So the beach convo is wrapping up with Jesse and Ciara, who by the way, I’m 99.9% positive that they are currently dating/hooking up whatever you want to call it. I was pretty sure when she was on WWHL a few weeks ago stoned, and acting sketchy when asked about him.
Then last night on WWHL when Jesse was asked if if he thinks he’s ‘friend zoned’ by her, (was that a real question – it’s easy to see she’s completely into him) he said they’re now “even better friends.”
Even better friends? You don’t even have to read between the lines with that one.
You know when a man and woman that are supposed ‘friends’ are ate each other’s throats like they’ve been, if you’re an adult, you see that is sexual tension and they were clearly into each other. Like fucking duhhhh.
Tired of always being right.
You don’t have to agree with me, but I am right.
And he’s going to stomp all over her heart because he’s using her for some booty because she’s hot as fuck and runs around half-naked constantly.
You really think Ciara is someone he wants to take home to mom. Just like Lexi was not someone he wanted to take home to mom either. He does not think either of these girls are good enough for him. Period.
Surely Lexi HAS to be picking up on the fact that they’re into each other. Like if your man is in these petty arguments non-stop with another woman, would you not be like, what the fuck is going on. Let’s use our heads here.
So back to this. Jesse is such a fake-ass phony. “It hurts when you call me a two-faced liar.” Boo fucking hoo Jesse. Who in their right mind believes that he is ‘hurt?’
And I wish they would stop talking about how great of ‘friends’ they are. It’s ridiculous. Like when did this even happen? When she was hooking up with West? Women usually aren’t ‘great friends’ with the best buddy of the guy they’re seeing. That’s weird.
Did they like hang out in the ten months between filming two summers ago and last summer? No. I am sure NOT.
It’s mind-boggingly asinine. This conversation is asinine. Men and women are not ‘friends.’ Have we never seen ‘When Harry Met Sally?’
Jesse with this dumbfounded and fake butt-hurt feelings look on his face the entire time, with Ciara being dramatic, and her hands flailing around as if this idiot should be taken seriously for one fucking second.
I’m over THIS.
“I don’t call people my friend just to say they’re my friend.”
Well clearly you do Ciara, if you’re referring to this fucking dufas as your ‘friend.’
It seems like an overcompensating statement, as she reassures him “I’m not mad or upset that you’re in a relationship.”
Are you SURRRE? You’re not at all mad or upset, as you sound and look quite mad and upset.
Is this a joke? It almost seems like skit on TikTok making fun of them, or an SNL parody.
Someone should parody this scene for real.
Can we drop the cancer lunch ‘joke.’ Clearly the dude’s timing was off and it didn’t land. Can we JUST. MOVE. ON? Ciara we know you want him. We know. It’s okay. We see he love bombs, and it’s flattering.
We don’t totally get it, but we know you go for big giant fucking dufases. You just mixed it up this time, and didn’t go for an albino.
Why are we pretending like it’s normal for a guy with a girlfriend to be worrying SO MUCH about his ‘friendship’ with another hot single girl??
He’s only known her for a year at this point, keep in mind. I know he’s trying to act like they’ve been friends since like high school.
Your average normal woman or girl who is not even the jealous type, regardless of age, would be losing her shit over their husband or boyfriend so fixated on a ‘friendship’ with another girl. Like I can’t. This is SO ridick.
Lexi is clearly annoyed but trying not to be because I think she’s trying to come off as cool with all of this, but she’s really not. And she’s not crazy for being annoyed.
And as I predicted, it ends with Ciara being suddenly ‘fine’ and they hug.
“Do I feel salty? Yes, but I’ll get over it…”
Then this face from Jesse:
I have no more words. I wasted so much time on this nonsense.
This is why guys walk all over her.
He calls her ‘spicy’ and says this is why he ‘likes her so much’ and tells her she’s amazing. All perfectly normal. Lexi must be INSANE to be pissed at this, right?
That’s extreme sarcasm.
******
Back at the house, why can’t they go into Lexi’s room?
And then the fact that he’s caressing her arm like that, while talking about Ciara? It’s fucking wack! Any female that’s taking this man’s side, has to be in a full-on abusive relationship. And poor Lexi, is trying really hard to not be jealous or suspicious.
And what’s with those toe pedi things on his feet? Andy was making fun of him on WWHL and he tried to act like it was the most normal fucking thing.
Amanda is funny. “Oh you meant TikTok? I thought you wanted to talk?”
Silly girl. Do you think Paige would actually TALK to you?
All she wants to do is sit and scroll on her fucking phone. Because that’s what people with no depth do. She’s probably looking at her own TikToks.
