I wanted to get this out of the way real quick, since we’re almost wrapped up for the season. I was curious about Erika’s Vegas show, if it was still running, if the tickets are still a buck, like what’s going on?
It seems it wrapped in December, (began in September) and get this, according to the internet which is never ever wrong, she made almost one million. That amount kind of surprised me, but I guess it shouldn’t. It’s Vegas. And if you break down what she probably put into it, bottom line might have been like a couple hundred grand.
Before, when she performed, this was a non-issue. She had Tom’s stolen dough to spend on costumes, glam, choreographers, and what-not.
And most articles I researched did say that her tickets were selling on third party sites like StubHub for $1 – $7.00. The original price via Ticketmaster was an average of $69.00. That’s kind of funny.
Word on the street, well on the internet, is it was officially considered a flop. A million dollar paycheck? I’m not a mathematician, but do we think maybe she was paid more than was even brought in, if ticket prices came down like 90%? I think that would give it the official ‘flop’ status.
I think it’s funny. As for her tagline, and I’ve been analyzing tag lines this season since they’re so dang idiotic, please get a new tagline writer, Bravo. “the best part about losing everything is getting it all back…” What exactly did she ‘get back?’ Her shows didn’t make any money before the scandal either.
So do we believe that next week is the finale? Like what even happened this season? Kyle managed to dance around her separation from Mario, and her affair with a thirty-year-old girl, on every. Flipping. Episode. They were practicically having sex at her friend’s supposed memorial.
Speaking of flops, Annmarie’s tag – “I may put you to sleep for a living…” Yeah you sure do. LOL. Girl, bye.
Sitting through an Erika ‘therapy’ session is excruciating. I thought this therapist chick was actually starting to give her the cold hard truth. No, she’s not. Another enabler convincing her she did nothing wrong and is a complete victim, and we should all feel sorry for her.
Fake therapist: How about just something like “in hindsight do you think maybe your out-of-control spending and shopping addiction contributed to Tom’s financial issues, prompting his desperate measures? What have you learned from this?
“Do you wish you would have asked him, can we afford this?” before you spent millions of dollars on these stupid concerts that make zero profit??
I think Tom was sheisty in his own right, with or without Erika, but the level in which it expanded, was because she done spent all of his fucking money on her ugly ghetto-designer frocks, and pretending to be 80’s Madonna. Let’s leave acting like 80’s Madonna TO Madonna please. She can’t even pull it off anymore.
“You used to have your husband, and unlimited funds…” No Dr. Dumb Ass, the cash was not ‘unlimited.’ That was the problem. That’s what needs to be said. She didn’t understand if Tom won a case and made $3 million let’s say, (I read an article that one of her assistants or dance coaches, or some shit, that he tended to brag to her what he made) that he wasn’t walking away with two million fucking dollars in his pocket. There’s some overhead involved there, Erika. Jesus. Stupid much?? But then again, he knew how dumb she was, and was obviously doing this as a flex. But, whatever. What the fuck ever.
I can’t listen to her about these motherfucking earrings anymore. I can’t. This broad needs so much more than these fake blasé therapy sessions with this chick that tells her what she wants to hear. She needs to stop being a drain on society, and get some serious NPD counseling for like, the rest of her life.
******
Sutton visits Santos. You know, he really is a pretty horse. I don’t know why we have to have Konniving Kyle mucking up this Santos scene, and ruining it.
I can’t fucking stand her. She shows up and immediately makes fun of Sutton’s riding skills, who is riding him for the first time, and hasn’t ridden a horse since she was a kid.
She’s so fucking cunty and middle school to Sutton all of the time.
They sit and have a chat where Kyle works really hard at pretending to listen and care, whilst flipping her hair all around waiting to talk about herself. She quickly switches the topic to Kyle, and her big admission in regards to her marriage, is that she and Mario have been going to therapy. Who even cares at this point.
She’s not letting go of this “OMG we’re just so BUSY!” schtick. Yeah you’re both busy all right. Mo’s been busy sleeping around for years, and she’s been busy in her lesbian affair and failed business endeavors.
It does make me feel a little bad for her, that he’s kind of been blowing her off and not wanting to spend time with her, but she’s KYLE. Hasn’t she been seeing this coming? I’ve been seeing it coming on the past three seasons, at least. He’s been stoned around her, obviously bored shitless with her childish antics, and was repeating “beeeeeeeautifullllll” to everything she says like a fucking robot.
