So the kissing and canoodling continues at another spot so they have more privacy. Schwartz seems to be oblivious to all of the cheering and yelling. And the cameras.
Schwartz wants to make a pact to not tell Katie, but Raquel breaks it to him that everyone saw and knows. Guess he didn’t hear all of the cheers of celebration of finally seeing Schwartz kiss a chick, and be happy for like five minutes.
Promptly, as BlaBla and the Bores return back from dinner, Scheana calls Lala and announces the big news of the night. Schwartz kissed a girl. Can you believe it? Who can believe it? It’s unbelievable.
And Katie completely overreacts and gets so over the top melodramatic.
When she does her usual whining in her yap, has it occurred to her that he has too little game and self confidence, to approach random chicks and hook up with them, that he’s kind of forced to fool around with someone he already knows? She seriously doesn’t know he’s completely awkward? No one knows this?
And I get it, it is a thing when you break up with a long term partner and they proceed to move on to someone else, there is a level of jealousy that’s probably normal. But to an extent. If she really cared about Schwartz, she would let him move on. She never even cared about the dude, it was clear from the beginning. Enough of this drama. She’s been hooking up.
She starts the looking constipated and says she feels like someone has punched her in the gut and kicked her in the face. Which is funny because that’s exactly how she looks. It’s how she always looks. In pain.
She literally acts like she just found this out when they’re together. It’s not news. Your sex-starved ex, who you never had sex with, at all, AT ALL, kissed the hottest chick in ‘the friend group.’ Wow Katie Baloney, how WILL you recover from this?
The best part about this scene is James cheering, jumping around and praising Schwartz, not giving two fucks about Katie’s pouty fucking face. Who cares. I found this scene to be hilarious, and if you didn’t, you have no sense of humor. I guess it was later that he remembered that he’s supposed to be pissed and jealous about Raquel getting cozy with any other dude.
Old/New clings and hangs onto Katie’s arm, as if she was just told her whole family was butchered. This is so over the top. The phone rings.
“It’s Scheana” Lala informs the group so seriously, as if she’s Agatha Christie.
Lala: “Is it true?”
Scheana confirms the news.
Brock chimes in: “Yes it’s true, we all saw it.”
They’re so somber. This is beyond comical. Doesn’t Katie feel stupid? Everyone fussing over this? No, she doesn’t.
And Bravo adds dramatic melancholy music. Because a separated dude kissed a single girl.
Katie needs to stop it with these extremely short dresses. She’s too curvy.
BlaBla, the projector of all projectors, tells James that Raquel is a whore and a cheap ho. Girl, take a SEAT. Raquel is a ho for kissing a guy? Kissing him? A newly single guy, and she is also single?
They both came out of bad relationships. And they kissed. Let’s go over BlaBla’s resume for a moment. Banging a married dude, whom she knew was married (shut up – she did!) but wanted the money and gifts he was throwing at her, so she didn’t care, fucked James when he was with Raquel, frequently talked about giving Randall BJ’s for gifts and vacays, fucked him for a Range Rover… but Raquel gets the ‘whore’ branding? This girl is unbelievable.
Isn’t Ally even pissed off when James says, “who doesn’t want Raquel?” and proceeds to go into some crude sexual commentary about what Schwartz wants to do to her? She looks annoyed but doesn’t say anything.
*****
“Raquel Raquel Raquel!!!” scene with Sandoval, who proceeds to make really creepy and pervy faces at her as he tells Ariana how she ‘made out’ with Schwartz. Do we think at this point they had already hooked up? I can see Sandoval thinking it’s ‘hot’ that she had hooked up with him, and now fooled around with Schwartz.
******
Old/New is lying in bed with Katie, consoling her as Lala joins them. Again these stoic and serious stupid faces. It seems like Old/New is playing along with all of this, and is actually bored as fuck with this girl, and wants to go the hell home.
Katie stutters and stammers as she tries to sound like it’s one shred logical for her to be pissed off right now. She is making no sense.
******
Raquel now wants Schwartz to be her partner in the wedding to walk down the aisle. He agrees. I think he’s just excited to have any attention at all.
It struck me as very weird when James scolded and reprimanded Schwartz, and was clearly jealous, for kissing on Raquel, with Ally sitting right there. Was she really not pissed off or just acting like she wasn’t? It seemed so disrespectful to James to be so vocal in her presence about his disapproval and/or jealousy.
Schwartz does his typical turtle thing, caves, apologizes and makes excuses. As if he needs to make excuses for this ridiculousness. Ally takes this all in and is trying to act as if this is all fine and normal, as James clearly acts like he has ownership of Raquel. It seems like she’s afraid to speak up and tell him to STFU. The previous night he was all for it and praising Schwartz for going for it. So confused.
