Well the dresses are over the top as usual – especially Melissa with the hoodie. Still very Jersey, but overall a little more classy than normal. I like Andy’s comment – “I think these are the best reunion dresses ever – and then quickly adds, “of Jersey.” So that was a little bit of a back-handed compliment. Leave it to Andy. Melissa looks like the Fairy Godmother in the Disney Cinderella cartoon movie.
Joe Guidice calls Teresa, seemingly having no clue they just sat down to ‘reunite’ to ask if Bill does “bags under your eyes.” You would think they wouldn’t want them sitting there with their phones, or would at least want them silenced.
Oh well, who cares. According to the Karens it’s “all scripted” anyway.
Teresa is sans the excessively long fake hair all the way down to her ass. Andy comments that it looks sophisticated. This looks so much better and more age appropriate than those long blonde extensions. Why would you even want to do that when this is your natural hair? They need to stop being so Jersey. This was probably Louie’s suggestion. At least he’s good for something.
I like how Melissa says “we’re still working on it” in reference to their new home. Translation: they’re fixing all of the flaws and the unappealing curb appeal after getting dragged through the mud by the viewers. It really is ugly. I’m not just saying that because I’m jealous. It’s ugly. The windows were crooked, it desperately needed statement windows, and the entrance looks like a big shoe box attached to the front. Not to mention it looked like a toned down mimic of Teresa’s old house.
Andy tries to make a joke with Jennifer about wearing ‘Ramona Blue’ that she doesn’t get.
Teresa does a weird thing that I thought for sure Andy would make a tittie joke out of. She has him put his hand to her heart to feel how fast it was beating. Come on Andy – how about – “if ya wanted me to feel your boobs ya just had to ask.” He played along. He probably feels sorry for her,
Andy tries to act concerned and tells Melissa and Teresa that he wants to try to ‘facilitate’ a truce between them.
Seriously Andy Cohen, stop it. He has made so much money off of these two at each other’s throats over the years. He was probably so pissed when they were getting along for those five minutes after Teresa got out of jail.
All kidding aside, about her heart beat drama, she does seem really anxious at this reunion. Probs because she knows she has to answer to Louie’s strange behavior, and try to go toe to toe with Melissa and Margaret without sounding retarded.
Teresa wants to “close the chapter.” And we know she has no qualms with doing that, since she ousted her cousins several years ago, and never looked back, due to some minor disagreements and Teresa’s overall difficulty to communicate and coexist with.
Teresa cries wolf with how hard it’s been having her family hurt Louie when his family has been so wonderful to her. Melissa reminds her that she accused her of having a boyfriend, and encouraged her brother to leave her. Like, remember that part???
Andy doesn’t want things to get that intense yet so he cuts them off, which is a good thing for Teresa, because she would have had no argument to that, that made any sense whatsoever.
So Dina not attending the wedding was because of whatever excuse Teresa made, but Andy challenges that because he has noticed that they’re not besties, and traveling and posting constantly anymore.
And rumor has it that this was because of a business deal gone sour with her husband and Louie. Teresa denies that. Also could be reason why she’s so worked up. She doesn’t want to have to admit to any of this embarrassing shit, and needs to lie her ass off.
Melissa interjects and said that Dina’s husband Dave spoke to Joe and corrobbed the tiff is because of slimy Louie, however Joe shouldn’t have shared it on the show since Dave wants no part in it.
Teresa doesn’t deny this, and looks really uncomfortable. Were we supposed to feel bad for her that her heart is beating fast?? Maybe try telling the truth for a change lady.
The wedding list – and who didn’t make the cut – Melissa’s family of course.
Teresa insists there was still bad blood with them from ‘back in the day’ which is a phrase they need to stop using constantly. Melissa wants to know why her family was cool when she wanted to bring Louie around, and make it seem like she had family that she’s close to, when she really doesn’t. “When you need us we’re good, when you don’t need us – bye.” Kind of true. But Melissa has also taken advantage of the situation to benefit herself. A big difference is that Melissa is likable, and Teresa is not. Teresa hates that.
Teresa bitches that when she was single they never invited her out to dinner. Wow. It’s going to be a long hour. Well, like she says “we’re not close.” That was her reasoning for not asking Melissa to be part of the wedding party. Melissa disagrees and points out times that they all went out together, and photos are flashed. Teresa says “okay that one time.”
Teresa accuses Joe pushing of pushing to get Louie on the show. Melissa disputes that, and says he could not wait to get on, and even adds to that he totally knew who she was, and targeted her to get on TV, and in addition, also prior to reeling in Dumb As a Stump Teresa, he wanted to date a chick from Miami Housewives. I totally can believe that. How can she be this oblivious at this point?
Teresa tells Melissa that she needs to leave the show, and she’s out of her life after tonight.
