Real Housewives of OC 6/28/23

Emily needs to stop throwing her mom under the bus. It’s not cool at all, and not a very good look.

She thinks it’s cute, it’s not. No wonder the woman calls her toxic and doesn’t want to be around her. Didn’t she always say previously say that she struggled with depression and mental health issues? Now she’s just bitching that she was a bad mom all around, and didn’t make her breakfast. Looks like she’s making up for it, LOL. Reason #83 as to why I hate this bitch.

So this scene with New Jenn and her New Dude, Ryan was kind of cringy and unnecessary, with him massaging her ass. She discusses with him his rep for kind of getting around the OC, but how their relationship is more than that at, and how genuine and wonderful it is.

When someone has to keep saying it, it’s as if they’re trying to convince themselves.

I’m not when sure Tamra turned into this tomboy, dirt bike, dude ranch kind of girl? I guess during her hiatus?

Shannon and Gina crack me up by referring to the Osk Kosh B’Gosh clothing brand, as Osh Kosh BEE Gosh. Guess they’re missing the apostrophe after the ‘B.’ I know, it’s petty, but it was bugging me.

Gina and Shannon claim they’re ‘triggered’ by the fact that New Jenn cheated on her husband with Ryan. I mean come on, ladies, does ‘triggered’ really apply here? Do we have to keep saying triggered?

I don’t respect cheaters either. Yes, it annoys me. Especially serial cheaters. You need to get out of the marriage before you start fooling around, obviously. It’s so unfair to your partner. I’m not ‘triggered.’ Why? Because I would sound ridiculous saying that. My ex-husband cheated on me, so I get it, it sucks, but just stop with that word already. That’s all I ask. Is it a lot??

Heather corners Jenn about how long she was separated when she met Ryan (when she knows the answer.) Jenn admits that she was still in her marriage, and with her hunsband, when she met Ryan. She’s standing by her story that she was only in an ‘emotional relationship’ with him. I very much doubt that.

So here we learn that Mr. Perfect Ryan has a history of cheating and being a major fuck boy.

So New Jenn cheated on her husband with Ryan, and Ryan is known to cheat as well. A serial cheater, actually, as I call them. Okay, then. I’m trying not to judge, but I am. He admits to her that he’s never been faithful to anyone, she shares. I probably wouldn’t share that with the world, that this is who you’ve chosen to enter into a serious relationship with. Especially when you have kids, and you’re bringing this dude around your kids, and making him a part of your family.

And Jenn thinks she’s so special, and he’ll never cheat on her. Why do they always think that?

Speaking of cringy, so are the Terry and Heather scenes. They need to stop pretending their marriage is great. Nicky says “bye house” as he pulls away. Yeah well, it’s a for real ‘bye’ because they are going to be selling it shortly. Maybe he knew that.

I don’t mean to keep harping, but how ridiculous is it to put that much time and energy into a super custom home that took years to build, to only live in it for six years. She says in her yap, that’s the longest they’ve lived in one home. So in other words, they’re bored, and have to have these little ‘projects’ constantly, of building and selling houses. What happened to them building a house in Mexico as she was pretending last season?

Long story short, I can’t stand her either, along with Gemily. Why am I even watching this, you’re probably wondering. I vowed to not, if Gemily were returning, and here they are in all of their holier than thou, glory, and I’m sick of it already.

Gina HAD to know that Matt was cheating on her, in her first season. It was all so blaring and obvious. Wasn’t his office, really far from OC, and he had an apartment that he stayed in all week? And she had never even seen it, or really cared?

She seemed perfectly happy and content, to be the pampered stay-at-home wife/mom shopping all day, and not giving A shit what her husband was doing, as long as there was shopping.

So just wish she’d lose the ‘poor me’ act.

Heather wonders if it’s too late to resume her unsuccessful acting career. Sure, Heather, go out and be a third-rate unsuccessful actress a little more, why the hell not?? You have time on your hands. She’s funny. In her yap, “am I still talented, can I still do it??” She’s so serious. Who wants to tell her? So many jokes there. ‘Still’ talented?

She cries that she wants to move back to LA, due to this pretend need to go back into pretend acting. Think she’s laying the groundwork here to selling this hotel, and moving to LA, to pursue acting, and enter the next ‘phase’ of her life. Not sure if the Terry cheating issue is going to be played out. I heard she was bitching about how it was all portrayed, and she must have pressured them to cut it all out? I also think she wants to be a Beverly Hills Housewife. She can’t possibly be dumb enough to think living in LA, as opposed to OC, will make a difference in pursuing menial acting roles.