James is being a total pissy bitch about it as Schwartz tries to suck up to him. He points out that Katie did want out of the marriage and initiated the separation. It didn’t occur to her that he might take interest in another girl at some point? Not sure why James is taking this so personally. He’s thoroughly enjoying sneering and making Schwartz feel uncomfortable. They had been broken up almost a year at this point. Ally now starts to look annoyed and seems to be starting to get ticked off about this exchange. Schwartz desperately asks Ally to “back him up.” James scolds him for daring to speaking to Ally. This would have been her opportunity to tell James to knock it off and stop his seemingly obsession with Raquel.
******
Lisa meets with Greg, the dude the Toms have overseeing the restaurant launch and opening. Not sure what his official title is. Should be babysitter. He tells her doesn’t think even the 31st is doable since they’re still working on menu and cocktails. He goes over with her several other logistical and organizational details that have yet to be determined. What the hell is wrong with these two? What the hell have they been doing for the past year? Lisa is so confused. Clearly they handled none of these details with TomTom. He complains he has been trying to guide and mentor them but they have listened to nothing. Sandoval is a moron, and Schwartz has severe ADHDG, so probably not the best business partners. But, hey, “they’re fun guys…”
Not sure why this dude doesn’t just take the bull by the horns and do what needs done. Riddle me this: So when the bar does open, I think Greg’s work is done, which means he’s off the payroll, so it would be in his interest to just keep letting them drag their feet and not intervene, except to complain.
Lisa wants to get involved if he promises to open on the 31st. He tells her he can’t promise that. This is clearly just a lot of dicking around.
******
Meanwhile back in Mexico, Schwartz tries to entice Sandy to awaken with a pina colada. Don’t even get me started on these dudes and their sissy drinks.
******
Lala visits with Scheana in her room. Scheana voices her disappointment in Lala dividing her time between her wedding three day event, and spending time with Groucho. Lala is so weird. She’s just SO WEIRD. She says the most bizarre things with so much conviction, that it almost doesn’t seem like she’s babbling such silliness and total contradictions.
I didn’t realize this until Lala was on WWHL last week, she pointed out that she was not a bridesmaid, which I didn’t even really think about. That’s sort of strange when Scheana was sharing in beginning of season how close and what besties they were? But whatever. So not really the point.
At any rate, Lala tells Scheana she’s going “off property” for dinner, and then this: “your wedding is the most important to you, but it’s not to everyone here.”
Well obviously the wedding is the most important to the actual BRIDE, and for everyone else, it’s a party with free food and drinks. But WHO SAYS THAT?? Who actually says that??
Why is Scheana friends with this girl? Can you even fathom someone saying that to BlaBla had she married that goon and was having a huge wedding with tons of festivities?
Girl. Granted, these three day Bravo wedding events, engagement parties, and beach parties are a little over top, but she has opted to be present allof the days, for the series of events. And if she and BlaBla are close, I don’t blame her for being annoyed. If this wasn’t important to BlaBla then why is she here? She could have said she can only attend the wedding, and not arrived until the actual wedding day.
And the whole ‘off property’ thing cracks me up when remember, Katie INSISTED on staying at this resort. But now they’re dying to get away from it.
Lala is still on this ‘safe’ thing and is pretending to be disgusted by single Raquel for kissing Tom Schwartz, a single man. And it also just occurred to me that Katie and Schwartz had also been separated several months by this point. BlaBla who has been with guys who are married and/or in a relationship and did not care. She even told Raquel to “get over it” at the pool party, that she slept with James when they were together.
“You need to get over that, it really has nothing to do with you” – is what Scheana needs to have the balls to say. She claims Raquel reminds her of the girls that were with Randall when they were together.
One small detail. Raquel is single and merely kissed a single separated guy. Please explain how this is anything like the skanky ho’s Randall was hitting up online, and paying for photos and services??
BlaBla clearly just wants to make it about her. Shocker. She goes on.
“There’s a certain caliber of chick that doesn’t care about anyone but themselves…” BlaBla blah- blahs on in her yap with her critique of Raquel, and she literally sounds like she’s talking about herself.
AND IT GOES ON.
“Raquel has made Katie feel the way that these bitches made me feel.” Ummm, well except that Katie asked Tom for a divorce and they are separated and living separately. Except that she was using Randall for money anyway so she had zero emotional investment in the dude. Except that she was banging him when she knew full well something didn’t sound right, which is why he was a big secret in the beginning. Except for the fact that she bragged how he bought her things to fuck him. SO —
She’s trying though, guys. SADLY there are fans buying this shit and feeling bad for her. And we do have to try to keep in mind we didn’t know about Sandoval at this time. Which does actually put Raquel in direct competition with BlaBla’s lifestyle. Neither one of them can say shit about the other.
