So we’re still at Camp Crystal Lake, and the campfire argument continues, which ended last week with Shep’s oh so dramatic falling backwards, when Craig said he sounded jealous, which he is.
On paper it does sound laughable. Mr. Old Money Rich Boy, never even had a fucking job, jealous of regular guy Craig from a regular family, who started his own business from the ground up, doesn’t get to loaf around all day. (anymore) But he really is jealous, because Shep has nothing to brag about, and does nothing. I think he has a complex about it, even though I’ve often heard him refer to himself as “very fortunate” over the years, when confronted about the fact that he doesn’t have a job, or business or anything that really defines him. Like does the asshole even have a hobby?
So dinner bell rings and we continue this bullshit to the table. Taylor tries to talk to spoiled brat Shep about Craig, and he says “I would say the same thing – I meant it …” whatever Sheep. Who all thought he kind of seemed like he grew up somewhat ?? Well we were wrong.
The table setting is GORG. What a waste on these fucking imbeciles.
I don’t get Olivia’s weird jealousy thing with Austen hooking up with Ciara. Well let me rephrase that. I kind of get it. But If she liked really liked him and is put off by it, just TRY hard to keep your mouth shut and act like you don’t care.
Soul food is on the menu. Shep is such a piece of shit, the look on his face is that of a toddler, as he’s flinging cucumbers over his shoulder from his salad, and saying “I hate cucumbers and I hate yellow mustard.” What grown ass man acts this way? This is so disrespectful. He is reminding me of someone I know that is also completely disrespectful. Also a spoiled trust fund baby. (He’s gotta wait til his parents croak to get his handout though, lol) I’ll laugh my ass off if they leave it all to his sister. They probably would if they knew how he behaves and treats people. Hopefully Shep’s parents heard his behavior on this episode and watched it, and are mortified at what they created, by never correcting him.
Whitney is trying to diffuse the situation. He and Craig go to the bar to get shots. Taylor asks
Shep, “may I speak?” May I SPEAK ?? Wtf Taylor? This dude should be kissing the fucking ground you walk on! A hot chick, fifteen fucking years younger, sweet and nice and tolerant as fuck. And you’re asking his permission to speak? Girl, whatever, guess I should pipe down, she did dump his dumb fucking ass. Taylor reminds Shep that he did doubt (and ridicule Craig) about the pillow thing, and now he’s succeeding. Shep says this is not about that. Taylor tells him to rise above his ego and just say he’s sorry to Craig. Rise above his ego. I like that. I should have used that with someone.
So he approaches Craig and it almost starts sounding like he’s still ridiculing him, honestly. He starts off with this robotic insincere sounding “Craig, I’m really reallysorry, I’m dead serious I’m sorry for all the shit I said.” I guess toward the end it sounded better. He’s just not used to saying he’s sorry. Again, I know someone like this. You know why they don’t say they’re sorry? Because they’re not fucking sorry, because they don’t fucking care. It’s pretty simple. They even do a quick dude hug.
Everyone starts walking away from the table like toddlers. I thought dinner was getting served? Okay so Craig and Shep make up but now, but Craig and Austen are arguing. Austen tells him he’s been lashing out due to the Naomi situation.
So now he tells Austen “we’re not friends anymore.” Okay so now the food really is coming. Craig came back. He did the Housewife walk away, where he just pretended to walk away, I guess.
That mac and cheese? It looks yum. I was just talking to someone on Twitter about my mac and cheese and how awesome it is. I haven’t made it in forever though. The secret is three cheeses! Don’t be boring and use just one!
Craig is acting really pissy and whiny. He needs to knock it off. Now Austen walks off pouting, because Olivia “is taking Craig’s side.” Nobody follows him. I guess he never comes back. I would have thought he would get some serious FOMO, and emerge from his Camp Crystal Lake quarters.
It’s morning. The boys are still sulking. Apparently Leva and Venita left. I probably don’t blame them.
I’d like to bitch about them, since they’re both annoying, but it was getting ridiculous. Not to mention, no one was talking about Madison, so there was no need for Ventia to be there. Olivia is on the phone with Leva whining about Austen and giving her a recap of the bowling, and whatever all they were doing.