Tamra and Taylor meet for lunch or dinner, not sure which, I’m assuming dinner, and she orders this huge ass rib eye steak that looks like a pot roast.

Taylor fills Tamra in on her annoyance with Heather over this acting role in some B movie being filmed in Oklahoma, because Heather acted like the whole thing was beneath her.

I guess she could have looked over the script, right? Then if she really isn’t interested, she could have came back with, “I don’t think it’s right for me.”

So then they start gossiping about Heather’s acting gigs in the 90’s, and how it was basically mediocre. Guest star roles on sit-coms, or short-lived sit-com roles, shit like that. I wish she’d stop the facade of how she ‘gave it all up.’ Plenty of successful actresses have families. She really didn’t have much to ‘give up.’ Let’s be honest.

So Taylor shares with Tamra what Heather had said, that Taylor, as just an actress in this movie (that I’m betting goes straight to Netflix. Back in the day, it was ‘straight to video’ if it was really bad) and has no authority to just offer a part to some washed up snooty ‘actress’ that thinks she’s Meryl Streep. (who I believe also has four kids, FYI) that she happens to know. They told her that they want Heather to do a casting call and audition for the part like anyone else. Well duh.

Having said that, Heather could have told her this that day at Taylor’s house, because I think she just legit didn’t know. I don’t know how much actual ‘working’ of any type of job that this broad has ever even done. Think her ‘job’ has been trying to snag a rich guy for the past 30 years.

It’s like, say you’re maybe a mid-level exec at a large corporation, and you know there’s a job opening in your department, and you indicate to your friend, “hey this job is open and yours if you want it.” Most normal adults would be hesitant, and say “don’t I have to send my resume, and go through the interview process??

Taylor and Tamra sort of throw shade Heather’s way (I’m not mad about that) by discussing how she hasn’t really had the world’s most successful acting career. Tamra throws down more shade by pointing out that all of the OC housewives got offered a role on ‘Malibu Country’ that was dead before it even got off the ground.

They flash on that scene, which is funny, when Heather tries to pretend she knows that the other ladies were approached also. “It’s for a different part” she told Gretchen. Bullshit. She didn’t fucking know. They were probably planning on doing some Housewife spoof or something, that’s why they all called.

So the food comes, and I am flabbergasted that teeny tiny super health conscious Tamra orders this plate. Maybe she’s really extra hungry. This is something, that if Shannon or Emily ordered she would sit there with judgy hairy eye ball. It looks like an entire fucking pot roast for a family of five!!

I wonder what restaurant this is. They usually show the front of the business when the ladies are dining out.

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Shannon’s twins are funny. “No boys upstairs” she warns them as she gets ready for the Montana trip. They give each other side eye. I like the twins. They have Shannon’s sense of humor, whereas the older one is super serious and dry (boring) like David.

Shannon jokes that she’s going to put cameras in the house. “I feel like that’s illegal.” (to put cameras in your own home??) Not sure whose brains she got.

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It’s Tamra’s birthday, and I see Eddie is still doing the shoe thing. So freaking hilarious.

I remember Tamra making fun of him previously, “Birthday? Shoes! Anniversary? Here’s some more shoes. Christmas – yep shoes!!”

Not that I wouldn’t appreciate some LV’s as a gift, don’t get me wrong, it’s just an odd thing for a dude to buy his wife constantly. I can see once if you picked them out and told him specifically this is what I want, or he happens by a pair that scream your name – but for a dude to enjoy buying ladies shoes, I don’t know, it smells fishy. And there always have been the gay rumors. Just sayin.’ He lools more excited about them than she is.

I was waiting for her to ridicule him in her yap again, but she doesn’t. Guess he didn’t see that episode.

They look like biker boots. Since she’s now this bad ass bike bitch – or so she thinks.

We listen to them all whining in their yaps, how they’re not big country and nature gals.

As if we don’t know that. Gina is the most annoying.

Emily is not participating because she tested positive for a fake virus, with a fake test, after she got four fake vaccines. Got it. I’m not that sad though. I will not miss her. She doesn’t feel sick she says. Well, see above.

She’s so arrogant that she sends a video message, because that is so much easier than a group text.

