Southern Charm 11/9/23

Madison narrating, why just why? I think I complain every week. She’s not even in most of the episodes. Which is fine, I’m not complaining about that, at all. When she is, she’s chilling with Hudson and her new brainwashed dude, which is also fine, but it does seem like she just realized she has a kid.

Let me just start off by saying this random bra thing is LUDICROUS, and none of it makes sense and is clearly completely MADE UP. Some mutual ‘friend’ chick of Rod’s happens to be at Austen’s and sees a pink bra at his house. How many chicks exactly is Austen entertaining per week?

I missed last week’s recap, but I did watch, and I’m completely disgusted at Austen for swooping in right as soon as Olivia’s brother passed away, lurking around like a fucking sketchy predator, bringing her food, whatever the hell.

That coffee meeting in the park was so disturbing. And why the fuck was SHE bringing HIM coffee? Is she forgetting everything, and is just going to be mad at Taylor?

So he wanted nothing to do with her last year, right? Nothing, dismissed her, he was done. (he was ‘DONE WITH HER!’)

But AS SOON AS she takes an interest in someone else, he suddenly is into her again, and exploits the death of her brother, and his sister from 20 years ago. I try to give this guy the benefit of the doubt, but no more.

And Olivia, dumb ass sitting there all giddy and gleeful, like ‘oh please please please, like me again.’ For a girl that’s so pretty, she seems to be a little too quick to be all over every loser that pays a little attention to her. That’s usually shit ugly chicks do. It is. Sorry. If a dude pays atttention to an unattractive chick, she can’t let him get away, like how many dudes pay attention to ugly chicks?

When she had the date with Rod, and be brought sandwiches and whatever, made sure her bread was gluten-free, and he seems like a nice guy, he’s not awful-looking, but he’s nothing spectacular, and she was giggly and blushing, like all over the dude.

The way she acts around guys reminds me of that scene in Shallow Hal, in the cab when Hal starts flirting and hitting on that chick, that he, and the audience are seeing as a knock-out, but in reality, is not attractive at all. That scene looks so bizarre, because it’s odd seeing a woman so gorgeous acting so flattered and fidgety about a dude paying attention to her. Now Rod, I guess, is a little better looking that Jack Black, but still, do you get what I mean?

She needs to learn to put these fuckers in their place, and make them work for it a little bit.

Ugly skanky women with no morals, and no self-respect, are desperate and do disgusting demeaning, embarrassing things for guys to like them, pretty ones don’t. We don’t have to.

I’m not calling Olivia skanky, I’m calling someone else a skank, she knows who she is.

I’m just saying, Olivia needs to learn to play a little hard to get, and not fall for every dude that says hello. Even if she does like him, girl act like ya don’t!!

So Taylor is with her family at their bougee lake house, which of course is 45 minutes away from Shep’s family’s bougee lake house. She has invited Olivia. So stupid. Olivia is still super pissed at her, but come hang with my family for a few days?? Said no one ever.

Oh, and I wanted to make fun of 42 year-old Shep in last, last week’s episode when he called his mommy to ask if he can have his friends over, and doesn’t know how to work a fucking basic gas grill. You literally turn the gas knob, and press start. His mom doesn’t even bother to explain it to him.

Is it self explanatory?” he asks.

This pathetic man-child idiotic abusive dude should have been drowned at birth. So should another pathetic man-child idiotic abusive dude.

Taylor’s rocking the new boobies, spending that Bravo cash.

Somber music plays as Olivia drives her Benz up the mountainside. She calls her mom discussing Taylor and how she’s still angry at her. What annoys me about all of this, is how her fucking brother just OD’s and she’s literally concerning herself with fucking Taylor hooking up with fucking Austen. It’s just mind-blowing to me.

In her yap, I don’t get how she can complain about stupid Taylor and Austen in the same breath as dealing with her brother’s death. as if one even compares to the other. Unless she hated her brother.

It’s not like Taylor and Austen were getting cozy while they were together, because they weren’t. Austen told Olivia he wasn’t interested in pursuing a relationship. So it sucks, but pales in comparison to losing a sibling, and you would think she would drop this trivial crap.

Like after a tragic loss, isn’t there something about focusing on what’s important in life? And she really thinks Austen and Taylor are important enough to keep acting so agitated about?

Recall please that Austen told Taylor to keep their little rendezvous a secret.

He moved in on her, and took advantage when she was devastated over Shep. He did that thing we sat and watched him do to Olivia on camera two weeks ago, and what he most likely did to Ciara as well, and it’s not cool.

