So news flash, think that Olivia and Austen have broken up.
Okay so anyone who thinks there was a shred of chemistry between Whitney and Naomie is seriously the WORST at reading any sort of body language whatso freaking ever. I have never seen a more awkward, almost kiss in my fucking life. And you could argue that Whitney is just awkward, which I agree with. But if she was into him, would she scold him and make an icky face??
She says “Don’t do that!” when he tried to give her a casual hello greeting kiss on the lips. And even makes sort of a grossed out face? So let me get this straight ya’ll, (releasing my inner southerner) she’ll fuck him, but not kiss him hello? Ohhhhkay Naomie. Skanky much?
Shame on her for banging this dude in front of the world (not literally, but you know what I mean, or pretending she is) when she has no attraction to him whatsoever. Makes her look like a shameless desperate gold digger. Wonder if she realizes that now, watching back at all? Anxious to hear what she has to say at the reunion. It’s being filmed today, is the word on the street.
She’s wearing the black leather pants, again. He makes a comparison to ‘parachute pants’ that were popular in the 80’s, and who started them or something, and she says “How would I know that?? I was born in the 90’s!” When were you born, do I want to know?? Guess she can’t do math very well.
Think there’s such thing as reading, and learning info. And parachute pants in the 80’s are equivalent to poodle skirts in the 50’s. I wasn’t alive in the 50’s, but know about poodle skirts. I wasn’t alive when Betsy Ross sewed the American Flag, but I know about it? It’s a very ‘this age range’ ( millennials) thing to say. Which is weird since they’re pretty accustomed to having info literally at their finger tips.
Even when I was Naomie’s age, and someone older told me something about their ‘era’ I never acted like that. It’s disrespectful and makes your look stupid. Girl, if you’re gonna be fucking a dude 24 years older than you, don’t be a pompous asshole when he tries to converse with you.
Then again you’re not interested in talking to him either. No wonder she makes the ashamed face every time she talks about fucking him. (and she talks a lot about it) I’m so over these two. They make the uncutest most bizarre couple ever.
She asks him “does your mom know that we hang out?” (hang out?? ) Whitney answers “she’s familiar.”
Okay cool. My God. This is cringy.
Whitney asks her to ‘co-host’ the really odd ‘gentleman’s dinner’ that his mom does every year. (think she just likes to hang out with a bunch of young guys) She declines the invite since Craig will be in attendance. Can you all just imagine if Naomie would have accepted that and been at that dinner? Actually I’m shocked she declined, and Bravo didn’t make her attend to watch Craig come unglued again. (along with the unglued chairs) Maybe she knew it would be completely obvious to Pat and the guys she’s not really into him at all.
He uses the excuse of her being French, for thinking she should attend. She doesn’t really come off as being refined about French cuisine, or anything really. I find her to be really fake and shallow.
This fucking face she makes every time she talks to him and about their whatever the hell they’re doing, is so freaking WEIRD !!
Whitney is being dead serious, he even does a little bad French speaking, it’ s sort of cute, when he asks her this, and she just laughs at him like she thinks he’s the biggest fucking idiot in the world.
I find it hard to believe, that he’s good in bed. But I am wondering, is he? If that’s all she seems to want to do with him? Maybe? Or is she just THAT desperate? Or does she think it’s cute? Maybe we’ll find out at the reunion.
She answers “not a good idea because Craig hates me.” It’s not that he hates you, it’s more that it is an inappropriate thing to do.
Especially when she is just pretending to be into this dude. The camera does not lie, that look of sheer being repulsed, on her face when he tried to give her a quick kiss says it all.
Can you picture yourself at a small dinner party where you’re fucking your ex’s friend, (mainly just to make him jealous) with your ex in attendance? You can’t right? I’m picuturing it now, and I’m pretty sure there would have been a dead body rolled out the door. Not sure whose, but someone’s. Probably the friend I was fucking.
