Not the Jersey guys’ night!
This season we’re doing something different, due to the divide, and Louie and Gorga are hosting separate ‘guys nights.’ It’s very Housewives, except with guys, which is kind of embarrassing for them.
I’m so bothered by there being no grass nor landscaping around Rachel’s house, still. And I don’t think these are ‘old pictures’ from last season.
Danielle was very unhappy getting out of her car and trudging in the mud when she had her sleepover where no one was allowed to sleep over.
I love how Bill tells Jennifer how he was in surgery for six hours, and she proceeds to say “awwwww” then yammer on about Housewife drama.
Granted it was most likely not a life-saving surgery given that he’s a plastic surgeon, which begs the question what kind of cosmetic or elective surgery would take six fucking hours?
That bitch better be one hot sexy bitch after six hours!
Bill is like the House Husband on crack this season. What the hell did Jennifer threaten him with? My hunch is that he cheated again and got caught.
Milking the prostate is disgusting. I’m not sticking my finger in any dude’s asshole. Ever.
The fact that a guy would prefer that activity as an alternative to sex is fucking alarming and probably signals attraction problems to be honest. Bill isn’t too thrilled that she is telling the world they engage in this activity. He turns red. Pretty sure he didn’t want the world to know that’s his preferred method of getting off.
I’m just saying if my guy wanted me to stick my finger in his ass instead of having sex with me, those would be the last words he ever said to me. Or possibly said at all.
Okay now that I’m completely grossed out, back to guys’ night. The group is split up as follows, as you might expect:
Louie’s minions: Bill and Paul. Gorga’s minions: the rest.
Louie’s crew is noticeably much smaller.
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The Berkshires trip is in it’s planning stage. Why Berkshires of all places??
Dolo says she’s not expecting it to be any ‘gumbaya’ moment.
Fessler tries to correct her and it goes over her head. She doesn’t even fucking know. She just says “yeah” when Fessler asks her if she said ‘gumbaya?’
She even repeats it in her yap. Producers don’t correct her. I’m sure that’s more energy than they want to exert. You can’t fix stupid.
I’m going to go out on a limb and say Jersey has the dumbest group of Housewives out of all of the franchises. And you know who is the leader of that pack right??
Marge and Fessler meet at some diner place and are sitting outside for some reason when it’s fall and chilly, and the bees are in full force.
Maybe they wouldn’t allow cameras inside. Marge has a very specific omelet order that she seems excited about.
So the actual purpose of the outdoor diner omelet and milkshake meeting: Stump has invited all of the ladies to her house to meet with her stupid Craig’s List attorney to gossip about Margaret.
Teresa is trying hard to sell this meeting as some earth-shattering and momentous event, and it’s just not. I saw on a social media post, that someone thought perhaps she thought she was going to have a Salt Lake City moment, you know – “Timeline! Receipts! Screenshots…!”
She thought it was going to be that epic. And she thought she could compete with smart-as-a whip Heather Gay. She thought that. She’s hilarious.
Wouldn’t you be so embarrassed if you were Teresa?? Not just because of that scene – just to be Teresa?? She has NO CLUE the world is laughing at her not with her.
Margaret is clearly put off by this.
We know she called them. I think Margaret was the first to pick up on a lot of red flags and queues that he’s abusive, and proceeded to confirm she was right by contacting the whole gaggle of exes, which in and of itself indicates an issue.
It’s not that huge. Nonetheless, she is annoyed, tries to deny it, and makes Fessler text The Stump that she will not be in attendance. I don’t know what she’s so worried about. Calling, emailing, or DM-ing people is not against the law. It’s not 1982. If people don’t want to hear from you, they can easily block you from all electronic avenues.
Now if you’re in person harassing people that’s different. You know, kind of like Louie was doing with Vanessa Reiser, his most recent ex girlfriend, that’s a therapist. He was hiring people to pose as clients to spy on her.
That’s certainly not psycho at all. One thing about narcissists, whatever they’re accusing someone else of doing, they are doing. That’s how it’s so easy to figure out what they’re up to. They’re supposed to be so fucking smart, but no one ever told them about that little tidbit about their personality. I don’t even know how they’re still existing anymore with all of the awareness now.