Maybe work on your ‘charity’ for people jailed for crimes that they didn’t commit ?? That was a crock of shit publicity stunt, and “oh I’m such a do gooder” from last season.

Gina dresses terrible. I know this outfit was just for the plane ride, but still, you should try to look cute. I think she did try. And why would you want to wear something this short on an airplane? And white??

Is it a white romper, or short dress, with a blazer and high black boots? I kind of see what she was going for, but she missed the mark. With jeans or jean shorts, it would have been cute. Also she’s really stepped up her STUPID TEENAGE MID 2000’S TWANG, ESPECIALLY IN HER YAPS. SHE SOUNDS LIKE AN IDIOT.

Is this the same blazer she wore last season where she looked like her head wasn’t attached to her neck, when she ridiculed and mean girled Shannon to death like a spoiled 6^th grader, at an event?

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The room assignments are now happening, and seems Shannon is being the most high maintenance. This just seems like such a stupid waste of energy to be that concerned about which room you stay in, and that it has to be the biggest, when every room is large and bougie. And they only stay for a night or two.

I don’t buy Tamra being all desperate to have Shannon back as a bestie, and that she misses her and loves her, and all of this love bombing she’s been doing. Seems like it might just be her ‘story line.’

I just never saw her as this sincere.

Also, I just don’t think Taylor wants to stay in the house with Heather, when she complains about ‘hormones’ and the many windows in her assignerd room, and agrees to move to the smaller house.

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Another fashion police moment on my part. Why oh WHY, would you wear dresses and skirts to ride a mechanical bull??? Heather opts out over some flimsy excuse, when it’s actually because of what she did to Tamra several years ago when she had one of these at one of her parties.

She and Tamra were having a tiff, and guessing Heather was having her ‘Urban Cowboy’ moment, and told the operator to jack up the speed, (remember Sissy’s love interest does that to John Travolta’s character) and Tamra fell off and broke her arm. The mic caught how she had told the operator to turn it up. That sort of got swept under the rug for some reason. Can you even FATHOM if the tables were turned and someone did that to her?? She would be suing the bull operator, the company that provided the bull, Bravo, the homeowner, Andy, Andy’s mom for giving birth to him… I’m right, I am.

I just don’t get Bravo bringing her back. What does she even bring to the show? I enjoyed her on exactly one episode of last season, and that’s when she was doing edibles. No lie.

Another reason why I whole heartedly believe that she pushed the camera dude last season, and Noella was telling the truth. This is the shit she’s capable of, and she does not care.

Shannon seems to be in some sort of moody panic about not being ready, and tells the girls to go ahead without her. I guess she was faking all of this anxiety to get ready for later?

So another Housewife vintage OC flashback, when Tamra tried to drive that dune buggy at a very high rate of speed, thinking she was a bad ass, on the beach and immediately crashed it. Maybe that incident is why I’m reluctant to buy her as this biker bitch. I would be worried too if I were Heather with her behind the wheel of this contraption.

Okay Heather, shut UP! When Tamra is riding the bull, she keeps saying “slowly, very slowly, she likes it slow” as total over compensation for the fact that she claims she didn’t have any ill intent when she had it cranked up. She’s such a fucking liar, and deceitful bitch. Zero credibility. Asshole.

I’m not buying this, and hopefully you’re not either. She’s also a horrible actress.

These ranch people probably think they’re the complete idiots for wearing tight short skirts. Either that or they wanted to show these hicks their lady parts?? Tamra needs more attention and wants to do it again. Shannon arrives and opts out.

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They’re having a ranchy picnic dinner, and Gina understands her assignment, and pretends to bond with New Jenn, so it will be even more fun to tear her down. They were both flight attendants. Why does that not surprise me of Gina?

You know, like last season with Shannon, when they all were out having margs (Gemily and Shannon) telling her how happy they were to have worked things out and to be friends. I mean, ‘friends.’

Taylor rolls out that she’s bi-sexual. Okay. I don’t care, I just don’t really think that she is, and she thinks it sounds cool. I see Heather is keeping quiet, so far, about her kids this season, and how they all seem to be exploring their different sexualities. Her youngest now identifies as a boy.

Taylor had a five year relationship with a woman prior to marrying the dude that offed himself.

Jenn’s ‘tell us about yourself’ moment, and she shares she was a flight attendant and that’s how she met her ex-husband.