This visit or interaction or whatever, gets even more awkward if that’s possible. Whitney is just so bad at being flirty, the poor guy, he does try. And when he does, Naomie does this “Whitneyyyyyyyy!” thing that is so freaking under my skin. He said something like “what’s not to like, I haven’t seen it yet.”
Their convos are even centered around their ‘hooking up.’ It’s so weird to see Naomie acting like this.
It’s just bizarre. I get it people hook up for the sake of hooking up, fine whatever, don’t care, it just seems so not Naomie like in the way she has been presenting herself on the show, as being better than everyone.
This Bailey chick comes over to cut Austen’s hair. Wasn’t she dating Shep for like three seconds 4 or 5 years ago? Austen shows her his suit coat for this “black tie” event at Patricia’s. So dumb. Austen’s a little too worried about it. Also a little too worried about his hair. He keeps scolding her for cutting too much off. It’s weird. They gossip about Taylor and Shep. Why are they doing this in the kitchen?
What I like about Shep with Taylor, is how he always seems to be touching her (in a tasteful way) in public with hands on her shoulders or arm around her. It’s cute. It’s too bad he’s such a pompous prick. They are meeting her mom for dinner, and her mom seems really sweet.
“Jesus –seat belts— sunscreen” are the three things her mom has instilled in her. So she’s really religious as we see later in the episode. Shep talks in his yap about being cynical on that subject.
Shep, YOU? Cynical? Whooddaaa thunk?? I’m not knocking on him for not being religious, I just think he’s so freaking shallow. He just has no depth or passion about anything.
So Taylor must have shared with her mom the egg breaking fight. Which is fine. Her mom should be bothered by it, but she doesn’t seem to be. Then again, Taylor probably didn’t explain how awful it was though. I’m sure she watered it down.
We do see how she tends to make excuses for him. Shep immediately looks uncomfortable and pulls at his eye when he sees where this is going to go. (nervous tick people do when uncomfortable or lying, to touch their face, eye, hair…There is someone very much in the public eye that touches his eye and head a lot when speaking…)
Anywho, when Mom talks about disagreeing he looks uncomfy as fuck. As he should.
Big arrogant fuck was being disrespectful as shit to your daughter. He probably scolded and yelled at her later for telling her mom.
He’s like shaking as he apologizes to her mom for acting that way. She goes on a “being humble” rant which I don’t disagree with, but she’s wasting her breath. He really looks at Taylor like he loves her when he’s not acting stupid. It’s such a shame. But you can’t be with someone that can’t show love 24/7 to you. Yes I know there are bad days and bad moods, where maybe you’re short, that’s not what I mean.
Nobody is perfectly perfect all of the time. But honestly though, if you’re in a relationship with someone who can’t show their love for you, and even acts as if they HATE you, frequently, what is the point? Why are you with that person? Isn’t the whole idea and concept of being in a relationship to be treated nicely and lovingly, and have that experience every day? To enhance your life? To have someone to depend on, and have your back during a tough time, or any time? Take your side if necessary? Talk you off the ledge when necessary? If that’s not what’s happening, then just get the fuck out. If you’re with someone that’s making you cry every other day, get the fuck out.
There is something wrong with that person, not with you. Okay rant over.
Patricia is meeting with her French chef dude. Yuck, I’m with Pat, who the hell would want rare duck?
So woo-hoo Girls’ night with Leva and gang since the boys have their bougie sit-down.
Must be Leva’s restaurant, she demands a lint brush from the host as she’s being seated.
Kathryn’s sparkly colorful robe dress Cute, right? I’m not in love with the robe look, but I love the rest of it, and she looks beautiful! And she’s back to red. Yes So much better. Naomie arrives and sits RIGHT ACROSS from her, so this should be fun.
So lots of awkward silence, when Venita arrives, who also doesn’t get along with Kathryn since she you know, accused her of being a racist and all.
