I haven’t made fun of the tag lines at all yet.
Actually I don’t think I’ve even heard them yet since I usually turn it on when they’re over.
Yeah they’re dumb. I’d like to see Emily making and/or retrieving someone a fucking espresso martini. She probably can’t even make a glass of water.
These bitches all just discovered espresso martini’s a year ago for some reason, and now they don’t drink anything else. They think they’re a new thing when they’ve been around for a hundred years.
They’re literally not supposed to be a go-to drink every single fucking time your order a drink.
I love how they still use Emily’s really fat intro.
Don’t judge me. I can say mean petty things about a woman that says mean petty things about other women constantly. If she can dish it out she needs to learn to take it.
The tag lines – Gina the fake realtor, Heather the high roader, Tamra calling herself hot.
I approve of Jenn’s.
Why does Tamra have her mom in her background thing? That’s weird. She doesn’t live with her, and isn’t even on the show at all.
So here we go.
Gina and Katie meet at a spa. I like how Katie tells Gina she ‘looks cute’ when she couldn’t look less cute in a frumpy lilac sweat suit. I feel like when they greet each other, that automatically just comes out, regardless of how they actually look.
Katie did a bunch of random separate unrelated things that honestly weren’t horrible, but a little catty. Combined all together it does appear she was on some kind of vendetta.
She was pissed at Tacos, and rightfully so for bringing up the losing custody of her kids briefly ten years ago, and throwing in her face she’s an unfit mom at the reunion. She could have done so much worse to Emily.
What did she even do? I thought the ‘Heather is mean’ thing happened during filming prior to the reunion.
Other than that, she just did a bunch of dumb things, talking to podcasters and recording Shannon acting nuts.
Which also wasn’t that big of deal in my opinion. Was it shady? Okay yeah but if it was as bad as described, it probably was funny.
Tamra visits with Tacos at Shane’s parents’ mansion, that they pay for. Pretty sure.
She’s such a new-money snob that’s so fixated on ridiculing others that don’t have what she has. Tell us you grew up poor without telling us you grew up poor.
For Tamra to say that shit about Slade’s son’s passing, and to comment on the family finances, I don’t care what you think about Slade, he IS a dufas, it’s just fucking inappropriate, Tamra. My God.
Yet no one is ALLOWED to mention her kids. Ever. That seems to be a trend with all Housewives. ‘Keep kids out of it’ unless THEY want to comment on someone’s kid.
At the same time Emily is funny and hypocritical in her yap chastising Tamra, after what she did to Katie at the reunion, and offered a flimsy apology to her.
Tamra can’t honestly call another bitch a dim wit. My God. Mrs. ‘on the spectrum’ as an excuse for shit behavior.
She seriously did that and thought it was going to fly and garner sympathy. But Jenn’s a dim wit. Mmkay Tamra. You’re delulu.
Ladies in black, Shannon, Heather and Jenn meet for drinks. Why does Heather always ask how an espresso martini is made when she orders them? They are made the same in almost every establishment. Espresso, simple syrup, Kahula (which to me can be omitted but it’s fine with it) and vodka. It’s not complicated.
Shannon complains about the text she got from Katie apologizing for the recording.
So she did play it for Alexis. Jenn was there but seems to ‘forget.’
If you recall, Katie, Jenn and Alexis were all besties last season. Her friendship with Shannon didn’t happen until after the reunion when Shannon defended her.
Talk about alliances, as is being discussed currently ad nauseam at the Atlanta reunion, the alliances on OC are so obvious.
CLEARLY.
I did notice this blind loyalty last season, but not sure if I called it an ‘alliance’ or not, but that’s exactly what it is.
Beverly Hills is another one. It seems to me this is an actual discussion across the franchises before filming starts, as to who will defend you no matter what mind fuckery you try to pull.
The Atlanta ladies were not supposed to say it out loud, and tell the audience these convos take place, however they did and it’s clear they’re not the only ones.
Heather has this blind loyalty to Tamra of all people, who seems to me to be someone Heather would NOT respect. At all. She’s not smart, she’s not educated, she didn’t ‘marry well.’ All things Heather looks down on.
Heather deems herself ‘not Tamra’s keeper’ and Jenn points out she’s not Katie’s.
So let’s drop the double standard.
Tamra says that she’s “smart enough to know to not talk about it” after Ryan after ‘baited’ her, as she puts it.
Does Tamra understand the term ‘bait?’
It’s not really bait when he clearly stated “don’t talk about me or I will sue you.” That’s pretty much a clear and concise statement. Baiting you would be tricking you into talking about him you fucking ding dong.
She flexes how she’s ‘smart enough’ to interpret his post, which again, is not really confusing.
Fucking dumb dick so-called attorney, Tacos, robotically agrees with her that she’s being ‘baited.’ Jesus Christ.