What’s kind of funny about her and her ex is, that when they met, Jenn lived in Oklahoma, and he was from OC, and she moved to OC to be with him. Now she’s in OC, and he moved to Oklahoma to work in her family business.

Anyway, she met him on a flight, and not sure why it matters, but Gina asks if he was on First Class. Trying to identify her as a gold digger perhaps?? Is she projecting? Some people ask questions I would just never think to ask.

Maybe Gina became a flight attendant to meet a rich guy in a First Class seat, clackity clacking on his computer and looking important. At any rate, Jenn’s husband was still in law school when they met, so probz couldn’t afford that First Class ticket yet, Gina. But hey thanks for asking such pertinent questions. You can actually tell a lot about a person by the type of questions that they ask you.

I always hated (when I was married) “what does your husband do??” Such a stupid and superficial question. Also it’s not 1950.

Shannon leaves the table because her ‘sitter’ for the twins didn’t show up. The ladies question why isn’t John keeping an eye on them? And why do they need a sitter if they’re 18? (that’s exactly why) What about their dad, is what I would have said. They’re not her boyfriend’s responsibility. Wondering if David divorced that gold digging little troll he married five minutes after he divorced Shannon?

So she made that up, and she’s “amping up the fun” she says, and is changing into a Saloon Girl outfit. Shannon loves her a themed outfit. I can identify. She looks cute. Fun Shannon has arrived. Let’s just hope it’s not ‘too fun’ Shannon if ya get my drift. Gina seems to be sticking with the non drinking plan so far.

So a few drinks in, and Taylor I guess, gets the nerve to address with Heather that she felt slighted about her non interest in this ‘movie.’

Heather dismisses that, and then explains what her expectation was when being offered a role. This is her area of expertise, since you know, she’s done all of those one episode guest star roles back in 1999. On second rate TV shows, that promptly got cancelled. Well, they smooth it all over.

Until…

Tamra then asks Taylor if she let Heather know that she does have to try out for it, and Taylor admits – “well, no.”

Is this even relevant?? I doubt she was sincere in saying she’s willing to look at the script, and give it consideration. And I’m even starting to doubt there is a movie at all, honestly.

Heather scoffs at the fact that the director wants her to send a casting tape. So she’s in her yap ridiculing Taylor. I thought we just went over this. Taylor admitted she didn’t know the protocol.

Now Heather is in full-on Heather mode, and laughs that her IMDB wasn’t good enough, but Taylor’s is.

It’s funny to me that these women are actually getting older, unless they’re Benjamin Buttons, but with each passing season, they sound more and more immature. This sounds like a convo girls have when auditioning for a high school play.

Tamra blabs that they had pulled up her IMDB (internet movie database) at their dinner.

Taylor tries to now save face and say “you’ve done a lot of stuff” when at the huge meat dinner, she actually said that her list of acting experiences is ‘quite short.’

I have to give Gina credit where credit is due. Her yap session assessing this situation, about this nonexistent movie, is funny and spot on. Heather is acting like she got her Oscars taken away from her.

Taylor is still sticking with her ‘she’s so impressed by her career’ story, and tells her that she’s “shocked” the casting people would even need to bahhhhhthaaaa with a casting tape, when she’s done “so much.”

Heather wags her long bony finger and calls this comment ‘punitive.’ Which means punishment, not sure she even used it correctly. I thinks she meant ‘petty.’ Check out Heather sticking with her last season rhetoric I see. Gina has her last season checkered blazer, and Heather has her last season pissy verbiage. Just using it in the wrong context.

Now she makes fun of Taylor for using ‘pedigree’ as pointing out her experience. Tamra calls her out for lying about being impressed with her experience.

Nice. Tamra is being such a dick, because she was throwing shade at Heather too.

Here we go again, she put her “entire life on hold” to raise her kids. I don’t think that’s the correct way to put it – ‘my career on hold’ is what she’s trying to say, which also isn’t accurate because she had no ‘career.’ You can still have kids and be an actress. I would take the time to look up various successful actresses, and see how many kids they have, but why bother? We know she’s full of shit.

This is going to be a tough road ahead for Taylor. She keeps trying to back peddle, but it’s not working. And out comes the long-ass bony finger again. Heather chews her up and spits her out. She’s being very defensive because she knows her acting ‘career’ has not been that impressive. I mean obviously, or she wouldn’t be a Housewife.

And you know, once Heather thinks she’s been screwed over, there ain’t no turnin’ back.

Taylor is the 2023 Noella.