******
Garcelle and her Jax are doing a little charity plug for cyber bullying due to Jax having to suffer through those fucking dumb cunts Erika, Rinna and the crazy head-butting Bosnian whatever the fuck her name is, sending him horrible messages on IG, after Erika snapped, and swore at him when she drank ten margs. Not sure why they were harassing the poor kid who actually handled it very well and said nothing back to her in the moment.
She tells Jax he’s can Uber to his friends’ houses. I guess this was a whole big thing he was mad about, that he wasn’t allowed to do, and telling her she’s a shitty mom. He doesn’t seem like a terrible kid, but what a brat.
******
Sutton goes on her official second date with this sweetheart of a guy with the sweet kind eyes that she met through the matchmaker. So cute how he notices and compliments her purse.
It’s nice to be acknowledged for putting in an effort. He thinks the designer is Celine Dion. He snorts and gets all embarrassed. He’s so cute and real. I wonder if they’re still seeing each other.
He doesn’t even have an evil snarl on his face at all. And I can’t imagine him screaming into her ear from two inches away or randomly saying ‘I hate you’ like a fucking four-year-old. That’s what my ex did to me, more than once. One day I’ll share his picture and his name, let’s see if he calls the cops on me again, like he did for sending some bitchy emails. What a pathetic sorry excuse for a man. How can I describe him that you’ll understand? Put together all of the Bravo horrible HouseHusbands and boyfriends, of which there are many, all of the Toms, Jim Bellino, Simon Barney, the dude that hung himself, Brooks, and multiply that by 10,000, and that’s how horrible, whiney and abusive he is.
Does she really have to carry this grapefruit juice around in her purse? Even on a date? There is like nothing else she can drink vodka with? Club soda, cranberry juice, she doesn’t like martini’s?? I’m assuming it’s not just grapefruit juice, and has some of the other juice, she then adds to the straight vodka she orders. Yeah, I would say she has a bit of an alcohol problem. They play darts and have so much fun. He’s such a gentleman. Awwww.
******
Okay here we go with this, I was looking forward to my take on this scene.
The exchange between Kyle and Mario, I can’t even call it a convo. It was so bizarre, and they are clearly not on the same page. They’re not in the same book. They’re not on the same planet. What is happening, even??
Kyle is trying to be serious and he’s cracking jokes, and plugging his businesses. Who says going to therapy is ‘fun?’ And the random “I’ll have 100 offices opened by the end of the year.” Umm okay, thanks Mario. I’ll be sure to give you a call if I want to buy a house in Portugal.
The fact that he says it’s ‘fun’ shows how not seriously he’s taking it.
And why is her mic taped to the front of her shirt? Seems like this was a thrown together scene after filming wrapped. At least I’m glad she ditched the Marcia Brady/Morticia hair this season. I’m convinced she’s read my recaps. It’s the only thing that makes sense.
They robotically keep repeating how ‘busy’ they both are? What is Kyle doing exactly again? They never show her doing anything. What happened to the 8th fucking (failed) ‘boutique’ she supposedly opened last season?
American Woman was a failure. She’s had some small acting roles I guess.
It’s funny how she made a reference how she’s not one to just stay home and shop while her husband is off changing the world, but that’s exactly how she is depicted.
Mario looks like he aged ten years since last season. He keeps making weird faces. He’s so over these cameras in his face, and Kyle’s fakery. It has to be hard. How do you distinguish what’s real and what’s not? He basically is ridiculing her.
“I love that adjective.”
Why doesn’t Kyle just spit it out? He doesn’t care about this scene being realistic at all. It’s like he’s going out of his way to make sure it comes off as staged, actually. I’m surprised he didn’t say “Bravo, Bravo, Bravo.”
File for divorce and move the hell on. Viewers don’t really care as much as she thinks they do. They should have cut this stupid scene. Maybe they kept it in to make her look stupid. If so, they succeeded. And of all things to wear, ‘an uglywhite shirt.’It’s like Bravo literally showed up at their house unannounced with a camera, slapped a mic on the front of her shirt with scotch tape, and said, “grab a fake beer and go have a fake talk at the bar to Mario about your marriage and how busy and important you all are.”
Okay, done ranting, I think.
