Katie Baloney Head talks out of her ass and her both sides of her mouth simultaneously.
They discuss this weirdo kid that she’s banging, that she flaunted around Schwartz the previous day.
Baloney tells BlaBla – “I’m not even divorced yet, I’m not tryin’ to start a relationship.” So just hooking up with random guys when you’re “not even divorced” is okay?? But starting a relationship is not? And she can run around and be the new town ho, but Schwartz can’t dare even think about coming near another chick? She even had a problem with the friend chick that was living with him, and sent the girl a bunch of psycho text messages.
I’m so sick of this girl and her nonsense. I’m just not sure who’s the bigger bag of fart wind, BlaBla or Baloney?? Their combined miserable bitter hateful energy reminds me of Big Emily Simpson, and VaGina Whatever on OC last season. Not a compliment. Baloney just blindly follows and tries to emulate BlaBla for some reason.
They start this inane ‘mistress’ talk. The camera dudes are probably even “shut t he fuck up – stop saying mistress!!” BlaBla sounds like the Jersey chicks that know only like five words.
******
The Tom’s discuss everyone’s favorite topic – still – and I assume it’s going to be getting worse. One might say that she’s no dummy. They’re all talking about her, So apparently Schwartz has no sexual attraction to Raquel. Is this dude, like alive?
Sandoval refers to her as ‘dope’ and reassures Schwartz that it’s “okay” if he’s not attracted to Raquel. Yeah Sandoval, we know.
Gee thanks Sandoval, Schwartz is probably thinking.
Their rhetoric comes off as odd because Schwartz says “I kind of get the feeling she has a crush on someone else.” Now does THAT not sound like a hand fed line or what? I just smell a lot of dishonesty by Bravo here with how this has all shaken out. Like all of these hints are being dropped when supposedly this was a blindsiding event when it got discovered.
Sandoval complains about Ariana ‘coming at him’ and his confusion over these embryos she wants to create with him, when she doesn’t even want to have kids. Well, yes Sandoval, we’re all confused about that. He questions if they’re even right for each other in his yap.
So yes, seems like the groundwork seems to all be being laid, for the Sandoval/Raquel affair scandal.
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And here we go – now James and Ally discuss seeing Sandoval and Raquel at The Abby, whatever that it is, it’s the first I’ve heard of that place. Ally shares that Katie told her that Ariana and Tom have some sort of ‘open’ relationship. Which of course is not true. I can’t imagine Ariana having that.
James sort of dismisses it, and tells Ally not to worry about it or something, and advises her to talk to Scheana, That all was rehearsed and weird. Why talk to Scheana about it? Because she blabs? Vanderpump didn’t used to be so fake did it?
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Katie and Ariana check out the sandwich shop space. I just can’t see them doing this, but I guess they are. They don’t even talk about the, like food at all, except for saying ‘sandwiches.’ Like are they slapping together a bunch of pb&j’s?? We know Charly likes them, and James just made them in for him and Ally in last scene. I must have missed the episode where they made sandwiches to get prepared for the business. Or was it that one where Katie made ONE sandwich while she was arguing with Sandoval about how Schwartz has to comply by all of her rules, but she can do what she wants. Someone on the FB chats told me there was a sandwich making ep when I mentioned how they haven’t even discussed the actual sandwiches yet.
LVP shows up to check the area, and I am flabbergasted, yet not surprised, at the same time, since I saw fake flowers at Sur when I was there, tells them the flowers should be fake when Ariana mentions decorating with flowers in what appears to be an open outdoor area. They agree with LVP like robots. “Yeah yeah” they say. I think if LVP told them to sell shit sandwiches she would say “Oh great idea!” Like are they not in California? Where I know it’s not hot year around, but they typically don’t have snow and freezing temps (except in Pasadena of course.) Why oh why would you use tacky fake flowers??
LVP reminds them to get on it, get their investors, have a plan, and not be dicking around like the Toms.
And it’s not long before they start gossiping about Raquel. This time it’s her and Oliver.
LVP assures them that he IS separated, and to back off that whole thing. It’s not that big of a deal.
She further tells them to shut it, because NO ONE in this group has displayed exemplary behavior.
