Across the pond in England for Shannon’s birthday trip, things are going as you might expect.
Katie just learned that England is an island. Listening to her and her daughter discuss that, then referring to it as ‘geometry’ was so painful.
I missed last week’s recap! So sorry. I fell so behind and I just had to skip it.
Fish and chips make you poop? Who knew? Heather poops? Who knew?
New BFF’s Emily and Shannon meet for breakfasting. Shannon is still pissed off and rightfully so, at Tamra’s typical borderline abusive and bitchy mean girl behavior towards her.
Who drinks soda with breakfast? Gross. We’re really pushing the Coke and Diet Coke on Bravo. Also who puts mayonnaise on bacon?? I cannot figure out why Emily has a weight problem.
I’m tired of this ‘victim’ argument. It’s overused and everyone’s go-to. Shannon IS the victim, in the way she was in an abusive trauma-bonded relationship. And you think they’re so easy to get out of when you’re not married and don’t have children together. They’re not.
She’s NOT a victim in her DUI, and nor is she claiming to be. She’s owning that mistake for the most part, unlike one Karen Huger. Not that it’s a contest.
I’m sure things are a little tense in the Judge household currently with her alleged autism diagnosis, which I guess she thought would garner sympathy, and an excuse for her fucktard behavior, and then as an added bonus, a built-in story line for next season. That’s in the event she’s back, and not getting fired for the 90% of the viewership hating her.
She’s getting an incredible amount of backlash for this autism thing. People are pointing out that autism is a series of tests and isn’t something one stupid therapist decides from talking to you for 45 minutes. Lots of ‘on the spectrum ‘jokes circulating about. Such as on the asshole spectrum, on the narcissist spectrum, on the dumbass spectrum. You get the picture.
Nice try, Scammy Tammy. NOT.
She’s even deleted everything about about it on all of her social media. It’s such an insult to people that actually have the disorder, or have kids that have it.
‘On the spectrum’ of being slow, stupid, heartless and idiotic. To think she would have the nerve to blame autism on the fact that she’s simply not that bright overall, and did poor planning as to her Housewife persona when she really should be an expert at this state at knowing what the fans want.
Viewers like Shannon, constant drama and all, because she’s authentic and shares her life as they’re supposed to, so attacking her at every turn and ridiculing her over the DUI and John suing her, was lack of smarts, really poor judgment and bad decision-making. Not autism.
I’m not an autism expert, but I think people ‘on the spectrum’ are high-functioning and intelligent. And she is neither. So embarrassing. I’m so embarrassed for her. Wow. Just wow.
And then when you add in the fact that she thought people would actually believe this shit and sympathize with her and give her a pass, it’s almost unfathomable she would make two such poor and career-killing judgment errors. After being on the show for sixteen fucking years (with a brief hiatus when she got shit-canned, then brought back, but in Bravo’s defense she is getting people talking.)
Touching on last week’s ep for a second, and this Jeff Lewis thing that Shannon said to him that she hasn’t thought about whether or not John heard the crash.
Clearly she was lying in that moment. First of all we already know she’s thought of it extensively, and she also touched her face when she said “I haven’t thought about it.”You have to be pretty stupid to see that she just didn’t want to get into it on the podcast. So she lied to Jeff Lewis, but broke down and told Heather the truth that she’s really upset that he didn’t bother to check on her.
And for some reason, which we don’t get, Heather is mad about this and calls her inauthentic for confiding in her.
I CANNOT with these bitches. The friendships and alliances are all over the place and it just is not making any sense. AT ALL.
Anyway, Shannon is not feeling the touristy activities planned after the blow-out at the table that I honestly even forget how it started. I’m guessing Tamra started it.
Shannon always uses the ladies first and last name when she’s mad at them. She doesn’t need to explain herself to ‘Tamra Judge.’
Off topic but I think it would be so weird to marry a man and actually take the last name of of the creepy old rich dude that ‘adopted’ him in adulthood. Just saying. I guess sticking with ‘Barney’ was just as bad and would have pissed him off. Eddie didn’t consider taking back his actual last name? How important is this ‘Judge’ dude in his life? Has he ever once mentioned him?? Interesting right? Never been brought up. But he took his last name. And nobody talks about it.
