We have a biking -bar situation coming as our activity out west in Nashville Tennessee.
Everyone is discussing The Gorilla again. Honestly what WOULD they talk about without The Gorilla?
I agree with all of the Teresa fans that say there would be NOTHING going on, and NOTHING to talk about if she were gone, but does anyone ever have anything positive to say about her ever? (except Dolores and Jen who are always making excuses for her) I know they say there’s ‘no such thing as negative publicity’ as the saying goes, but holy shit, at what point are we all going to realize she has some sort of mental disorder, and it’s impossible for her to get along with almost anyone. And she’s just not the sharpest crayon, and mostly people are laughing at her, not with her.
Dolores is always ready to eat. Did you ever notice at every gathering she is ALWAYS “can we eat yet?” “ ALWAYS. So Teresa shouldn’t really be making fun of Margaret. And Teresa’s not really looking like she’s missing any meals these days either.
And then on the other side of the spectrum, Jackie always looks like she wants to throw up when she’s eating. I really think it’s going to be hard for her to get out of her “I can’t eat anything but salad” mindset. I really do. I was seeing on social media yesterday that she may be back in the dreaded “friend” position next year. Honestly, would we care? Do we want to hear about this on every episode? Maybe she should just remove herself for a few years, and do like a Heather DuBrow type of ‘comeback’ in five years. I think she needs the time and energy to focus on this. I wonder if all of her kids will be gay too ?
She calls Melissa and Joe, who says her apology was “nice last night.” The apology that was a litany of excuses for her shitty behavior? That apology? Where she even specifically said that she’s not apologizing to Margaret who she threw glasses, drinks and food at ? Whatever. Joe literally said that to her as if he was speaking to a four year old. Like “that was nice of you to share your toy, honey!” When a fucking grown ass adult apologizes for something they NEEDED to apologize for, you don’t give them special accolades for doing so. AND AGAIN IT WASN’T AN APOLOGY. She says her apologies ‘come from the heart.’ Ok Teresa, this one and that one other time you apologized eight years ago ?
Margaret is right. everyone gives her a ‘participation trophy.’ Which means you did nothing to deserve the reward. All of the admiration at the dinner after that non-apology from her worshipers was utterly ASININE. And who else is tired of hearing her say ‘myyyyyyyyy boyfriend,’ like a 16 year old. Teresa continues to order Melissa to “keep Margaret in check because it’s HER friend.” Isn’t Margaret also Teresa’s friend ?? (Why is Joe allowing her to talk this way to his wife ?) Then in the next breath … omigod never mind . I can’t. I’m losing brain cells. I’m almost a week late doing this because it was putting it off, since it really has become ‘The Teresa Show.’ and it’s the same shit week after week with her childish tantrums and unaccountibility.
The poor housewives and their ‘chefs.’ Guess who my chef is – me ! They’re gathering around the island and guess what they’re talking about?
Jackie, it’s so time to stop playin dumb about Evan’s affair. We all know he was fucking around. I don’t believe it was a big long term hot nd heavy love affair type thing. But he definitely had his dick in this chick’s lady parts a time or two, or three or four. Would be nice if the dude owns it instead of making a fool out of his wife.
That was ten minutes in, and I wrote almost a whole fucking page about Gorilla Girl. See why I put this off? So this mobile bar looks like a very tourist-y thing to do. I wonder if Melissa is now aware of what state she in, and the general vicinity of it’s location on a map? Margaret and Joe take the back seat, where there are no pedals.
Teresa arrives wearing, I assume, her “work out line.” She looks kind of ridiculous. She always arrives to events last, as if everyone cannot wait for her arrival. “LOVE LOVE LAAAAAAAVE” in annoyyyyyyyying Teresa voice.
I don’t get how these drinks aren’t spilling everywhere on this alcohol filled giant go-kart thing.
Can’t believe this much fun was being had when the angry Gorilla is present. She needs to put a halt to that !