They flash to the previous night, and Naomie is walking on the basketball court with a fucking stick up her ass. She is reminding me of Heather Dubrow on OC housewives, the way she walks. And the way she prances around Whitney! They’re such a gross couple. Like every time they reference those two fucking, and they do a lot, my stomach turns.
Shep is in full Bball mode, complete with his little outfit his mommy must have packed for him before she gave him his allowance for the trip. Leva needs the full recap from Olivia. And she wants every last freaking deet.
Naomie, our new resident skankeroo, who has no fucking shame, and Whitney left to screw while everyone was playing games. Craig harasses them outside the door. Okay so that’s really weird. He clearly is just beyond bothered by this.
Craig calls Paige about Naomie and Whitney fucking, and of course he’s laughing and acting all unbothered about it. Wonder if he forewarned her how he ACTUALLY took the news. As soon as Paige answers, he starts talking about Naomie. Which is kind of alarming if I was the new girlfriend. Paige is trying hard to act super cool about it, but this has to be bugging her. I know she was annoying on Summer House last season, but she seems to be trying to fit in with this group. I’m not sure these two will last, especially when they cease being “long distance.” But we’ll see.
Oh My God, so Whitney and Craig are inside, and can see Naomie approaching. Whitney says her “gait has an elegance to it.” Whitney is really goin in hard to act like he’s seriously into this chick. Okay stick up her ass, elegant gait, kind of the, NOT same.
Apparently neither Austen nor Naomie have ever heard the word “gait” before. He has to explain it to both of them. I also cannot stomach the way she says Whitney’s name when addressing him. I don’t know why. “Whitneyyyyy!!”
Okay whatever, moving on, sort of, Naomie and Whitney do an awkward greeting half hug thing. I’m just NOT seeing chemistry with these two. Zero. Does anyone? Maybe a blind person.
Naomie is committed to these skin tight black legging things for the whole entire stay, except when she strips them off, and opens her legs for this weirdo. I did like Whitney. I’m changing my mind. I don’t know, this whole Naomie thing is changing my mind, and he’s coming off kind of skeevy.
And What IS with this coy weird fake embarrassment thing Naomie goes into, every time it’s mentioned about her fucking him and/or Craig. Like girl you have banged two dudes, and the season just started. You were NOT shy about putting it on blast, proud of it even. Spare us the fake fucking embarrassment, and covering your face.
Enter Craig into the breakfast nook. He and Austen start bickering. Naomie is sitting indoors with sunglasses on, picking at her food trying to be sexy for her new beau, while also talking to Craig. Okay cool, the two dudes she just banged. Whitney looks awkward. They decide to do an egg toss, for whatever reason. Naomie is going to “go change.” Cannot flipping wait to see what other skin tight black pants/leggings she can come up with.
Craig and Shep are besties again and canoodle and giggle, in the hamock with their Bud Light’s. Is it not morning? Bud Light??
Okay really BORED with the Austen and Olivia dynamic!!
Okay so not to brag, but I was right ! Naomie puts on another pair of black fucking leggings. Now she’s sporting a low cut sports bra/crop top thing and has her hair perfectly cascading down her shoulders, as she saunters to the area, with her stick up her ass “ elegant gait.” FOR THE EGG TOSS.
She is coming off as so fucking desperate and pathetic. I don’t mean to sound like an asshole. But, come on!! THAT is what you put on? Everyone else is in jeans and flannel shirts, and she’s half-naked. With the exception of Marcie, who is 8 1/2 months pregnant, so she is wearing shorts and a sleeveless T-shirt. I get that. When you’re late pregnancy, you’re always fucking hot. I’m east coast and my daughter was born in late December and I could NOT force myself to wear a winter coat. My mom was here to help when she was born, and she kept scolding me. I was so hot!!
Why again, are they playing egg toss?? Whitney is opting out. He is too refined for this shit. Hell, I think I’m too refined for this shit !!