I doubt Tamra’s sex chair is getting much use.
Now I do have to say that the more Shannon talks about the non-loan, the more it does appear to be a loan and that Jackass John expected to be paid back and she knew that.
He sent her a promissory note shortly after he gave it to her.
Now could he be a stand-up guy that we know he isn’t, and just let it go, or perhaps ask for half of it, given the fact that he made her pay for all trips and dates? And given everything she’s going through?
Tamra ‘Judge’ should shut it about living way above you means because it seems like the Judges also do. It’s quite apparent that she needs the Housewife income to maintain their lifestyle. I would call that living above your means since it’s common fucking sense this income can be gone in an instant with little to no warning. Didn’t they have to sell the house they had JUST BOUGHT after she got fired 4 or 5 years ago??
If she gets fired again I have a feeling Big Bear will be a Big Disappearing.
I don’t know what these ‘multi-million’ companies are that she claims they have. Why are neither one of them ever seen working but they’re running some fucking lucrative company? Please. Typical Housewife bullshit. And who says I run a ‘multi-million dollar company?’ Someone who does NOT run a multi-million dollar company, that’s who. A Housewife who’s a figure head for someone else’s company, that’s who.
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Jenn and Gina pair up who I guess are okay now. Gina stopped bullying her around for the time being. She just couldn’t help herself.
By the damned way, from previews looks like Gina’s drunkenly pushing Travis down the stairs three years ago is coming out on the show. Hmmmm imagine that – having to admit to wrong doing on a reality show that your paid a shitton of money on to share your reality.
Now we just need Terry’s cheating that Heather made them bury last season discussed.
Gina fills in Jenn on the 2018 text message Shannon found in her phone from Alexis verifying she was indeed involved in the lawsuit with Jim.
The point is valid that Tamra, who was ordered by Bravo to lick Alexis’ butt hole and torment Shannon (but they’re so wealthy without Bravo right?) cannot bring herself to acknowledge that text, and find it strange.
Heather faces her issue with Shannon head-on about the Jeff Lewis podcast argument and plops down at the pop and mayo breakfast table to discuss the previous evening.
I guess she should be admired for this but let’s not.
And not to beat a dead horse, but Heather SHUT IT because you chose not to share on the show your marital troubles with Terry. Last season’s airing was delayed by six fucking months because she ‘made’ (not sure how or why she has this much clout) production remove all of the scenes where it was discussed.
But she wants to bitch at Shannon for following the Housewife rules and sharing the good bad and the ugly.
Why is everyone telling Shannon to ‘just pay him’ when she’s offered to ‘just pay him’ but he won’t take it until she signs some fucking doc that she won’t lie about him anymore. AKA tell the truth about him anymore. Are we not paying attention? Are these women stupid or something?
Shannon runs to get her ‘papers’ which are notes written on small notebook sheets.
If he’s like my ex, he always said “I’ll pay you back.” Yeah that never fucking happened. I even paid for a trip where he proceeded to talk to some ugly skank on the phone the entire time.
She comes up with a ‘rough’ figure of $60,891.40 that she spent doing trips and dinners with this man, a lot of times including HIS kids that she footed the bill for. That’s not anything to sneeze at.
So yes, I’m on Shannon’s side, as any normal fucking woman should be. For all intents and purposes, if you have a shred of sense. This ding dong lizard king should be calling the $70,000 ‘loan’ a wash, and be on his douchey way. Period.
I like how she sees the humor in her little ripped notebook ‘receipts’ and is not pissed that Heather and Emily are laughing their asses off. She gets it. They think she should have it all compiled on an Excel spreadsheet.
If she did wouldn’t they be laughing at that too? “I can’t believe you did an Excel spreadsheet!!”
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Okay so here we go – Gina lets Jenn know of the ‘concern’ that Jenn would buy a $2000 dress to wear to a Housewife event. As you know I have a few things to say about this. First of all, like did the girl really need a new dress for a CASUAL event? Yes – instructions were to wear a froofy dress, but it wasn’t formal.