I think her and Amanda are fake friends anyway. Paige accidentally let it slip early in the season with something that she said that definitely made it sound like they don’t even talk for ten months until cameras are picked up in July – September.
Can’t Ciara even move her messy suitcase off to the side so it’s not constantly visible in their bed scenes? Is she that lazy?
Dunkin’ Donuts? Really? Yuck. I can’t even believe there is one located in the fucking Hamptons. That’s really sad.
Sprinkles? And they’re actually excited about it? I’m not judging, I’m not judging, I’m not judging.
******
So Jesse and Ciara have this you know, completely platonic ‘date’ for the US Open. That I am sure NO GIRLFRIEND would ever have a problem with her guy doing.
You all see how Lexi was being set up for failure right?
******
Okay so moving on. Amanda has her swimsuit collab launch thing in the city.
I was a little surprised how little they covered this, but then again, it really is just South Moon Under slapping her name on a couple suits they pretended to have her tweak. She didn’t ‘design’ anything.
And naturally she would wear red gingham bloomers to something like this.
I get it, it’s casual, but bloomers, when the focus is on you?? I’m still trying to figure out what her style is. The denim top is cute, but should have been with a long flowey or cute short skirt. I guess I should be rejoicing she’s not in white, beige or brown. Red is a good color on her.
Lindsay is more dressed up than she is. Don’t fall over, but she actually covered her stomach for this. So it MUST be a special occasion.
Gabby is dressed like she’s going to the beach, which I get what she was trying to do, it’s a swim wear unveiling. But weird.
It’s hard to believe all of these women are at the same event with the way they’re dressed. I don’t know what the fuck Paige has going on. She claims she tried to ‘dress like Amanda’ but doesn’t seem like she’s dressed like Amanda at all.
She needs to be in huge baggy jeans and a white T-shirt, or a shit colored dress.
I have to tell everyone everything.
Did anyone think the interaction between Jesse and West was weird where Jesse keeps complimenting and reassuring West how handsome he is and maybe should lose the beard and stache?? And then they do that pinkie swear kiss in the car? So fucking weird.
For two gay guys, great. Perfectly fine. For two straight guys, weird. So I don’t know. Do the math. Not that there’s anything wrong with it.
Then they start talking about Jesse and Lexi’s constant back and forth, breaking up and making up relationship.
Yawn. Can we go back to talking about how cute Jesse thinks West is. That was almost less uncomfortable.
Jesse talks about how he ‘hung with’ Ciara at the US Open. As if that’s perfectly normal, not to beat a dead horse.
Okay so back to this ‘Amanda Batula Swim’ event, which seems to be more about the love affair between Jesse and West, Jesse and Lexi, and Jesse and Ciara… I guess someone is getting First Chair.
Kyle introduces Amanda. He seems drunk with his yelling gibberish at Carl, but whatever.
Amanda brags how she casually mentioned on the show last year that she wants to design swimwear, and poof here we are. Must be nice to be a Bravoleb.
Again with the big breasts thing. Not seeing anything on the website of these suits that’s any different from any other bikini top, that it’s accommodating her MASSIVE tits, but okay. Let’s just roll with it, and pretend like her breasts, and these bikini tops are so unique. If that’s what she needs.
******
So next week is the finale, and we’re headed to the Hamps for the last weekend of the season.
I feel like I wrote a lot and we’re only 11 minutes in. This could be a two-parter guys.
West and Jesse of course are practically making out in their black SUV on the way to the house. They do some ‘pinky promise’ disturbing weirdness and kiss each other’s hands that it’s going to be a guys’ only weekend, until Jesse realizes he’s not going to be allowed to do that and breaks poor West’s heart.
Jesse and Lexi are purposely riding separate so they talk about each other of course.
Lexi shares with Lindsay and Gabby that she invited Jesse over to her place to meet a friend of hers, and of course her mom and sister were there.
Pretty sure mom has left dad, but whatever, that’s neither here nor there.
Jesse declined because I’m sure he feels awkward around her mom and sister.
Kind of understandable, so hating like hell to take his side. I kind of get it. It’s his own doing, but I get it.
Of all things to say to get out of the invitation, he says he’s getting a manicure. At 9pm.
I know it’s the city that never sleeps and all, but first of all, a manicure? (to be fair he did have pedi toe separators on in the scene canoodling with Lexi with West on the other bed.)
And second of all, that’s what you’re doing 9:00 at night?
