Real Housewives of NYC 9/17/23

Day three of fighting, I mean vacationing, in Anguilla.

Brynn skipped dinner if you recall, the previous night, because she was annoyed at Erin’s snarky comments about her egg freezing questionnaire experience.

And as I said, what Erin wasn’t picking up on (because she has no sense of humor) was that Brynn was exaggerating the ‘fertilizing’ question to be funny. No, the form didn’t require her to provide a name. She was joking about scrolling her contacts for a potential father. I think Brynn should have pointed that out. It wasn’t literal. Or maybe she couldn’t digest how Erin just didn’t get it. The others were laughing and not taking it overly seriously.

This isn’t something I know a lot about, but my common sense tells me that it makes sense that the forms would ask if you have a current partner that will be the father/fertilizer. I’m sure there are women married or in a relationship that are in their thirties and not yet ready to have a child that do this, as well as single women in Brynn’s situation. Still awaiting Mr Right. He’s currently being sought after.

But Erin has NO SENSE OF HUMOR, and didn’t get her joke. This was also why she couldn’t laugh off the flirtation with Abe at her sucky party.

Anywho, I just wanted to touch on that for a sec. She seems fine now that it’s morning, and over it, which I was glad to see.

She and Erin are hanging out one on one, and having celery juice. Production probably wanted Brynn to start coming unglued over it and get it all going again.

Erin fills her in on the dinner, and the discussion about Jessel, and this ‘who was more broke’ – Jessel, Brynn or Evil Munchkin –contest, which is so ridick.

We’re more used to the contest of who comes from the more bougee family, and who has what, and who lives where, not who was a broker ass in their childhood/young adult days. who cares.

So Jessel’s story, I do want to say, kind of what others are saying, I don’t get the need for her to make her life sound difficult. Sounds like she grew up middle class. Perhaps it was difficult being of Indian descent living in Britain? If she said what her dad did for a living, I missed it.

Her parents paid for her college education but didn’t help her in “any other way.” Well, I mean that’s pretty big, and helpful. What else were they supposed to do for her? Wipe her ass?? Her mom seems to be doing that for her now.

I don’t get Sai’s need to make her feel guilty because she didn’t grow up in extreme poverty? It’s so strange. It’s like one-upping, but in reverse, between Sai and Jessel.

“I only had $20 in my account.”

“Well I had negative $400 in mine!!”

Sai, what do you want the woman to do for you? Give your $400?? Didn’t you marry well?? I’m so confused. What is the problem here?? She’s so intense about this. Girlfriend go talk to someone. Wow. Just wow.

******

They’re having a ‘day boat’ activity thing. Thank God we didn’t have to discuss the length of the yacht. If you all watch Beverly Hills do you remember on last season? That crazy Dijana headbutter weirdo Jenkins? On and on about the size of the yacht, and it wasn’t big and bougeee enough for her.

I know women dress for women, and they want to look super cute on their vaca, and they’re being filmed. But their interactions as they judge and critique each other’s boat attire is really extra. Don’t get me wrong, I know looking cute is important, but they seem to take it a little too far. I guess that’s because so many of them are in fashion. Sort of.

The one that had the most successful fashion career is the one that feels no need to impress these ladies and drop labels and brands. I hope you know who I’m talking talking about.

Sai’s cover-up thingy is cute, but it looks a little heavy for the current weather.

Actually now that I look at it more, I don’t know – IS it cute though? It kind of looks like she’s wrapped in an afghan. I liked it at first, but now I’m giving it a thumbs down. It doesn’t makes sense to have an addition to your outfit , that you’re not even going to be able to wear, does it?? Under it she’s wearing a basic black one piece bathing suit.

Every five seconds Sai brags about her trip planning prowess, and pointing out the luxury of the experience, thanks to her.

Her upbringing is very evident, in the way she communicates. Then again, I know someone part of a wealthy bougee family that has the absolute worst fucking manners of anyone that I’ve ever met in my fucking life. Sorry about the F bombs. His mommy didn’t breast feed or pay attention to him. She makes up for it by handing him a check every time she sees him. Must be nice.

Isn’t zero–sense-of-humor-Erin, taking Ubah pushing her into the pool a TAD too seriously? (shocker) Even though she claims to have been so chill with it? I had to laugh when she refers to herself as ‘chill.’ Let’s not get carried away. The fact that she finds a ‘retaliation’ necessary shows that she was NOT chill. Again this validates my take that she has ZERO ability to laugh at herself.

Is pushing someone in a pool really a ‘prank?’ I feel like for me, I wouldn’t have felt the need to ‘get her back.’ I would have just laughed, unless of course, I was wearing something dressy, and all done up. Guess that would be different, but that wasn’t the case.