We all like to have something new to wear to events. Myself included. But given her situation, I find it hard to believe she had no other dress to wear to that stupid tea place.
And I have to mention this. Go back to my past article – did I not predict this?
I was half-joking but when she told Katie her online order didn’t arrive and she was going to the mall to get a dress, I jokingly said ‘don’t let those bitches know – this they’ll go insane!’ to be fair, I couldn’t have fathomed she would buy a $2000 designer dress for a ‘tea party.’
I think a lot of it is that she’s thing to keep up with the Joneses. And the Judges.
It’s annoying how they keep harping on her ‘rent and car payment’ when she no longer has these bills. Dumb bitches let it go! I know how much they all like saying it, but it’s time to move on, It’s no longer relevant if she got rid of the car and the house. What am I missing here?? Nothing. It’s them not me.
And of course dirty money Ryan paid for the fucking dress. Duhhh. I wonder what’s going on with his MLB gambling allegations? I’ll have to look into it.
I love the rationale of ‘you’ll get multiple uses out of it.’
Okay so Tamra and Katie are lying here thinking they’re the Rockefellers or something? They got done bashing Shannon for ‘not having money’ now they’ve moved onto Jenn.
These two need to calm the hell down. Katie does not seem to be the sharpest tool in the shed, but married well, and Tamra, let’s not even get started on her and her meager beginning and low intelligence. They both need to sit the fuck down. Tamra had nothing before she met Simon, and more of nothing after they split up, then moved her hypocrite ho ass into Eddie’s house (which is puzzling how he afforded) with her three young kids. Do we think she forgets this?? Did she know exactly what Eddie did for a living?? (allegedly ‘IT’ at his sugar daddy’s law firm)
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Is it just me or does Emily keep wearing that black pleated leather skirt? I can see how she thinks it’s flattering. She tried to be skinny. It didn’t work. But she tried.
They do the double decker bus thing as I assume all of the Americans do. Tamra humps Emily.
I wish they would just get it on already and stop with the simulations.
I see they’re acting like typical classless Americans as they try to joke with the Brits passing by.
Oh yeah last week was the whole mammo thing with Heather whining that no one asked her about hers. Gina needs to bring it up on the double decker of course because there was an entire five minutes of no screaming and shrieking.
They continue to bicker.
Off the bus and again they’re acting embarrassingly American, especially Ohio Emily demanding fries and more fries.
They decide to get old time photos taken. Did Emily really task Jenn to choose her costume for the photo? OMFG now she’s going to cry and sulk for the rest of the season if it’s not sexy enough or a small enough size because you know she’s SKINNY now. She’s at the gym every day workin’ on her fitness!!
A corset? Yes okay, but please make sure it’s NOT a large for the love of all that is holy! Doesn’t matter if a large is what fits her. It can’t be a large.
I don’t know why Jenn is being so nice to that bitch. I wonder what she’s thinking seeing all of these cunty remarks she’s making in her yaps about her.
They go out to dinner and I hate to keep harping, but they all dress really American. What is with all of the black leather??
Is this some sort of dominatrix event?
How many fucking times does Heather have to tell everyone she has a short torso. I like how she says that instead of ‘I have freakishly long gangly legs and walk like I have a tree up my ass.’ Sorry was that rude?
Onion rings and espresso martini’s are ordered, which is a strange combo. They just recently discovered espresso martini’s and now it’s all they drink.
Okay I’m trying to be done bashing them for acting like hicks. I’ll try.
Oh okay, scratch that. They all order steak. With fries and onion rings. I can’t. I can’t be done making fun of them. At least Jenn gets a seafood dish.
I like how Emily can refer to herself as a ‘big girl’ but her dress CANNOT say ‘size 12.’ Because she’s a 6 (plus 6.)
Tamra looks ridiculous in a leather mini-dress and a ginormous black bow in her hair. She looks kind of frightening. Her glam people seemed to have forgot concealer under her eyes. Did she dress like this to coincide with Halloween airing? The whole outfit is embarrassing.
As per the uzse, we can’t even eat first before we dive into the yellow rose Dolce dress. The best Heather can do when cornered about being bitchy and cunty is that she was ‘worried’ about her.
