So I did miss last week’s recap since I was in Vegas. Oops!! sorry!! This time last week I was getting situated in my hotel at the Mirage, which is not going to be the Mirage much longer. I got a shot glass so maybe it’ll be worth something in five years.
And don’t be jealous of my wild and crazy night, but I was too fucking tired to do anything. I hate to sound like such a baby or old person, not sure which is more accurate, but that time change just kills me. It’s so confusing to my mind and body, and I’m completely wiped out. Then of course the next morning comes, and I’m on east coast time, and wide awake at 6am. You would think I would have managed to get to BravoCon a little early, since it was like a five minute walk.
I honestly didn’t adjust until Sunday. Oh, and then we had the DST clock change crap in there.
I saw a social media post that Max has come around, and that this is what happens when you have positive reninforcement, unlike poor third stews under Kunty Kate Chastain, that just needed a little guidance and good leadership, but instead, got met with a mean ass bully sexually frustrated bitch that tormented them until they’re curled up in the fetal position hyperventilating. That’s Kate Chastain, in a nut shell, no pun intended, who now has a child, so we’ll see how that goes. Think she should’ve just gotten a puppy.
I don’t know what is with Nat and this dude, and why she continues to let him get in her head with his ‘open relationship’ crap. Like lose the douche already. That’s so seedy and gross to be having a boyfriend that’s sticking it in other bitches. Believe me, I know. That’s how you get infections, and STD’s and whatnot. And it’s just utterly disgusting and makes you look like a pervo.
I don’t get why she’s hesitating about hooking up with Luka, like who cares. Tell that dude to go fuck his ugly diseased skanks, and leave me out of it. I mean, leave her out of it.
Is this dude really telling her she can’t hook up with another guy, when he’s sticking it in everything that says hi. Or walks her skanky ass across the parking lot begging to get fucked like a disgusting trollop. That’s my new word.
Jack: “You can either look like Luka or be the chef.” I love that.
So I smell a spat when Kyle asks Jess to fill in for him on service instead of Nat.
Tumi debunks that idea, and tells him no-go, she ‘needs his energy.’ What’s wrong with giving Jessika a chance to do service? Tumi makes weird decisions, but she’s probably being coaxed by production to make waves. Make waves. See what I did there?
Do you know who would make a good couple? Well maybe not a good couple, but entertaining to watch? Camille from last season and this Max dude. It’s hard to say who’s lazier and who gives less fucks about their job. I guess it’s not ideal to have two people with the exact same personality disorders in a couple. But I don’t know, I could see it.
Speaking of that, how do you all think two people that BOTH get off on cheating, BOTH lie constantly. BOTH are bi-polar, with a few screws loose, with a host of childhood trauma issues, and BOTH addicted to random sex, would be in a couple?
Entertaining for the ghetto apartment complex where they live, that’s for sure. The ghetto’s the perfect place for losers like that. I would assume people living in a bougee neighborhood would take some pride in themselves, and wouldn’t behave so foul and disgusting. For instance, I don’t see any ugly ho’s skanking around my neighborhood. Just saying.
These two people are 55 and 60, and have no clue, like NONE, how pathetic and ridiculous they look. Like have some fucking dignity, and care how you portray yourself in front of your friends and neighbors. Might be cute and funny if you’re 25 and 30, hypo speaking, not talking about anyone in particular, of course. Can you even imagine being these people and how miserable they must be? I can’t. Yuck. Everyone is laughing at them and they’re too stupid, and crazy to see that.
Kyle does some sort of last ditch effort in the crew mess with everyone present, again trying to get out of service. Have a feeling if it was a group of young hot dudes, he’d be THERE, with bells on. Again, NO pun intended.
Nat gets Jess all cranked up that she was being belittled by Tumi by saying Jess wasn’t capable of ‘service.’ Again peeps, doesn’t service entail carrying fucking plates to the guests and pouring wine?? Yes, some interaction, and fake nice and ass kissing, but it’s not fucking brain surgery. And these ladies don’t seem at all difficult.
What the fuck is with Kyle even? Why is he parading around the boat whining about being on service? thought he wanted to be second stew so bad? Just sayin, if Nat would be second, as she should be, I guarantee you she wouldn’t be pissing and moaning, and trying to unload her responsibilities on the fourth stew.
Nat is right, usually chief stews do try to give the other stews a chance to get out of laundry and cabins and do service. How else do you learn and grow? Fucking Duh.
The girls arrive. There’s always a curvy one in the girls’ trips, did you ever notice that? It’ so cliché but true. And did you ever notice they barely ever get shown?