And why does Lala even care that much about Schwartz and Raquel? The short answer is she doesn’t.
‘Holier Than Thou Soapbox’ Lala is so much more annoying than slutty ‘BJ’s for PJ’s’ Lala. At least when she’s displaying the latter persona, it’s genuine.
******
Lisa calls the Toms and lets them know that she met with Greg who shared that “there’s no way they’re opening at the end of the month.” Sandoval is disputing that they have not provided their drink menu. He whines in his yap about Lisa’s involvement. Whatever.
Seriously can Sandoval cut that weird-ass Flock of Seagulls hair?
******
Rehearsal dinner, and the last thing I would want to do in Mexico in August is sit two feet from a flaming hot grill. The tiring trio are having their quiet and (boring) ‘off property’ dinner. They’re trying so hard to act like they’re having fun. Katie is sulking, which is status quo for this girl.
I did learn that Old/New Kristine was in early pregnancy at filming and that’s why she was drinking constant soda water with cucumber or pineapple, or whatever else. I hate to say, it HAS to suck for Katie hanging around two chicks that don’t drink, when ya KNOW DAMNED WELL she wants to just get shitfaced and act stupid, but doesn’t want to do it alone. Who feels bad for her? I do not. They make small talk about “getting off property” and what a smart decision it was. YAAA– AWWWWNN. Wake me when this is over. Lala is so serious about having these lame ass convos with 10her very severe face. It’s funny. Girlfriend is pulling out all the stops to convince us she is having fun, and that any word coming out of her other hole is worth listening to. I feel bad for all of the viewers that take this chick seriously.
James start harassing Raquel immediately at the Hibachi thing about all of the dudes that she’s entertaining ‘in the friend group.’ Ally does look bothered by James’ obsession with what Raquel is doing, again, but she says nothing. I’m going to stop feeling bad for. She knew what she signed up for. And this isn’t her first rodeo in the reality TV circuit. She seems opportunistic, and knew what she was doing. Not unlike Raquel.
James, Schwartz and Raquel start to bicker about her make out sesh with Schwartz. He totally downplays it, which pisses Raquel off. Apparently she thought it they were getting married. Does she not know what a pussy he is? James and Katie are pissed at him, so of course instead of standing up for himself and telling them to suck it, he apologizes and grovels for their forgiveness.
Ally leaves the table to say goodbye to BlaBla, Katie and Old/New. Schwartz stalks Katie as they leave to go ‘off property.’ Losers. Let’s see if she can hit on a dude in Mexico that measures up to the level of skeeviness as the dude in Vegas. I doubt she can top that weenie that she begged to take her number.
James and Ally join the three big bores, and they do actually manage to liven it up a little, which wouldn’t really take much, since all they do is sit and discuss their soda water and Schwartz. It’s getting pathetic. Does anyone want to throw up at how they kiss Lala’ ass? They insist she sit at the ‘head of the table.’ No one knows why. They order their food.
And on queue, they bitch about Schwartz and Raquel. And then they bitch some more about Schwartz and Raquel, and then when they’re done with that, they complain about Schwartz and Raquel. Katie calling people drunk imbeciles is kind of comical.
Lala brags about her sex adventures with ‘The Don.’ First time I saw her laugh or smile the whole time she’s been here. Discussing wedding attire, and it’s 100 degrees, but BlaBla wants to wear a ‘suit jacket’ and shorts to the wedding. She keeps trying hard to appear as if she’s not trying hard, when she attends events this season. She’s such a dick.
******
Scheana shares with the girls that they’ve been married for a while due to having the documentation he needed for his investors or whatever. Also can she stop saying ‘forever?’ Everyone knows they won’t be together forever. Did you all see on WWHL that it’s rumoring that Raquel and Brock hooked up?
There was a weird picking up and swinging around thing he did with her in Mexico, that I was like hmmmm, weird. Don’t think you’re supposed to do that shit, at your destination wedding events, with your bride’s friend. And Raquel seems to be on rampage to hook up with every Vanderpump guy. Attached or not.
Raquel doesn’t want to have Schwartz as her partner in the wedding walk, because he was awkward when they practiced together. So she doesn’t know he’s a pussy, and had no clue that he’s awkward?? Someone has not been paying attention.
******
Finally this freaking wedding. Scheana makes constant comparisons of this one to her wedding to Shay. Is that normal? Who knew she was so NOT into Shay when she married him?? He wasn’t even having his drug issue at the time when they got married, so I don’t know why she insists on saying she never even wanted to marry him. Whatever. Let’s get the show on the road. So they can get divorced.
Just kidding. Or not.