Kathryn hugs Taylor and tells her she ‘forgot’ underwear. Forgot? how in the HELL do you forget underwear in a dress. They order drinks. “UMMMMMM— UMMMMMM…” Hope we loosen up at some point, or it’s gonna be a long night. We don’t want to piss Kathryn off. We don’t like her when she’s angry!
So Leva breaks the ice, and points out Whitney and Naomie’s newfound ‘love affair.’
And right on queue, Naomie with the eyes closed, and weird embarrassed face. Leva jokes that perhaps Kathryn and Naomie can ‘bond’ over this.
Kathryn says “it’s not weird, he’s a great catch, and he’s a sweet guy…” (Kathryn hasn’t seen how awkward they are together) Naomie: “thank you for saying that. He cares about you, he really does.”
Weird. Yes he had a crust thing on her, and it ended badly. While it’s nice to see them talking civilly to each other, it’ s still cringy that they’re comparing notes about banging Whitney.
Anyway, I guess it did work for an ice breaker. Whatever works – right. Naomie, believe it or not goes into an apology for hurting her, with all the shit with Chleb at Olivia’s. They discuss Chleb’s antics that night, and how he bad mouthed Kathryn to her, then told Kathryn the opposite had just taken place.
Naomie seemed genuine.
Back at the Altschul/Sudler-Smith residence, (I assume Whitney is living there) we are preparing for this bougie French dinner.
Patricia and Whitney discuss seating. Patricia gets served champs in a flute as opposed to a coupe, and again the dreaded ‘paper napkin’ makes an appearance. Why in the fuck are there paper napkins even IN this house? And next is the stemware complaint.
“I prefer champagne in a coupe, don’t you?” He promptly rises and pours the champagne into a coupe. Must be nice to just sit on your fucking ass and bark out orders?
Whitney brings the correct stemware to her, and Patrica says “oh are YOU serving?”
Ohhhkay Miss Pat re—-laxxxxx, you’re spoiled- rotten -never -lifted -a finger- son is not scrubbing dirty pots like Cinderella, he’s just bringing you a glass of champagne, for chrissakes.
Pat goes on a bragging rant about how she “ has hosted many parties at her apartment in New York where she had a French chef and waiters that were trained at Buckingham Palace…” My God, name drop much? I think she does this because she married into her wealth, didn’t inherit it. If y’all (now I can’t stop) were wondering about all of her husbands, here is a quick break-down. This woman clearly specialized in ‘marrying well.’ Wish I would have gone to the Marrying Well School for Girls. I’m assuming she got divorce settlements from the first and second, and inheritance from the third. Sounds like the third was her sugar daddy, and 25 – 30 years older than her. Also smart move. Probably lesson #1 in the Marrying Well School.
https://www.nickiswift.com/911261/who-are-all-of-southern-charm-star-patricia-altschuls-ex-husbands/
Shep has arrived and Miss Lazy Ass is pissed she has to get up off of her ass to answer the door. I don’t want to hear she’s 81. Elderly people need to get the fuck up and move around. And she is in good health. All we ever see is her sitting on her ass giving orders and drinking.
Whitney is committed to trying to speak French. And don’t we wish he would stop? They flash on some of the past arguments at her ‘elegant’ dinner parties, followed by rich people laugh.
Craig has arrived sans tux –how DARE he?? He gets a paper napkin for sure!
Everyone wonders how/why Craig gets so drunk, well he ordered a glass of straight bourbon upon arrival on, I assume, an empty stomach. When you get invited to a bougie free dinner, you come practically starving. And it’s a pretty healthy pour.
Austen arrives. Also no tux.
Back to girls’ night – seems to be going well. No one has thrown a drink yet. Kathryn doesn’t have huge cysts popping out of her face. Venita hasn’t called anyone racist.
