Night two of Miami in this dreaded FREE hideous bay side mansion with a private chef, and ONLY six fucking bedrooms and five fucking bathrooms. Can you imagine having to suffer through this?
I sure can’t. I definitely would have walked in there immediately bitching about where I was going to poop in the morning.
Karen’s 5-9 Birthday dinner, so we’re back to this being Karen’s birthday dinner? Last week Mia decided the beach day was the birthday thing, and Karen decided to check on Wendy instead.
Gizelle must be hungry, she’s first to be ready and no one is even around, not even the Hostess without the Mostest Mia. Karen arrives and lets Gizelle know it’s no longer a birthday party and is a regular dinner party. See, I knew it. It wasn’t fine, when she said it was ‘fine.’
Mia is in her room getting ready with Jacqueline and clarifies that Karen said she “didn’t want her to” do anything for her birthday, so she’s not
Jacqueline points out she said you don’t HAVE to, which is female code for you better still fucking do it. Mia’s upbringing and lack of social skills and manners is really coming to light on this trip. Not to be mean, but I’m feeling like a mean girl tonight.
Jacqueline is trying to reason with her but you know, ya can’t fix stupid and ya can’t really fix uncouthe either.
Karen to Gizelle still insisting “I don’t need my birthday, I had a candle at my birthday lunch.” Says the woman who has been telling everyone it’s her birthday and singing ‘Happy Birthday to me’ like every five minutes for the past two days. She’s so not satisfied with a candle on a cookie at the tacky place where they had lunch.
If she’s so unbothered, than girl drop it. Gizelle appears really interested in her complaining how she’s not complaining as she takes selfies.
Ashley enters the scene and immediately “I need a bevvy.” Remember how she was ‘not drinking’ when the season started. Now she’s the first to request and grab any alcohol that’s in front of her.
They assemble at the table and Jacqueline again is speaking on Mia’s behalf, and telling the group she’s feeling ‘under the weather.’ I guess under the weather is code for feeling guilty and embarrassed by your behavior, and carrying the burden of having to stick with it and defend it for two whole days.
Jacqueline acknowledges that it’s Karen’s birthday, so I guess she did manage to talk some sense into Mia. Ashley delivers a toast to Karen’s 5-9. Looks like there’s some entertainment being provided.
Mia who doesn’t really look under the weather arrives and is now on board with celebrating Karen’s birthday. Make up your fucking mind woman. She calls herself a good friend. Yeah she’s not a good friend.
Gizelle, who is being open and receptive to making the dinner about Karen, which is impressive given their history, wants to discuss fave Karen moments.
They laugh about her lopsided wig moment, Ashley imitating her, and Gordon having too much to drink, wagging his tongue at her
So on the subject of Gizelle – has anyone else noticed that she is like, unusually pleasant this season? She has to be getting laid. Or on something.
The entertainment begins, flame throwers and fire swallowers, which seem to be having the weird effect of arousing Karen. Is that weird? I guess we all have our things right? Who am I to say??
Wendy being excluded from this event is shitty behavior of Mia, and she really should be embarrassed and ashamed.
Karen discusses Candiace, and Ashley getting along for an hour today at her “birthday lunch.” Ashley has kind of an evil look on her face as if she is concocting some sort of shady ass plan against Candiace as Karen is telling her she appreciates her putting their differences aside on her behalf.
Aaaaand that didn’t take long. Ashley is now bitching about Chris tweeting shit ‘threatening’ her.
Now we really dig in. Gizelle is now involved too, and was also being referenced in the tweet Candiace informs them.
Ashley is pissed that Candiace doesn’t want to engage with this, so they continue to try to poke, and get a rise out of her.
Much like Mia did with Wendy two nights ago, or previous night, whatever, they call her being ‘defensive’ when okay yes she is defending herself. What’s wrong with being defensive when you’re forced to have to defend yourself or a situation? And Jacqueline does need to stay the hell out it. Candiace calls her “Mia’s representative.” Funny.