Brynn, we know, she loves to flirt. She’s good at it. Let her go, she’s having fun. Whatever. But she is straight as far as we know. She hasn’t said anything about being bi, but maybe she is? Housewives usually love to announce that right away. (Noella – OC – Taylor OC)

It’s not that important. I’m just bringing it up because of how hard she is flirting with Jenna in this ep, who is gay, and single. And if she’s not, is that fair? Isn’t that disrespectful to Jenna?

Is she just goofing around? That’s the vibe I get. Or is she into Jenna? If she is joking, and has no interest is it fair of her to keep flirting and coming onto her like this? Am I taking it too seriously? I don’t want to come off like Erin or anything. Jenna seems, you know, kind of into it.

Jessel gets Brynn cornered about dinner the previous night, that she was absent from, and Brynn plays dumb, as if Erin hadn’t already filled her in.

I feel like she most likely did not grow up with ‘nothing’ if her parents paid for her college education. She’s saying her parents didn’t help her after she graduated, but isn’t that normal? She didn’t want to go back to England, she opted to stay in New York. Hence the reason that she lived with the uncle. What am I missing that these bitches, mainly the Evil Munchkin and Erin, keep dragging her for?

I guess ‘nothing’ can be is relative. Ubah makes a good point. It doesn’t matter if you had $20 or negative zero dollars. It’s the same. Are we really going to sit here and haggle over twenty fucking dollars? TWENTY. DOLLARS.

With these broads incessantly talking about who was broker twenty years ago, I’m actually missing a shit faced Ramona, shitting on the floor right now. Or Eboni on her constant soap box about how oppressed she is because she’s black. (even though she was the most educated and successful one in the group) That’s sad when you’re missing that ‘SHIT.’

Jessel calls the captain of the boat, the ‘pilot.’ With that, she gets the reward of driving the boat. I hate to be mean and state the obvious about the housewives. but wow, do they come off as stupid. Have you ever heard anyone call a captain a pilot? I think a six year old would know that.

Believe it or not, we’re back to Jessel’s upbringing and family wealth status.

Evil Munchkin, is of course the first to speak, and is annoyed that Jessel didn’t come from a destitute penniless family like she did?

What the fucking fuck is wrong with this girl? She has serious issues. Like girl, get some therapy for your trauma and bitterness about your shitty childhood, and alcoholic mother. I just don’t get her agenda.

Jessel refers to Erin as the Queen of Assumption. Good one.

Evil Munchkin sort of comes unglued about her childhood, I guess, I don’t know, and takes it out on Jessel. She needs to call a professional. It’s not Jessel’s fault that her parents didn’t provide for her. And why isn’t she more mad at Erin who seems to have grown up privileged. She seems extremely jealous of Jessel. It’s giving me the Marlo vs Kenya vibe on Atlanta.

Sai thinks she’s being cute and sassy. But she really looks idiotic. Her upbringing is getting to be a yawn, for me. Along with that always hungry schtick.

Sai drags her for talking about her parents immigrating from London to Africa as part of ‘her story.’ But didn’t Sai speak at length about her mom when talking about her ‘story?’ How she was an alcoholic, she couldn’t provide for her, so she was homeless…

Erin claims she’s one of five kids, and they grew up ‘pranking’ each other. Yeah I don’t know if I believe her. Not sure where she falls, she must be in the middle or she would have pointed out she was the oldest or the baby. She comes off to me as the whiney sibling, tattling on everyone.

She look like she weights about 110, so I’m sure Ubah just breathed on her, and she flew in the pool. Ubah is six feet tall, and looks pretty solid.

******

Dinner, and naturally Brynn would start giving BJ tips at the table. Apparently guys like it when you pretend to choke. Okay, I’ll have to try that next time. Just kidding. Her simulation gets the attention of a neighboring table.

Embarrassing story time, and thank God Jessel has an excellent and extra embarrassing story to share. I’m surprised though, that when she said it was Spring break, Sai didn’t attack her.

“What?? You went to spring break?? I couldn’t afford to go to spring break!!”

Am I the only one that was trying to think of an embarrassing story as they were telling theirs? I have to have something this cool and embarrassing at the same time. I find myself to be pretty cool and embarrassing. I’ll have to think about it. I’ll check back. Maybe I have one that I blocked out.

Not a shocker but Erin’s story is wah wah wah. Her kid was screaming and crying on a flight. Jessel gives her some side eye for being so lame.

******

Ubah leaves her phone in the van, and it’s given to Erin by the driver.

Proving my point, and I know I’m harping, but I do like to be right, about Erin and her lack of know-how in how to execute a ‘prank.’ She doesn’t even know that she needs to catch Ubah by surprise, to get push in the pool, in order for it to be a fucking prank.