Kathryn tells them about how she met a ‘dating coach’ (or is it a Madame??) where they all meet up at someone’s house, and you get a key and someone gets a lock and you have to find the person that you ‘match’ with. Naomie explains to her that is a swingers party. What? She got this invite from a ‘dating coach?’ I would say she’s NOT a dating coach. Kathryn thought this was normal. Everyone is losing it. She was so serious and excited about it. It actually sounds a little like Naomie’s speed. As long as all the dudes are rich.
Oh well, it WAS good for a laugh. Food is served. I hate when girls say “thank you sooo muuuuuch.” Just say ‘thank you.’ The ‘soooo much’ added sounds fake. That was random I know, but it bugs me.
Venita is sort of kissing Olivia’s ass. Save it girl, she don’t like ya! No not because you’re black, and she’s racist, because you’re an asshole, you’re not a girls’ girl, you’re a follower, who happens to be black.
Leva is being a Housewife, and stirs up an argument under the guise of ‘making conversation’ by pointing out Venita not being at Austen’s Friendsgiving. Olivia looks uncomfortable and starts fluffing her hair. Guys touch their face, girls touch their hair.
Leva tells her that it’s because Venita is looking like “the reporter to Madison.” (which she is) I have an idea, just don’t talk about Madison. Like I even think, believe it or not, that they didn’t talk about Madison AT all at ‘Friendsgiving.’ So we know it can be done. “IIIIII wasn’t” Venita stammers. Yes you are.
What makes me sad about this, is that Venita doesn’t see how Madison uses her. Madison Le-whatever the fuck, has no genuine relationships in her life because she’s not capable of having them. She doesn’t care about Venita. She never cared about Austen, and I’m sure she’s using this poor Mormon dude.
Leva goes on to explain what the fuck she’s talking about, because we don’t know. Seems that there was an issue with her and Venita.
So we gotta rewind alllll the way back to the dog wedding, which seems like months ago, and Leva shares that she told Madison that night “it’s looking like you’re not over Austen.”
For me, It’s more like she’s not over FUCKING with Austen. Like she was throughout the whole time they dated. No he’s not perfect but either but, whatever who cares.
Guessing they didn’t air this whole thing. Apparently Madison went off, and then Leva texted Venita that Madison was being ‘dumb.’ Leva should have known better than that. Of course she would tell her.
Madison ‘somehow’ sees the text – (she showed her – why would Leva think she wouldn’t?) But nice try with the “I gave her my phone because we were figuring out music.” Does she think we’re all as dumb as her?
Venita is sad about another non-invite. Oh well. Oh. WELL.
Back to the boys’ swanky soiree. Everyone’s had their faces planted in Pat’s fancy coupes and other various acceptable stemware, I see. Craig requests red wine. Keep hearing a bell ring. Who is ringing a fucking bell? Pat is on her way to being three sheets. Why are there no apps to pick at while they’re drinking? The French don’t have appetizers? Where’s the brie?? No wonder everyone’s getting shitfaced.
Craig spills red wine on the white couch. Shep yells “Craaaiiiig” as if he’s yelling at his dog.
“Do you know how much that sofa costs?? $45,000” (thought money talked and wealth whispered?) Cuz she did not whisper that at all. So tacky Miss Pat, Queen of etiquette, supposedly? Money can’t buy you class, someone once said.
Craig is slurring and points out his red wine was not in a ‘red wine glass.’ Kind of a point. Since she’s so into her proper glasses.
Austen does a ‘Home Alone’ quote – “You’re what the French call Les Incompetents!”
(am I the only one that realized that?)
Remember when all the siblings were picking on poor little Kevin/Macaulay Culkin for not packing his suitcase for their trip to France, and the snooty sister says that to him. Austen rattles it off as if it’s original, and he can speak French, and made it up on the spot. Maybe he did give the movie credit and it got cut out.
Okay so Craig seems to feels sufficiently bad. He sincerely tells Pat that he’s sorry and he will make it right the following day. Miss Pat says that’s good enough for her. Good, can we move on? What does she expect when she invites a bunch of dudes over and serves a shit load of free running alcohol.
