I just don’t know about James – claiming to have gotten electrocuted by the rose bush.
Yes Ally, don’t argue with stupid.
Sandoval’s having a pool party. I guess Ariana is refraining from calling the cops on him for having a party. In his own house. These are two stubborn mother fuckers, I’ll give them both that.
OhmiGod riveting – Katie and BlaBla are going to dinner to talk about their argument at Ally’s birth chart soiree. I’m on the edge of my seat.
Since we have this new brand of BlaBla this season because homegirl needs a paycheck beyond what Bravo pays, (which is a lot) so she immediately takes responsibility for her part in the fight and apologizes.
What BlaBla doesn’t seem to get is that she was a miserable bitter bitch BEFORE Randall. I love how she’s trying to convince the viewers that she was only an asshole last season, after she found out Randall was playing her for a fool. Or was that two seasons ago? I don’t even fucking know. Because she’s never changed, She was a bitch when she was a drunk, she was a bitch when she got sober, She was a bitch when she was with Randall, she was a bitch after Randall. I mean, really, I’m not wrong. And she’s gotta knock off the yelling ‘disengage!!!.’ It’s reading as she doesn’t have any comebacks, so she wants the confronation to end.
She’s throwing ‘softer’ around a lot, and how she wants to ‘heal.’
It’s fucking hilarious. Last season I don’t even think she was as psycho and abusive as previous seasons. She certainly wasn’t any more hostile in light of being humiliated by Randall Emmett, than she has been since we’ve been graced by her presence in 2017. I mean wow. Just wow. Randall’s probably laughing his ass off too.
They make up. Whatever who cares.
******
Pool party is goin.’ I just don’t get Schwartz. He has to leave before these chicks that Sandoval invited arrive so he’s not “implicated as some kind of wing man.”
I’m so sorry, what?? What is wrong with this dude? He’s so passive and always afraid of something.
He has to have some sort of disorder, maybe a touch of what the triplets have. Like how much weed did his mom smoke when she was pregnant??
‘Implicated as some kind of wing man??’ They’re both single fucking dudes. That’s one of the most idiotic things I’ve heard him say.
He literally acts like he’s still not allowed to talk to, or do anything, with other women. Schwartz says it feels weird for him to have these chicks over in the house of the girl he cheated on. Dude, he fucked Raquel WHEN they were still together, when Ariana was sleeping in her bed?? But suddenly it’s inapproprate to entertain another chick, now that they’re not even together??
Sandoval is acting really kind of creepy about these girls coming over, and making weird faces that he thinks are like hot, He seriously does think he’s smooth and suave when it comes to the ladies. He’s not. He’s fucking creepy. I don’t even know what Ariana was doing with him for so long. As highly as she always seemed to think of herself, I don’t get why she settled for such a weirdo.
I know she’s been doing this ‘I’m so insecure and sad’ schtick lately, but if you all recall, in her early years she was quite haughty and full of herself. Often pointing out she was smarter then all of the others and prettier, So I’m just saying.
These girls are trying to flip the narrative sort of, as to who they actually are, I know people change and evolve, but they don’t usually alter their whole entire personality.
Billie Lee is so desperate for Tom’s attention, it’s sad to watch her embarrass herself. She thinks she’s dropping these questions casually in a ‘making conversation’ kind of way, but her face is like so intense, and she’s VERY INTERESTED in his replies.
She drills him on these chicks he met at See You Next Tuesday that he’s having over.
Is this new, how he keeps referring to Ariana as ‘his roommate.’ Honestly that’s kind of what they’ve been for a while now, but I know Ariana is in denial about that.
He shouldn’t have cheated on her, I want to make sure I have that clear, He should have manned the hell up and had the conversation, and moved out of the house. The one that wants out of the relationship is the one that leaves the shared household. He can’t love this fucking house that much. There’s nothing special about it, and he can get the same fucking one again. Remember theirs, Katie’s and Schwartz’ and Jax and Brittany’s were all identical stupid fucking white basic farmhouses.
Also Who buys a ‘farmhouse’ in LA?? Where are the farms??
‘The girls’ arrive. Billie Lee’s probably so mad. We all know she and Sandoval had a little fling when he was first with Ariana. Billie Lee’s wanting a piece of that again. Euuwww.
So ‘the girls’ get into the pool with him and it starts getting cringy, because like I said, Sandoval truly believes he’s some sort of casanova. Does anyone even think he’s good-looking?
When she and Kristen were fighting over him many moons ago, I was like – What? Why?? Then again … well never mind. I want to stay focused.
He tries to crack jokes that are just NOT landing. He’s just so not witty.
He sort of tells him about Ariana and their living situation, referring to her again as his ‘roommate.’ I guess, they, like the Lyft driver, do not watch the show.