They arrive at the lunch venue, a hot and spicy chicken restaurant. The dudes are all sweaty. The ladies are not. Melissa seems to have really enjoyed her go-kart cocktails and did some sort of something in the middle of the street. I was going to say dance, but it wasn’t really a dance. She decides she is going to jump onto Jennifer will all of her weight, like Lindsay on Summer House, on every dude. Except you generally want to do that with someone that is is much taller and stronger than you are? Not another woman your same size ? So needless to say, Jennifer cannot hold Melissa’s entire body weight and they both go down. She scolds Jennifer for not being able to catch her ? Okay, someone is a light weight. At least she’s a “fun drunk.” Just stop jumping on the girls. Someone’s gonna get hurt. I know she’s thin, but she’s not exactly petite, she’s 5’5″. Someone on Twitter explained some scientific reason why Italian men are so short and Italian women are not, when i tweeted something about it. I forget though. (Google it – I won’t get offended) Also Italian men tend to produce girls, more so than boys. See you can learn from Bravo and Social Media! So next time someone chastises you for watching too much Bravo, or being on SM too much, tell them I said it’s educational !
Evan orders a Bud Light? Gross. The dudes are having a spicy chicken eating contest. Bill is right, these Jersey house husbands are competitive, about everything. Maybe this is actually something Bill can win, since spicy food seems to be in his wheel house. Drinking and sports is not.
Jackie looks in a panic and asks the server if they have chicken that’s “not fried” and she asks Traci to share cole slaw with her. I like drunk Melissa. She’s telling Teresa she needs to act right. Is it too much to ask for Melissa to become a raging alcoholic and be drunk all of the time? And tell her what an asshole she is all the time ? Bottoms up girlfriend! Have another and another!
I guess this gets Gorilla all cranked up, and now she’s demanding to talk to Margaret “right now.” in the midst of all of the noise, (acoustics are not in this restaurant) and chaos in this place, right in front of everyone. And she’s pissed everyone is talking amongst themselves, having a great time, and not paying attention to her.
She wants to ruin YET ANOTHER MEAL. Would be the third of the trip, but who’s counting? Jackie will probably be letting off a sigh of relief, and won’t have to pretend to eat these dreaded grilled chicken nuggets and cole slaw.
Captain NO MANNERS AND NO SELF-AWARENESS, and needs ALL of the attention ALL of the time, like a two-year-old, plops her big ass right down next to Margaret and demands to “talk now.” Margaret says not a good time. Angry Gorilla face does NOT care and immediately starts scolding Margaret for “talking about her boyfriend” Margaret pleads with her to please do this another time. And wait for it, she says “she’ll do it when SHE wants to do it…”
Wow, Bravo you created this monster. Can it soon be time for her to take a break? Forever?
Joe gets involved and the brain dead neanderthal, we refer to as “Teresa” finally agrees to drop it for now. I read an article a scientist wrote several years ago that truly says she is a true neanderthal. Apparently it is a thing. That’s why her hairline is so low, and why she acts so strange. She literally cannot process information like a normal person. Like this whole scene was literally an example of that. He sort of referred to her as a barely functional human being, that is just getting by. I don’t want to include it here, (I may have in an earlier article – I don’t remember) but if you “google it” you should be able to find it. I’m truly interested in what he has to say now after watching her for several years. i think it was written back in 2013 or 14. I mean, if you look at a photo of one, and compare it to her in an unfiltered, not super glammed up photo, (you’ll probably have to search for a really old one) I’m just sayin!
Melissa (who is drunk) is really firm and tries to explain to her why this was inappropriate timing, from across the table, and she is literally just sitting there with her mouth gaping open and she looks fucking idiotic. Again, lovin me some tipsy Melissa. Have another ! Jen cheerleads like a fool on her behalf as usual.
The ‘contest chicken’ arrives. Luis and Frank are out. Joe’s literally slobbering/spitting on the table, as “the help” have to walk around with nasty filthy face diapers on. Sorry, just had a moment there of needing to recognize the this whole ridiculousness that is STILL going on. Because we’re tolerating it, that’s why. Restaurant owners need to stand up on behalf of their employees.
Joe convinces Bill to “call it a tie.” since looked like Bill was going to win. This was Bill’s “thing!” He could have had bragging rights on SOMETHING with these dudes! Okay someone is a little too competitive, and didn’t want to lose? Jen ridicules him in her yap. I find Jen to be really funny. She has great comedic timing. She should do stand-up, not Joe. Are they still doing that? I was reading not so great reviews about it.
At a drunken spicy chicken eating contest, Joe Gorga just couldn’t bear to lose!
They arrive back to the house. Why did Tiki even come, if he had to stay in his room all day every day?
The guys discuss when all of that spicy chicken makes an exit. Okay moving on.
