Do we really need the scenes of 80 year old Patricia getting brought martini’s and ordering a butler around? I guess they’re trying to keep her (and Whitney) relevant on the show.
We have Madison dropping in to make sure she’s still mentioned in the will.
She looks like a little rolypoly, in a cute way. I would love Madison, except that she’s such an asshole.
She fills Pat in on the Craig/Salley/Charley love triangle. Why she cares we do no know. She has her martini so I doubt she’s even listening to her.
Craig prepares for his Memorial Day party, except it’s on a Wednesday as we later learn, much to Whitler’s dismay, or whatever the hell his name is. In all fairness he’s probably the only one with a 9 – 5 job.
Craig tries to credit Paige for being this great ‘party planner’ and I certainly didn’t see that. She didn’t even know last year whether or not to start serving dinner as soon as everyone arrives (which is no in case you’re not aware.)
She suggested umbrellas. What a genius. Craig tells his assistant he wants to host but he’s going to let the ‘yard itself’ be the host. Ummmm. What??
And people can pick ‘tomatoes and peppers’ if they wish, as an activity? His assistant has a chuckle at that, that seems to go right over Craig’s head.
I wish he’d stop mentioning Paige. Can you even fathom what this is already doing to her already-inflated head?
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Austen has fled to where Audrey lives in Charlotte. You notice how he got off his ass to make the trip instead of her making it when he wanted to make this dramatic exit, and statement of not attending Craig’s party. He kissed and made up with Shep, however he’s still pissed at Craig for the birthday party blow-up.
Venita praises Shep and talks shit on Craig.
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Molly is a great singer. I think she should focus on that and not that silly fart tuba trumpet playing. She reminds me of Jewel.
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Salley bakes a cake with Charley. This season is reminding me of Shahs of Sunset’s last season, so that’s a bad sign. (Did you hear they’re coming back as ‘Shahs in the Valley’ or something like that?)
Why is she making Charley help her? It’s excruciating.
Salley tells her how much she’s into Craig (supposedly) which is strange because Charley is also into Craig (supposedly.)
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Craig sets up for his party. We’ll see how this pans out without Paige’s party organizing expertise. I’m being sarcastic.
Shep arrives first (in pink shorts with a patriotic shirt but I’m not judging) and breaks it to Craig that Austen will not be in attendance. Craig is very confusingly irate over this even though they’re ‘fighting’ and he’s been talking shit on him for ten minutes.
Venita ‘doesn’t like Craig’ (literally so over hearing that – usually when a woman run around claiming she doesn’t ‘like’ a guy it’s because she DOES like him if you get my drift.) She tries to sell that she’s attending his soiree to be a good sport, when we all know it’s because she gets serious FOMO, also she has a crush on Craig and wants to be around him.
Whitler gets his dig in about the weekday afternoon party. Welcome to Reality TV dude. No one has fucking jobs. THIS is their job.
Also the camera crew probably didn’t work over the actual Memorial Day weekend, so there’s that. If this dude wants to be on the show he needs to adjust h is work schedule.
Madison arrives and talks about her boobs within the first three minutes. TOLD YOU. She always does that.
She puts glitter all over them then scolds Craig for looking at them.
“I heard she’s (Salley) talking shit about my vagina” was an actual statement out of Molly’s mouth to Venita. Apparently rumors are being ‘spread’ about her lady parts. No pun intended.
I do think this is the last season of Southern Charm, and that’s fine.
Venita admits to gossiping to Salley about her ‘work’ down there and how it’s rumored some dude paid for it.
So is it considered ‘vaginal rejuvenation’ to get your labia cut off? Since when?? I feel like that’s the opposite of ‘rejuvenation.’ That would remove all sensation. Why would a man pay for that for a woman? So confused. So very confused.
Rodrigo just sit this one out. What is with that little ‘heh’ sneer he does in his yaps when he’s being bitchy? Yes we know Rodrigo, you do not want to discuss vaginas. We get it. Lose the snooty snippy remarks with that weird dismissive grunt.
Venita profusely apologizes for gossiping about her vajayjay, and who paid to butcher it, but Molly doesn’t seem to receive it.
Venita and Salley have some weird moment, then Molly and Salley bitch each other out and say ‘vagina’ like thirty-two times in two minutes.
Shep announces he’s changing into his Speedo. I’d rather kekep talking about Molly’s vag and chopped labia then see that. Looks like Shep is the one that needs a ‘rejuvenation.’
Venita, girl I’m really trying but you make no fucking sense spouting off non-stop about your hatred for Craig, and here you are at his party. If this is supposed to be ‘reality’ then you shouldn’t be worried about being filmed, if you have this much disdain for the dude. WHY ARE YOU AT HIS HOUSE? She sounds like a fucking fucktard.
Jesus. I can’t.
Craig and Madison have a discussion about his drinking and whether or not he’s ‘okay.’ Madison seems to really care about Craig, but it’s Madison so does she??
I don’t want to discuss Shep and the Speedo.
After Salley clarifies she’s going to continue ‘hanging out’ with Craig, Venita is a giant buzzkill, and leaves in a huff.
So Salley has spent several nights at Craig’s ‘in the hot tub’ but he’s yet to make a move.
God not Patricia’s ‘guys dinner’ next week.