I think she’s okay Heather, living in a 5 million dollar Hugh Heffner house in SoCal with a boyfriend that treats her like gold and worships the ground she walks on (what must THAT be like??) Now is his income somewhat questionable? Yes.
Minor detail.
I did recently come across something on social media that at this point her ex has not paid her the lump sum he owes her nor the court-ordered child and spousal support and Jenn allegedly went to his apartment to say what the fuck. Not sure how it all panned out.
So back to this. Tamra chimes in since she’s Heather’s posse this season, and said she was also worried that she bought such a pricey dress to fit in with the others.
This is kind of rich, no pun intended, because last season they were making fun of her for wearing fake shit. So she buys a designer dress and they criticize her for that too.
So of course Big Girl Emily’s GOTTA weigh in, no pun intended, on this because she LOVES so much that she’s richer and more important than Jenn since she married into money.
She accuses Jenn of trying to portray a certain image of a high lifestyle. Did she ever think that maybe she just really liked that fucking dress? If she would’ve gotten one at Forever 21 they would have freaked out about that.
It was adorable and fit her like a glove. Are you mad Emily that it was a 2 and not a 12? Is that it?? I can’t stand this broad overall and I especially can’t stand when she acts like this. It’s such a bad look and screams poor girl that married into money. Which IS the case, but why would you want to sound like that?
Emily-lives-off-her-in-laws-Simpson who seems to also want to portray a certain image or she wouldn’t have accepted a house that they pay for and wouldn’t have accepted an allowance from them when Shane didn’t work for several years.
Just. Fucking. Saying.
Heather apologizes for being snarky about her dress. Let’s all mark our calendars that Heather immediately apologized.
Tamra again apologizes to Jenn. It’s ludicrous at this point how she gets sloppy drunk and is mean to this chick then, claims to be sorry.
Moving on. Shannon asks Tamra about the 2018 Alexis text. She’s surprised Tamra has had nothing to say about it.
“That’s between you and her” is her excuse. Well not really because she sued Tamra too and has lied that she wasn’t a part of it. So you’re telling me, crazy ass Tamra just doesn’t care. Not important.
Emily pipe in again defending Shannon. What’s her story line again? (Although I do agree with her in this moment.) Oh, that her mom didn’t put her on the bus forty years ago and that she still feels fat compared to the others.
Tamra doesn’t really get asked to elaborate as to why this newly discovered message doesn’t really matter, and she should have. She just deflects and throws the owed money in Shannon’s face again. Then tells her to shut up. That’s her defense and answer to the question.
This one who is pretending to be autistic for attention and pity is “over the victim act.” Can’t make this
Did her glam squad forget to add concealer under her eyes or what’s going on here?? I know I already pointed it out but I’m pointing it out again. Because it’s really really bad. And funny because I think she believed herself to look really good in this get-up.
Maybe the glam girl hates her and did it on purpose. That would be funny. Or here’s another theory. Her inner ugliness is spilling out onto the exterior. Yeah, I like that one better.
Was kinda rude (and it was Emily’s idea of course) to all text their dudes and say they were naked.
Then leave it to Emily to be AS CUNTY as possible in her yap and say Shannon could have texted Archie.
If Shane was what I had to go home and bang, I think I would just sit this one out. I’d MUCH rather go home to Archie than that stupid little dweeb.
Tamra’s runs down the hallway in this bougie hotel pounding on people’s doors.
She’s ‘autistic’ remember. I don’t think any autistic person ever did this. Ever. Maybe a Down Syndrome person, maybe a legit mentally insane person. Not autistic.
Everyone (minus Shannon – they could have invited her) puts on comfies and danced around and has a fun girls’ night. Well. all in comfies except Emily who had to wear a thong onsie so everyone looks at her big fucking ass.
Not really what I would wear to dance around with other girls. No one loves Emily’s ass more than Emily. Of course it comes unsnapped, because it’s too small for her. It’s probably a ‘6.’
Most women perceive themselves as bigger than they are, except for this broad.
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Shannon decides to engage in a little Housewife messy mess to get back at Tamra, which she has every right to do, and tells Jenn that Tamra did a little background check of sorts of Ryan when she began seeing him.
