While the girls are in Vegas, Mario and PK had little boys’ dinner date and discussed how both of them are on the brink of divorce.
They each call their husbands separately. Something is off with both couples. You can tell what’s fake and what’s not. They’re actually trying to fake that everything is fine, and this is just a little hiccup they’re both having. Of course we’re not buying it. Also we now know they are both currently separated. This is why they need to try to have airing a little closer to filming.
Kyle can barely stand talking to Mario. Usually it’s the other way around.
So they all pair up separately to have lunch. The pairings are what you would expect. Sutton and Garcelle, Kyle and Dorit, and the two left are kind of unexpected but are stuck together, by process of elimination. I can’t fathom two Housewives that have less in common than these two. I’m trying to recall their relationship last season, and I don’t think it was great, since Crystal was vocalizing her disgust with Erika’s attitude and disregard for Tom’s clients that he stole from.
I’m sure they’ll just gossip about Sutton. Can’t imagine what else they would talk about.
Not to brag, but they immediately discuss Sutton’s mini-meltdown at the show.
Since Crystal has glam, she’s wearing a lot more makeup that she usually does. Erika brags how she’s worked hard to be at peace, and Sutton is not disturbing that.
Crystal: “Totally.”
Okay Valley Girl. I’m sure she’s lauging inside at Erika ‘working hard’ at anything.
Sutton and Garcelle take a gondola ride through a makeshift Venice. Didn’t get to do this when I was there. It’s like a stream going through a mall. I love it. I honestly needed a couple more days, but oh well. Next time.
They start diving into the issue that Garcelle brought up, and got immediately shut down by NOT AT ALL RACIST, Ranch Dorito, and ordered to go shower. Can you legit imagine her speaking to Kyle that way? Or Erika?
Garcelle is disappointed in how it was received. The boat guy starts singing and drowns them out. So they have to shut up. We should have these dudes around the wives more often.
Dorit orders a coke?? What is happening? Kyle not drinking as we know, gets a latte with Oat milk. I like how they’re all doing oat milk now which probably isn’t good for you either, since oatmeal isn’t really, and people think it is since Quaker decided it was good for your heart in the 80’s. Quaker, the maker of oatmeal decided that.
Everyone seems bummed that Kyle has quit drinking a fifth of tequila every time they all go out. Honestly, why ?? Would you call her a ‘fun drunk?’ I don’t think I would. She gets kind of bitchy and – bitchy.
I guess Crystal is really desperate for conversation with Erika. “Do you ever miss your old life?”
She answers what you would expect. She misses the free money, and the bougee house, but not dealing with Tom.
What’s even worse is being with a broke ass loser, that can’t even pay for a hotel for one night, that is also a fucking arrogant lying piece of shit.
I wish they’d LOSE this old scene with Tom mouthing off to her when they were out with LVP and Ken like ten fucking years ago. We get it. Tom is a prick. Erika isn’t exactly a walk in the park either. And while I was in TWO count ‘em TWO abusive relationsips with TWO entitled narc pricks fart faces that should have been drowned at birth, (guess I’m a slow learner) so I don’t want to condone a dude speaking to a woman like that, but Erika is a gold digging piece of shit, only married him for money and the lifestyle, so that eliminates the need for me feeling sorry for her, or identifying with her, and my situation. Believe you me, neither one of those losers of mine, had two nickels to rub together, so I was with them because in the beginning I fell in love with them, because they do that thing where they act like someone they’re completely not. Tom probably didn’t even have to go through that whole charade since he had a shitton of money and a huge ass house. Erika didn’t care that he was an ass. She was probably like “ehhhh whatever, he’ll be dead in about ten probably.”
Dorito and Vyle commiserate about how both of their marriages suck at this point. Kyle claims there’s contention between her and Mario because of all of these events she’s expected to attend with him, and she just isn’t intersted, since she isn’t drinking.
I’m going to go ahead and call BS on Kyle saying she doesn’t want to go, or Mo caring whether or not she goes. I’ve been able to tell for at least four years now on the episodes that Mario can barely stand to be in her presence. Last season he was stoned every time he was. This season looks like Kyle is reciprocating, and can’t stomach being around him.
Would rather be home reading?? If you recall she wasn’t capable of finishing the LA Times article about Tom, when that all broke, a few years back because it was too long. So if a ten minute article was too long for her attention span, what exactly is she reading? Comic books??
