I almost forgot we’re still in New Orleans for Mardi Gras.
Shannon admits Johnny Jackass was her last you-know-what. Hopefully she wasn’t riding that bull in her no panties short dress from last week’s ep.
Shannon’s being super extra whatever and won’t go to lunch if Katie is in her little separate group. Katie then says she’ll go with the other group.
Here we go.
Gretchen can stop with the preachy Bible thumping rhetoric already. Not that there’s anything wrong with it. This just isn’t the time or place for it.
Groups are Jenn, Gretchen Gina, Heather, and Tamra, Emily, Shannon.
Katie should have told Shannon ‘tough shit, I’m in this assigned group get over it.’
Tamra again cries and does this sudden ‘OhhmiGod woe is me!’ how she is so very devastated over Teddi’s illness. Does she really not see how inauthentic this is coming across? If she doesn’t, it’s so unbelievable. They do a flash of Tamra in New Orleans with Teddi and Braunwyn.
Tell me they’re not trying to bring back Braunwyn are they?? Since when is she friends with Tamra?? I think Tamra purposely befriends Housewives from other cities or past wives in hopes it helps her out along the way.
Katie shows up to the other group’s outing.
What the hell does ‘don’t roll on me’ even mean? Literally never heard that expression in my life. Tacos claims Jenn said Shannon is saying that about her making up with Tamra? This sounds like something Tacos pulled out of her big ass.
“Don’t fuck me over and go make up with Tamra” is Tacos’ interpretation. Which I guess makes sense, but that’s not how Shannon speaks.
Shannon and Tamra chat about Tamra calling her a drunk last season after her DUI. Not a good idea to kick someone when they’re down Tamra.
Especially given the fact Tamra was also knocking ‘em back pretty hard last season. Yes I know she didn’t drive drunk, and hit a house, but if you’re also drinking heavily to the point of being visibly intoxicated and acting a fool, you can’t really call someone else ‘a drunk’ without looking like a hypocritical village idiot.
Tamra touts and brags about how she’s not drinking this season (so far) which I think is maybe Eddie’s, not orders, he’s not a ‘giving orders’ type of guy, but strongly suggested it. Perhaps with an ultimatum. That’s my hunch anyway.
She claims getting drunk is a bad idea because that’s when you say things you don’t mean. No Tamra, not really. That’s actually when you say things that you DO mean, but don’t have the courage to say when you’re sober.
I think she even pretty much admitted that in last season’s reunion, that she was using the excessive drinking during filming as ‘liquid courage.’
Now, here we are, and she’s saying alcohol made her say shit that she doesn’t mean. And she wonders why she has zero credibility with viewers.
Tamra tries to reel Shannon back into her clutches reminding her they had a ten year friendship. Shannon is being unusually stubborn, which I’m glad about because Tamra is lying anyway. She just wants her to film with, giving her more camera time. She also knows Shannon is a fan favorite, due to her authenticity, and she is not.
So the Jenn fatty photo. I was hoping we could drop this, due to the ridiculousness.
As Jenn points out, this pic was from when her kids were younger and she had other focuses besides going to the gym and dressing to the nines. Although there’s nothing really wrong with what she’s wearing. Skinny jeans and that style top were probably in, and the ruffle does add the illusion of pounds, especially in a photo.
I’m honestly shocked Tacos isn’t having meltdown after meltdown over Jenn being called ‘fat’ in this photo when Emily weighs at 30 pounds more than Jenn did when this was taken, and Emily considers herself thin and fit.
I’m hoping she realized how idiotic she looked wailing about her weight (yes pun intended) constantly, while always ordering the most fattening and unhealthiest food in every restaurant scene. Also while being mad at the skinnier Housewives who are NOT ordering sausages and huge steaks, or stuffing subs in their purse.
So they’re headed to this stupid dog parade.
By the way WHAT in the FUCK is Gina wearing? Heather makes a dig and don’t think she’s joking, but pretends she is, that she’s annoyed Gina’s Shein coat is shedding everywhere.
Does she really think this faux fur coat with seemingly nothing underneath looks good? I fear she does. It’s Mardi Gras, so I should giver her a pass. I don’t think she was trying to look whimsical though. I would have liked to see some color. This would have worked with a leather or faux leather jacket, not whatever the hell this shit is.
