Just to show your how diplomatic I can be, you all know how I feel about BlaBla, but I want to commend her because I think it’s beyond admirable that she has remained sober for this long, and seems to not even be tempted. I think it HAS to be hard to be hanging around in bars, and people that are drinking.
James too. He had a slip-up trying to convince himself he could drink socially but realized he can’t, but he seems back on track.
As if we need Jax on VPR again, when we’re stuck with him on The Valley, which I’m sort of watching. It’s hard because I can’t stand Jax, and the way he treats Brittany. My stupid bad for thinking that he changed, and maybe he appreciated his wife, who has to be one of the nicest and sweetest girls I’ve ever ‘known.’
He shows up at James’ house, who he’s had a contentious relationship with when he was still on VPR. I thought Jax was fired and banned for some racist or anti-gay shit he posted a while ago. Same with Kristen, because of her and Stassi’s comments about Faith.
He looks like the dude from ‘Home Improvement.’ Never mind – that guy was very wise if I recall.
But, as we know with Bravo, when there’s some sort of scandalous or inappropriate activity having to do with a Bravoleb, and it becomes this big whole thing and they get canned, they seem to wait for the multitude of the next scandals, assuming we forgot, and then just bring them back like nothing fucking happened.
Another example of that is Mary from Salt Lake City, I heard has a full-time slot this season, which should be airing in a few months, since they film over the winter.
Back to this, they flash on an argument from 8 years ago of these two morons fighting over who had the easier or more useless job, a bartender or a DJ. Let’s call it even. Just like his argument with Sandoval about the same thing.
None of these dudes are very bright.
The have collabbed on hosting a brunch at SUR, of course, that Jax would be highly unlikely to do, but we have a TV show to do.
This is why I HATE this dirty slime –
He stands here with a straight fucking face, whining to James that Katie is spreading rumors that he cheated on Brittany, when he knows goddamned well that he DID cheat on Brittany. Did Katie repeat it and mention it? Yes she did, but I sincerely doubt she’s ‘starting rumors.’ She doesn’t have to Jax, because you DO cheat!! Jesus.
He shit talks Lisa and says he’s not going to kiss her ass because she show owns some restaurants. Whatever.
******
Summer and that pink cast on her teeny tiny little arm makes me so sad, but it’s also so adorable. I’m torn.
Brittany drops in on Scheana. They’re really trying to integrate these two shows as we can see. I wouldn’t be shocked if this is VPR’s last season, and they all end up on The Valley next season. It would make sense, you have to admit.
They bitch about their husbands. Scheana cracks me up. This girl was so desperate to be married, and now she ‘s married, all she does is complain about being married. Did she think it was a fucking picnic putting up with a dude 24/7? You would think she would know?? This isn’t her first rodeo.
I don’t think Brock is THAT bad. He needs a job, and he’s not my cup of tea, but he’s not totally horrible.
How would she like it if fucking Jax was her husband? I feel like he can’t do anything to please her. He wanted to take her out to dinner for their anniversary since some soiree they were planning fell through, and she bitched at him for that.
Literally so sick of Brock whining about this fucking not having a nanny, and this is what’s ‘holding him back’ from having some super fucking awesome and lucrative career, so he can move to being the bread winner. It’s getting old.
And what was his excuse when Scheana was pregnant and they didn’t have money to the point where Sandoval had to give her money? Don’t think they needed a nanny when Summer was in her uterus. I’m over this dude. What is she doing with this loser?? Fucking farmer, fitness guru, rugby player, NFL player… whatever. He talks out both sides of his mouth, and his asshole. He reminds me of somebody.
And what is Scheana doing all day that she’s ‘working’ and he has to take care of Summer? This stupid podcast where she basically sits and trashes Sandoval for an hour takes up that much time?? That’s ‘working?’
This dude he’s unloading on about his nanny issues looks bored shitless. This is just not what dudes talk about. Clearly a fake convo for the viewers to help ease his ego because he’s not working, and doesn’t want to appear as a free loader. Summer seems like the most content toddler that never even fusses, and can sit and entertain herself, why couldn’t he brainstorm or whatever, while he’s home with her?
I guess you would need to have a brain for that.
He keeps talking about this stupid gym that he sold, and it’s been like four years now. Like I think he just wants to remind us that he DID do something. And I’m assuming if he sold this gym, it wasn’t profitable, so it’s not impressive. So shut up. We know. You failed at running a gym.
Scheana complains to Brittany simultaneously. What did Brittany do to her face? She used to be so pretty.
