I’m feeling like Monica has jumped on the bandwagon, and hit the ‘Oh Oh Oh OZEMPIC!!!’ She looks kind of svelte and trim compared to her fluffy figure on the show.
Why bother with excercise and laying off junk food, when you can just take a shot of some new drug, with a kajillion side effects, and makes your face look weird. Hers doesn’t yet, but probably will if she keeps it up.
Andy used to, when he did his round robin, address appearance differences, such as extreme weight loss, nose job, face lift etc. Now there’s nothing. He says nothing. My assumption is the ladies are asking him not to mention it??
My general short and sweet takeaway from Monica and her first season antics and general aesthetic and behavior, is that she’s really, really immature. It’s okay as an adult to be immature in some ways, everyone probably is, but to be overall, exuding this type of childishness, is a problem.
I feel like she and Whitney should get along. That just kind of occurred to me. They’re the same age, both childish, and very similar personalities if you get my drift. Not sure they did much one-on-oneing. Monica was too busy bitching at Lisa, sucking up to Heather, and whining about her mom.
It’s a three parter. Come on Bravo, you’ve been being so good lately at keeping them at two!
Viewers don’t want three!! I read something today from a fan that agrees, and even had a good idea of wrapping it all up in ONE EPISODE, and making it an hour and a half.
Okay here we go.
I don’t think there are the weird rules anymore on the reunion attire. I had read a year or so ago, that they have to follow some sort of protocol, as far as short dresses, verses gowns. The cold weather states had to do gowns, and the warm ones, short dresses. This is so ludicrous. Since when are gowns weather-related?? They’re worn for more formal occasions, regardless of seasons or weather. Stupid. Clearly a dude came up with that one. They must have recently realized it was asinine.
I just now thought of that, since we have a mixture of short dresses and gowns.
One thing I did notice and made me chuckle, Whitney is third seat! THIRD. She must be so pissed. You know what that means? Girlfriend’ll be kicking it up about ten notches next season. Dumb bitch would probably not hesitate to ditch Justin just for that first chair.
First seat honors go to Heather and Monica. She is last to be seated for some sort of effect. Heather makes a weird perturbed face at her grand entrance.
I like Monica’s gown. It’s actually tasteful and a gorge color on her. It fits her like a glove. Not feeling Whitney’s Big Bird look. Doesn’t appear to be any color scheme they had to follow either. We have a neutral, red, yellow, coral, and turquoise. I think the motifs and back drops are getting a little ridiculous too. Like what a waste of time and resources. Do we really need this tacky themed stage that looks like a highschool play? No. We don’t.
Meredith’s is basic.
Lisa’s dress is kind of meh, but she must sure think she looks great. As she sits down, she comments to Andy that she feels like a holiday decoration. Maybe on camera it doesn’t have the punch that she thought it would? I see it does have a shimmer to it, but I think it was probably prettier in person.
And who enters a room and points out their own dress? That’s so fucking conceited.
Wow, I sound like a buzzkill Betty. But I’m right.
Monica smirks as she’s seated.
So it’s this big big fucking thing that they haven’t spoken to nor seen Monica since the finale, as Andy reveals. He tries to say it with some tact that everyone is avoiding her.
Monica shows off her intelligence skills and complains that she hasn’t been around the group since the finale, but the others probably have seen each other. Andy says that’s what he was pointing out, by saying “as a group.” You know, instead of “the bougee ass rich bitches didn’t really want to be seen with, nor socialize with the desperate lying thirsty peasant trash for the past six months.” Girl, read the room.
We see why acting trashy and sheisty on reality TV is what she has to do to feed her children.
Don’t get why Andy had to mention Jen right out of the gate. Do you realize she’s having ‘her people’ post on social media how the show just can’t function without her clearly, since they keep mentioning her.
Monica sort of replaced her, so, relax Jen. There’s a new sheriff in town.