They are very puzzled by some of the things that he is saying, and he can’t even use alcohol as an excuse.
Thet exchange glances like, ‘we need to make a getaway stat!’
******
This Ann chick seems to be Sandoval’s fucking maid. Like how about get a housekeeper?? She’s always so weird in her deliveries to Sandoval of what Ariana is up to, or vice versa. And why is she always apologizing to him. Last week she was sorry for wearing a pink dress, this week she’s sorry for being sweaty. Like, girlllllll. Stop.
Scheana stops over so you know this is going to be annoying. There’s a social media thing kind of going around when someone posts anything Bravo, there’s a comment of “But is Scheana okay with this? Or ‘But how is this affecting Scheana??’ It’s kind of funny.
Ariana has to retaliate and have her own party now. Mature.
Scheana starts on her DWTS fucking whiny spiel that we’ve heard what like twelve times now – “you know how much I wanted that, I started dance classes…but I’m happy for you…”
Ariana is being very patient with this conversation. Even the dog is annoyed as fuck, as she looks away and then proceeds to lick her lady parts. Now her other favorite subject, and that same rhetoric she keeps repeating about Sandoval’s very valuable friendship and the fact that she needs Ariana’s approval to be friends with him again.
For the viewers’ sakes, I so wish Ariana would just say ‘ “ohmiGod I don’t give a fuck if you want to be his friend!”
But as viewers, we know how this game is played, Scheana needs herself a ‘thing’ and this is it. Next season I predict she’ll have her separation from Brock to yammer about, so she can shut up about Sandoval.
******
So we move on to Schwartz and the dreaded Jo. You know I don’t mind her. I’d rather see a character on the show that’s goofy and quirky than one that’s nasty and constipated. And so what if she’s been campaigning to get on the show for three years or whatever? I don’t think that deems her ‘creepy.’ She has connections to the group, lives in LA, why wouldn’t she at least try? I mean, hello, 25g per episode?? These bitches and their smugness is too much. Now that Katie isn’t with Schwartz anymore, what is she even bringing to the table? She’s not even bringing sandwiches to the table.
She’s going to be meeting up with Ally who is the only one that is being nice to her, which is not surprising.
BlaBla “can’t even put into words how huge of a deal it is that Sandoval and Ariana are breathing the same air…” as they appear at the same bar, when THEY LIVE TOGETHER.
It’s also very fitting that Sandoval informs everyone he is about to take a shit.
Scheana starts in on him about hurting and manipulating Raquel and owning his shit, and I don’t know. The same fucking shit. Sheana’s schtick.
He gets mad and storms out of wherever the hell they are. It didn’t look like TomTom nor Sur, or Schwartz and Sandy’s.
Kind of funny that there have been no scenes at all there.
******
Brock blames not having a nanny or a schedule for the reason he has no job and does nothing all day, since his stupid fitness app didn’t work out.
I don’t know what to think of their corduroy couch. Can I get back on that?? Circle back?
******
Okay this is the thing I’ve been excited to complain about. These two women that are (allegedly) opening a food establishment, yet they entertain with all frozen shit, including and I can barely even say it, Bagel Bites. Mya can’t believe it either.
Ariana gets a text from Ann that Sandoval will be approaching the kitchen to make a protein shake. Is there any certain reason that makes sense as to why they can’t text each other directly?? That’s the beauty of texting, you can communicate without listening to the sound of someone’s voice that makes you want to spoon out your eyeballs. You can’t make this shit up.
Conveniently, Sandoval had mentioned he should apologize to Katie for being a dick to her, and she is left alone in the kitchen with him.
He delivers this fake apology, and Katie doesn’t really care. She starts bitching at him about Raquel.
Their house always looks like a mess. Can they not hire a cleaning service of some sort? There’s always shit everywhere.
Does he seriously do some fucking sobbing event, in the closet over Raquel ditching him?? Oh yes he does.
Dude, just come out of the closet.
Schwartz can’t even believe it, and Schwartz usually falls for anything. How many times is he going to take his hat off, smooth his hair and put it back on?
Not Scheana bragging about having a threesome with John Mayer, not sure of the third person, I guess they weren’t famous.
So we’re having a guys’ night out at TomTom.
Ally has her birth chart meeting with Jo. She proceeds to make all of her weird face and noises. She reminds of 90’s Jim Carey.
Back to the boys, the surprise guest to try to get Sandoval out of his funk, is Jax.
Who better to do that? Another dude that’s skeevy, tries to pretend he’s a stand-up guy, and lies and cheats. Sounds like my ex. Both of them,
I foresee when VPR ends, and it’s probably going to be soon, the cast all transitioning to ‘The Valley.’ Which will phase out LVP and the restaurants, which is fine. I’m tired of her playing Mrs. Garrett and giving the worst possible advice to everyone.
