Sorry I’m going to have to skip the premier review all together. I got really behind last week.
Seemed like same old fucking shit. Joe and Teresa are still at odds JUST LIKE FIRST SEASON that he was part of. It’s kind of like, next? They will never ever work things out, because Teresa has a huge disdain for Melissa’s sheer presence, due to jealousy and her all around hateful and gross personality. She can’t handle her brother being married to someone prettier and nicer (which wouldn’t take much) than her. Case closed.
I think they had one season where it was all a giant love fest, which was when she was getting out of fucking prison, and need Joe and Melissa’s help with the girls, since stupid ass useless Joe Guidice didn’t even have a fucking driver’s license to take his daughters to school or their activities. I think he had lost his license from a DUI, then got caught using his brother’s? I forget,
After her release she didn’t need them anymore, and the next season it was the same old same old typical fucking Teresa horse shit criticizing Melissa for breathing. Then she bitches to her brother about her, putting him in a hell of a position.
Having said that, Joe and Melissa really do need to get a life and stop talking about her and obsessing over her. Everyone saying “Teresa is their story line” has a point. She barely talks about her boutique. She owns and runs a cute little clothing boutique. That’s so cool. Maybe we’d like to hear more about that? Does she have any other interests or things to talk about other than the same old fucking strife with impossible to get along with Teresa, who has the mentality of a squirrel. Like enough already! BO-RING AF!!
So last week apparently Marge and Teresa squashed their beef. Hold onto your hat, but bull headed stubborn as fuck Teresa Guidice, ACTUALLY said she was sorry. You can tell it was painful. Was it heartfelt or sincere? No. But Painful? Yes. It was a slight step up from the “oh sorry” and cold half hug she gave her brother at the reunion last year for calling him a bitch boy and ridiculing him for being a part of the show. I liked when Louie had to tell her to shut up and listen to Margaret, and let her finish a fucking sentence before butting in. He seems pleased they made up. But for some reason exacerbates the Joe and Melissa situation. Probably for the show I guess.
Also want to say about the premiere last week, although sometimes I think maybe Louie is a positive influence on Teresa, like telling her to listen to people, it does also seem like Louie has now jumped on the bashing Joe and Melissa bandwagon instead of helping her to possibly mend fences, and understand what she does wrong. Which is everything.
Louie is far from perfect, if you’ve read any of the things the exes say, but at least I think he has been working on himself, and recognizes his past shitty behavior. Which is kind of a big deal, especially for a dude. And he does seem on the narcissist spectrum, for sure. I know, I said it! Teresa, working on herself and recognizing her shortcomings and anger and jealousy issues?? Yeah not so much.
This ep picks up with Dolores and Jennifer arguing wherever they’re even at, I don’t even know. I also don’t know what they’re fighting about. Does it matter ? Jennifer storms out after they both yell at the other for being a bad friend. Oh my God this ongoing all franchise Housewife argument of “you’re not a good friend!!” Yawwwwwwwwn.
Okay so wedding bells, Teresa, the hair, and Louie are actually going through with this thing. I don’t mean to sound like that. They seem happy. I just don’t like Teresa.
So back to the Teresa, Joe and Melissa thing, unfortunately, this will be the next four months. I might be skipping some weeks. Yes I agree with Melissa, it’s weird for Louie to be chiming in and calling her names. It’s very douchy, and disrespectful, and will send Joe into a tailspin. Melissa is a lot of things, but I wouldn’t say insecure is one of them. I really do think that she GENUINELY wants to be friends with Teresa, and get along with her. I really do. Does she feed off of the drama for the show? Absolutely ! Does she come off as fake, into herself (opposite of insecure) and annoying sometimes? Absolutely! But like I’ve been saying in a lot of the other recaps I do, where there are people at odds with one another, a lot of viewers seems to think one party has to be 100% wrong, and one party has to be 100% right. I guess it’s the reality of reality shows, where we constantly think we need to ‘pick a side.’ It IS possible for both sides to be doing something wrong, and not being perfect.
We flash to them arguing at the reunion as to who sat where at the engagement party. Why are we rehashing this? I feel like Producers told them to sit there and give us all a recap of last season, which we totally do NOT NEED! We know! We know Teresa Guidice is a fucking fucktard! Can we pahlease talk about something else?
So Jennifer has a new friend – at least for now – new Housewife Danielle. She visits Jennifer and of course goes on and on about her fucking Aladdin house. Jennifer dives into the Dolores drama and Danielle seems to rather not be a part of it. For the moment. She’s liking this house, and wants to be invited back, and doesn’t want to say anything to piss her off.
They call Teresa about her convo with Margaret and she says it was “a fresh of breath hair.” Oh Teresa honey. Pretty sure she’s like one chromosome short of being a complete neanderthal.
So there’s an ex-BFF of Margaret’s lurking around that is dying to be a Housewife, and/or spill the dirt on Marge Jr.
Another new wife Rachel has a toddler and a baby, and she says “we also have a 15 year old stepson, Jaiden.” No ‘we’ don’t have a stepson, I assume it’s your husband’s son, so therefore it not his stepson. It’s YOUR stepson. I’m probably the only idiot that noticed that. I don’t mean to nitpick but…I just do when they say something dumb. It’s my job! I do this just for you!