Like just say you don’t want to come. Be a man already. I can’t stand men that can’t fucking MAN UP. Just say what the fuck you wanna say. When you fuck up, say it. When your ugly miserable jealous wife fucks up, say it!
You don’t need to be a dick about it, but say it. Be man enough to tell her you’re too much of a pussy (that’s a little contradictory but whatever) to face her mom and sister after they bitched you out a week ago.
Being a man must be horrible. Especially one that stopped emotionally maturing at six.
Jesse tells West in the car he’s excited to date Lexi outside of the house and the cameras.
It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that he’s so completely full of shit and rambling for the camera.
Lexi shares that she’s done dealing with this guy, thinks he’s a compulsive liar (I agree) and she’s dumping him again when they arrive at the house. So riveting. She’s going to dump him, and he’s going to pretend to care. Can’t wait.
I feel like it’s noteworthy to add that Lindsay again, has her stomach covered in clothing.
I don’t know what is with the blazer. Did she just come from a very important conference?
All of Lexi’s chaos and drama all summer has come from him? What? No! You cannot be serious.
Do they all have to hug each other when they arrive to the house? Didn’t they all just see each other?
Sorry I’m being bitchy because this is just getting so ridiculous.
I guess we do have Imrul this weekend. Last week seems he was there, but edited out.
Amanda brags about her bathing suit line, and claims she hates talking about it.
It’s not really ‘her line’ but let’s let her have this. She’s like placating a child.
Her meds probably have her convinced she actually designed these bathing suits.
Carl brings sandwiches and pastries from his future ‘soft bar’ cafe. They barely get touched. West eats one.
They’re doing mobile pop-ups before the actual location opens.
Lindsay made some over the top Lindsay-like windy IG post about how superb her life is now in comparison to last year. She does love talking about herself.
And is anyone surprised? This is the anniversary of Carl dumping her the previous year.
So this whole thing falls right in line with my theory, so thank you Lindsay for proving me right, I love being right.
When you’re truly happy, you don’t have to tell everyone how happy you are.
If you’re smart, you don’t have to tell everyone how smart you are. If you’re rich, you don’t have to tell everyone how rich you are… You know the drill.
This post shows that Lindsay is not really happy. Yeah I guess she’s relieved she’s having a kid, finally, at 38 to some fucking randy, so she doesn’t feel like a spinster, but is she really happy? No. She’s bitter and angry and hates everyone.
She credits herself for being pregnant and succeeding at her dreams, since she accomplished getting pregnant.
What you have to do to get pregnant, isn’t really not that impressive or difficult.
She brags about her ‘freedom dinner’ that she is hosting. With sandwiches. Not sure if it’s a play on the ‘how many sandwiches have you made for ME?’ thing or not.
I have to go ahead and agree with Carl. If you feel you have to post on social media something like that, and bring someone down in the process, there’s something very dark and disturbing about that.
I’m paraphrasing but that’s the gist.
I’m just so over Lindsay Hubbard. Anyone else? Yeah I guess she’s great TV, as they say, because she’s a fucking wacko. I’m just done with the delusion. It’s so embarrassing. Her universe is her own universe.
She gets pissy with West who means to tell her that he saw it, but didn’t actually read it (because it’s a mile long) but I think he says it backwards and Lindsay gets all defensive. He said “I read it but didn’t see it.”
“I don’t know what your point was West.”
Okay calm down lady. There was no point, except addressing the elephant, that it was seen. Fuck. You WANTED everyone to see it right??
She’s really trying this season to be nice and normal, but The Real Shady Lindsay keeps rearing her ugly head. We’ve seen enough glimpses to know she’ll be back next year! Most likely hitting the bottle again.
Why so defensive? Do we have a weird complex about such a long detailed fucking insane IG post about how happy we are?
To get back at Carl??
I feel like all she did was reassure him that he made the right decision.
Like good luck Turner. This is your monkey and your circus now. No one else wants it, believe me.
All kidding aside what is with her and these ‘timelines?’
I would love for a therapist to break that shit down. It’s definitely not normal.
Amanda sort of makes fun of it being a novel. She takes that better than she did when West just told her he fucking saw it.
She does hate West though. She was super bitchy to him last season when she knew him for all of two seconds, and he was nicely asking her what room she wanted.
Lexi is scheming about what ‘private’ (in front of cameras) spot in the house she wants to dump Grover at.
Looks like ‘Kyle and Amanda’s balcony’ wins. Didn’t know they had their own balcony. Never saw them using it. Not surprising.
Anyway not the point.
The girls encourage Lexi to just do it now. Rip the band-aid off. Stop yammering about it and do it.
Stay tuned for Part 2!!