******
Annmarie is hosting a Mother’s Day event. Champagne drinking and jewelry buying. We’ll see how this goes. I think the majority agrees that we can be done with Annmarie. But, they may keep her around another season or two.
I think we all assumed Crystal was done after her second season when her two accomplishments were crying about Sutton drunkenly walking in on her while she was changing, and then accusing her of being racist. You do all see a pattern of who the scapegoat always is, right?? I mean, really. Give this woman a raise. Not that she needs the money, but give it to her anyway. I think Santos needs a friend.
Back to Crystal for one sec, I think she was smart in ending the feud with Sutton and even forming a friendship with her and Garcelle. She knew what she was doing. And telling Annmarie what’s what was also a smart move this season. I admire the fact that she didn’t get all up in Kyle’s asshole to try to solidify her spot.
I can’t stand the sound of Annmarie’s voice. She does the OC Gina Valley Girl twang, just not quite as annoying. They’re too old to talk this way. I know the forty-somethings all feel ‘young’ since a lot of the cast is in their 50’s, but 40 is middle-aged and, not that young. I think when I turned 40 is when I felt officially ‘old.’ I guess I should have surrounded myself with 55 year old’s.
While getting her glam done, she announces she “needs to talk to Crystal today.”
Why? I feel like it’s all been said. Why can’t we just let things unfold on their own? We always have our old faithful Kyle announcing something snarky, staged and pre-planned, so we’re good there.
Erika just being Erika is frustrating entertainment, but entertainment. She embarrasses herself every fucking time she opens her mouth, and has zero self-awareness. Same with Dorit, I’m sure she’ll have something racist and inappropriate to say.
Crystal usually says something dumb, and Sutton is quirky and funny without even trying. But okay Bravo peeps, let’s force another excruciating convo with Crystal and Annmarie, even though Crystal was absolutely correct in calling her a bitch, and it was already addressed, and they made up in Spain when Crystal had a ‘stroke’ aka car sickness.
So we see the ladies getting ready to go, and Sutton gets handed a ‘roadie’ by Avi. In a very tall glass, that is very full, and most likely very strong. Well she sort of gags on it, so … do the math.
Not sure why he doesn’t accompany her to this. She definitely needs an escort. She drags him to everything else.
Who doesn’t appreciate being handed a huge roadie on the way to a stuffy event? I don’t mean to brag, but I am the roadie-making Queen. Schwartz, I am the Queen!!
At this point, and this may sound crude, and it is an exaggeration, but I don’t think PK cares whether or not Dorit lives or dies. She complains about him remaining in London for Mother’s Day.
He tells her tough titties, she’s not his mother, no one in England cares about Mother’s Day, and he’s staying in London with his mistress. Deal with it.
They are separated right? I keep meaning to look into that.
Tangerine must be a trendy color right now. It’s been very popular with all of the Housewives lately. I like it, I approve. If fit’s not black, it’s fine with me.
Apparently there’s a ‘Jason of Beverly Hills’ jeweler. Can you even imagine the security involved at these types of events?
These poor dudes with the champagne at the front door, no one even takes it.
Kyle’s not drinking, Sutton is already shitfaced with a roadie in hand, not sure why Erika passes. Just to be a dick to these kids, I think. Girl, it IS free.
When Erika arrives, one of the dudes is missing, and there’s broken glass on the steps. Maybe he got mad no one was taking it, threw the tray down and stormed off. Or started drinking it himself if none of these bitches want it.
Big burly security dude in the corner eyeballing Erika showing Garcelle a ring. Relax, big burly guy, there are literally people standing in front of you, with cameras rolling. Jason could have saved himself a couple bucks and told them to sit this one out. But, you know, we have to keep it ‘realistic.’
And how correct was my prediction? Right on queue, Oh Oh Oh Ozempic gaunt- face Scarika, who looked better pudgy honestly, is fucking whining to Annmarie about THE FUCKING EARRINGS AND NO APOLOGY!! I mean, did I call this shit or what?? Even Annmarie is looking at her like she can’t believe she’s still on this train.
Annmarie quickly changes the subject to Crystal. She feels there’s been no resolution on their argument about nothing.
Dorito arrives slathered in her rented labels.
Sutton is barely able to walk. I guess there was traffic, and the roadie is now empty. The champagne greeter has to help her up the steps. They exchange looks. Whatever these kids are getting paid, it’s not enough.
