Finally the finale. Worst SLC season ever.
And after watching that TLC Mary and Robert Cosby documentary about their ‘church’ AKA House of Horrors, I don’t want that evil greedy skanky ho on my screen watching her wacko sermons, full of absolutely nothing but gibberish and word vomit.
Mary Cosby has the vocabulary of a four-year-old.
Make sure you saw my thoughts and POV’s on all three parts of the documentary.
Day four and final day of the Greece trip.
Meredith appears to be a morning person and in a chipper mood again in the am as she’s making coffee. I’m sure this is going to get an analyzed to death by Mary and Bad Weather, and referred to as another ‘mood swing.’
This corky playwright chick meets with all of the ladies and they tell them about themselves, and encourages them to gossip about the other ladies.
They do a quick flash on the interviews, which were kind of funny, Lisa’s being the funniest when she just had the most Lisaish Lisa moment.
She wanted to know the playwright’s birth sign, and goes through literally almost all of the signs and then when she tells her she’s a Pisces, she claims she knew she was going to say that.
Mary, self-aware seriously?? Are you really self-aware?
Meredith offers to make coffees for all. They all give each other side eye because she’s a morning person and in a good mood. That means she’s having ‘mood swings.’
Bronwyn is especially bothered by this because Meredith had summoned her to her room in the wee hours of the night, to talk about the lunch conversation.
Apparently production let her know they were gossiping about her, so she was trying to pump Bronwyn for information.
Bronwyn is so flabbergasted that now several hours later she has the audacity to be over it, and feeling chipper.
Mary is being so sweet to Bronwyn, which, after watching the documentary, I now understand why she completely changed her personality when she came back after being absent for a season, when the church scandal broke.
She demanded that she would not have to talk about her husband nor the church, so Bravo told her she needed to learn how to be personable and interact with the cast.
Mary from three or four years ago would not be entertaining Bronwyn in her room complaining about Meredith.
Bronwyn opts to not tell Meredith they were discussing how something seems off with her. Since she’ been having a habit of reporting back to Meredith, of course Meredith does not see that this situation would be any different.
Apparently, the main story line of the season is constant finger pointing that everybody is an alcoholic and/or drug addict.
Viewers think perhaps there’s something going on with Heather in that department, as well due to some things that are coming out via Monica.
Of course let’s not forget that Whitney was drunk off her ass at BravoCon the entire time, so maybe all of these ladies should just shut up about this and agree they all like to party and call it a day.
Bronwyn reflects on her regret in confiding in Meredith because when she repeats the stories she add her own spin. Isn’t this kind of her own fault for deeming herself Meredith’s dutiful little ‘source?’
Bronwyn confronts Meredith in her kooky foot-long dangley earrings. And what the hell is Meredith wearing? A black long sleeved knit shirt and a tennis skirt? Why?
Meredith gets all Meredith, plays dumb and basically denies the conversation late the night before even took place. Classic.
“You did ask about the lunch.”
“No I didn’t.”
This goes back and forth, unfortunately.
Brownwyn starts wigging out. Meredith doesn’t care. If Bronwyn wanted taken seriously, she needed to skip those earrings.
They head out to meet Angie’s cousin for lunch. What kind of cousin is this. Angie chooses the most barely there provocative dress to wear, complete with spiked five inch heels to walk around the stony steep cement stairs of Greece. Of course she can’t fucking walk and almost falls on her face.
Whitney notices that Meredith is quiet in the van, blaming it of course on pills and ‘mood swings’ instead of something may have happened between breakfast and lunch that pissed her off.
Whitney’s obsession with Meredith is getting so tiresome. I would say it’s 99% projection.
Are we supposed to forget how Whitney was shitfaced the entire time at BravoCon?
Angie thinks it’s amazing her guy cousin was willing to hop on a boat to Santorini to meet Angie and six other women for lunch.
