Dear Bravo:
What is the exact reason we need fucking Schwartz ‘guest starring’ on Summer House? What does this man bring to the table? What is interesting about this dude when he’s not getting screamed at by Katie or BlaBla?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
He’s a good guy though, and can be witty. So, whatever.
This was the week Amanda rolled out her swim colab with South Moon Under. Which to be clear is not her ‘designing’ swim wear, but an already established label putting her name on some styles that she supposedly ‘approved’ or tweaked ever so slightly.
But still cool. It’s something of her own, separate from Loverboy, and making her feel like she’s doing something.
https://www.southmoonunder.com/shop/swim/amanda-batula-swim
Why is Amanda acting like she’s the only woman on earth with boobs? And that no swim suit ever has been made for boobs? And she acts like she has enormous breasts.
I would say the opposite is true. Women’s clothes, especially bathing suits are made for having bigger boobs.
Women’s clothing in general will only fit you perfectly if you are average height 5’4” – 5’6” and have boobs. So if you’re petite (or very tall I assume) with small breasts, you’re fucked. Anything Amanda buys should fit her perfectly. She’s not a body type that’s hard to fit, so I wish she’d stop acting like that. It’s getting on my nerves.
Paige is actually the one that’s petite and small boned with an odd body shape (long legs and short torso) and you never hear her say a word. She probably wants to smack Amanda upside the head when she ‘complains’ about her body and that clothes don’t fit her because of her ‘big boobs.’
Done with that rant. She shouldn’t be surprised she’s getting support on social media. People love Amanda. Her man, not so much. Sometimes I do get his frustration with her, just saying.
I don’t know why they don’t do Loverboy commercials during the show. I think I already pointed that out.
Schwartz has arrived. I can’t put my finger on what’s different about his looks. Maybe just that he’s older. I think he gained weight too.
Lindsay says “the belly won’t stay in.” Well I mean, if you wear an entire shirt that maybe fits and covers it, it possibly would ‘stay in.’ But I get it. It’s summer and this way she can really rub it in Carl’s face.
Ciara starts Operation Cold Shoulder with Jesse.
Paige and Ciara are in charge of the party theme and it’s called a ‘Snooze Fest’ to make fun of themselves for lying in bed constantly. I’m doubting if they thought of that themselves.
There’s literally like 100 boxes of shit sitting on the porch to decorate for the party.
This seems like such a waste of money, energy and resources.
I guess that was a very old person thing to say. Or a very young person thing to say. But it’s true. It’s A LOT of boxes of fucking cheap dumb shit. I hope Bravo at least donates it or something.
I’m really sounding like Betty Buzzkill.
Boys’ night out while girls prepare for the sleeping party festies. Can the camera crew like NOT go with them so we don’t have to listen to their stupidity?
Do we NEED a reenactment of ‘toe gate?’ I think it’s so strange that Jesse even went in there to begin with.
I really do have to wonder if the Summer House guys, like the VPR and Southern Charm guys aren’t closet gay? None of them give off the most masculine vibes.
So he starts creepily lounging at the bottom of the bed just like watching? And this was cool with Imrul? Is that a dumb question? Forgive me for never having participated in a threesome. Or foursome. Or fivesome. etc.
At the boys dinner, Jesse tells everyone how he chastised Ciara for touching his arm at the cancer luncheon. He says what I said, that he was joking when he said “don’t touch me!”
But it didn’t come off as joking or sarcasm, and he didn’t back peddle.
I wish he’d stop saying “people are saying I was too flirty with Ciara.”
Dude. You were dry humping her! And said you wish you would have gone for her before West or some shit like that. Stop eluding that it’s everyone’s weird perception that you were being aggressive and inappropriate.
I’m sorry but this is distracting me and bugging me. What are these weird growths on the side of Carl’s face? They look huge pimples, or he hit his head on something. He’s just not looking great lately. Maybe he’s too thin, and these cyst-like issues aren’t helping.
‘Tan line’ porn? Really Carl? I guess guys have tan lines too.
I have heard that guys like them. Guys are weird. As we know. See why I said do we need cameras here? West goes on some rant in his yap about the various types of porn he’s into and every single word is bleeped. What a fucking disgusting pig.
This scene is getting parodied like crazy on TikTok with Carl disclosing his tan line obsession.
******
As predicted, these decorations are a lot of crap. I could just tell from the boxes.
And I do love decorations.
But these are Party City bargain basement fucking made in China by children crap, that are now in a land fill.
Amanda, Ciara and Lindsay discuss Jesse constantly complaining to them about Lexi.
As they flash on the evidence of this, it does seem like a lot.
Break things off if she’s so horrible. This isn’t hard. She does have a lot of rules. Jesse is someone that does not come off as a rule follower.
Lexi was on a pod recently where she stated she thinks Jesse totally faked the relationship and used her for camera time.