She’s also denying punching Heather in the face, and suppposedly getting an attorney over it. From fucking prison. Ya know, ya cannot make this shit up.
Monica’s obsession with, and irrational jealousy of Lisa, due to her success and wealth, is off the fucking charts. As they flash scenes of her ridiculing, and bitching at her, it’s so blatantly obvious.
Being jealous of someone is okay, it’s normal, but it’s all in how you handle it. And Monica does not have the tools to handle it well.
Like woman, start a fucking business like she did, if you want to get rich. Get off your ozempic ass.
As a grown ass 40 year-old woman, we don’t sit and mimic and call another woman, who did nothing to you, names, because we can’t handle our envy. Lisa did nothing to her to deserve all of the hatred and name-calling, and I’m not even a fan of Lisa. I think that she IS arrogant, and on the you-know- what spectrum, but Monica just took it all to the nth degree. I have fer sure, seen worse Housewives than Lisa.
Andy please, that scene of her crying to her mom that she bought a designer purse she couldn’t afford, to fit in, was stupid, and now that we know what we know, most likely rehearsed. And Lisa’s right, the purse was fake anyway.
She refers to herself as a whore, which is funny. Most skanky women that do things like cheat on both of their husbands, and fuck random guys, or in Monica’s case, took it a step or two further and cheated on her husband with their brother-in-law (his sister’s husband), don’t have the balls to admit they’re a fucking whore. But she owns it, and owns it proudly.
Andy looks a little taken aback that she would refer to herself this way. Whores are more like women fucking for money, lifestyle, or an agenda. Not sure if her BIL was loaded, and she thought she’d end up with him, or if it was more about the sex and sneaking around. Sounds like a lot of work to me.
Oh, and girl, btw, your house is 1200 SF not 3000. Below grade (basement) doesn’t count in total square footage.
So she doesn’t mind referring to herself as a whore, but goddammit, she embellishes her teeny house to make it bigger than it is. LMAO!!!! This woman.
Andy thinks she deserves accolades when she clarifies that the brother-in-law she was fucking was not her husband’s brother. He should know these little details, and it pisses me off when he doesn’t. Dude, you have one job. Know who the Housewives are fucking.
Andy seems to have a little boner for Monica for some reason. Maybe he likes her rags to rags story. I don’t know.
This chick, if it were me I would say my house is 1200 SF before I’d refer to myself as a whore, but I’m crazy like that, I guess.
For the record. my house is not 1200 SF. And I never fucked my brother-in-law. So, not to brag, but I feel ahead of the game right now. And for the record my brother-in-law (sister’s husband) used to hit on me, and send me flirty texts. But you know, I do have standards, which Monica Gomez or whatever, clearly does not.
So THE RING. Yes, Lisa said “$60,000” way too many times. She should have said it was expensive, and had sentimental value. She claims she said it only three times. When you hear her explain the sentimental value of it, it kind of makes it more annoying that she kept repeating the cost.
But the problem is that Monica made it a whole thing, that it made her feel inferior. So clearly, she has a complex, and is that really Lisa’s problem?? I don’t think Whitney, and some of the others, owns a $60,000 ring, and they didn’t pitch a fit. They just rolled their eyes like a normal person.
It does sort of underscore how materialistic Lisa is, that she needs a $60,000 ring to remind her that her kid almost died. And I feel like I need details on that. It seems like an excuse. We do know, when all else fails, Lisa pulls out the fake tears, and embellishes.
Monica tries to discredit her story, by claiming she said it was a new ring. And apparently she’s so desperate to be rich, she researched the percentage of the super elite, as she referred to Lisa as, to find that Lisa is not ‘in the 1%’ as she credited her.
I would think with four kids, I would have more important things to do. Or just more things to do. Like clean her ‘3,000 (1200) SF’ rancher.
Is she raising her daughters to be this pissed off, and hateful towards anyone who has more than they do?? Just wondering.
I really want to believe Monica didn’t steal it, but from what we’re seeing of her behavior and desperation to have nice things and money, I certainly would not put it past her.