If you’re going to be mad at Taylor then you have to still be pissed at Austen. Period. Dot.

Meanwhile at Shep’s mommy and daddy’s lake house, (wonder if he ever lied when trying to impress chicks, lying that he actually owned it. I know someone did that.) it’s the morning after their dude dinner party, with Velveeta mac and cheese, because Shep literally thinks he’s still TEN.

He also drinks straight from a jug of milk with a house full of guests, when he’s hacking all over the place. Shep is a degenerate.

I spit in it too!

I know I say this a lot in my responses on social media about Paige and Craig. Paige sounds so beyond uninto Craig. Between the way she communicates with him, to how she absolutely refuses to relocate.

If a woman (or man) won’t take the steps needed to move the relationship forward, then she doesn’t care about the relationship that much.

Much like a woman who’s just in it for some dick and free crap.

I’m not saying she’s not into Craig, I’m saying she’s not that into him. She’s likes having someone to date and hang out with, things like that. Superficial reasons. They are cute together I will give them that.

JT and Rod gossip about Austen. JT asks “what he should wear?” – to go fly fishing.

I don’t even know what to say about these ladies anymore.

Why do they need ‘fishing guides’ if Shep is so expert at this? He flexes to the guides how he’s “done it a ton.” Weirdo.

This waterfall is gorge.

I guess the guides have a function after all, as they provide all of the gear and shit.

Shep said fly fishing makes him “feel like a man.”

Does getting a monthly allowance from his mommy also make him ‘feel like a man?’

L O Fucking L.

The weighted boots, pairing with currant prove to be a little too much for poor little 120 pound JT, and he starts to get swept away.

I want my mommy!!!

I think there must be a minimum height and weight requirement that JT does not meet. He keeps falling. Most entertaining part of the show, actually. He’s the only one that seemed to be standing in the currant for some reason. Now Jennifer is crying that he’s cold.

Craig complains to Rodrigo about Paige not being into moving forward. It’s sad to me that she’s wasting his time like this. Most 30 year old women would love that their boyfriend is anxious to get married and have kids, but Paige is annoyed by it. And I don’t think it’s because she’s against the whole getting married and having kids thing. I just don’t think Craig is it for her.

******

Olivia arrives at Taylor’s parents’ vaca home (not Taylor’s.) She immediately gets greeted with prayer time from her mom. Okay, that’s just annoying. That is not that comforting to people that aren’t religious, is what religious people don’t realize. And I have nothing against religon. Just my opinion.

So coincidental Shep would be at his (parents’) vaca home while Taylor is at hers. And of course why wouldn’t he invite his ex-girlfriend to join him and five fucking guys?? She announces this as if they’re still a couple, and this is so normal.

So much of these shows are not real, as we know, and we roll with it, because we know. However, the tension between Olivia and Taylor, is real, and you can just feel it through the screen.

Taylor works hard at kissing Olivia’s ass and Olivia works hard at dismissing her, and blowing her off.

Taylor gives her these little bracelets as ‘birthday gifts’ for Connor, that I didn’t really understand.

Taylor did say she was sorry and admitted to using poor judgment. I’m not sure what more the girl can do. She’s a grown woman, and it takes two, she can make her own decision, I get it, but she was being heavily influenced by Austen, is what I think.

Olivia is not having her excuses, and continues to question the timeline, that seems to be shockingly close to when Austen told her that wasn’t interested in pursuing a serious relationship with her.

So here again, Olivia, I mean you should have the pick of the litter when it comes to dudes, so why are we so worried about Austen fucking Kroll. Like stop acting like a Shallow Hal girl already. What is wrong with her? Is this a Southern thing? She’s just too nice?

Taylor starts her apology speech yet again.

I really just drove five hours to bang Austen and reject Rod.

The whole LA discussion is funny. Taylor is like “you were there for a WEEEEEEK !!” as if that’s an extremely long period of time. Olivia counters with “yeah a week,… Tay…” and pissily snickers.

I do believe they did more too. I think everyone believes that. Also, it’s getting kind of ‘Who Shot JR?’ Who really cares anymore?

Okay fine we fucked, but I didn’t inhale.

When are women going to learn to just NOT fight over a dude that has NO integrity, no morals, and no concern for anyone but themselves, and I didn’t used to think that of Austen. I kind of had a soft spot for him, but I’m entitled to change my mind.