About Candiace quick. My obsi is that she is the real her on this show. she doesn’t come for people for no reason whatsoever. She doesn’t sit and poke people just to poke for the cameras. When she has ‘beef’ with someone, it’s real. She’s genuinely pissed. Unlike this shit they’re starting with her and Chris.
She doesn’t play for the cameras like Captain Gold Digger does. She does manage to shut it down and not engage. And she’s defending her husband, as she should be doing, unless she really does feel she has a reason to doubt his intentions, and at this time she does not.
Dusty Vag, Forehead, Forehead’s hideous friend that WISHES a dude would check her out in a bar, needs to seriously STFU.
Candiace does some live Insta post bitching about all the bitches being fake and sorry but I agree with her.
Mia discusses with Jacqueline the next morning discusses how Candiace should have gone to stay with Wendy. Again what a sucky fucking hostess. So you wanted to drive away yet another one of your guests.
She talks out of both sides of her fucking mouth, “not a quitter, followed through on her hostessing duties.” As she talks about one guest she’s glad she drove away, and another that should have gone with her?? Mia Mia stick to what you know. Hostessing ain’t it. I feel almost bad for Wendy sitting at the hotel herself.
Honestly as much as she complains how ‘busy’ she is and never has down time, why wouldn’t you just go home and spend the time with your kids if you’re sitting by yourself anyway?
Unless she doesn’t really want to. I assume she’s as dismissive with the boys as she is with her poor little daughter she seemed so excited to have in her first season. Guess the novelty wore off. Sad.
Candiace does seem drained and fucking over this Chris is doing this, and that bull. I think she has a point as she says to Charrisse that is how Ashley got treated and disrespected in her marriage (except with men mostly) and she is miserable and projecting.
Gizelle is jumping on the band wagon because she can’t get herself a man to treat her respectfully and is possibly jealous of Candiace, and I honestly don’t even think Chris is all that. He can be kind of abrasive to Candiace. And do I find him cute at all? No I do not.
So to be jealous of this marriage makes you look pretty sad and desperate. Does Chris have a brother for Gizelle? Does she have a little thing for Chris?
Charisse and Candiace discuss Ashley’s divorce situation. Candiace thinks it
fake for attention or scamming. She is basing her suspicions on the fact that they’re “buying properties together.” Which they are NOT doing. Ashley is clueless and has no clue what Michael is up to.
He is currently playing along and pretending he is buying her a huge ass house. Her name is going to be on nothing, (if it ever even happens) so when he gets sick of paying for it, or needs money he can sell it out from under her. She’s too fucking dumb to see what he giveth he can taketh away. And will.
Does she just randomly start making tiktok videos in the middle of doing whatever? This girl needs a worthwhile job, activity or something to occupy herself with.
So the group is separating for today’s activities. Mia, Karen, Jacqueline and Gizelle are going to have more birthday fun with the birthday girl, and the rest will be going on a boat. Robyn bitches she’s stuck with Candiace. It does seem strange Candiace would not have been included in the other group. Yet she doesn’t even complain. She tells them she has invited Wendy to come on the boat with them.
It’s still Karen’s birthday apparently. “Mia needs an apology” her rep says. Okay fine but in what fucked up fucking world does Mia think that she doesn’t owe Wendy one? And it’s getting fucking weird the way Jacqueline keeps speaking on her behalf. The look on Mia’s face when she’s doing it is really bizarre too. Is she paying this girl?
Other group is checking out and driving some lambos to keep celebrating Karen’s birthday.
The boat group has arrived at their destination and it’s not exactly any type of luxury yacht by any means. Again Mia bad bad hostess, maybe should have been specific as to what kind of boating it was. It looks like one of those trolleys that seem to be the rage now in big vacay tourist cities, where they have to pedal, and it’s set up like a bar. Except it’s a boat. This looks like a ride at a second rate amusement park. Ashley calls it a “booze cruise canoe” in her yap.
Wendy arrives and seems really chill.
Lambo girls are living it up speeding down the highway.
Karen doesn’t know how to start hers. Is the key in?
Mia asks her if she’s like you know hit the gas? So that seems to be the issue. Did she think this was a self driving vehicle? Does she not ever drive at home? Wow that was an extreme blonde moment.