I feel like Teresa is so freaked out is because it’s all crashing down and she’s starting to realize Louie is a NO GOOD lying piece of shit, that seems to be still obsessed with his ex. One of them.
Since filming there’s been the issue with ‘their’ house that he seemed to take a large HELOC on, and removed her name. In order to do that he would have had to forge documents or have her signing things she didn’t understand.
That should be familiar to her.
More recently there is now insurance fraud with a ‘stolen’ Mercedes from their driveway, surrounded by cameras.
Teresa, it’s time. It’s time to just say, it was a mistake, and it’s over. Is this the kind of guy you really want around your daughters?
Margaret calls Dolo and Danielle to bitch. Smart reaction would be to act unbothered.
Even smarter reaction would be to act completely unbothered and say something like ‘yeah I talked to the exes, so what. They were more than happy to spill the tea. Teresa should NOT be with this man’
Her omelet arrives so she stops calling people to whine. That’s the biggest fucking omelet I’ve ever seen.
Per Margaret’s orders, Fessler texts The Stump to revoke her RSVP.
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It’s guys’ night night and looks like Gorga went to a little more trouble with his hosting.
I hope there’s Appletini fixings for Frank. Nate and Evan declined the invitation for obvious reasons. Their wives were assigned to be The Stump’s fake friends, so that would be a conflict of interest. I’m sure they think Louie is creepy, as we all do, and have no interest in being his guest either.
Evan might be busy at the gym. You know ‘The Gym.’ Hopefully you’re following that.
Fuda shows up in PJ’s to shade Louie and that whole ‘I wear your father’s pajamas to soothe your nieces’ fucking embarrassing and disturbing spiel.
Louie’s dad is in attendance at his little dinner party thing, and he’s in complete acting mode and talks to him about how he’s hosting the evening because the guys ‘work so hard’ including himself.
Yeah Louie, it must be exhausting to lie, and use and shyster people for a living.
His dad even looks at him like he’s nuts.
Louie’s son seems like a nice kid. Not sure what went wrong with Louie.
The Stump shares that the court case is over so now she can talk about it. I’m not sure how Louie got out of that one when he was having fake clients spy on her. Perhaps there was an issue proving it.
Louie looks so fucking SMUG. I feel like he did a little sketchy behind the scenes shit to see that he would be deemed as innocent in all of this trailer park bullshit.
Gorga’s soiree seems a lot more fun and light. Louie’s seems tense and awkward, with a trying too hard vibe. He brags about the guac being made “a little while ago.” Okay Louie calm down. These are dudes, they don’t care. They would eat out of an asshole. They don’t care when the hell the guac was made.
Things at Louie’s goes from awkward to more awkward. He takes them into a studio. Perhaps where Teresa did her now-failed podcast because Louie caused trouble with her friend/partner.
What he wants the guys to do gives me the same vibe as that creepy and weird video that surfaced when Teresa was first with Louie, where he was part of some guys’ weird cult and he was professing his undying love for whatever ex he was with at that time since they were having issues.
He wants to record the guys telling their women how much they love and appreciate them. Does he really think Bill and Paul would be into this? Both of them treat their women like crap. They look immediately frightened.
I wonder if he’s confused since Louie instructs them to “make some devotionals to our wives.” His wife is NOT Dolo. He could have broken the ice with a joke about that. Because the ice DOES need broken. This is awkward as fuck.
Even his kid looks like ‘Dad whatta hell are you doing?’ He couldn’t have picked two worse guys to put on the spot with this. But is IS entertaining. Let’s give Louie that credit!
Bill starts chugging his drink.
Louie’s ‘devotional affirmation’ to Teresa is such a crock. Doesn’t he totally give trying wayyyyyy too hard to appear like he’s this ‘gumbaya’ – yogi – chill – peace and love type of personality?
Even his dad has second-hand embarrassment.
Hey, thanks Louie. First thing you’ve done worthwhile since we’ve been stuck looking at your stupid smug red face.
Bill ends up singing and rambling, sounding insane. And have you ever noticed him calling her ‘Jenny’ before? Buzz is cracking up.