Frank with arms the size of my entire body, is really the biggest pussy of all the guys. He’s crying his tummy hurts to Dolores. So glad Teresa and Luis are still at the hotel. Apparently, allegedly, production told them they needed to leave the house after her food and drink throwing tantrum. Bravo probably paid for it, so score ! That’ll teach her, right ? Doesn’t exactly look like a dump.
The kids board their buses and they’re off to dinner. So this place looks cool. Let’s see how the undisciplined gorilla can fuck this night up too! Jackie always drinks red wine. It must have the least calories. Okay, stand corrected. Got curious and looked it up and nope ! Reds have higher calories than whites. Maybe she drinks it for the health benefits. They split up, boys on one side and girls on the other. The guys order a bottle of champagne? I’ll shut up. I was bitching earlier they were drinking Bud Light.
Teresa and Luis haven’t arrived yet, since you know she has to maker her grand fucking entrance. So guess what they’re all talking about.
Jen literally compares Teresa to a child without even trying to do it in a rude way, and even thinking she’s giving her a compliment. So Dolores compared her to a shelter dog last week (again not intending to be derogatory) and now Jen says they’re complimenting Teresa for being “nice to Margaret” because that’s what you do with a child. Tell me again, how great it is to be Teresa Guidice and the so-called “star” of the show? Jackie ridicules that comment in her yap by saying she has four kids, and isn’t interested in another. Margaret points out they seem to have lowered their standards for her.
Dolores goes into that preachy robotic- like defense voice, and says “I don’t feel like I’ve lowered my standards…”
And they’re here. Luis asks to talk to Joe privately. He starts with saying how much he appreciates Joe, whatever whatever. He then says he doesn’t want to sound “controlling” (things control freaks say) and does the whole finger quote thing, but he “NEEDS her in his life.” He says he’s taking her to Europe and is going to be proposing to her there. He asks for Joe’s blessing in the absence of her parents. Sweet. Seems sweet, I’m not gonna lie. Joe brings up “his past.” Luis tries to defend the rumors swirling about, that the ex’s (and the Oh oh oh’s…) sorry, are doing most of the talking. I think he was really bad to them, and they have an ax to grind, so sure, now that he’s “Bravo famous” why wouldn’t they talk about it publicly? Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. He put himself out there by dating a ‘seasoned’ reality star, so come on dude, you didn’t see this coming ? You’re like blind sided by this ? The two Vanessa’s (Moretto and Reiser) are even now publicly speaking and have made “narcissist abuse” sort of a platform, to get more awareness out and to warn women of the early signs. They claim he “demanded” sex several times a day, and became irate when he didn’t get it. (all alleged) Anyway, sorry I got started on my narc soap box, Joe tells him that speaking up about his unhappiness with Joe Guidice, caused a rift in the family, so he’s shut up about the Luis gossip and allegations.
Joe point blank asks him, “what’s up with all of that dude?” Yeah for real Luis, spill the tea ! Margaret isn’t the only one wondering. Luis looks a little embarrassed at first, but then that wonderful “can’t admit they’re at fault at ANY cost” narcissistic trait, he says that they were indeed toxic relationships, and the women were desperate, thirsty and low-life?? Guys come on! Look these women up, (one is a therapist) they don’t exactly scream “low life?” Havin a feeling they didn’t take to kindly to him calling them a “low-life” in that episode, so expect some retaliation !
I’m proud of Joe. He’s not letting him off easy. Luis seems to be a little taken aback. He tells him that “there has to be SOME truth to some of those stories.” (duhhhh)
The peanut gallery is all noticing their discussion, and the seriousness of it. Jackie, I agree with, says it’s a little odd that all of the ex’s are “crazy and thirsty.” Red flag #1, I’ll call that, because the “ex” discussion always comes up when you’re first dating someone. If they use the word “crazy” and blame the ex for 100% of the problems, and continue to point out his/her/their flaws, they were most likely NOT the problem. And if you factor in having several “ex’s” then honey, do the math !
Luis confesses to not being this “crown of a man” and was trying to figure things out. That’s a new buzz phrase people use in place of “yeah I acted like an asshole.” Like what are we, three, twelve ? A preschooler and middle schooler are “trying to figure things out.” By the time you’re forty fucking years old – you should have “figured it out.” Tired of this dude’s excuses. What are we figuring out ? That you’re not supposed to yell at women, and order that they have sex with you multiple times a day ?