******
“Let’s move on.” – Serious Andy voice. He addresses Dolores now, who’s time I think has expired and she can be a ‘friend’ at this point. How sick are we of hearing her same fucking Frank spiel, and the same tired photos of them from 100 years ago? I honestly don’t get why they never reconciled, when neither one of them ever remarried 30 years later, or 20, or whatever, and they seem to get along, and Frank doesn’t come off to me as the asshole that she describes when they were married. Not that I don’t believe her, I think he may have changed his ways, which I didn’t really think was possible.
So how does he differ from David?
How does he not? Well, he’s straight for one thing. And he actually is interested in being around her, and not her ex and son.
And I love how she brushes off that Frank still lives with David as if it’s the most normal thing in the world. Then this: “He built that house you know.”
Okay so yes, as Andy teases her, that doesn’t mean he has to live there with him. What kind of idiocy is that?? Dolores sometimes sounds as dumb as Teresa. It’s like she’s grasping at straws to justify this arrangement, and maybe deflect a little as to how it looks. It looks weird. Just say it. Also weird that Frank wants to hang around a dude that he has to know is into him, if he’s straight. Assuming he is. He does drink Apoletini’s though, so we don’t really know.
And then as we’ve recently learned, Mr. Perfect Paulie is not even divorced, yet he’s talking an engagement and marriage to Dolores. She again acts as if that’s normal “no, not yet” (not YET? He’s been separated for fourteen years! Fourteen!)
Just say you’re annoyed!!
I don’t get people putting off getting the actual divorce after separation. I guess it’s procrastination. Or maybe one party is hoping for a reconciliation. Yes it sucks, yes it’s a pain, and yes it’s expensive. But it comes off as neither party is actually serious about moving on if they’re not going to make it (un)official. And he’s been separated for fourteen years. Yeah, that has to be some sort of record.
Dolores has to be annoyed by this, but typical of her, (and Teresa) they pretend and put on a front that everything is perfect. Which Teresa is doing now with Louie, and Dolores did with David, and is now doing with Paul.
Beating the Frank thing to death again. It’s all so strange. If we have to listen to Frank’s pissing and moaning again next season, with his Appletini in hand, about not hanging out with Dolores all of the time, I am going to LOSE. IT. Another reason why she needs a demotion. It’s all that she has to talk about.
******
Danielle and her brother – and yes, we know he’s a fucking little douchy turd and has been pouting for three years about NOTHING. Please., we know. And she can’t be that upset about it, it was her whole entire story line and talking point. It’s most likely what even got her on the show.
So we did get a little teeny interesting point from Danielle, which perked my ears up. He has always watched the show, and she even refers to it as his favorite. So, now Danielle is a part of it. Do you think this is adding to his pissy little ‘tude?
Is Jersey looking to have a fresh new scenario of dueling siblings?? Maybe they’re getting rid of both the Gorga’s, and Teresa and Louie. Perhaps we’ll have her sister-in-law as a new Housewife and they’re grooming Danielle as the new Teresa. Hmmm. Little food for thought. I mean, the Teresa/Joe Guidice/Now Louie, versus Melissa/Joe, has been quite lucrative for twelve freaking years. But it’s getting old and stale. They literally have the same fucking arguments over and over and over and over. Maybe Bravo is paying attention to the comments by the viewers on social media, maybe, that we’re all sick of it.
Look at Andy, even. It’s enough.
Danielle addresses Margaret, and wants to know what info she thinks she knows about it, since she eluded to that. Margaret reassures her that she knows nothing, and there is no ‘arsenal.’
I think she may have been in contact with the brother and/or the wife. I think Margaret is so flipping sneaky, and tries so hard to come off as this charitable do-gooder, but she really lives for everyone to fail and be humiliated. She defends her comment in Ireland, “that’s why you’re going to have problems with your family your whole life” when Danielle announced that “I forgive but never forget.”
‘Forgive and forget’ – such a cliché line that isn’t really supposed to be analyzed and taken literally. I can’t stand when people say “I forgive, but I don’t forget.” Well of course you don’t completely ‘forget’ about something that you were pissed at someone about.
It’s not supposed to be taken literally. It means you are willing to move forward with someone who has apologized for upsetting you. So stupid. Such a stupid thing to even discuss, let alone argue about. But here we are.
Teresa starts acting very on brand, and childish and mocking Melissa for saying she wanted to be friends with Danielle and liked her energy.
Margret refers to her fans as “Tre stumps.” Teresa thinks she’s referring to her a ‘tree stump’ and rolls out her typical very quick comeback of “look at YOU.” Margaret makes fun of her. Ii don’t think Melissa got it either.
The dreaded ‘arsenal’ discussion is on deck, and Rachel and Danielle go at it. Margaret admits watching it back, the whole thing was overblown. That never happens.
Well at least Melissa the ‘teacher’ now knows what the definition of arsenal is. So it wasn’t a total loss.