Dinner is finally ready. Red wine is really hard to get out, I am curious if it came out. Especially after sitting for 24 plus hours. Shep makes snide comments about ‘Sewing Down South’ generating enough income to pay for the furniture. Drunk Craig ignores him. Shep, some people start businesses and have jobs in order to eat and have a home. We know you do not. We love that for you. It’s part of your charm. (not)
So these scoundrels are finally getting seated for dinner. Pat orders them to not lean back on the chairs. Because you know, of course they’re 18th century and she “hasn’t had them reglued yet.”
So you’re sitting these tipsy 7 foot tall 200ish pound dudes in 200ish year old chairs that need ‘reglued?’ What can go wrong?
I don’t get escargot. Give it the fancy French accent, they’re still snails. Snails. Like worms with shells. Worms. But because you’re bougie ya have to like them? No thank you.
And Craig, probably the lightest and smallest guy here breaks the chair he’s on. But he was just literally sitting on it. Not leaning back. Not jumping on it.
Shep: “Craiiiiiigggg!.” Shep shut up. He was probably given the wobbly chair on purpose.
Patricia did say they needed ‘reglued.’ Again a price tag drop from Miss Pat.
Shep points out that Craig’s zipper is down. We DO like drunk funny Craig, right?
He needs to stop breaking and spilling shit though. If he breaks a dish, can we all just hear Pat? Those glasses are from ancient Rome and were $10,000 each!!
Austen asks about Whitney and Naomie. Drunk Craig is unbothered. It could have gone the other way, easily.
Pat asks about serious relationships. I missed whatever Shep said, and beginning of back to the girls. My TV is getting a little up there, and took a little nap for a minute while this was recording.
Taylor starts talking about Shep, and says she didn’t care he called her a fucking idiot because she knows he doesn’t mean it. That gets disturbed looks all around the table.
She needs to not waffle on this, because she was clearly so upset when it happened. She can’t sit here and now say “it’s fine, I wasn’t mad.” If he would have realized how stupid he was acting, and apologized right away, then this excuse might be valid.
She goes into how sometimes she does want to walk away but God has “pulled on her heart to tell her to stick with it…”
The girls are perplexed by this and see it as making excuses for him, and being a total pushover.
Naomie in her yap, says it seems more like God is looking out for Shep. They’re both dudes though, so make sense. Leva tells her she is breaking herself to fix another person.
May have been there done that. You can’t fix stupid, and you SURE AS HELLLL can’t fix a narcissist.
Back at the ranch, we’re also talking to Shep about Taylor, and the fact that he had cheated on her. Another chair bites the dust. This time Whitney.
Craig gets an alert that Shep’s Raya profile is active, and it’s out there and being talked about (never even heard of that site until now, it’s for your very ‘exclusive’ clientele) on a gossip site.
Dessert. Pat and Craig both admit they’re shitfaced. It’s nice they can own their shitfacedness.
Crepes flambe are on the dessert menu. At first the flambe doesn’t flambe. And then — success!
Now I’m hungry for crepes. After watching RGIP last night, and seeing them tasting all of that cheese, I wanted cheese, and now I need crepes!! Errr going to gain 20 lbs and it’s all Bravo’s fault!
Whitney tries to make a toast in French. Maybe he should just make French Toast. I’m sure he can’t do that either.
Shep gets summoned to the porch by Craig. He tells him about this Raya profile thing, and it’s even being reported when it was downloaded last, which was when he was in Bermuda, when they were ‘arguing.’ So he flies off to Bermuda the next day? By himself??
Seems the argument was right after she learned of his indiscretion twoish years ago when they were first together.
Craig tells him that he should delete his profile. He said he will “work on it tomorrow” and does not seem at all concerned.
This should be an interesting reunion. With Shep and Taylor now not together, the Whitney and Naomie thing of course fizzling pretty much before it got started.
Wonder how many times she will make that eyes closed, covering her face absurdity.