Not sure what’s with Meredith and the tweed. She always dresses like she’s trying to play the part of a hot 25 year-old secretary. She’s still annoyed about her conversation with Bronwyn.
This is the coolest winery I’ve ever seen. Angie regrets not knowing much about her mom’s heritage in Greece, only her dad’s since her mom passed away when she was young.
Meredith gets whiny in the van heading back from lunch, telling Lisa she doesn’t understand ‘why she’s here.’ Bronwyn starts spilling the tea on what they discussed and disagreed on. What’s Housewives if they don’t piss moan and cry in the sprinter vans everywhere they go?
Meredith now corrects herself that she didn’t ‘ask’ what was discussed at lunch (she probably already knew via producers.) She merely made a ‘statement.’
Okay Meredith. Semantics. Absolutely playing the semantics game.
Funny she didn’t mention THAT earlier. She played fucking dumb about the entire conversation.
******
They head to this play/shit show. There’s a buffet set up and Britani is confused whether or not she’s to ‘serve herself.’ Mary already has already eaten a full plate.
I’m convinced Mary’s just a Housewife for the free meals.
Britani makes a ‘joke’ about being a lush and going right for the wine. You know how people will say something as a joke, but they’re really serious? That’s what that was.
Mary says she “doesn’t like none of this.”
Okay, Mary barricading your so-called congregants inside your house of horrors until they hand over their life savings is okay, right??
Pretending you’re God and running a cult is okay, right?
Sending harassing text messages to your so-called congregants is okay right?
Seducing AND having your husband seduce congregants and even family members for fucks sake, for money is okay, right?
Making people wait on you and act as your servant for NO pay is okay right??
Elder abuse and abusing children is okay right?
Taking money away from a family that needed it to give a twenty-four-year old a proper burial and service is okay right?
But holy fucking SHIT, she draws the line at little play consisting of some catty remarks.
MY GOD. I can’t. YOU CANNOT make this shit up.
Mary’s also pissed she wasted an outfit, and is overdressed and looks ‘too nice’ for the venue.
It’s hilarious to me how Lisa gets called out constantly for being shallow and materialistic. Lisa got nothing on this money grubbing little whore. Literally she’s a whore, for what she did to that Cameron dude that died shortly after he outed her. Coincidentally.
The play gets underway. I’m tired of the ominous Salt Lake music. It was cute and fun in the first two seasons, now it’s just annoying. What is ominous or mysterious about any of these bitches? Nothing. We pretty much know all of their so-called secrets, right?
I don’t want to go through this whole stupid thing. I’ll try to weed out the highlights. If that’s what you want to call them.
The ladies portraying them represent eight sisters who pretty much all hate each other.
Heather, the ‘deflector’ gets called out for putting up a false front as if everything is perfect and laughing constantly because crying would make her real.
Even as this is being read, you can see Heather doing this exaggerated doubled over laughter pretending to be unbothered.
Then she quickly stops fake laughing when she realizes she’s being ridiculed for just that. That was pretty funny, and maybe the best part.
All kidding aside, she does use humor to deflect from talking about anything serious. This season she’s trying too hard to be a stand-up comedienne, and most of her jokes aren’t landing.
Lisa gets called out for acting as if everyone is beneath her because she runs this stupid ‘tequila lounge’ catering to random celebs here and there.
How many big names come to Salt Lake, let’s be honest. I’m sure after her embarrassing name-dropping in the beginning of the season, that will be dwindled down to zero.
Britani’s words sound like “childish noise.”
She gets scolded for her obsession with boys and putting them before her daughters. She had to know that was coming. It’s funny she’s the only one drinking. I think she even has brought the bottle over by her seat.
The fact that she was on the yacht puking and then continuing to drink is very telling. Usually once you start puking, you’re like yeah I’m out. That’s enough of that.
It’s funny how they’re all coming after Meredith for an alcohol problem when it’s pretty much all of the others.