Buzz is a little more composed, and keeps it short and sweet. He did have more time to formulate a plan as to not make the same mistake that Bill did. He thanks Dolo (glad he addresses Dolo, and not his wife) for having his back and he can’t wait to see her when she returns from the trip, which we find out later will not be happening.
Gorga talks about the multiple times being fucked over by Louie. The first being the pizza oven debacle, if you recall that. If not look it up. That was the first sign that things are just not quite right with this dude.
Speaking of which, he presents Paul with the controversial ‘pizza oven’ made in China by ten-year-olds at 5 cents an hour, crap. It’ll never leave the box. Who would be dumb enough to actually buy this.
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Meanwhile back at the ‘fun’ party, they do bone marrow shots?? Euwww.
Fessler looks like he wants no part of this shit. Let’s all agree that the Fesslers are the sensible and most mature Housewife and House Husband duo on Jersey and perhaps of all time. It’s hard to find two normal people together on these shows.
Fuda seems to be having a reaction to the bone marrow shot. The dude could be dying from doing that weird ass shit and the guys sit there and laugh. I keep catching what looks like an annoyed look on Fessler’s face, but maybe that’s just his face. Maybe he has the guy version of RBF.
In a strange turn of events, an ambulance is called on a House Husband and not a Housewife.
Benigno is running around ordering him to go the hospital claiming he’s in ‘anaphylactic shock.’ It’s funny how Gorga and Melissa both separately ask “What does THAT mean?” As much as Fesslers are the most mature and reasonable couple, Melissa and Joe are the dumbest couple.
Also not sure why he’s not just saying allergic reaction.
Melissa prances around looking at herself in the bathroom mirror trying to take control of the situation.
The paramedics arrive. In not a strange turn of events, Gorga doesn’t know what a blood pressure is. This is Jersey, I guess the paramedics are used to idiots.
I think Fuda should NOT do bone marrow shots ever again. Not to mention the way they were doing them through that weird thingy, it looked like he kind of choked and may have gotten the shit in his sinuses.
That drama is over, maybe the oxygen helped and Fuda is now okay. They eat their steaks. I didn’t realize they hadn’t eaten yet since they were doing all of this other dicking around.
******
So no Berkshires trip, as the house Dolo found for them to stay in, burned to the fucking ground.
Can’t make this shit up. Assuming it’s not made up.
Why didn’t they call Dorinda? She would’ve been more than happy to rent out her place. She’s always looking to make a buck and get some airtime.
The ‘girls trip’ is called off altogether, which I’m not sad about. What a shit show that would have been, which was probably the point.
Instead of being sad that the house has burned to the ground, or happy that it didn’t happen when they were staying there, she goes on and on about how the house was so perf for their needs and how ever will she find that again?
Was Dolo always this much of a dumb ass? She fills Buzz in on this big meeting with Stump’s lawyer to shit talk Margaret.
Buzz tells her about the videos they filmed and she asks him to define ‘devotional.’ He defines it as ‘things you wouldn’t normally say.’ Which is not correct.
But I can see how he was confused, because he and Bill wouldn’t normally say nice things to Jennifer and Dolo.
So Dolo doesn’t know what ‘devotion’ means or being devoted to someone?
Whatever. Gumbaya Dolo, Gumbaya.
******
Teresa’s big dramatic meeting is getting underway. Gia always seems like she’s overacting. Her smiles and mannerisms seem so extra around the cameras.
The Stump tells her attorney she loses her voice when she’s stressed out. Could we please make sure she’s always stressed out?? Just kidding. Sort of.
Attorney tells her he would like her to lose her voice more often. Sounded like one of those jokes that isn’t really a joke thing. Teresa is not amused. She has zero ability to laugh at herself, and also too dumb to know she walked right into that. Gia and Louie look at her like they feel sorry for her.
This guy seems sketchy. And very Jersey.
Is Teresa really hosting wearing this? I guess so.
If she were confident that Louie did nothing wrong, she wouldn’t be this stressed out, is how I’m looking at it.
Somehow Louie got out of this when I believe he really was harassing Vanessa.
And of course we have thirsty Gia sitting at the table.