My God, ya can’t make this shit up. Yeah Tamra, you’re so smart.
In the Heather/Shannon/Jenn scene, Heather shares she’s having a party in celebration of her birthday which was a month and a half ago, however the beginning of January is a bad time to throw a party.
Well correction, she wanted to throw it during filming.
But kind of the same, Heather. We get it.
But alas, there’s a conundrum. She wants to include Jenn of course, but Tamra’s attorney advised her not to be in the same room or area as Ryan, given that post that he made that Tamra had the intelligence to figure out. Because it was very confusing. “Don’t talk about me or I’ll sue you.” What a puzzle.
She threatens Heather that she won’t attend. Okay, fine, don’t come. But that’s too logical I guess.
I think that’s fair to opt out. Tamra brought all of this on herself. She’s the one that’s choosing to not be around Ryan.
But as we now know, due to these ‘alliances’ we MUST have Tamra there.
Heather says she’s not telling Jenn not to bring Ryan, but she actually is. Right away Jenn says “you’re choosing Tamra” which is accurate.
Jenn lets Heather have it. She looks flabbergasted.
I love her recap of the events of all of the horrible things Tamra said and did, so she had a ‘thing’ for the show. At the same time, I do think Ryan’s income situation is sketchy. Both can be true.
Heather compares Tamra’s dirty deeds to Katie’s recording Shannon.
Okay Heather. Now that Atlanta was dumb enough to let the cat out of the bag with the ‘alliance’ conversations, (even though we’ve suspected it) it’s such a huge eye roll to listen to this.
Heather puts her hands up, declaring she’s inviting everyone and let the chips fall where they may.
Of course we know Jenn will bring Ryan and Tamra will still go. Duh.
Even though this could actually be ‘bait.’
******
Looks like Katie is in a new house. A rental again? This does not look like a house they could afford to buy. That was a big stink last season, that she eluded they owned their home when they didn’t.
Technically was that a lie? Yes, probably, but she knew she’d be made fun of for not owning her home by these shallow pretentious materialistic assholes.
We get introduced to one of her older sons who were living with the dad, or the relative. It’s unclear who Gavin, the 18 YO was staying with in San Diego, which Katie was also criticized and shamed for, unfairly, of course by some of these insecure hags.
The younger of her other sons is still with his ass fuck dad in Georgia for whatever reason. I’m sorry but the guy sounds like a real piece of shit. No actually not sorry.
******
So there’s a bowling outing. Emily wears a 9.5 shoe. That’s hilarious.
Can we stop making fun of Heather having a birthday party 1.5 months after her birthday when they know damned well it’s to coincide with filming?
If we’re admitting to blind alliances now, can we break that fourth wall as well? This isn’t even anything new.
If you watch Southern Charm, one of Kathryn’s last seasons, she had a 30th birthday party. Filming was in October and her birthday is in August. No one made a big deal out of it. No one cares.
The point of Heather’s party is to get Tamra to interact with Ryan anyway. But you heard her. She’s not takin’ the bait. She’s very smart you know.
ANYWAY, Gina, who I think resembles Madonna, (at her age, not now, she looks like an alien) is really channeling 80’s Madonna with her big black bow. I don’t hate it.
Shannon brings Adam to bowling, one of her Love Hotel flings, which I only watched a few eps of. I did catch the “what do you mean you don’t eat vegetables???” ep which was, of course the most important and best one.
What the hell is with Shane and his stellar bowling abilities? Who knew? Bougie Shane is a bowler?
Shannon can barely even lift the ball.
Madonna grills Adam about anything and everything. Job? 401k? Temper? What’s going on?
She didn’t ask if he likes vegetables.
Shannon is still salty over this recording drama.
Why does Shane ask Shannon and Adam if they’re going to ‘crash’ when they get home? He’s so socially awkward. Was he wanting to know if they were having sex? Or was that like a ‘you’re so old’ reference?
Ryan gives a not-really-subtle dig at Jenn’s ex by saying he wishes he was more involved with his kids, but that’s what works for him.
LOVE the way he put that. Slightly passive-aggressive.
So if the dude claps back, he can claim he didn’t say anything derogatory. He simply stated if it’s your decision to not be a dad to your kids and you can live with that, good for you. If ignoring your kids is what works for you, fine. Didn’t call him any names, just calmly stated facts.
I would love to deliver that ‘passive aggressive’ message to another person. He knows who he is, and he knows he was a shit father. A shit person is usually a shit parent. It’s basic math.
So Dawson co-signed on his older brother’s student loan and of course had no idea what he was doing at 18 years old. Come one Jenn you should’ve done this. The fact that you’re ‘not in a good place’ with your ex has nothing to do with this.