Scheana calls it ‘misogynistic’ that he isn’t comfortable with her bringing home the bacon. I think that’s an exaggerated word for the situation. I don’t think he has a deep hatred for women because he feels inferior that he’s not working. He should, actually. I don’t get why these people think they’re too good and important to just go get a fucking job.
Postpartum OCD, is that REALLY a thing? It sounds like something made up to put women on anti-depressants and make pharma companies richer. Now she thinks Brock likes BlaBla or BlaBla likes Brock? I thought I heard that wrong when I watched Tuesday night. Well okay, here we go again…
******
Now Katie wants to be friendly and hang out with Schwartz. They have this cringy convo about that Tori chick they both dated. So fucking weird.
There’s really a Mel’s Diner in LA? Where’s Alice? Katie really just smiled?? And it didn’t even look devious like the one other time she smiled this season. Her face looks sorta weird. I think because she’s not used to smiling, she forgot how.
Is he starting to realize that NO ONE likes the hair, and Jo did this to him because she was pissed? Can he be that dumb??
She was literally rubbing the bleach into his scalp after he told her it was burning. He’s now getting a tattoo. He’s honestly not giving me mid-life crisis, he’s more giving ‘girl that just turned 18.’ What’s the first thing they do when they don’t have to listen to their mom, dye their hair a weird color and gets a tat that they eventually regret.
******
Brock and Scheana have their anniversary date. This looks like a bougee place, and she orders popcorn shrimp. She complains she can’t ‘vlog’ because Brock suggested they put their phones away.
Scheana doesn’t realize she’s missing out on being in the moment by having to make these recordings of every single thing they do. And how entitled to think we all give that much of a shit.
I love Scheana’s optimistic attitude about their marriage, but let’s be honest about the success rate of Bravo couples.
They have this SAME fucking tired and senseless merry-go-round convo that never gets resolved, that she won’t get a full-time ‘nanny’ and that’s causing his lack of career, AGAIN. He claims he had one foot in the door of the NFL. What?? Doubt that. I know I said earlier that he’s not that bad, but I kind of do think he’s a buffoon. I think because both of my long term relationships have been with abusive guys, that guys that aren’t abusive I want to try to give a chance.
That’s so sad isn’t it?? Both of my relationships were with abusers. A long marriage and an on-off boyfriend of 5 years. I can really pick ’em right?
I don’t get how he thinks he can build a relationship with his other two kids when they live in fucking Australia. If he really wanted to see them he would get on a plane. Just like that Below Deck dude that was whining he’s never seen his child except online. There’s just no excuse for it. I’m wondering if this isn’t starting to bother Scheana now that they have a kid, that someone could just desert their two children.
******
This fucking scene of Schwartz and Sandoval driving to the tattoo place in this 1985 whatever this is, I guess a Mustang, doing the white guy jam, is like, I don’t even know what to say. It’s honestly hard to believe this isn’t some sort of joke. Someone has to parody this. BlaBla and James should.
These two are such fucking putzes and they swear to God that they’re cool.
And then you add to this the fact that he’s getting a tat of his dogs, I’m at a loss.
The group is going up to SanFran for some whiskey event hosted by Kyle. Why are there so many Kyle’s on Bravo? The dude is Asian, and his name is STILL Kyle?
So I’m assuming Schwartz and Sandy’s isn’t going well. Not surprising. For one they never even mention it, or show them working there, and Schwartz refers to it as ‘still haunting him to this day.’
Schwartz keeps insisting it’s a ‘no way in hell’ about him moving in with Sandoval, but it seems like he wants to, and is playing hard to get. Why don’t these two just come out already?
******
James is acting like Scheana with Summer, and won’t let anyone else care for him while he goes to Ohio with Ally for a wedding. What about Lisa?? Ally is pissed about it.
******
Ariana has her new dude going to this SanFran trip with her, so that should get interesting.
This Craig looks exactly like Sandoval. Except weirder.
******
It’s this SUR event thing, which is just so dumb. Dad Bod Ken and Dirk Diggler show up together.
Lisa pretends she knew nothing about Jax hosting this event, that I’m not even sure what it is or why. Did I miss that?
She’s pissed Jax referred to her as ‘just a prop’ on the show and there’s no point to her being on it anymore. Kinda true, but it’s still called ‘Vanderpump Rules.’ Jax. And she does have a purpose. Giving bad advice.
Lisa bitches at him a little. She uses the word ‘superfluous’ (she actually thought Jax used that word?) and Jack nor James have any clue what it means and look it up. Can’t make this shit up. It was pretty obvi in the context she used it in.