We see the housekeeper in the background at the dinner time scene. Gotta love the token housekeepers the ladies like to show off. Of course their house is huge. Wonder what kind of sketchy business her husband does, and how soon we will find out?
Get-together at Marge’s. Melissa brings sprinkle cookies. Not to dwell on the Teresa and Melissa thing, but if you couldn’t tell from that very first Melissa season, when Teresa HATED on her for bringing ‘sprinkle cookies’ to her Christmas gathering, was just plain old unprovoked hatred and jealousy, then you must be blind.
Why must the Housewives always play weird games? Can’t they just sit and eat, drink wine and gossip like normal people?
There’s another new Housewife, and she can’t stop saying that she’s Jewish.
Apparently Jews aren’t supposed to have sex? That’s how she gets her “I’m Jewish!!” in there, because they’re asking questions about sex acts. It seemed kind of irrelevant.
They gossip about Teresa and Jennifer who are not attendees at this ‘ Hey, I’m Jewish and ball licking discussion’ event. I’m assuming Dolores will be reporting to Teresa everything being discussed.
Dolores has a new beau, who has replaced Frank. And Frank is crying like a pussy in his Appletini that Dolores is ignoring him. There’s always David,
Glad she’s away from that weirdo, who I’m pretty sure is gay, and had a crush on Frank AND Frankie. And that’s the only reason he kept Dolores around as long as he did. That’s kind of –gross. And predatory.
Paulie’s got some pipes on him right? Sheesh. And the Irish accent doesn’t hurt. Little jealous of Dolores right now.
Teresa’s wedding invites go out. Is Jennifer really wearing a whole ass boot for a broken toe?
So Teresa and Melissa were in LA, with them doing some sort of presenting or whatever. Again, here they are, discussing Teresa. No wonder this woman thinks she is so important and vital to this show? We get yet another recap of the same old fucking shit. We know Melissa wasn’t asked to be a bridesmaid. And Teresa of course did that as a fuck you. Joe is so puzzled as to why if Joe Guidice was the problem previously, then why with Louie, is their relationship still a struggle? Oh I don’t Joey, maybe you should try looking at the common denominator? I know that’s a big word for him, but holy hell this isn’t hard.
Mozzarella making event. Hopefully we won’t be discussing ball licking, unless it’s mozzarella balls of course.
I remember reading about this last year. Teresa I guess, wants to have as many Housewives at her wedding as possible, and invited Ramona, and Ramona proceeded to blast it all over Insta. But in Ramona’s defense, was she told to keep it on the down low?
And Teresa saying she was trying to keep it ‘private?’ Like wasn’t it filmed for the show?? So confused.
This Danielle chick is wearing the weirdest shoes ever in relation to the rest of her outfit, and the fact that she is running around her house like a maniac. I do like her so far though. She seems fun and not miserable. And I do like the shoes, just wrong ones for this particular day. Everyone seems anxious for Jennifer and the drama to arrive. Teresa is not picking sides, surprisingly. I think she and Dolores have a falling out prior to the wedding. She fills them in on LA, and how she and Melissa got along okay, but Joe seemed still pissed at her from the way she acted at the reunion. Which was pretty fucking shitty.
So apparently Jews are all about therapy.
Also, Danielle is not feeling Jackie, and did not include her in the cheese making event. They flash to scenes where she is definitely judging her and being a snooty snob.
Oh so yeah last week the cheating thing with Bill reared it’s ugly head again, when this Danielle chick got in on it. Do I have to repeat, and do we have to go through this again, that Jennifer had disdain for Margaret cheating on her husband when SHE was cheated on. GUYS this is not hard! I was cheated on, and yes, I also have complete disrespect for cheaters!! I have no patience for that shit and could not be friends with a known cheater.
THIS is is not ‘hypocritical.’ It would be hypocritical if Bill were to judge Margaret for cheating!! Do they even know what the word means?
Jennifer can chastise, scold and judge cheaters to her heart’s content! She’s allowed! She has every right to voice that it’s wrong, shitty and hurtful. Bill is the one that needs to sit and keep his mouth shut. Which he does. He does not want to talk about it. We saw that last season. He’s ashamed of himself for fucking around while his wige was pregnant fot God’s sake! As he should be!!
I just don’t believe we’re talking about this again. Let’s follow Bill’s lead and DROP IT!! It was so many years ago, and Jennifer made the decision to forgive him and move on. Why are we still so obsessed with it? Like Oh my God, what?? Rich doctor dude fucks around with a pharm rep (not a receptionist – he has standards!) while his wife is at home with their kids? That NEVER happens!!
So the ladies are getting a little you know, aroused by the mozzarella making dudes.
Jennifer and Margaret chat about how Jennifer met with Margaret’s ex-friend. She met with her because she was curious she says. Here we go again! Am I the only one having dejavu from last season?
When Jen’s curiousity got her into hot water with the Evan cheating story? (which I still believe to be true) Does this woman with five damned kids not have enough to do??
So that convo was weird. Margaret keeps telling her she’s not normal and needs help.
“I don’t need help.”
“Yes you do.”
“You don’t get to tell me I need help.”
Now Dolores and Jennifer argue. Teresa gets involved, which leads to Teresa and Melissa bickering about the same fucking shit.
Can we please go back to cheesemaking with the hot guys?
I needed to be drunk for this.