And don’t EVEN get me started on this yap look of Taco’s. This is worse than Gina’s. Enough with the botox, fillers, and the pulling and tightening. Like lady where are your eyes? And are these boobs new? Is that the point of this hooker look?
Also over Heather, Shannon and Emily and the constant black! Why would you wear fucking Blah Black to Mardi Gras? They’re legit all in black and white.
I would be accepting of Gina’s tube top under her white Shein coat if it was hot pink or bright purple, or emerald green! Why white?
Gretchen I initially thought looked cute, but not for what they’re doing. Looks more like dinner than a Dog Mardi Gras parade. Also I noticed something seems off with her. She’s not smiling or interacting at all, and seems like she doesn’t want to be here.
I seem to be having a lot of fashion critiques. I can’t help it, with all of the material they’re giving me! Literally!!
I think Emily likes her dogs more than her kids to be honest.
Off to some voodoo thing.
I’m guessing Gina is hot in that bulky fur coat but with the tube top under it, but cold with it off. I don’t know what she was thinking with this get-up at all.
Mary the Voodoo lady scares me!
Gretchen, Tamra and Shnnon opt out. I’m sure Gretchen’s and Tamra’s reasoning is because they’re pretending to be religious. Shannon not sure. It’s probably a production stunt.
Since I’m having fashion police moment after fashion police moment, and I’m not sorry, what in the Blake Lively is Tamra wearing??
Tamra says she wants to “mix it up” the next day and dress more for Mardi Gras, with tutus and bright colors, not like whatever the fuck this is they’re all wearing.
I HATE to say I agree with her.
I was thinking the exact same thing when Shannon keeps referring to Katie recording her on a rant as ‘illegal.’ Driving drunk is illegal Shannon.
I like Shannon so I’m not saying this to be rude. You rarely hear her saying petty nasty things about people’s looks, so I’m trying to say it nicely (unlike I do about Tacos because who cares, she insults everyone) but girlfriend is looking rough.
It looks like she’s put on weight and is drinking heavily again to be honest. And those straggly extensions? They have to go. They need to go. They must go.
So now we’re bringing up the infamous event from years ago when Tamra got Gretchen drunk at her house during a gathering and made her kid hit on her to test her reaction, since she was engaged to that old sick dude at the time that they thought she was using for money (which she was.)
I don’t know about ‘roofied’ though as Katie claims that Gretchen said, according to Tamra.
As Tamra recaps the ‘harmless little prank’ as she’s trying to portray it, she leaves out how she told Ryan to keep hitting on her until she gave in. Real cool Tamra. Pimp out your fucking kid.
Also by the way, when Tamra explains this prank or whatever you want to call it, in her yap, she starts it out with “seventeen years ago…”
Dear Bravo: if you really think you need to stir up old, old news no one cares about anymore drama, from seventeen fucking years ago, that’s not a good sign.
Honestly I wouldn’t put it past Tamra to have roofied Gretchen! Why are we acting like that’s outrageous?
Gretchen denies using the word ‘roofied’ but is considering the source, she says.
Tamra’s doing double-duty here, maybe triple, because she’s managing to bond with Shannon AND Gretchen, two that she’s at odds with, AND exacerbate Katie’s problems.
Back to Bloody Mary and the voodooing. I hope she’s seeing a doctor about the giant lump under her neck.
Tamra continues her fake apology tour with Gretchen. She blames Simon for her behavior. She’s too much.
She begs Gretchen for a one-on-one at some point soon. She calls her cute and beautiful and points out that she’s a mom now. This bitch is desperate. Gretchen,, unfortunately seems pleased with those recognitions. ‘Cute and beautiful?’ Seriously Tamra.
I feel like Shannon knows she’s full of it.
Judging from Gretchen’s stoic demeanor since they arrived, and breaking down over being reminded of the infamous ‘naked wasted’ party, I feel like she’s wondering if returning was a good idea. Probably was not.
Shannon consoles her. Tamra look at her blankly with her hollow eyes and new alien face. She doesn’t fucking care. She doesn’t even hear what she’s saying. She robotically nods her head.
Stay tuned for Part 2!
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