I do love her dress compared to the last one, but I think that one suited her at the time. Katie and Old/New stalk the ceremony from their balcony. Later they stalk it on Insta. Katie looks extremely jealous. Guess these losers couldn’t get out of the frumpy hotel robes. Makes them look even more pathetic, bored, and stalkerish.
The breeze is too much for the veil, so she removes it. She keeps saying “it’s okay it’s okay” as if reassure herself that it’s okay. It is. Veils are very antiquated and need to go. They are comparable to the reasons why women are forced to wear veils in middle eastern women countries. Wedding veils are just cuter. She makes another comparison to Shay. I’m feeling a little bad for the guy.
I did think it kind of sucked that she just ditched the guy immediately when she found out about his drug usage. I guess that kind of shows that she didn’t really love him to begin with. She just wanted to get married.
So it seems like this dude is the same guy that married Scheana and Shay, as Katie points out later.
Scheana keeps insisting she doesn’t care about the actual wedding and all of the little wedding details when they are having a three day wedding event in Mexico. With a lot of details.
Schwartz who literally just cannot function unless he’s being tortured by Katie Baloney, insists that he needs to talk to her again after she sent him a barrage of horrific hateful messages.
This is the weirdest separated couple I have ever seen. Or divorced, I don’t know. Schwartz keeps saying they’re divorced, but Baloney says things like“we’re not even divorced yet.” So whatever.
Also Scheana’s and Brock’s dance was weird. Like a Dirty Dancing lift seriously?
Old/New Kristine and Baloney Head are annoyed Lala is having fun at the wedding and haven’t even texted them yet. Katie shares that she wouldn’t have come if she knew this was how it was going to go. Like how did she think it was going to go? Stalking the wedding of someone you’re pissed at, when you’re getting divorced, and trying to hang with your ex whom you hate and can’t have a two minute civil conversation with. Sounds like a blast.
Schwartz tracks them down at yet another riveting dining experience, (have they done anything except gone out to eat?) and tries to say he’s sorry, and it does not land with Katie of course. Why he is even apologizing to this girl?
She wants to keep him on a leash but doesn’t want to be with him. She doesn’t want to kiss him, she doesn’t want to be married to him or even be around him, but God forbid someone else might.
Schwartz has a ‘come to Jesus’ moment finally in reference to this forced ‘friendship’ thing with her, and admits in his yap that, well perhaps it’s best we don’t try to hang out and be pretend to be friends.
They were never really even friendly with each other when they were dating, engaged or married, so do the math. I feel like I have beaten this to death. They are beating this to death. It’s dead, it’s mutilated, it’s buried, it’s decomposed. It’s time to be done. Baloney needs to move the hell on from a horrible marriage that never even should have happened. They don’t have kids (since they never had sex) so there is zero reason for them to try to maintain some sort of friendship. They can barely even be cordial.
Katie admits she’s been banging some 25 year-old dude, but has been respectful enough to not parade him around Schwartz. I hate to break it to her, but Schwartz would not care. She’s not parading him around because it would make her look like a hypocrite. Also he probably does not want paraded around.
******
Meanwhile at the wedding everyone is having a blast.
BlaBla and Raquel chat and BlaBla sits there and lies to her and tells her there was no mean girling in Vegas and it’s all in Raquel’s head as Raquel apologizes for calling her a bimbo. Typical Bravo bullshit. Is she trying to be a Housewife? Is that her new goal in life? She wants a promotion from being a skanky money grubbing bimbo on Pump, to being a skanky money grubbing evil Housewife. I’m sure she and Erika Fraudi would get along famously. She could replace on Rinna.
She pulls out the passive aggressive “I’m confused” line, and proceeds to insist that no one was judging and making fun of her, with her BlaBla conviction, that I guess a stupid person would buy.
Raquel is not having it. Hopefully viewers are not.
At least see Bla didn’t go with the ridiculous ‘suit jacket and shorts’ attire idea.
I agree with Raquel – gas lighting IS exhausting. It’s what insecure miserable people do.
Her comment “I feel like there are a million things I could have done that would be a lot worse” hasn’t really aged well has it?
Maybe after this convo is when she did one of those ‘million things’ that is worse than kissing a newly single dude, like banging a dude in a relationship.
BlaBla accuses Raquel of her own exact personality traits, which is very entertaining, I’m not going to lie. Frustrating, but somewhat entertaining that she doesn’t have the intelligence nor self-awareness to know this.
This one is the best. “You appreciate people that bob their head and agree with you.”
Really??
No one was allowed to say one fucking word to her about Randall or she went berserk. No one still can point out she was fucking him when he was married, and she didn’t care as long as he was buying her shit. She also had his kid to seal the deal, not because she really loved him or wanted to be a mom. This girl. Blah!!
So sad her personality is so ugly because she really is stunningly beautiful.
I’m kind of ready to move on to the Sandy/Raquel scandal.