He claims he hasn’t been perfect, but since he met Teresa, his life has changed. He assures Joe that he will always be good to Teresa. The convo ends on a positive note where Joe gives his approval on the marriage proposal. They bro hug.
Teresa tries to tell Melissa that Margaret “made her act like that.” Whatever. This inevitable Margaret and Teresa thing is happening, that got postponed at lunch.
She approaches Margaret, and since this is a quiet low key place, with areas to go off to be alone from the group, Margaret says “sure.” This is much better. This is what they were TRYING to explain to the ding dong at the fried chicken place. Like, not the place, Teresa. It only took twelve times to be told that until it sunk in, since she’s half a fucktard. Sorry. Okay here we go – serious conversation. I’ll get serious now. I’m putting on my serious face. It’s really serious.
So it starts off good, right ? Margaret pointed out to Teresa, that she DID address the Luis concerns with her directly after Teresa accuses her of, not doing that. Teresa says that it was her preference (and this IS how she is, remember when the stuff was coming out about Joe, and looked like they were both going to jail, when it got brought up, she totally acted like “everything is fine!” and got irate at anyone even daring to ask her about it.) Remember when no one could say “jail” to her? I get being sort of private like that, I do, but she just takes it to a whole new level. She doesn’t like Margaret saying “it’s out there, and everyone is reading it.” and looks extremely put off.
For Teresa, it’s like if you don’t talk about it, then it doesn’t exist, like her and Joe and their shady dealings, and going to jail. Margaret thinks Luis should have just owned the shit from Day 1, and explained he made some mistakes in past relationships. Teresa claims “that’s what he’s doing.”
Yeah, no girl he’s not. He’s deflecting, projecting and blaming. (again typical of this personality/disorder)
Teresa flips into normal person and a vulnerable human mode for a minute, and admits, this was a lot for her to take when she finally thought she met someone great, that seemed to be Prince Charming (girlllll don’t even get me started…) And seeing all of the negative feedback, and concerning issues in his past on social media was upsetting. She begins to cry a little, and Margaret is understanding how that would suck.
However, it would have been nice if she would have just said this from the beginning (it’s classic Teresa though, Marge, have you not been paying attention?) instead of being all defensive and claiming she “didn’t care about the video, didn’t care about his past…”
Teresa didn’t think that Margaret was sincere in the way that she was approached about it. And, okay, I’ll give Teresa that one. It did sort of come off that she may have been enjoying it.
She tells Margaret that her friends Dolores and Jennifer, know what “Ticks her off…” Margaret divulges the “lowering their standards” convo (which they did not say they do, they just compared her to a pound puppy and a child.) Well this pushes Teresa’s buttons, and you can see it starting to go left immediately after she says that. And it was going so well! Teresa was being so, what’s the word ? Adult ! Margaret starts recapping all of the horrible things she has said and done, and Teresa tries to defend the crap she says, but Margaret keeps going, reminding her of all of the insults she’s been slinging. Teresa says, “I was mad.”
Margaret says she has stood up for her, and Teresa says “ditto. Vice versa” (well VISA VERSA because she’s Teresa) Margaret is annoyed by that. Since it gets heated looking, the guys appear. Margaret says she’s done, and Luis says sarcastically “have a good night.”
Teresa spills back into that “you don’t owe anyone an explanation” thing that she has said now about837 times. But he kind of does, with all of this being out there, he kind of does. Sorry, it’s not 1985, nothing is a secret anymore. Luis makes Teresa feel like Marge is just jealous of her, which I don’t think she is. Unless you’re dying to be a moron reality show star, that makes a fool out of herself year after year, and doesn’t even know it, then I don’t know how you can be jealous of Teresa Guidice.
So we wrap up with Luis saying he “wants to get out of here” and “it’s too much” and he works hard and “you never has to work a day in your life isn’t that nice? …” (was he talking to Teresa or Jen ?) either way, that’s kind of a control freak asshole demeaning thing to say to a woman. JUST SAYIN.
He’s not coming off great right now. He’s pacing and sweating profusely.
Margaret says she’ll be right about Luis…
Teresa continues to say “love bubble” not realizing being in a bubble is not good.
Everyone does a cheers, and is now relaxed now that the “King and Queen” have departed.
