she is on friendly terms with, and all she’s got is to brag that she texted Mya about something.
Carl seems to look so defeated every time Lindsay has to defend that she’s not a nasty bitch.
Danielle admits Lindsay has confided in her how much she hates Paige and Amanda. Which explains why Danielle randomly called Amanda ‘untrustworthy’ early in the season when she was still Lindsay’s minion.
Paige calls her nuts. She says she’d rather be nuts than boring.