She’s in the ‘giddy’ early stage of drunkenness. Naturally she goes and makes herself another vodka and vodka drink.
See what I mean about the organic entertainment. Bravo could’ve cut this Annmaire/Crystal convo, along with the Kyle/Mario convo, and made this a totally light-hearted and realistic episode. Imagine that. Oh, and what happened to Denise? I’m surprised they didn’t throw her in at the end for a little comedic relief.
Erika picks up on Sutton’s intoxicated state, and says “let’s get her to buy stuff – I love the jewelry!” And no she wasn’t being sarcastic. She legit wants Sutton to buy her something. She hasn’t snagged a new sugar daddy yet, so a drunk Sutton with a credit card will do in a pinch.
OhmiGod, she has to get this into the jewelry guy “I wish I would have met you in my previous life.”
Erika- LET IT GOOOOOOOO!!! So fucking inappropriate.
What does this stupid raggedy old washed-up ho not understand about the fact that ‘your money’ over the past at least ten or fifteen years was obtained fraudulently?? Like STOP IT. STOP. IT.
Again, proven right with not needing the contrived convos for ‘entertainment’ purposes. Just put Scarika in a dress, hand her a glass, and let her rip!
She drones on in her yap about having enough of ‘fighting about jewelry’ and actually thinking she’s being witty. You can’t make this shit up. Even these Producers can’t even make this shit up. You can tell, because the crap that they do come up with, sucks ass.
Sutton attempts to fix herself another drink and fills her glass to the goddamned rim with vodka, then proceeds to pour some out, which is heartbreaking to see. You don’t pour vodka down the drain!
Not sure who this chick is that’s supervising her, maybe Annmarie’s household help/alcohol police, but Sutton keeps looking out of the corner of her eye while pouring, like why the hell is this broad eyeballing me? She tells her “that was a heavy pour.” Gee thanks Captain Obvious. I mean, it’s an entire glass of straight vodka, that she’s planning on adding a splash of her purse grapefruit juice to, that’s already mixed with vodka.
As if it wasn’t bad enough listening to Crystal apologize to Erika in last week’s episode, now we have to hear them discussing the apology.
And drum roll please, it’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for – Annmarie and Crystal have their chat, so Annmarie can go out reminding us how stupid she acted all season.
Crystal is smart by starting things off by thanking her for being there for her in Spain, when she got car sick.
Annmarie wants to “talk through their differences.” Crystal looks so over it already, and annoyed, and tells her they need to agree to disagree, and if she’s not ready to move on, let her know.
Good. She’s not admitting any guilt, and standing by what she said. I feel like this is the same stupid scenario as Potomac. Calling someone a bitch isn’t that terrible. That was actually even being kind. She wasn’t so much acting like a bitch, as she was acting like the village fucking idiot, talking incessantly about Sutton’s esophagus for HOURS.
Most people don’t like discussing their professional field at social events. I thought doctors and nurses hated it when they get randomly approached at parties about your ailments.
Annmarie doesn’t look happy to hear this. I think she expected more of an apologetic and groveling reception. It would have been better to skip this whole thing since we’re at the end, so as not to remind viewers what a ding dong she acted like for three months. But, maybe it’s by design if you know what I mean. Maybe this is bye-bye to Annmarie, and she can get back to her ‘amazing’ 8 ½ life.
I am on fire today!! But the material is just so good! I can’t even take all of the credit!
I think this scene solidified Annmarie’s exit and Crystal’s 2024 renewa, and I’m not mad about it. I have heard murmurings of Crystal being downgraded to friend, but we’ll see. Filming should be starting soon I would think, unless they’re on a break.
What is with Kyle and this fucking purse??? I get it -it’s a BirkIn, it’s an accessory, and her color pop since she’s in head to toe white (at least it’s not black for a change) but holy shit, she can’t put it down somewhere?! No one else is standing around holding their fucking purse.
And what makes this extra humorous to me, is that I just saw something online featuring Taylor Swift. and how she holds her designer satchel bags like this, and it’s supposed to exude confidence, and kind of the leader of the pack when in a group. (aka the ‘queen of the group’ – thank you Schwartz) I guess she heard this too.
This HAS to be why she’s doing this. They’re in someone’s HOUSE, with cameras and security, and millions of dollars in jewels everywhere. I think she can put it the fuck down. If someone wants to steal something, I think they’d slip a $300,000 ring into their pocket before they’d try to make off with her huge BRIGHT TEAL BirkIn bag. Fuck.