You do know that Jenn is publicly saying that Tamra was into Ryan when they both first saw him at Eddie and Tamra’s now-closed bandrupt gym. She called him ‘hot gym guy’ and would call Jenn lusting over him when he was there. She clearly had a thing for him and is most likely very jealous, which is what is driving a lot of this Ryan hate. It’s funny how Tammy girl really believes she’s so sly and sneaky but she’s pretty fucking transparent and easy to figure out, since she’s not very smart.
Emily is so fucking gross. She think she’s funny but she’s not. She tells the guy working at the juice bar she wants ‘extra cleanse’ to get things moving. This seems to be a touristy area so I guess they’re used to hillbilly Americans talking like ten year-old boys. But still. Restrain yourself. Jesus.
Tamra runs down the sidewalk holding her ass because she has to shit. I have a sense of humor, I do, but this is fucking England!! They make fun of us! This is why!!
Back to Shannon and Jenn. She shows Jenn her phone of Tamra’s message about this background check on Ryan in 2022. Yeah she’s getting messy but I think she’s tired of the hypocrisy. You can’t blame her.
It’s ‘weird and obsessive’ as Jenn puts it. She’s confusing Fatal Attraction bunny-boiling with Single White Female. But I’m nit-picking, I get what she’s saying.
Jenn is now cranked up which is what Shannon was going for. It’s all fair in Housewives and war.
The shit that Tamra’s doing?? Pretending to be in love with Alexis Bellino? Shannon can certainly share a message from three years ago of Tamra being a dick to her so-called friend.
Jenn goes off about what a low-life Tamra is, and Gina and Shannon kind of look like they’re thoroughly enjoying it. Please ignore Gina dressed like a hooker. She doesn’t know.
I love how Shannon drops this bomb and is like ‘I’m outta here, I’m meeting my kids. Byeeeeee!’ Love it.
Jenn barges in on a makeup-less Tamra which makes this scene 100% funnier. Tamra looks really bad without her makeup. And it’s clear she had no forewarning.
And to make it ten times worse and so Tamra, she ‘swears on her kids’ she never dug up shit on Ryan when there’s literally proof that she did. This is the thing she chooses to say when she has one child that won’t speak to her over the way she acts on camera and forbids her to talk about her.
But remember she has ‘autism.’ So it’s okay to lie while swearing on your kids lives. Housewives NEED to stop using that phrase. It’s sick. She makes pretend bewildered face.
Jenn, looking like an effortless fitness model hands Tamra’s ass to her while she looks like a goblin.
She spends a few seconds denying it, then I assume remembers, and quickly starts acting condescending, putting her chin in her hand, clapping, and laughing to get Jenn more pissed by acting obnoxious as possible.
This is where she tells us Eddie owns a ‘multi-million dollar business.’ He certainly does not. But it does sound good. Is this the cannabis thing? I thought she ‘owned’ this business?? She got some fake award last season where she yelled about her ass crack sweating while they were taking a photo.
After not mentioning this phantom ‘business’ all season.
Back to this, Tamra admits to having it checked whether or not he had his mortgage originator license since he claimed to be a ‘mortgage broker.’ I guess that’s a fair to question, but rather than asking someone to ‘investigate’ how about saying to Jenn, ‘are you SURE Ryan is a mortgage loan officer? He never seems to be doing anything, you should question that.’
Tamra wants to talk about Jenn being stupid, she could have easily looked up herself on the state licensing site whether or not Ryan had his Mortgage Originating license. It’s public info. So that was an option too. She doesn’t know this, she can’t work the internet (like someone else i know) but they run a ‘multi-million dollar business.’
Their little “Byeeeeee!” thing at the end of the confrontation was strange. Almost as weird as on Jersey, Melissa and Teresa posing at each other.
Jenn leaves and Tamra calls her stupid which what they all resort to with Jenn when she has a point. I just want to point out she never claimed to be a road scholar. She’s no more stupid than Tamra honestly.
Again the fact that Tammy Sue was bumbling, stuttering, and looking like she’s 80 in this scene is everything.
Jenn killed this shit looking like a movie star.