He then plops down at the girls’ table and they all seem giddy and excited for some fucking reason. Except for Katie of course. BlaBla especially seems to be delighted that he is sitting by her. She’s fidgeting and doing her lips. Remember they did have a thing way back when.
Ariana keeps some napkin on her entire body the whole time, that’s very strange. If I was wearing that, I would want to cover it up too. Or maybe she was eating like a slob again and got food all over herself.
I gotta hand it to BlaBla for the second damned time. Her impressions of Sandoval are amazing.
There’s going to be a really rad pool party at James’ and Ally’s following this senseless function. Jax is acting like he smoked some meth.
The girls harass James about not wanting to leave Graham for this wedding.
They’re so fucking worried about it but I notice not one of them offers to watch him. Just saying. James gets all extra about it and cries.
Katie gets informed by the busybody dudes that Jax is bitching about her.
Schwartz calls him over to talk to Katie then dips out of the scene and doesn’t defend her, even though they’re now BFF’s. Toothpick James comes to her defense though.
This is excruciating.
Jax insists the rumors are not true. It takes one special kind of dude to just stand there and fucking keep a straight face, make eye contact and lie right through his teeth and claim loyalty.
It’s like they have themselves convinced they are decent humans and really love their partner. They’re not, and they don’t. They love themselves.
Why would it matter to Ariana once she finally leaves this fucking house if Schwartz moves in? That is, when she’s done freeloading and can finally open up her checkbook from all of her endorsements, and pay for herself. At that point it will no longer be ‘her house.’
In the beginning of the season Schwartz didn’t even want to be seen with Sandoval, now he’s moving into his house.
I should stop picking on Ariana for being lazy, cheap and a slob. She’s not really a bad person. She does try to be respectful and kind for the most part.
Schwartz drops the payment amount once he refi’s her off of the loan.
And it’s only $22,000. You know to me, if that’s what you have to mortgage on a 2 million dollar house you probably shouldn’t have a 2 million dollar house.
******
Scheana and Brock bicker because she wants to leave, and he wants to hang out longer. He pouts in his floatie – in his pink leopard bikini. Scheana cries about reading to Summer before bed. So dramatic.
Scheana and Sandoval argue about that stupid fucking song. Scheana proceeds to cry and make the affair about her, again.
She repeats this Brock and BlaBla thing, and how it’s all Sandoval’s fault for ruining HER life. Never mind his girlfriend, that he cheated on, in their house, while she was asleep.
Let’s hear how it affects Scheana. She uses Raquel’s restraining order for the rationale as to how it’s been perfectly okay for her to “if you want to call it, capitalize, on the affair…”
Well that’s exactly what you did, not ‘what we want to call it.’
Sandoval, sorry I agree with, points out that she’s not the one that got cheated on. He said what I’ve been saying – that she’s more pissed off than Ariana was. Is he reading my blog?
Fucking Ariana has a new dude, and is living her best life, making all kinds of dough and living for free.
She’s so overdramatizing that restraining order, that got dropped two seconds later anyway. Nobody is even judging her for in the heat of the moment punching Raquel, or whatever she did. Who cares. She wasn’t even hurt.
Brock gets out of his fucking floatie to join and defends his wife, as he should, even though she’s wrong. You should defend your person. Especially a dude should have his wife’s back.
Stupid Brock, compares this to Sandoval singing his OWN fucking songs, about his OWN relationships. Do these do-do’s not see that’s his perogative?? It’s his OWN life and situation?? It’s fucking different than someone else doing it about YOU. Wow. They did not do any type of IQ tests when thet cast these knuckleheads in 2012. Fuck.
Then this lovely little bomb: “You’ve been the other woman in a relationship.”
How dare you talk about something SHE’S embarrassed about??
If you want to go back there, can you imagine if back then or even now, people started talking about it on social media, doing podcasts, selling merch, and profiting from her fucking around with a married man?
And fuck her excuse that she was only 21. 21 years old is an adult and old enough to know better. Now she really goes off and storms out because stupid Sandoval made a point. It’s pretty bad when that fucktard outsmarts you in a convo.
Random wardrobe moment: Ariana’s outfit is terrible and is the color of shit. I wanted to get that in here. I’ve been thinking it since I saw her in it. And not just the color, the style and fit are also horrific.
Scheana is in the wrong here for doing this stupid song about Tom when she was trying to make amends, supposedly, and for profiting so astronomically from the whole thing. It reeks of having no ethics and no talent whatsoever, not to mention not having anything else interesting to say until this all happened. I don’t think their podcasts were that lucrative.
Hers and BlaBla’s both.
Ariana chases her down and hugs her on the way out telling her how much she loves and supports her.
Whatever.