I forgot Ryan was in the mortgage business prior to being a professional gambler so he starts on a rant about debt- to-income ratios, which if you know you know, and how this loan will impact him if he applies for credit. You can see the kid’s eyes glaze over. He doesn’t care. He’s going into the Marines. The loan won’t be due for payment for another four years anyway.
******
Tamra and Heather meet at a cool place that has toucans everywhere.
It’s a good thing they have a reservation at this place where there is not one other person present.
I love how even that toucan even hates Tamra. They say birds are smart.
Heather calls Tamra ‘calm’ Well yeah I guess she’s ‘calm.’ It’s an act. She reads comments on social media about her like it’s her job. The viewers think she’s a piece of shit so she’s course correcting. A lot like we saw ‘calm’ Wendy this past season on Potomac, if you watch that. Or Erika on Beverly Hills. Seems to be a trend now.
I can see she’s gearing up to play the victim in this interaction.
She cries about Teddi and yeah it may seem sweet but I don’t buy that she’s this distraught.
Heather shut up trying to sell us Tamra. Just stop.
They chat about her birthday party and Tamra wants her to tell Jenn that Ryan can’t attend. Is she fucking kidding right now? Wow that is some fucking nerve, but it shouldn’t surprise me.
She’ll think about it. So much for the attorney advice. She’s probably making it up anyway.
******
Night of the not really birthday party. Heather is of course acting pretentious as fuck, and bragging about the cost because she’s insufferable and can’t help herself.
I wonder if Emily has bigger feet than Shane?
For chrissakes Emily in her yap again whines that it’s not Heather’s true birthday.
Lady give it a rest. It’s such a dumb criticism to keep repeating. Are we that desperate?
There are so many other notable worthwhile things to criticize Heather for.
I hate how Tacos always has this same fucking sneery face in her yaps when she’s being snide and petty.
Celebrating your birthday the following fucking month is not that unusual, especially if it falls around the holidays. My God.
I can’t stand her. She’s such a dick.
I just realized we haven’t seen Gretchen at all, now that there’s ten minutes left.
Heather claims she doesn’t know if Tamra is coming or not. Okay, that’s believable.
Speak of the devil, Gretchen arrives.
Katie looks scared shitless when Shannon arrives. You know Shannon’s reaction to this is kind of surprising. Usually she’s pretty forgiving. I feel like she may be getting egged on to keep making it a thing.
She brings another Love Hotel suitor to the party. Didn’t realize Shannon was such a hit on there. On the few I watched it seemed like she wasn’t having much luck.
Maybe they just want to be on TV more. I’m not loving what she’s wearing. It looks a little young. She’s looking puffy again also.
I thought I heard Heather wrong when she said there was a ‘joint bar.’ But no, it’s an actual rolling up a joint bar. It’s California. I forgot that she started partaking a few years ago.
I feel like Heather would be much less irritating when stoned.
“Is Tamra coming? Is she coming? Where’s Tamra?” Who cares. As if she wasn’t on the horn all day telling them if she was attending or not.
Gretchen and this broken penis, because she got testosterone? Is that what is making her face so weird? Shane couldn’t look more awkward to be part of this conversation. Does ANYONE want to hear about Slade’s weenie? Didn’t think so. I don’t know what Gretchen is doing to her face but it’s frightening. I assume it’s overfilled. She used to be so pretty.
Slade looks uncomfortable too. As I guess he should. Your woman ruined your manhood.
They both awkwardly sip their drinks at the exact same time. How cute.
Shannon gets activated that Heather is speaking to Katie.
Katie wants to speak to her but AWAY from fucking Cannon Mouth. Yeah can’t blame her for that. She approaches her and apologizes profusely.
Shannon refers to recording her as ‘illegal’ which not sure about that.
She tries to say she was having a private conversation (in front of everyone.) Katie points out she even had the call on speaker so it couldn’t be that private.
I guess that’s a valid point, but doesn’t make it okay to record the whole thing.
Katie claims she was on an “important business call” at the time Shannon was making a ruckus on her dramatic speaker phone call.
Tacos jokes that they should record Shannon and Katie arguing. Okay Dumbo, they are surrounded by fucking cameras. We’re good.
Jesus. Can’t make shit up.
Katie still claiming she never played the recording for Alexis. Shannon is losing her mind. You know why I think this is how silly? Because of how Shannon has acted insane over the years right in front of Bravo cameras and didn’t seem to care. But this one instance when she was having a very Shannon meltdown she’s livid that she was being recorded. I get it, she didn’t know but is it worth this?
You know Shannon is REALLY mad when she calls you by your first and last name.
Katie’s husband non-chalantly watches this while munching, looking like he’s enjoying this actually. Like someone eating popcorn at a movie.
“Worse than Alexis Bellino! Worse than Tamra Judge!!”
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