She said she thinks he saw the attention West got from pretending to be into Ciara, and came into the season vowing to get into a pretend relationship too.
Amanda you ‘love’ Jesse? Okay. You’re not seeing how disrespectful he is to women?? Or is it that you ‘love’ the attention he gives you since you can’t really stand your husband?
Amanda vows to tell Lexi all of this.
I think Jesse is a big giant dufas who, in his mind, thinks he is ‘peaking’ right now. He might have been kind of geeky band dork in high school and college.
Kyle blasts music in the bedroom where Amanda is sleeping. She has to feel like she’s married to a twenty-one year old.
Why is he even playing music at 2:30 am when are the girls are in bed?
Again these anti-pissed off pills that Amanda is on are really something. She doesn’t even get pissed off or yell at him.
Schwartz passes out on his suitcase on the floor. I don’t blame him for not wanting to get into that bed. The amount of bodily fluids that have to be soaked into that mattress?? NO THANK YOU. The floor is safer.
******
I feel like if Paige’s relationship with Craig was making her this anxious, and she constantly brags about being so ‘strong’ and ‘knows what she wants’ and all that, she would’ve already ended things by this point.
She always tells us she gives no fucks and takes no shit. If this is the case, why wouldn’t she break up with him now? I feel like had she not wanted to ride this out as long as possible with him for the clout, she would’ve done it like a month ago, in July. Not late November.
I hope that all made sense You get what I’m saying, right? And why wouldn’t she have been discussing this with HIM, not the audience. I don’t really think she was, off-camera. And if she was, I’m not sure he was getting the seriousness.
Amanda who is complaining she’s sweaty, wearing a huge bulky over-sized sweatshirt, decides to lay all of Jesse’s gossiping about her on Lexi.
Lexi claims he’s not giving accurate depictions of their conversations.
She does own the one where she told him not to say “you look hot” to other girls on social media, and gave other ideas of what to comment on IG.
And of course I think we all agree he should have spoken to her directly. Like duh.
******
Why are these dudes all discussing their ‘fertility?’
Kyle’s funny. “It’s not like we’re trying to have kids…” and then the next breath, talking about how he’s 42. I know guys have longer in life to do this, but he’s 42. If it’s not even on the horizon, and you’re 42, I would say never mind. I feel like they’re getting kind of used to their freedom.
Anyhow, he’s having the swimmers checked because of some funky blood work or something.
I feel like with Amanda’s issues, I just don’t know about her having a baby due to the whole postpartum depression thing. I could see her having it, and I could see her totally milking it, so she doesn’t have to do anything. And I could see Kyle being resentful.
It seems like she’s kind of backed down on even pressuring him. In the next week previews, we see her questioning if she even wants to at all now due to her mental health.
Jesse approaches Lexi and he now knows she’s miffed about something.
I can’t believe how much actual work Ciara is doing. I’ve never seen her move around this much.
Seems Jesse’s playing kind of a projection game. Accusing her of all of this shit that he’s doing. He’s the one being clingy and jealous, and bitching to everyone it’s her being jealous and clingy.
It just seems like a lot of mixed signals. Complaining about her, yet constantly calling her and making his presence known. Accusing her of crazy jealousy when he did the same fucking thing.
******
Paige has arrived. She talks about her extreme anxiety and that’s why she didn’t come until Saturday morning. I stand by my theory that her anxiety is caused by the guilt of stringing him along for two years, and she knows she NEEDS to end it now, because she can’t keep putting him off. I guess I’m giving her a compliment if she has the good grace to at least feel bad about it.
She was on WWHL last night and the “I LOVED HIM SO MUCH” schtick is so rehearsed and insincere. She repeats that a lot in interviews. Like are you trying to convince yourself of that Paige? That’s how it seems.
******
Jesse and Lexi chat. As she gets started, he doesn’t give a fuck. That smirky smug look on his face when she removes his sunglasses is fucking disturbing.
She tells him what Amanda said.
This conversation goes round and round in circles. Camera crew stuck with this entirely too long.
I’d rather listen to Paige try to convince viewers how much she loves Craig. Or Lindsay tell us how great her relationship is with this poor Turner guy.
You shouldn’t be having these volatile arguments a month into meeting and dating someone. It already has all of the earmarks of a toxic relationship. Which it was according to Lexi, and from what I’ve seen, I’m going to go ahead and believe her.
Jesse proceeds to blame his ‘friends’ for telling her shit. Shit that he was definitely saying.
He keeps referring to ‘them’ telling her what he said, and it was actually Amanda.
So Carl apparently has decided he’s into Ciara. And tells her a bunch of weird shit.
Jesse vents to West about Lexi.
I feel like Lexi is more fixated on the ‘toe sucking’ than the shit he was saying and doing to Ciara. And the fact that she was encouraging it is ICK.
Paige encourages her to end things with them if it’s this tumultuous already. I would say she’s right. But we know she Lexi didn’t listen.