I would not want to be a passenger in a car with someone who didn’t know how to put their foot on the gas pedal. What if she forgets where the break is?
The boat excursion looks boring as fuck. At least there’s alcohol. There are also wrapped gas station sandwiches available for their snacking pleasure.
Ashley asks Robyn about any wedding planning. Robyn doesn’t want to talk about it with Ashley.
It seems like Ashley knows something is being planned. Robyn isn’t having Ashley’s fakeness and tells her she doesn’t want to talk about it with her.
Karen is confused again about the logistics of driving a car. No for real, all kidding aside, has she not driven a motor vehicle in like ten years or what’s going on here? Now she’s trying to make it go while it’s in park. Here they go. They’re going to die. I want to turn away but can’t.
Okay well she seems to have figured it out. For now. They reconvene back at the house. The audio is really bad and echoing, and don’t have a clue what the hell they just said. They break apart to get ready for whatever they’re doing, dinner I assume.
So Robyn came across Candiace’s Insta live post that was talked about on a blog, bitching about the ladies. Ashley and Gizelle mainly I assume. She’s not wrong, they’re not loyal. They’re out to make waves and drama for the sake of the show. Has Candiace not caught on yet? It’s not what she’s about, but it’s what they’re about. I personally would be a little frightened to come after Candiace, but whatever they are not. I guess because she weighs like a hundred lbs, and they all weigh, not 100 lbs.
It’s now been posted on one of the gossip blogs, which is where Robyn is seeing it. She blasted it all over the internet so I’m assuming they would know the others would see it and did not care.
I don’t see an issue with this. She tells them this to their faces too. If she were clamming up in person, and not saying this shit, then I would think it’s weird and shady. But its not the case, suck it up. They made shit up about her husband in an effort to embarrass both of them, so suck up the repercussions. And I right? yes I am.
Robyn insists that she is talking about all of them, No girl, she’s talking about you Ashley and Gizelle. Clearly she wouldn’t be dissing the ladies that are not part of this take down campaign. Come ON.
“This is for the group, this is for the group.” Robyn just stop.
Candiace wants to invite Wendy to dinner (who let’s all be reminded is a guest on this trip, and left the house on her own accord and decision) so this all makes zero sense that Karen and or Candiace have to ask Mia’s or anyone’s fucking permission to include her for dinner.
Mia’s staunch face/lip pucker is funny when Wendy is brought up. You all know full damned fucking well I hope, that Mia just doesn’t want her around because she’s embarrassed about the shit that Wendy brought up, and doesn’t want it discussed again.
So clearly there is some swingin and swappin shit goin down in the Thornton household, that she didn’t want out there. Well tough titties – it’s out there home girl.
Does she own the restaurant they’re going to? What’s to stop Wendy from coming to the if Mia is literally the ONLY one that doesn’t want her there.
And the reason is to try to cover her own ass, which does not have any lumps on it by the way. Who lies about having fucking lumps on their ass? Guessing she picked the ass region assuming that no one was going to see it. She forgot she may be in a bathing suit around them, and all bathing suits are cut with your entire ass on display now for some reason.
There’s some confusing discussion in the car with Ashley, Candiace, Mia and Gizelle. Ashley announces that she came downstairs ‘naked’ to get a snack after everyone went to bed. Okay, sorry, but naked? Like she couldn’t have thrown on a shirt, pair of undies, shorts, anything? That was completely out of the question?? Am I weird to think that’s weird? I know it’ a house full of girls and all, but do we have to be all skank all the time? Mia tells her Jacqueline who must have saw her, told her she’s cute, and she’s her type, and she’s particular so take it as a compliment. Don’t worry Mia, I am sure she is. I’m sure there was a reason she’s walking around the house naked.
“I’ve never had a friend’s friend interested in me, it’s always like a stranger.” Did we ask her to elaborate on her escapades of hooking up and having threesomes with strangers?? No I don’t think so.
Okay so when I watched this the first time I wasn’t sure if I heard right. Does Mia really say that Jacqueline and Gordon hook up? So what’s confusing is, if she’s admitting to this type of activity that Wendy accused her of, and got so irate over, and now she’s just casually disclosing it?