Her reasoning that she COULDN’T have snagged it, is because she didn’t come into the bathroom until twenty minutes later, really doesn’t prove much. So that also makes me suspicious. It’s possible she could have located it as she ‘helped’ Lisa to find it, and just shoved it in her fake purse, or up her vagina. Also wouldn’t put that past her.
So we’re talking about Jen again, which as I pointed out, gives this bored inmate bitch a big old buzz.
Andy questions this ‘friendship’ and how it began. Monica claims she was just friends with her first. I find that really hard to believe that those two would have ANYTHING in common to be friends. I’m sure Monica sought her out.
Or Jen scraped her out of the gutter, sensed her thirstiness for money, and tried to recruit her for her telemarketing scam. Maybe both.
Monica does readily admit that Jen tried to groom her to be a fellow scammer, which she ends up refusing to do. Kudos to you, woman. You refused to steal life savings from elderly people. She really wants her accolades for that.
I found it kind of interesting that she claims she ran errands and did odds and ends for her, but wasn’t paid. So that’s not really ‘working for someone’ Monica. That’s being a fucking thirsty desperate schmuck.
I’m not bragging, but I was also on the right track that she seems to be obsessed with the Kardashians, when I noticed two of her kids’ names are West and Kendall.
She was quoted as bragging, as we hear later, that her little unpaid ‘assistant’ gig with Jen could be lucrative since Kim K started out as an assistant to Paris Hilton.
This woman is clearly extremely very sheisty. I feel sad for her. I feel like Kim K should be insulted with Monica comparing herself to her. I would be.
Monica got her second hand fame, by being sneaky, lying, and an undercover social media troll. Kim got her fame from being likable, vulnerable, and relatable (in the early days, now not so much.) Monica thinks just because she’s poor and lives in a teeny ugly rancher, that automatically makes her ‘relatable.’ No, it does not.
She’s such a fucking liar. She claims she had NO IDEA about Jen being a Housewife. Bulllllll shit. This chick literally befriended Jen in hopes of getting on the show, which is fine, but just say that. Andy doesn’t ask how exactly she met Jen, but when. I am sure it wasn’t by chance.
“I THINK you filmed Season 1????” as she pretends to recollect. She looks like she might hurt herself. We al ready know she’s obsessed with the Kardashians, so the chances are pretty high, that shw also watches Housewives.
Seriously? You THINK it was Season 1? Give me a fucking break. Does she think we’re stupid? So here’s the deal, guys. She watched Season 1, she lives in the vicinity of these ladies, did her some leg work, and managed to track down Jen Shah, not realizing at first, she was a fucking shyster, and thinking her friend/assistant dynamic would be similar to a Kim K/Paris Hilton set-up. And by the way I don’t think Kim was an ‘assistant’ She was starting a business of organizing closets and personal shopping. I didn’t verify that, but I remember reading that or seeing it on TV a while ago.
So thought this would get her in the door, which it did. She is beautiful and charismatic, I will give her that. So she honestly had a chance, if she was a better player. And smarter.
She needed to immediately abandon the ‘Reality Von Tease’ thing and truly befriend the ladies.
But when she starts ranting, and sounding like a fucking obsessed-with-money, peasant bitch, it’s a complete turn off. That’s where a little intelligence, and shrewdness could have helped her out that she’s lacking on.
She played it all wrong. If she were SMART she would’ve spent her time cozying up to Whitney, who’s one of the ‘main characters’ and they could have commiserated over both being cheaters, and slutty. Whitney met Justin when they were both married and he was her boss, and Monica was fucking an in-law while married. Common ground.
And instead of lashing out on Lisa constantly, befriending her, and kissing her ass would have been smarter. Lisa loves that shit. I mean was Kim insulting and screaming at Paris for being materialistic?
We could ask Paris, but pretty sure that’s going to be a no. She was sweet, kissed her ass and identified with her. It’s not necessarily intelligence, it’s common sense.
