Envy event, and Jennifer approaches Melissa about whether or not she’s sure she doesn’t want to be a bridesmaid. Like seriously. How would that work? Jennifer would give up her bridesmaid honors, and pass the bouquet to Melissa? Who Teresa HATES with a vengeance, and doesn’t want her to be a part of it, clearly?? Pah – lease.
Jennifer bitches in her yap that an olive branch was extended by Teresa, and Melissa refuses to take it, because she just doesn’t WANT to smooth things over. Oh Jennifer, silly silly Jennifer, we know that all sounds well and good, but Melissa accepting the bridesmaid invite, that she didn’t even mean in the first place, would resolve NOTHING. It would probably piss Teresa off because she didn’t want her to accept it.
It would literally only cause more fucking problems, because it would give Teresa more shit to piss and moan about. I am sure every single thing that Melissa had to do, that involved bridesmaiding, would be all wrong according to Teresa. Every fucking thing.
They gossip about Rachel. Melissa defends her. The rat thing again. Can’t wait for all of the arsenal jabber to start.
They get ready to go to Ireland and we all know what we all know.
******
How come Dolores moved into Paul’s house with no engagement ring but refused to move in with David until he proposed?? Just an obsi that I noticed. I think she just likes this house better.
Any who, Paul’s brother and his wife visit, and Dolores shares that she has reservations about this castle in Ireland, being the accommodations, if it’s going to be bougie enough for these bitches, and if everyone is going to get along? Because they always get along so well on the Housewife trips.
Teresa and Louie have a quick delusional typical Teresa/Luis convo griping on her brother, and how perfect THEY are, how fucked up everyone else is, and why can’t everyone be like Teresa, and its all Joe’s fault, and blah blah blah. Luis tries to pretend we don’t all know that he has been accused of extreme anger issues by all of exes. He calls it ‘not healthy.’
Jennifer complains to Bill about how he doesn’t spend any time with the kids, and hides in the pool house. He promises to do better, and she knows he just utters fake promises to appease her. For some reason, she tells him she likes having him around, and that’s why it’s disappointing. This would be the part where he should say something nice back to her, but instead he just mutters “I hope so” with that fucking smug and disinterested look on his face. He almost even looks like he’s laughing at her. He says ‘maybe’ to more therapy sessions.
There will be no more therapy sessions, and he will still keep hiding ‘in the pool house.’
******
Melissa brought ‘sleepy time tea’ for the plane. Is she for real? How loud did the flight attendants laugh when she asked for hot water for her bedtime tea bags? And did she really say “top of the morning to ya” to the guy picking them up at the airport? I’m glad to see she knows she’s in Ireland, and knows one Irish expression, but can you imagine how many dorky Americans say that to him, and how badly he wants to punch them?
She also impressively announces that she read that there are a lot of haunted castles in Ireland. I feel like she’s trying for some redemption from last year when she didn’t know where Memphis was located, as they were on the airplane. Now she’s acting all full of random Ireland info. Next she’ll be bragging how she knows they like beer here.
Fessler shares/brags, name drops, whatever, that she had sex with James Gandolfini pre-Tony Soprano, when she was a talent agent, I think she said. Well he’s not around to confirm or deny so who knows.
So they arrive to the haunted castle, and the infamous room assignments are doled out. No one seems to be bitching. For now.
Teresa’s obsession with pineapples is strange. We know why she’s obsessed with them, but does she need to announce it? “OHHHH Pineapples!” As if that’s the only reason why people eat pineapples. She acts so mentally slow, it’s scary.
Doesn’t take long to start bickering as soon as they sit down at the arguing table. Margaret complains about the coffee cup reading and how Jennifer fed the psychic lady her ‘predictions.’ Jennifer sort of admits the ‘endorsement’ bit was shared with her. Teresa’s such a ding dong – she basically announced that Jennifer had indeed spoken with her before the event, and shared vital info.
Jennifer and Marge get into it about this Laura chick, that is Marge’s ex-friend. Jennifer dangles info about her that she knows.
******
They get ready for this bar crawl thing, what can go wrong? Danielle hits up Jennifer for the deets on this big secret (I’m so excited no one has said ‘arsenal’ yet) that Jennifer claims she doesn’t want to divulge, because she does not want to sound like a hypocrite by sharing, however she does repeat it, when Danielle tries not very hard to get it out of her.
Okay, so this big juicy hunk of gossip, that Margaret knows, is that Melissa was ‘making out’ with a dude in the back seat of a car. Are these ladies in high school? Stay tuned for this blow up.
Actually, I would not be surprised if this were true. I could see her having a little fling. Joe can be a little much, and I don’t know, I can just see it. Not a whole big love affair, but a little fling thing.
Now here we go, the arsenal this, and the arsenal that.
Jennifer pretends she is uncomfortable knowing this info. Danielle’s head is about to explode.
******
So we’re out at the official bachelorette thing. They start talking Bridesmaid dresses and wedding attendees. Teresa claims “if Joe just would have told me about your mom, I would have invited her.” Which is a lie, she has admitted to purposely excluding her and Melissa’s sisters.
However, when it was brought to her attention, she STILL didn’t invite her.
Teresa who tends to get focused on one phrase during an altercation, and just keeps repeating it, cannot get off of “back in the day” when referring to past issues with Melissa’s sisters. Can’t this woman even kind of plan what she’s going to say, so she can sound somewhat coherent during filming?
Jennifer, doing her Teresa’s minion job, tells Melissa she was only invited out of obligation.
Now we’re repeating “throwing under the bus” 5000 times. “I don’t throw Joe under the bus, he throws ME under the bus…” They should have rolled the reunion tape from last year. Or of her and Guidice constantly ridiculing Melissa and Joe, even to their kids.
Teresa calls herself “like the coolest sister…”
No comment.
Melissa tries to deescalate, before Teresa starts throwing shit, and it does seem to work.
Jackie, out of nowhere: “does anyone want to hear a limerick?”
Does she really think these ladies know what a limerick is?
Also Jackie is not really naturally funny, as Jennifer points out. I don’t even get what the hell she said.
Not really a lively episode, but whatever. There was less yelling and my ears won’t be ringing all night.