That shit is how marriages break up, but whatever Mia.
We arrive at the restaurant. What in the what is Ashley wearing? She forgot her clothes again, and is going to be bitching how she’s cold again. She’s outside calling Wendy and telling her to come to dinner. This looks like something that Wendy would have worn last season. It’s a new titties or newly separated outfit.
She comes back to the table and informs them that Wendy is “stopping by for a minute.”
Mia starts melting down and refers to it as disrespecting her. Ashley might be right about it not being fair to ostracize Wendy from the group. She calls Mia a bully and I don’t disagree. Robyn tries to defend Mia, and at this point it’s getting so pointless.
Wendy says she takes accountability for her choice of words that hurt Mia and apologizes for her role in escalating the evening. Mia is not receptive and ignores her. Wendy said “this is for Mia.” She looked in Mia’s direction so, let’s lose the fake confusion as to who she was addressing.
So it would have been the normal thing for a normal person that is able to say they’re sorry, (I know someone else like this) to apologize to Wendy for throwing a glass of water and a purse at her. What’s funny is how Mia was all over social media after the ep aired apologizing up and down and saying shit like “no one deserves that kind of disrespect and she’s disappointed in herself.” Whatever … shit she should be saying right now, but was too fucking stupid and stubborn to own up to her bad behavior.
The food just arrived so it’s time to start shit up again. Robyn shares Candiace’s recording of calling out some of the ladies on their disloyalty BS whatever on Insta.
Do these ladies not get when she’s saying ‘everyone’ she doesn’t literally mean each and every Housewife. It’s one of those loose terms. Like this is going to take me a minute, does not mean a minute. ‘Everyone’ does not mean every person on the planet. She was referring to the shit stirrers here – Robyn Gizelle and Ashley. This isn’t hard. Robyn stresses the words “EVERYONE” AND “NO ONE” because she’s Robyn and she’s an idiot.
Candiace says she really appreciates the ambush. Robyn claims it’s not an ambush. Okay so Candiace needs to understand she’s on the Real Housewives. She’s always like “why would you do this here?” why would you wait until NOW?” Girl, come ON, you know why. Are you new here? This is how this shit goes down.
Candiace is one of those Housewives, like Shannon on OC is another example, that needs to just remove herself from this shit. They’re not shit stirrers, and they’re not out to take down the other ladies. They’re just livin their best life, being mostly themselves on the show, and they cannot compete with the rest of them, that are out for blood and Bravo Housewife First Chair Fame.
So Ashley kicks it up a notch or two, and shares with Karen and the group that Candiace gossiped about Karen having these random affairs. Candiace denies it, as they play the flash.
Ya know I think Candiace was feeling kind of free and vulnerable in that moment.
She and Ashley were jelling and bonding for like a second. She came over to her home, and Candiace was feeding her mooching ass. (This was when she yanked the wine off of the table as soon as she sat down that Candiace hadn’t even offered yet.) So yes, I guess she shared this tidbit that she had heard about Karen. And this isn’t even new info. Charrisse has eluded to this as well, which is why Karen hates on Charrisse so much.
Candiace knows she’s fucked. She knows she said it, but she’s denying it. Good job Ashley, and yes Candiace, why in the FUCK would you say this to Ashley?
Candiace walks away and makes the token call to the husband bitching about the girls. She knows they’re all back stabbers. I don’t know why she is always so confused.
For some reason, they decide to all go out dancing, and you really think it’s going to be a Beverly Hills Aspen night repeat. It has all the ingredients of Aspen.
They end staying out for hours, and dancing and taking shots and having fun, They don’t really show the evening of course, except for a few flashes.
Why would Bravo want to show actual footage of the ladies cutting loose and not arguing?
Then wah wah wah, after the shots and drinks, on the way home in the van, the fighting of course starts. Now it’s like Aspen!
Ashley is recording on her phone since Bravo camera guys are off the clock now at 3:30 am.
Candiace starts yelling about Robyn playing the Insta thing at dinner. Clearly she’s not over it.