Andy refers to it as “the dumbest fight.” Andy – really?? The DUMBEST fight? Of all of the Housewife fights? They’re all dumb. It’s what they do. Take a minor incident, or discussion, and then like dogs with one thousand bones, they gnaw and chew, and chew and gnaw some more, and do not let it go for the entire time of filming. Which I believe they’re encouraged to do.
Dolores gets involved, and puts on some sort of therapist hat, and has them make a pact to bury this ‘Marge has an arsenal on everyone’ and move on. Okay, sure.
******
Teresa and Rachel argue about whether or not “are Melissa’s and your kids close?” was a ‘set-up question.’ She denies it, but I kind of think it was.
But Teresa can only blame herself for giving the world’s most asinine fucking answer.
So seriously, all four of her girls are now ‘mad’ at poor Antonia for not attending Milania’s Sweet 16 because she had a cheerleading competition that was out of state??
If that’s the case, that is most likely at Teresa’s prompting, and due to her comments.
Andy questions Melissa if it’s not hypocritical to freak about Teresa speaking negatively about Antonia, when they talk about Gia on their podcast. Melissa defends it by saying – she thinks they have hate in their heart for her, due to Teresa’s influence. So she’s not dissing the girls, she’s just dissing Teresa.
I think Joe and Melissa should NOT be doing this podcast about the show. It seems so — desperate. And the clips I hear, it’s all about Teresa and Louie. I don’t know what the hell else they would talk about?? Melissa has NOTHING to talk about if she’s not hating on Teresa. I know that’s not exactly an ‘original’ thought, but it really is true. Take last season, for example. I do think Melissa was making a consorted effort to get along with Teresa. If you don’t recall that, you should rewatch. She totally was. When Teresa was acting outrageous, talking nonsense, having her tantrums, and throwing shit, both Melissa and Joe were trying hard to defend her and be in her corner. Which is really hard to do.
All that Melissa talked about was Antonia’s cheering and ‘tumbling’ and her torn ACL. Which made her look boring as fuck. Also, she was last seat, and look where she is this season. So, guys, do the math.
I wish they had the dignity and the willpower to remove themselves from the show and all things Housewife, and just move on. It’s really getting to be pathetic.
They argue about Joe coming to see her one time in jail. Melissa points out she didn’t put him on ‘the list’ until she needed them to film ‘Teresa Checks In.’ All of this sort of does make sense. It does sound like stuff Teresa would do. Teresa is still pissed that Joe said they helped the family by providing income for the household (the ‘food on the table’ thing) when Teresa was in jail, and Joe Guidice was not employed.
Melissa lists other shit that they have done for her, and how she was okay with them then. (not sure why she couldn’t take Gia to college herself?) Teresa’s comebacks in a confrontation are ALWAYS so lame. Since she has no arguments, and nothing intelligent to say, she just repeats gibberish – “look at you, look where you’re sitting” or “yes, exxxxactly” and last but not least, “you’re lying.”
Always the same dumb shit. Fans are laughing at her, not with her.
And the ball player argument when Marge said in jest, to Melissa when Joe was being a dick, “you could be like JLo and date an MLB player.”
Jennifer is so pleased with herself for befriending this phantom Laura chick and getting her own ‘arsenal’ of dirt on Marge. She supposedly told Jennifer Marge always said things like “Melissa can do so much better.”
I can see Marge saying that. All day. And I’m sure she’s no fan of old school Italian chauvinistic Joe Gorga, and their sort of ‘traditional’ and old-fashioned dynamic, since Marge wears the pants in her household. She has to understand not all guys are fucking wimps like her Joe.
Jennifer shares that Laura thinks Margaret blocked her from being on the show, and Andy tells her that she was actually trying to get her on, which leads, of COURSE, into how Melissa infringed on Teresa’s territory, and took her spotlight away, by inserting herself on ‘her’ show.
Teresa refers to it as ‘disgusting.’ She will never let this go, ever.
Jennifer to Andy: “Did Melissa ever contact yo to get on the show?”
Andy’s answer is interesting. “I have no recollection of that.” Forgetfulness. Classic. So that was an easy out for him. He’s not saying she did, and not saying she didn’t. I’m sure she did. But you know, it’s time for Teresa to just get the fuck over it.
She’s so FUCKING STUPID – she starts listing her accomplishments on the show, to one-up Melissa, and prove she’s the ‘star’ and points out “I went to jail on the show.” Melissa applauds that sarcastically. She doesn’t even know how idiotic that sounded.
Okay, so now we’re getting into it. I was seeing this online. Teresa now thinks Melissa and Joe were in cahoots with Guidice’s ex-partner, and outed their dirty dealings to the IRS. I’m sure this is coming from Louie.
Melissa denies this. Honestly, I don’t know what to think. They’ve always hated each other and never got along. But, as I’ve said before, Teresa yanking thousands and thousands of cash out of her purse to pay for furniture on the show wasn’t a bright move, and probably got some attention from the feds.
I’m sure they watch Housewives. Especially Jersey.