“Ohhh I grew up in a family of pranksters” my ass. She sucks at it!!

She literally thinks she’s going to out muscle Ubah, and get her in that pool from like twenty feet away? She thinks that? Ubah is not even budging, as Erin is pulling her with all of her strength. And what fun is that pushing her in when she knows what you’re doing? That’s the whole idea of ‘pushing’ someone in a pool, you fucking dummy. What is wrong with this woman? I’m again finding myself missing looking at Ramona’s shit on the bottom of Sanya’s shoe. Anything else but this. Erin is just not funny.

Girlfriend is trying so hard to appear cool. It’s almost painful to watch. Ubah goes near the pool to dip a toe in, and Evil Munchkin takes advantage, and shoves her.

“It doesn’t count. It doesn’t count” She sounds five. If she wasn’t so lame and clueless, she would have acted like it was all planned out.

To Sai’s credit, her “timberrrrrrr” reference in her yap was funny.

Erin has “another prank going” she brags. Oh my God. She’s NOT good at this.

******

Next morning, and the phone ‘prank’ had been executed the previous night.

Ubah is overreacting. over it and acting all traumatized. This seems over-produced. I find it hard to believe that she would be this cranked up that Erin had her phone for an hour or so. Her excuse for the over dramatization is that she has a family.

Okay, but she doesn’t have kids. Everybody has a family. I guess I could see if she had kids back home. But even so, I’m sure if a call had came through, Erin would have promptly returned it. And she didn’t seem to be concerned about her family worrying about her when they were hanging out at the pool.

The idiocy of Ubah and Jessel, who did not comprehend the emoji’s that Erin was sending when Jessel sent a group text asking if anyone has seen it.

Anyone should know that the sending the ‘thinking face’ emoji, that Erin was hinting that she had it. Erin expected her and Jessel to catch on, and go to her room to retrieve it, and laugh. They’d STILL be looking for it, but Sai knew Erin had it, so she lets them know.

So now New York is doing the sunglasses thing in the morning when they don’t have their eye makeup on yet. This is ridiculous. We don’t care if you don’t have makeup on. If you’re that vain, then get your ass out of bed early, and put you makeup on before the crew arrives.

Jessel eggs Ubah on about being pissed off. I think I would have been so relieved that I didn’t leave it somewhere if this happened to me, so that I wouldn’t even care.

Also she had left it on the bus, don’t forget, that’s how Erin had it. It didn’t seem to occur to her, as they were looking around the house, that she may have left it in the van or restaurant.

I had gotten home from a restaurant one time, and had laid my phone somewhere when I got home, then I guess just forgot (blonde moment) so of course I search my, purse, pockets, car, I call the restaurant in a panic. Then yeah, it was laying on my coffee table.

So Ubah’s a ‘silent treatment’ type of person we see. She enters the breakfast area, and ignores Erin and Sai. Jessel got the sunglasses memo too. Even though we just saw her upstairs talking to Ubah without her eye makeup.

Brynn: “are you representing Ubah right now?” (yes, she is)

Jessel: (voice goes up ten octaves) “No, I’m not representing her!”

Jessel asks Erin, in a super intense tone- “Were you planning on returning it last night?” I feel like here Jessel is starting to realize that Ubah is way too cranked up about this.

I’m guessing by her face, she feels stupid for not getting that ‘confused’ emoji.

******

I GUESS Erin had a point that she could have gotten all excited about being thrown in the pool. I hate to make previous RHONY cast comparisons again, but hello, remember when that one chick, she was a one-seasoner I think, literally just SPLASHED Ramona?? And Ramona went NUTS.

Jessel continues to encourage Ubah.

Erin admits to being intimidated, as they gather to leave. I would be too. The girl is huge. Tall huge, not Emily on OC huge. Not like a Snuffleupagus or anything, but tall girls are scary!!

So this all gets going when Ubah just innocently says Erin WAS here, (she left to get her bathing suit) as she’s walking back in and bitches “don’t say my name.” Erin should have just left her do the silent treatment. What’s wrong with someone pissed at you that’s not talking to you? That sounds like a dream come true.

Ubah, much taller, which sounds silly, but that is extra intimidating when someone much bigger than you is standing that close to you. She yells, and rips her sunglasses from her face. Sai ducks out instead of sticking up for her friend. That’s not surprising.

Very aggressive, very intimidating. And yes I know she’s black, and we’re not supposed to say that, but she IS being aggressive. We don’t have different adjectives for different races.

She is choosing to act this way, and it has nothing to do with her skin. So don’t come after me. I didn’t tell her to act like this.

And the preview for this Sunday, she’s not letting up. This really doesn’t seem like Ubah at all from what we’ve seen of her so far.