Well, she’s got a point. Ariana and Katie seem a little speechless at that comment. I mean Katie is banging random dudes, as she keeps bragging. Ariana was fooling around with Sandoval when he was still with Kristen. Ariana and Lala had a little oral fling in the back of the car with Sandoval driving. Lala was banging a married guy, and fucked around with James, when he was with Raquel, Lala was with a creepy predator, and had his kid, Schwartz messed around on Katie. The list goes on and on guys. Now Ariana pretends she agrees, while Katie looks like her typical scowling constipated self, calls Raquel a ho over and over, whilst making the above mentioned faces even worse, if possible. In the next breath she admits she’s had a ton of sex in the past year, just freshly separated. Okay. Moving ON… I think I made my point. She now refers to herself as a ho. She sounds idiotic.
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James has some musical festival thing in Atlanta, opening for ‘Kaskade’ and I guess I live (although I think he said ‘sleep under a rock’) under a rock because I have never heard of him.
An all inclusive group beach trip is being cooked up by James. James says ‘Raquel’ like twenty times. Should have played a drinking game for every time someone says ‘Raquel.’ James is acting weirder than usual. It seems like he knows about what is going on.
Speaking of weird, Sandoval takes Schwartz with him to the fertility doctor, to check on his sperm, that he’s pretending to use to fertilize Ariana’s eggs. He tells the receptionist that he’s here for his ‘jizz results.’ What a ding dong. Like these ladies haven’t heard all of the idiotic jokes dudes make when arrive here.
Ariana is out of state in Florida since her grandmother passed. How convenient for Sandoval.
So the sperm prognosis is that there could be an issue with his drug, alcohol usage and tight pants, but overall his whatever count thing is good, so he’s all set to never have children with Ariana. There was a rumor flying around that Raquel was pregnant, but that seems to have blown over. Who knows. Wouldn’t really surprise me.
******
Ally meets up with Scheana, at an adult Chuck E. Cheese type of place, and as promised lets her know about Sandoval and Raquel at the Abby at 2am, and how Katie told her they have an open relationship.
Allly’s marg she orders is made with an awful looking fluorescent artificial green mixer. I’m a cocktail snob, and I say yuck! Yuck to that and yuck to artificial plants. I’m still getting beat up on a Vanderpump chat page for posting how tacky fake flowers are. One chick even said “do you know how expensive flowers are, the flowers at my wedding cost a fortune?” So this chick really doesn’t know the cost difference between wedding decor flowers, and flowers you buy from a greenhouse and plant in the ground. And apparently there’s a lot of you out there that think fake flowers are are just gorge. I give up.
Scheana immediately disputes the open relationship thing. Was her voice always this annoying?? She does that extra lingering on the last syllable thing, and it seems like she’s lingering longer. So parents of toddlers that talk like this, I wonder if their kids will be talking this way as well? I think it’s highly likely.
Ally asks her if she would trust Brock going out together with Raquel. Scheana says he would trust him in bed with her, and that Sandoval is like a big brother to her. Yikes.
I’m wondering if she has since changed her opinion on this. Also it was rumored that Raquel and Brock hooked up. I may have seen that on WWHL.
******
So beach time, which you rarely see them even doing. Immediately it’s hilar watching James and Schwartz try to catch a football tossed by Brock, clearly the only athletic one in the group. Schwartz fails miserably, and then, My. God. Just say you don’t wanna play guys.
Brock tosses James the ball and it bounces off of his face. Brock lets him off the hook by calling it a ‘rugby pass.’ Okay, that’s why he had no clue how to catch it. Because it was a rugby pass. Think he should stick to his DJ – ing. Well at least he made Schwartz feel better.
Raquel again lectures Ally about James. I don’t feel sorry for her, nor do I really care what she’s in for being with this kid, She should know what she’s getting into. Plus pretty sure she targeted him to get on reality TV anyway. Just like you can’t feel sorry for BlaBla because she married that dude for money. Now she’s pissed that she actually has to take care of her own kid, that she also had for money.
Katie brings this mop dude. Schwartz doesn’t really seem to care, he just doesn’t want him snuggling with their dogs. If Schwartz would have came here with a chick, and yes even ‘outside the group’ Katie would have been having one of her tequila tantrums and calling Schwartz disrespectful and this and that, and a million other names, and accusing him of purposely trying to make her jealous. And you cannot convince me otherwise. I wish he would have brought some random chick with a banging body, and sat there making out right in front of her. Pretty sure she was gonna ditch the old dude anyway, but probably at least wanted to wait until the kid was out of diapers.
Scheana pulls Sandoval aside and lets him know everyone is talking about them at the Abby. Sandoval is calling the whole thing ludicrous, because a ‘bunch of them’ (who’s the bunch though?) went there together.