Anywho, I digress. Monica is insistent her intentions were 100% genuine and she was merely helping a girl out, by grocery shopping for Jen, and making sure she was “at her meetings on time.”
I mean, I GUESS stupid people who believe their own bullshit, assume everyone else is a dumb ass too and buys their fucking fish stories????
Like skanky women think that every other woman is okay cheating and double-dipping.
I don’t know. I guess this bitch may be back for the next season, but she played this all wrong. She made an enemy out of every single one of them. Who is she going to film with?? Like is Raquel back for the upcoming season of Vanderpump? No, because she burned the bridge of the entire cast. As did Monica.
Unless Bravo can convince one or two of two of them to forgive her, and let her suck up to them. I could see Whitney and Meredith doing that. For a price.
I’m really trying to make Monica and Whitney happen, aren’t I?? Well, it would be more believable than Whitney and Lisa, who have NOTHING in common, that’s for sure.
Heather has a serious receipt (RECEIPTS, SCREENSHOTS, TIMELINES…) of a voice recording of the starving Monica making the Kim/Paris comparison, and vowing to become rich and famous by sucking up to Jen Shah.
“Kim Kardashian was a fucking assistant and look at that bitch now. I can fully admit I was putting up with that bitch as a stepping stone…” You get the idea.
When asked if that was the whole reason of being Jen’s fake friend/unpaid assistant, was to be on the show, she answers that she didn’t think she would get on.
So yes, is the answer. Which isn’t a terrible thing to admit to, they all wanted to be on the show, they really can’t drag her for it, but it’s the way she went about it.
She doubles down on the ‘when I met her, I didn’t even know she was on the show.’ That’s a fucking lie.
It’s a fucking lie.
“I applied just like everyone else sitting here.” Nice try. No one else had to ‘apply. Lisa, with her connections, helped with the development, and the rest of them were approached by Bravo. I’m embarrassed for her.
“Well, I applied like people that apply.” Wow. Things are becoming clear, crystal clear. I don’t want to beat a dead horse, but what a numb skull.
I feel like most Housewives do not ‘apply.’ This isn’t McDonald’s. She admits to emailing Bravo casting. Andy looks insulted that she said the show’s ratings were shit, and was in need of her help before it was canceled.
She admits to this not-so-secret ‘Secret Service’ convo where she was informed Jen was getting arrested, and then became an informant since Jen was dumb enough to be sharing her dirty deeds with her.
I honestly think Monica wrestled with, in the very beginning as to whether it would it be more lucrative to join her, or report her? At least for like ten minutes.
“I did the right thing and I think everyone here should have too.”
Yeah, not going to argue with that one. That sudden bizarre blind fucking faith towards her last season, when the writing was ON the fucking wall, was extremely puzzling. I think they all had to support her to be filmed, since it was the main thing going on. So they sold out trusting scammed elderly people for money. And none of them are really in NEED of money. So… yeah. What is there to say? This franchise sure didn’t start out this way, and it’s disappointing this is where we now are.
Do I sound petty wondering about the dads of her kids? I guess I have to consult with the google Gods.
In addition to two teenagers, she has the two little ones, that I assumed were with the most recent ex, whose brother-in-law she was boning, but if that was all was ten years ago, is this dude the dad, or someone else?
She mentioned she remarried him, so maybe he is. For her sake, I hope these kids aren’t all different dads. I know the oldest is to her first husband that has not been involved since she was a baby. Other than that, it’s unclear.
She whines about the nasty online comments and having to relive the cheating, but you know, hard to feel sorry for her when she was DESPERATE to get on the show, and when she did secure her spot, she was borderline bragging that “I fucked my brother-in-law.”
Does she even think about how this makes her ex feel? And his sister?? No, is the answer.
******
Oh no, not the bath argument…
I will recap the second half in a separate article. I’m tired, I’m having an allergy attack, (sorry) and this got a little long.
