Finale- and there is no reunion again, which I have my thoughts and opinions about because coincidentally, it’s another captain Sandy situation, and they canceled last season’s BD when she stepped in for Captain Lee.
True, she didn’t act like a fucking tyrannical dictator, and she wasn’t creeping on any of the girls, not even Lara, so I really did expect to have a reunion. I’m not buying that they can’t get their schedules together. They can film these from anywhere. They haven’t done them in person, since the scamdemic, so that’s really a piss poor fucking excuse. There seems to be something going on. Bravo stop playing with us! Just stop. We’re Bravo viewers, we’re smart.!!
The activity for these poor stranded-at-the-dock guests is lunch in Portofino.
I don’t know how many times Sandy has to fucking tell these dumb motherfuckers that the water is too dangerous for them to leave the dock.
There are no waves at the fucking dock. These assholes are neurosurgeons, I’m just reminding you all. Neurosurgeons.
Maybe they’re starting to get it, as they drive past a usually busy area that has absolutely no boats.
Of all people to send to Portofino with the guests, which basically is just a four hour break, for the crew that accompanies them, Sandy sends Kyle, who basically just came back from sleeping for two straight fucking days.
Sandy really has no idea what’s going on with this fucking crew, does she?
She keeps insisting how Kyle and Tumi are some kind of fucking ‘dream team’ and that Kyle is so fucking entertaining and engaging to the guests.
Sandy, get a clue. He barely utters two words, and if he does, he sounds annoyed. Sandy needs to fucking step it up and start paying attention. It seems like she’s not lurking around corners, and eavesdropping as much as she usually does, so maybe that’s why she’s now clueless. Does she have a happy medium?
Listening to brainless Jessika talk about Luka is so excruciating. This girl sets women back about 100 years.
Lily and Max are to be organizing this foam party, another lame activity to keep the guests’ minds off of not leaving the dock. Watching the two of them together, just carrying the crap to the pool, you already know it’s going to be trouble.
To me a foam party doesn’t really sound like that much fun. Maybe when I was 10??
I feel like when Lily is around Max, she loses like all of her fucking brain cells, and dumbs herself down to be on his level.
I don’t know why they just didn’t take them to the beach to hang out on the first day instead of that pathetic boat ride around the dock, looking at shipping containers. If I got to this dumb fucking pool full of fucking soap overlooking the ocean, I would’ve been pissed off.
Who wants to get into a nasty ass soapy pool? I’d much rather get into the nasty ass ocean.
So Max was not able to figure out how to make the foam machine work due to his severe ADD, and possible mild autism.
Just the way this kid acts, it should’ve been a clue that he wasn’t the one to send to handle this. Lily and Max are actually fun and entertaining. They should’ve been the ones with the guests.
Giving credit where credit is due, if I have to, Kyle reads the (not complicated) directions and has the foam going within a few minutes.
But do we really need to give him accolades, because this is literally the first fucking notable thing he did all season, and this is the last fucking charter.
He should probably stop being so fucking smug.
He looks like he’s really enjoying manning this foamer. He looks really – excited, Jeez. Where was thing weeks ago?
I wish Jess would stop with this ‘I’m a follower’ schtick. It’s getting old. It’s like she’s just asking to come off as stupid.
Nat and Luka have kicked their flirty texting into high gear. She’s going to be arriving on the next crew night out just for a little added, you know, drama and what not. It’s what we’re doing now when someone exits.
He’s also communicating with Katie Flood.
For those of you who were watching Winter House, and I sort of was. I had it on while I was working, but wasn’t paying attention, and I wasn’t recapping it. It’s just one big giant orgy, a lot like what Below Deck is starting to become. Well, Katie flood was hooking up with VPR’s Schwartz on the last season. Now she’s looking to bone Luka. It’s those sweet quiet ones you gotta look out for.
It’s so funny how Kyle has finally come to life, on the last fucking charter. I guess that two day nap did wonders.
He sees on Luka’s phone that he’s texting Katie, and he tells Jess.
I don’t know that Kyle’s legs could be any whiter, honestly. I know I’m being petty and bitchy, but I don’t care. It’s Kyle. I just don’t can’t fathom how he hasn’t managed to get a little sunlight on those tree trunks in the past ten years.