I think it’s the way he’s suddenly attentive when she’s sad and vulnerable. And oh, don’t forget she also took an interest in someone else. It makes me want to puke.

Whatever. Olivia wants to turn around and leave five minutes after driving the whole hell way up there, which takes hours. But wait! How convenient is it that she can go crash at Shep’s where there are several dudes, including Austen of course. Oh well she drug a whole 30 pound sack of shoes in the house for nothing.

******

Poor JT’s drawers got all soaked when he got swept away in the river, and now has to wear the fishing overalls to the vineyard, where they are stopping on the way back. So he’s cold and wet, and has to put these rubbery fishing overalls on with nothing underneath. It’s funny, but I feel a little bit bad. Not to mention he looks kind of stupid as he waddles into the building. Guess there was no Target on the way.

He’s such a helpless little guy.

Vineyards are the best. There’s so much — wine.

Olivia calls Shep. So again, how handy, as Olivia is distraught and on the way back from Taylor’s, that the vineyard is on the way, so stop on by for a glass of wine with six dudes, including an ex, and a guy that’s into you. Sounds like someone needs some male attention. She couldn’t stand to be around Taylor for kissing and cozying up to Austen, after they broke up, whatever, but she’s okay to be around, and suck up to Austen. She doesn’t feel the least bit uncomfortable with that.

It gets weird when Olivia arrives to join six guys. Six. I can’t even imagine how awkward that would be. It’s now a completely different energy. It’s funny when she talks about Taylor, and the trust being broken, Austen sits there pretending as if this has nothing to do with him.

He and Rod gaze at her, with their guy listening skills, hearing nothing that she says, and not caring.

I wonder what color her bra is, or if she’s wearing one.

So Rod rides back to the house with Olivia, which was approximately 5 – 10 minutes away, ‘so she doesn’t have to ride alone.. He gets ridiculed for following Olivia around. But in his defense, right before the brother tragedy, she was ALL ABOUT Rod, and reciprocating his feelings. So they need to stop acting like the kid is being completely delusional. So what happened. Oh, I know!!

The brother dies, Austen swoops in, uses his sister’s death to identify with her, and now she’s like Rod who? So yeah, of course he’s confused.

The awkward small talk in the car, continues at the house, and is so fucking ugggghhhhhhh.

Let Rod alone that he doesn’t like salad. It’s the least of the problems here. The awkwardness does not disappoint at the big sit-down dinner.

What the hell is with the child’s tattoo, or sticker, we’re not sure, that Shep presents to Taylor? She baby talks when she sees it, and sits and stares at it like a fucktard.

Thank you for the sticker, can I have a lollipop too?

These people are all acting so childish and strange, it’s honestly hard to watch. Taylor is so uncomfortable with Shep, and everyone else is just uncomfortable.

I swear to God, I wanna stab myself in the eye every time someone presents Olivia with something ‘gluten-free’ and she says “awwww, thank you!” Austen rolls his eyes every time Rod speaks to her.

So I never knew Craig to be a conspiracy theorist aficionado. They played a flash a few weeks ago with him talking about ‘government vaccines’ – prior to 2020. So I kind of thought that was interesting. I’m not going into all of that here, but I admire people that question things, and research and form opinions that may not be the general consensus.

OhmiGod, Rod does NOT tell her about this fucking bra. He then embarrassingly begs Olivia to see him exclusively. This dude is BAD at picking up on body language and queues. She could not be blowing him off anymore.

Dude, she left her bra. At another guy’s fucking house. Two days ago. Like, stop. She shuts him down.

I’m seeing other people. Well, only Austen, but he’s kind of like seeing different people.

Why oh why do these guys insist on doing competitive games with Shep? So JT beats Shep at ping-pong, okay? Which is a shock, even though it’s ping-pong. He joins everyone on the deck, including Taylor, admitting that he was out ping-ponged, and proceeds to explain and make excuses in intricate detail how and why he lost. He’s pretty drunk. He could have just went with that.

JT enters and Taylor congratulates him, which sets Shep off, and he gets in deep Shep mode, and yells and curses at her, because you know, he lost at ping-pong, guys. She throws red wine on him.

She does the Housewife “I’m leaving” thing, even does the very dramatic mic removal to let us know she’s really serious.

MOM, he CHEATED !!!!

Shep flips on Austen now, because everyone is jealous of him, he says.

Shep apologizes to Taylor, but does the apology while blaming her narc thing.

They sleep together.

The End.

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