The play wraps up, and they discuss. Bronwyn is first to speak up about how she feels betrayed by others so maybe that’s why she betrays the ladies sometimes.
Lisa wastes no time turning on the water works that she doesn’t think her portrayal is fair as shallow and materialistic. She and Angie vow to rekindle their friendship.
Leather-clad Meredith speaks out, proving my point again about this sexy young secretary look she seems to gravitate towards.
She starts crying about how sensitive she is and low-key addresses the accusations that have been taking place since she blacked out on the airplane after the yacht trip.
Seeing Heather taking all of this in, you can see she has not one ounce of empathy nor concern for the woman, and is ready to pounce.
Angie offers some kind words. Heather than ridicules her by saying she’s not some victimized docile mouse, and points out her pumping Bronwyn for info constantly.
You know how I know Heather never shuts the hell up? Her voice has been hoarse the entire season. She can barely speak.
Whitney chimes in, agreeing with Heather.
To be fair, it does seem like her tears disappeared pretty fast. She and her wrinkled leather micro-mini (aka ‘ugly leather skirt’) head to the restroom.
Mary the Cult Leader/Whore has a soapbox moment demanding to know why they’re friends and why they’re here??
That’s easy, Mary, because you’re all paid to be here and pretend to be friends.
She claims she doesn’t live her life hiding behind no mask. Okay, Mary. Yes you are, unless you’re identifying as a whore and a cult leader, you are indeed hiding behind a mask.
it gets even richer as she accuses Lisa of being self-absorbed, when she literally syphons money from her fake church, telling them they’re going to hell if they don’t give her cash so she can shop for clothing and accessories.
Heather pretends to cry for a split second, as Mary points out they need to tell Meredith that they’re genuinely worried about her. Allegedly.
Meredith comes back demanding to know ‘the goal.’ Mary tells her they’re all worried that she’s ‘spiralin.’
I notice Lisa not speaking up on her behalf.
She assures them that she’s okay. Whitney projects her dad’s substance abuse issues onto Meredith and claims she acts just like him.
I feel like if she just would have owned that she doesn’t remember lashing out and acting a fool on the airplane and screaming at Britani the entire time, we could have avoided all of this.
Bronwyn tries to get her to admit there’s trouble in the marriage by talking about her own troubles with the marathon farter. Misery loves company as they say. I didn’t think that would ever make her admit anything though.
Do you know what I noticed different this season? First of all there was NO SETH, not one single sighting and he’s usually all about the cameras, so that’s what makes me think they’re separated.
But also aside from short scenes with Justin and Whitney arguing, John and Lisa arguing, and Todd and Bronwyn arguing, that’s all we got from the husbands.
Usually they’re featured more on SLC. I wonder if it’s because Seth didn’t want to be filmed, so not showing much of the other guys made that seem less obvious?
Brownyn divulges her Seth and a mysterious woman sighting in New York to Meredith.
She walks off again. Now Lisa decides to defend her.
Bronwyn tries to sell that she wasn’t insinuating that Seth was with another woman. She literally said she saw him with another woman. What else would that be suggesting?
Heather seems to be pounding the red wine. She chases after Meredith who thinks she’s leaving.
Meredith reassures us that none of the accusations are true, and her marriage is perfect and everyone must want her life.
In her yap she doubles down that she doesn’t drink as much as most of the others, Britani has a pill habit, and she also eludes to Heather’s alleged alcohol-poisoning-stomach-pumped issue from last season that’s coming out now via a pissed off Monica Gonzalez.
Who is Meredith texting? Seth? Pretty sure he’s with his girlfriend.
Heather hasn’t let go of that wine glass for once second, and appears pretty shitfaced, as she continues to argue with Meredith about whether or not she’s an alcoholic.
Can’t make this shit up.
She tries to order Meredith around, and Lisa’s not having it.
Why didn’t anyone say “jealous of WHAT? Your ugly leather skirt??”
