The bachlorette continues in Dublin and the Jersey girls are whooping it up Irish style. Hopefully they won’t embarrass us Americans, but I’m not holding out a lot of hope for that. I’m sure Irish people think Americans act like idiots when visiting their country, and they’re probably right. Hopefully they think they’re from Italy.
They walk in the pub and everyone already looks annoyed with the “I love this” and “this is so cute.”
Jackie asks a bartender in Ireland – in IRELAND – if there are ever drinking contests. Apparently she she didn’t google Ireland just as Melissa didn’t google Nashville, Tennessee last year. Even though she’s of Italian heritage, I could really foresee her in Italy asking if there’s pasta. I honestly could have sworn it was Melissa asking that. Jackie sounds just like her. Seems like Jackie is even going so far as to be dumbing herself down, to hopefully secure her FT spot back on the show. How embarrassing.
So Jackie wins the beer chugging contest against an actual Irish chick, so there we go. Yay us! Apparently Jackie who looked like she was going to gag over eating two bites of ice cream with her kids last season, has no problem downing a full glass of Guinness.
Ding Dong Teresa wants tequila and pineapple, In Ireland. Oh My God, I can’t. I’m not a big beer drinker either, but in Ireland (when in Ireland…) I would be drinking a beer or two, maybe even three. Even though Tequila is one of my faves, I could not in good faith order a margarita or a pineapple tequila in Ireland. Would NOT happen.
Even bougie Jennifer, who has much less enthusiasm, knows she needs to chug a beer, then promptly feels like she needs to throw up, but I respect the effort.
And our fellow American Jen Fessler also leaves the Irish in the dust with her beer chugging capabilities. They start throwing beer on each other, and the patrons of the bar are all looking at them like they’re morons.
I do like Teresa’s white poofy dress, (since I like a poof) it just seems not appropriate for bar hopping and beer chugging.
******
Next morning, all rise at the castle, and of course all of these spoiled bitches have to do is to sit down and open their suck for a fabulous breakfast spread.
They sit down to breakfast, and Marge has an ‘endorsed’ sweatshirt on. That ‘endorsement’ argument is one the very core reasons why the Housewives just aren’t what they used to be. Now it’s all about peddling their lame businesses, getting endorsements, and outdoing each other in every way. It’s too contrived and losing the entertainment and definitely the ‘real’ factor.
So the free served to them in their pajamas breakfast is starting out jovial, and we just CAN’T have that, so they all start bitching about Danielle, who happens to not be at the table yet. Melissa is getting better at the Housewife game, and she’s ‘innocently’ sharing info with the group that was told to her in confidence.
Apparently ‘rat’ is just over the top offensive to the Jersey girls. I can think of so many worse things to be called, but I guess this strikes a nerve. A ‘rat’ is what Danielle referred to Rachel as, for blabbing their convo about, I don’t even remember what anymore.
Oh! Margaret and the arsenal! How silly of me!
Apparently it just means a tattle tale or someone who blabs. Which is what Rachel did. It’s what they all do. So, maybe lose the fake shock. But it’s also what Melissa is doing right now. She’s being a ‘rat’ by calling out Danielle for calling Rachel a ‘rat’ It just never ends.
Rachel bitches in her yap about Danielle calling her a rat, and accuses her of being a rat for calling her a rat. I am not joking.
So here we are again, with our Jersey ladies who sound like a bunch of second graders, and they keep repeating the same word or phrase over and over, throughout the entire hour. Throwing under the bus, arsenal, analogy… Someone starts with particular phrasing, and everyone just keeps repeating it.
They can’t even come up with their own insult, they just repeat each other’s same exact verbiage, you’re a rat well, you’re a rat, no you’re a rat for calling me a rat. This is really how they talk.
Danielle joins the table right on queue, and Rachel immediately confronts her as to why she called her a rat, and rest assured, we will be hearing this word like 400 times in the next five minutes. Oh My God.
Now ‘arsenal’ is re-rolled out, and I really think I hate my life. Rachel now says ‘conversating’ in reference to their talk, just as Danielle had. Will someone teach these ladies the word ‘conversing’ please.
Rachel combines ‘rat’ with ‘throwing under the bus’ in her yap – I just need for her to say analogy and arsenal, and we can end the show right now.
Marge expresses her extreme disappointment in Danielle since she redesigned her Bougie Kids logo and helped her with her online business.
Then Margaret’s and Teresa’s tiffs about Louie last season comes up, which puts Margaret on the extreme defense.
This ‘breakfast’ is absurd, and I’m done talking about it. Is it possible the Jersey girls’ arguments are the dumbest of all the housewives in all franchises, past and present?
*****
They’re off to do shopping, and a contrived argument starts between Melissa and Teresa, again.
It starts when Rachel, who is Melissa’s friend, so surely she knew the answer, (or just knew Teresa would say something dumb) asks Teresa if her girls and Melissa’s kids are close.
Teresa said “they WERRRRRE until Antonia didn’t come to Milania’s Sweet 16 last year” Seriously, Milania couldn’t understand that Antonioa had a cheer leading thing to go to, and now they’re no longer close, due to this? So all of her girls are pissed at Antonia? That doesn’t sound like stupid ass Teresa’s influence at all right?
So this pisses off Melissa because it does sort of come off like she’s dissing on Antonia, who I assume would have attended the event, had she not had another obligation.
Oh, and in there Jen Fessler confesses that she and her husband split up for two years because he had cheated, and then reconciled. And then oh my freaking God, Dolores has to one up her with her cheating story because she was eight months pregnant. Which we know, because she has told this story like a gazillion times – a gazillion times. Now Marge has to chime in, and we’ve heard her sob story half a gazillion times. We know you cheated with the plumber Marge. And the step-kids, and wah wah wah !! We know!
Okay so now Teresa says “it’s tit for tat” because Melissa points out that Gabriella had soccer and missed something of one of the boys. That’s not really tit for tat, it’s just trying to explain to very very slow Teresa Guidice that kids’ obligations to extra cirricular activities sometimes get in the way of attending events.
Teresa: “Did I say Antonia is bad??” Ummm, kind of. You kind of blamed her for not attending a party because she didn’t care about Milania. Antonio seems sweet, and I can’t hardly believe that’s true.
I love when Margaret comments on Melissa’s stupid comments. She makes some Batman/Goblin comment that makes no sense, and is very Melissa.
******
Melissa calls Joe: “What, you got drama??”
Ding ding ding ding !
She recaps the whole Antonio thing, and they discuss not attending her wedding.
They go to dinner, and it’s bugging me so much that that they’re not eating or drinking anything Irish!
Guess I just need to get over that.
They discuss boobs, and then they discuss being a ‘rat’ again. Danielle tries to have a fun moment with Rachel, in an attempt to let the rat spat go, but Rachel isn’t having it.
She’s trying to earn her Housewife wings.
Jennifer and Margaret go at it, whatever ‘it’ is, the same stupid crap, is what ‘it’ is. Margaret tries to act like the grammar and vocab queen, and Jennifer calls her out on it, then asks her if she knows what a boogawoof is. I have no idea if I’m spelling that right, I refuse to look it up
Melissa asks Siri what it is, and it’s someone ugly and nasty. Okay, on that note, it’s over, thank God.