For those that compare Gia to some of the other Housewife adult daughters, such as Vickie’s Brianna on OC, or Manzo’s Lauren on Jersey, what makes Gia different and irritates people, is her being inserted in all of the drama needlessly, when those girls did not.
I wouldn’t say it irritates me, I don’t really care, but I do wonder why she feels this need to be on camera in most of the scenes involving Teresa?
Dolo looks put off at being here, and is immediately overcompensating, as Teresa starts thanking them all for coming. Dolo doesn’t like to be involved in this shit since I believe she also does not think Louie is honest about his past.
“We do” she quickly shrieks when Teresa said they don’t have to feel bad for her. She should probably just be quiet. Dolo is the worst actress.
What I want to say in reference to Vanessa, is that women don’t typically make up abusive and controlling behavior of their boyfriends or husbands. Why? Because it’s embarrassing. When you do talk about it, the first thing out of people’s mouths is ‘why are you still with him?’ Or if you do break free, why did you stay with him so long?’ We typically don’t have good answers for this, and they are valid questions.
And when you take into account that Vanessa Reiser is a therapist, it makes it all the more humiliating to admit you’re in an abusive relationship I would think. Of all the people who should know better.
Jim delivers the not gripping info that Margaret had spoken to Vansessa, which I assume she admitted during the hearing.
Well you know what? So had Jackie, allegedly, who was looking to get back at Teresa for disclosing Evan’s cheating. She was the first to communicate with them prior to Margaret getting involved.
Jackie looks a little guilty.
Margaret ignored the subpoena back in 2021 or 2022 to testify speaking to Vanessa. She was accused of exposing the info that Vanessa had provided. ‘This person’ they keep referring to her as.
Not sure what the law breaking issue this is? This reminds me of my exBF and his old/new however you want to look at it, ugly skanky whore, calling the cops on me for sending them some bitchy emails. That fell flat. I knew the cop and I also had a copy of a psycho letter he had sent to friends of mine. He felt stupid.
“Guys this will make your head spin!!!!”
She’s trying so hard to have a Heather Gay moment. She doesn’t have the wit and intelligence in her pinky of Heather on SLC.
She explains that Louie and Vanessa are not permitted to speak about each other. Okay. So we already picked up on that since they keep referring to her as ‘this person.’ We’re not as dumb as you Teresa.
Okay so here it is, “she gets her information FROM (drum roll) – MARGARET!!!!”
Disappointment. Crickets. Smirks.
Sketchy attorney tries to help her out with adding another piece of useless and obvious info.
Teresa and this dufas wait for reaction that just doesn’t happen. Okay well I’ll give them this, just like Louie’s guys’ night, it IS entertaining. In a laughing at them not with them kind of way. Teresa is blaming production for this falling flat. You know when a Housewife blames ‘production’ they must feel really stupid.
You want to feel bad for Teresa, but why? She does this shit to herself.
Yes, Marge had been denying she spoke to them, but I think most viewers assumed she had. She kind of slipped in the first season of Louie, and said “the exes say he’s abusive.”
Teresa puts Jackie on the spot asking if she knew anything about it. She says she didn’t but as I said, she was the OG in all of this.
So a dude delivers funeral flowers, who Gia says looks creepy. Yeah well no more creepy than your new stepdad, and your mom’s incompetent lawyer.
Okay, Marge, immature, but I guess funny. Again, she misses the opportunity to act like she doesn’t care, instead of going to all of this trouble.
I hate to say Teresa is right but it proves that she’s bothered and worried.
Weird attorney now feels stupid, and is like ‘okay outta here, this was embarrassing, thanks Teresa, I’ll be sending you a very large invoice for my time.’
Margaret provided entertainment for this otherwise mundane and disappointing event.
Dolo announces the issue of the burned down vaca house.
“That’s an OME!!” Guess who delivers that one??
And it’s pretty bad when Danielle has to correct her. Omen! You dipshit!
She was one fucking letter and syllable away from getting it right!!
Dolo wants to host a dinner, since there was this ‘Ome’ so they can ‘gumbaya’ and work through their shit.
Which is of course the finale, and of course is being hailed as the most toxic and disturbing finale of all Housewife time, and got everyone fired. Allegedly.