Pussy boys James and Schwartz get into pussy boy little tiff when Schwartz says something about “Rachella” as a joke, which referenced when he proposed to Raquel, as he was telling Schwartz about his little DJ gig. James makes it the biggest fucking deal ever, throws a temper tantrum and throws his drink on him. I think he wants to be a Housewife one day. They bicker about whose proposal was the corniest (now I’m saying corny) in both of their now failed defunct relationships. You can’t make this shit up. Schwartz threatens to put him in a ‘head lock.’ What the literal fuck? They sound like ten year olds.
So after all of that beach frolicking and fun, (NOT) Schwartz and James telling the world they’re not capable of throwing nor catching a football, now James is having a hissypissy over nothing, and throwing a drink.
James and Ally argue, and they decide to leave the beach and go have a drink.
Which means, the venue is changing, but the bickering and jealousy-fueled arguments will continue.
At the bar, it seems like Schwartz is more than glad to see Katie there with a dude. Katie assures him she’s not trying to avoid him.
She tries to convince the mophead “this isn’t to prove anything, I’m just living my life…” Honest. I swear.
Yeah okay captain over compensater. If this was really the case you wouldn’t need to sit here and point it out. Now she just needs to add – “I’m serious, it’s no joke.” I think she’s mad Schwartz doesn’t really care.
James cries, literally cries, in his yap talking about Schwartz’ comment and how his little feelings are hurt that no one in the group is happy for him and his little DJ gig.
Lala was feeling ignored and left out of the argument, as James and Schwartz continue to bitch at each other. She sides with James, her bro, not the dude that she hates. Shocker.
So it now turns into BlaBla making it about BlaBla, and all of the reasons why she’s annoyed with Schwartz, which still include that he played pickle ball with Randall one time.
Schwartz sort of lets her have it. Yes, it could have been better, but whatever, at least he’s not standing here like a lap dog sucking up to her like everyone else does. He calls her corny, of all things, ( I would just say stiupid) ridicules Give Them Lala, who the hell is Lala?? He makes fun of her fake lips, tells her she doesn’t know who she is. She looks STUNNED.
No one ever tells her this shit. and she needs to hear it. There’s so much ridiculing material with this girl, and no one says ANYTHING. EVER. LVP was a little brutally honest with her early in the season, oh and Raquel did a little uleashing in Vegas, so this is all new territory for her.
The only thing she’s got, that she keeps repeating is “open a bar!” That’s how you know she’s in shock. She’s almost speechless, and this is the only thing she’s got. She doesn’t even drink, why is she so worried about their bar being opened? That;s what Schwartzie should’ve said. And please tell me what she’s doing right now? Still peddling her generic made in China lipstick?
So now she’s really lit up, so she follows him to the table where he’s sitting, and leans into his face, pointing her stupid finger, (narcissists are big finger pointers I’m beginning to notice – which make sense – they literally live to ‘point the finger’ at everyone else, since you know, THEY never do anything wrong) with a series of insults, that Schwartz doesn’t really even care about, and he doesn’t really seem offended at all.
She gotta throw in a little victim talk and spouts off whining about “what she’s been through in the past year” and how dare he talk to her like that? So now suddenly she’s helpless for a second. He nibbles on his wing and calls her a great mom, ( I assume that was sarcacm) and a bootleg housewife.
Go Schwartzie go!!!
So since her creepy old fake boyfriend cheated on her, that she was using anyway, it’s not like he broke her heart, he just played her, and made a fool out of her, so that gives her the right to say anything to anyone? Sounds like Lala BlaBla logic. Also she was every bit as horrible before Randall lied and cheated, so there IS that.
So watching all of this chaos has been well worth it, because of the finale, when a drop of alcohol gets in James’ eye and he screams this shrill girly as FUCK squealy scream and calls for Ally, who ignores him and ridicules him when he comes back. I’m not sure this girl is really what she has been trying to portray. Remember they are a bunch of LA wannebe actors on here,
The server said the part that got into his eye was water, but how would she know what part got in his eye when Old/New flicked the straw? I’m not denying he’s a fucking pussy, but I do think alcohol did get into his eye. I’ve actually never heard a dude squeal like that. It’s becoming painfully obvious Ally cares nothing for this kid, and just wants to be a Vanderpumper and James’ ex-girlfriend. I wonder if she’s applied at Sur yet.
Now Sandy needs attention and he and Katie bicker about the Abby thing.
I have to agree with Sandy, Katie, that she never owns, nor takes accountibility for anything.
And I don’t think she even liked Schwartz, and just married him because she just wanted to get married.
James seems to have lived. I honestly think I could take this little twerp.