At least use some self tanner.
I can’t stand the sound of Sandy‘s voice. I wish they’d replace her with another female captain. One that’s not so fucking creepy and phony maybe.
Nothing she says sounds genuine to me, especially when she’s doling out fake compliments.
Nat texts Luka – “tell your girlfriend her services won’t be needed anymore.” Wow, Natalya, slutty much???
Pursuing a dude that you know is seeing or hooking up with someone else, is so fucking skanky to me. Fucking gross, and shows a lack of morals. Yuckkkghhhhh.
But I guess when you have no couth, and no respect whatsoever for relationships and commitments, then that’s just what you do.
I don’t know how any dude can actually respect a woman like that. I guess if he’s getting laid, he just doesn’t really think about it. That’s a dude with no morals, coupled with a woman with no morals. Hmmm.
So Jess has the info about Luka texting Katie and starts giving him an attitude, and tells him she doesn’t want to go to France with him. She’s being all pissy and I don’t know that he really cares.
I know they were just having a fling, I get that, but he could’ve let her know that he was communicating with two other girls.
Jess is chugging Patron straight from the bottle. I guess if you’re gonna guzzle tequila from the bottle, Patron would be the one.
I’m really proud of Sandy for not creeping out the girls this season, the way she did with Chef Rachel.
I hope one day Rachel has enough courage to speak out. I know she made her feel really uncomfortable, and Rachel is trying to not cause problems with her. I think Sandy is the reason she decided to quit doing the show.
I spoke too soon on my last recap of how Kyle went an entire 24 hours without being ‘triggered’ and sobbing, and now here he is, ‘triggered’ and sobbing due to Natalya’s arrival.
My god, this dude is a fucking pussy. I don’t care if he’s gay, that doesn’t mean he has to act like this much of a fucking pussy. Also, he dresses really bad for a gay guy.
Absolutley not following this angst that he claims to have over Natalya. They had one fucking argument, of which he was the antagonist and the aggressive one.
Weirdo thinks he makes sense, I really think he does.
Nat arrives wearing almost nothing, and immediately embraces and kisses. Luka. Jess is immediately perturbed, which is understandable, while Kyle begins to pretend to unravel, which is not understandable.
Jessika approaches some random dude, and tells him she’s from Jessika from Hawaii, and starts making out with him. Luka doesn’t really care, and he’s laughing as he continues to hang all over Natalya. She doesn’t mention Mr. Open Relationship. I guess it doesn’t really matter if it’s an open relationship.
Frenchy literally picks Jess up and peels her off of random guy and gets her out of that situation, since she is shitfaced. Kyle and his albino legs are in a corner weeping.
Nat approaches Kyle, but do we really even care about this dynamic right now? It’s the last episode, and she’s been off the boat. We know Kyle‘s a big fucking crybaby and looking for pity.
Jess and Luka hook up when they get back to the boat.
******
It’s departure day from the musty Mustique. Sandy sends Lily out to have her leg looked at, since she wiped out in a bunch of rocks on the beach.
I don’t foresee us seeing her back, and there’s no reunion, so this is probably the last we see of Lily, unfortunately.
I’m hoping it’s the last we see of Tumi and Kyle, but probably not.
The goodbye’s, aside from Kyle’s with Sandy being overly dramatic, didn’t really seem as heartfelt as they usually do. I feel like everyone was just like, “byeeeeeee, smell ya later!”
Kyle is crying and emotional as he says goodbye to Sandy. Shocker.
I cannot see this dude as a chief stew. Getting so irritated with these random unqualified stews suddenly being the chief stews. My God, he has at least twelve personalities, cries and has a nervous breakdown every other day. He reminds me of someone I know, and DO NOT MISS.
He’s someone else’s problem now. And I can’t think of anyone more deserving of the job.
Everybody’s really loving on Captain Creepy this season. She was less creepy. I’ll give her that.
She didn’t set the departments up as opposing teams in order to pit them against each other. She didn’t constantly tell the interior how extraordinary the deck crew is, like she usually does, causing hard feelings and animosity between the departments.
She didn’t pick on Kyle for being gay like she did Fraser.
Baby steps. Guess the bitch is learning.