So I would be remiss if I didn’t mention this, at least in passing, even though I HATE to be proven right, over and over. It gets tiring.
Captain Creepy, I mean Sandy is much less, kind of even not at all, skeevy this season. Not creeping on anyone, not EVEN the cute blonde lesbian deckhand, who is completely her type.
Bravo TOTALLY gave her a sit-down after that humiliating debacle last season, creeping out Rachel and Camille. Although not sure Camille minded that much, and didn’t matter since she got the ax anyway.
Also take note how she’s not doing the mental gymnastics with the crew like she usually does. And funny, haven’t heard ONCE her utter one fucking word to the tune of “look how hard the deck crew is working, can’t you be more like the deck crew?”
Haven’t noticed her belittling Tumi, or any of the stews. HMMMM, maybe I was on to something last BD season when she filled in for Lee. And how embarrassing that had to be, even for Bravo. When you embarrass Bravo, that’s pretty fucking bad!
So back to this, sorry I had to get on my soapbox to brag that I was right. I predicted we’d see a whole new calmer, more gentler, non tyrannical Sandy, and we are, so just saying!!!
The ladies are taking a shine to Frenchy, and summon him to the bar area. He looks a little overwhelmed. He gets asked if he’s Italian. Americans are so fucking dumb. Italian, really??
Seafood tower, love that. Jack’s trying to James Bond the ladies.
Kyle says he misses his BF, and it’s a reminder how we should be grateful for what we have, (and stop worrying about the parking lot skank) but I know, I get it, dudes like lying skanky women, and thier skanky services they provide.
Jessika’s Stepdad sounds like a fucking douche bag.
I guess these bitches don’t know the ocean is salty. They seem surprised at that. Sandy’s all about checking on the girls, and making sure they’re enjoying the slide, wink wink.
Are you guys proud of me? I haven’t called her Captain Creepo barely at all. Since you know, she’s not acting creepy, since Bravo told her not to. No one wants to see a creepy old lady hitting on young girls. Just saying.
Jack is aiming to please with the ladies. Kyle is looking unenthused to be serving them. Girls love gay guys, can’t he at least try to fake it?
Lara has been so patient with Frenchy, and not making him feel stupid for fucking up, and instead giving him a lot of positive reniforcement.
Genius! Whooda thunk it, KATE CHASTAIN!!! Thank you for retiring! Please stay retired. You did chicks everywhere such a great service. I just feel kind of bad for the little dude. Rumor has it narc moms don’t make the best moms.
Tumi announces the pool party is getting underway, and Sandy like sprints out of the bridge.
Wish they’d stop showing Nat calling this skeevy ‘boyfriend’ of hers. He sounds like a walking disease. Blghhhhhhh!! Like how many times does he have to tell her he’s banging random chicks??
Why does she keep acting surprised? Is she retarded?? I would go hop on Luka right damned now if I were her. Nat’s a hottie and doesn’t need this shit.
Nat approaches Sandy, and wants to leave because of this loser. Ya know I really didn’t see her taking the Natasha route, and getting worked up about this dude, and letting it affect her job.
I don’t foresee her leaving. I think she’s just looking for attention. And we needed to see Sandy doing her infamous counseling, consoling whatever thing.
Lara reports to Nat that Tumi eluded that she wouldn’t care if Nat left. I think she looks at Nat as a threat.
Okay so here we go, Sandy is helping Luka carry a kayak, with her walking backwards. You never make the chick walk backwards, I know it’s Sandy, but still.
She trips over something, I don’t know what. I swear I didn’t laugh at all. I didn’t think maybe this is karma coming knocking, at all. I swear I didn’t.
She thinks she might have broken her wrist.
Nat confronts Tumi about the snarky comment, and Tumi admits she may have said that, and while they hit refresh they’re not ‘chums.’
Nat calls her a bad leader, and I might agree. She seems pretty unprofessional.
She tells Kyle if Nat is not happy with her leadership, she can fuck off. So that’s NOT professional. Yeah I don’t like this chick. Basically the stews are all shit taking each other, and it’s turning into a shit show. Kyle and Tumi are both very immature. Tumi especially, being in a leadership position, shouldn’t be repeating what Jess told her in confidence. COME ON.
Kyle and Jess bicker – green stew… blah blah blah.
The guests are hearing all of this but whatever. It’s what they signed up for. Pretty sure they’re getting coupon rates to be filmed.
Kyle’s being so dramatic. Sandy leaves to get her wrist looked at. I’m feeling like it’s not going to be broken. Karma come ON, step it up, This woman blows, and has been treating stews unfairly and terribly for years!!!