Okay so the episode drama, aside from all the boys bickering, was the argument between Taylor and Shep. She thinks Shep is out of the game, because he didn’t catch the egg, however it didn’t break (am I really writing this??) so to be funny she steps on the egg, and super fucking off the charts competitive Shep, proceeds to have a tantrum, and call her an idiot.
Then everyone starts yelling at him for calling her an idiot, she is humiliated (been there done that, it IS humiliating to be belittled in front of people) and runs off crying. Shep is such a fucking douche dick fucker, and can’t have ANYBODY daring to tell HIM how to act. (you know how you are, I know you’re still reading this) So he actually says “I should have called her worse!!” Guys this is an EGG TOSS !! And all he had to do was get another fricking egg ! An egg toss. If he was not completely humiliated watching this back, of his behavior then I hope he burns in hell. That sounds extreme? Maybe. But I stand by it.
Poor Taylor is like so confused about why he is having a hissy over this??? As we all are, watching this. This is called an undisciplined child. Olivia throws an egg at him. He storms off. Guys, again, this is an EGG TOSS, It’s not the fucking U.S. Open. He has his hands on his hips and looks sort of gay, if you ask me. (not that there’s anything wrong with that) Everyone is looking on in disbelief.
He’s now yelling at Olivia for throwing an egg at him, and getting egg all over his nice sweats and T-shirt. He just proceeded to make it awkward for everyone.
“The wussification of America continues.” How does that apply here? Mmkay you big dumb neanderthal freak. She’s a girl! We’re allowed to be a wuss! You’re looking like a big smelly PUSSY right now, yelling at girls!
Craig and Austen have a make up love fest convo. Those two are weird. They’re just fucking weird. Shep’s ‘wussification’ comment is more applicable to these two dorks.
So now it’s all awkward. The guys know he’s wrong, but they don’t know what to do or say to him. They feel like they have to be ‘bros’ and don’t want to get involved. Naomie is consoling her.
Shep’s tantrum continues. He keeps trying to justify his behavior, instead of owning it. (ahem) Whitney tries to tell him to talk to Taylor, and now it’s Naomie’s fault. So as annoying as NaHOEmie is, that’s just ridiculous.
Marcie kind of is acting like she cares about Taylor’s feelings, but she seems to think it’s funny, and is laughing about it.
Aren’t there any fucking tissues at Camp Crystal Lake? Taylor is wiping her nose on her jacket sleeve non-stop. Shep still with the hands on his hip looking like, I don’t fucking know! I want to make some funny comparison at how ridick he looks, but I got nothing. Usually I’m great at the insults on spoiled brat narcissistic dudes. I think it’s a defense mechanism body language. He knows he’s wrong, but just cannot say it.
So Taylor walks away at seeing him, and sits down with NaHOEmie, and he is on instant defense, and babbling about not being perfect or an accountant… Yes we know you’re not an accountant Shep, because that would mean you have a JOB.
Taylor is crying and calls Craig and Marcie, and says she wants to leave. Marcie is like “I didn’t know she was that upset.” Woman, he called her a fucking idiot in front of ten fucking people! For stepping on egg. Then when everyone told him to shut up, he said I should have called her worse! You didn’t know she was that upset??
Naomie prancing around in this leggings and tank top thing, like she’s all that, is just annoying the shit out of me.
Fast forwarding through this repetitive convo between Austen and Olivia. They talk about Ciara, and it’s so disrespectful, how Austen just admits he just used her, and tossed her aside.
So Craig talks to Shep, and tells him the same fucking thing everyone else has been trying to tell him, and for some fucking reason, suddenly has some epiphany that apologizing is the right thing to do. He says he’s sorry to her, and does make excuses, but it was a nice apology that I hope that he meant. She says there is an angry inner being that comes out of him, and it’s scary. Hmmm. I get that.
She says she’s exhausted dealing with his tantrums. I get that too.
He says he will try to do better, and do whatever she wants. She basically tells him to stop being a fucking dirt bag. She said it more nicely though. He does do the “I’m sorry that you’re upset” thing, though that I hate. It makes it seem like it’s not their fault. Again are there no tissues?? The nose on the sleeve is pissing me off. None of these bitches fawning all over her and consoling her could her a box of tissues ???