See what I mean? The entertainment happens all on it’s own, with these dumb fucking bitches.
After some laughing about BJ’s and Sutton’s date with the cute and seemingly NORMAL guy, here goes Erika again talking about HERSELF, herself, and then more of herself.
The group as a whole, would have been there for you, Erika, had you not been spewing out the most vile, heartless and repulsive rhetoric about innocent people whose money your husband stole from. She even brings up the dinner at Kathy’s from like what, three years ago?
She just doesn’t get that no one felt she was any type of mastermind behind the scam. I mean really, you can’t even use ‘mind’ and ‘Erika’ in the same sentence.
It was her attitude and selfishness and ‘me me me, it’s all about me.’ Not even any concern at all for Tom, whom she canned the second he said “Yo, Bitch, I’m broke!”
She likes to talk about what an asshole he was, and I believe her, we’ve seen evidence of that, but does she think she’s a picnic??
Also she sure didn’t mind spending ‘the asshole’s’ money. Or what she thought was the asshole’s money. Some of it was legit the asshole’s. But she doesn’t care.
Why can’t any of these broads sitting here say this? I know they’re thinking it. You can see it in their faces.
Dorito makes 100% fucking sense in her yap, but NEEDED to say these exact words IN THE SCENE, not in her confessional, with Erika nowhere around. Yes, I guess technically, months later she did watch it just like we did, but it really doesn’t mean shit at this point. She says it was very hard to be supportive of her when she showed zero empathy, barely spoke about it, and the press was relentless pointing out how Erika was benefiting greatly from stolen funds and refusing to give two fucks about anyone but herself. She even said that!
Like with no one pointing any of this out, and sitting here stone-faced and mute, it really makes her believe she’s right, and nothing about the way she’s handled any of it was incorrect. Enablers.
Like how about this? Kyle get that disgusted look off of your face, and speak up. You know, “be honest.” Isn’t that her thing?
She does tell her she never thought she was involved in the theft at the firm, nor knew exactly what was going on, but rather her attitude that’s been the problem. But she delivers this in like THE nicest and sweetest tone, so as not to ruffle her feathers.
Woman she literally said, “I don’t care about anyone else but ME.” “They’re not MY victims.” “Maybe they’re lying” and my personal favorite, “They’re MY (goddamned) earrings and I will continue to wear them!”
How about this Kyle – pretend she’s Sutton, you know someone you enjoy kicking around. “Frankly Erika we’re all really tired of this tirade you’re on of what WE did wrong, and your demand for apologies. It’s time for you to self-reflect and see what maybe YOU could have handled differently. This ruling about the earrings means absolutely nothing to us, it wasn’t the point.”
Garcelle tells her to shove it, she said what she said. I paraphrased, but good for her. She’s the only one with a back bone here that spoke up and didn’t try to climb into her asshole.
Sutton apologizes. This may be the fifth of Kettle that she just consumed, talking. But whatever. Sutton did go hard on her, but so what. Fucking so what.
Now the fucking croc tears. Looking back, I think it was Tom’s ego that didn’t allow him to tell her he couldn’t afford for her to keep spending the way she did. I’m sure he’s regretting that now.
And perhaps he thought eventually he would get some type of return on his investment, and she would start turning a profit? I don’t know. Who knows. They’ve locked that poor guy up in a home, and thrown away the key, it seems, pretending he’s too senile to stand trial, which I think is a hoax.
Erika has no interest in even checking in on him or asking about him. I would love to hear what he has to say. In fact I think she just wishes he would croak already. It’s all so horrible. Talk about a fall from grace.
What would be so entertaining, if I had the time to do this, is to watch back some of the older seasons before all of this broke, when they were still together, and listen to the way she talked and bragged endlessly about all that she had via Tom. She just literally screamed ‘tramp that married a wealthy old man.’
Sutton groveling to Erika actually makes me want to throw up.
Kyle falls in line and tells her that she’s sorry that she wasn’t defending her enough. Jesus Christ. This is a sad day in Beverly Hills.
Next week is the finale, guys. Looks like there’s some Erika Jayne event to endure, and some riveting Kyle and Mario news breaking. You know, what we’ve ALREADY KNOWN ALL FUCKING SEASON.
Sorry this got long. But funny, right??