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Jury’s still out on whether or not Oliver was truly separated when he and Raquel kissed on the dance floor on Pump last season. I think he had officially moved out, however it was probably really hurtful and disappointing for his wife to know that he was running around making out with chicks so soon. And she’s home with their toddler. So you know, Oliver, do better. Guys are just gross.
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So we’re headed to a honky tonky bar for the evening. Gilley’s, which most of us have heard of, and is very famous, however this is Kyle, and she calls it Tilley’s
Is Bravo this desperate to get manufactured drama going, that they have to keep playing silly fucking card games asking stupid questions. When is the last time you were at a bougee restaurant and saw a table of people playing a fucking game?
Of course the first question was “Is monogamy natural for humans?”
Which of course was meant to be shady, and gets annoyed side-eye look from Kyle. I guess Mario has been cheating on her for a while now.
I have heard or read things here and there, but I didn’t know if it was true or not. There were never any details or any women coming forward. If there were, I must have missed it. It’s hard for me to wrap my head around these House Husbands fucking around, when they’re in the public eye, and women love to fucking blab.
But then again, their brains are in their fucking drawers. I know, MEN NEED SEX!! Doesn’t matter with who. If there’s any ugly disgusting skank slut whore piece of diseased trash available twenty steps away, then that works!! And no matter how horribly he treats her, she still puts out!! Win win for him. He just needs to make sure it’s dark, and has some whiskeys in him, I would think. I hope.
Erika tries to sound smart talking about lions and lionesses, and how they choose their partners.
Garcelle addresses infidelity. We’re not dropping it I see. We’re going to keep pressing to annoy Kyle. That’s cool with me. She asks the married ladies if they’d put up with it even one time. Kyle looks uncomfortable again. She knows what’s going on. She’s been on the other side of this shit plenty, and seems to not be liking it done to her. OH WELL.
So Kyle in her yap, even though she expects facts and honesty from everyone, blatantly denies Mario’s cheating, and these ‘rumors’ have been going on for YEARS, and it’s not true.
Another ‘game’ topic – they discuss whether or not money makes you happy. Whatever. Boring. I don’t need them fighting and throwing shit but this is kind of a yawn fest. I think it’s meant to try to get someone worked up, but no one is biting. Kyle didn’t cry and freak, and Erika isn’t saying horrific things about Tom’s clients that he stole from, and how she doesn’t give two fucks about anyone but herself.
She says she went from having ‘a lot to having nothing over last few years’ That ‘a lot’ that she refers to. was actually not technically hers, but whatever, it’s semantics to her, I’m sure. Her eyes get misty, as she discusses HERSELF, and how she can’t buy anything she wants anymore. She’s fucking something else.
She blames everyone else for putting her on the defense, for all of the shitty and vile things that she’s been saying about Tom’s clients. Typical of this type of person. Can’t own a fucking thing, and acknowledge it as shitty behavior. Blame everyone for the way that YOU act.
“I don’t care about anyone about me. They’re not MY victims. How do we know they’re not lying? These are MY earrings and I will continue to wear them.” (purchased with stolen money)
Everyone made her say these things.
She continues with more word vomit and droning about herself, as everyone looks at her like she’s retarded. She makes a passive aggressive dig towards Sutton, for wanting ‘it’ to be true. Whatever ‘it’ is. Again no one thinks Erika was the mastermind behind the charade and theft, but the STOLEN money was given to her to spend lavishly. She says nothing about the people still needing their money that Tom stole, because he was too embarrassed to tell her he was broke.
This is the part she just cannot seem to acknowledge and comprehend. That she was spending stolen money for several years. I would say a good ten from what I recall reading about how long he was using these funds to support Erika, that he wasn’t entitled to. She blew through all of the dude’s cash and assets. And does not care. I feel like if someone owed her twenty bucks, she would be freaking if she didn’t get paid back.
Moving on, let me get something off my chest that’s I guess a little off topic. There’s a whole ass Michael Jackson Cirque De Soleil show out now, but according to the fucktard DJ’s in Aspen last season, and Crystal, also a little dim if you ask me, Michael Jackson songs were so fucking SO controversial, that how DARE Kathy even THINK of requesting that they play one of his songs in that club. There was a Netflix series out at the time portraying him in a not very positive light.
And you know, we’re in this age where we believe every single thing that’s said, without question or research. Like yes Master Netflix, whom we worship, whatever the hell you say.
Fucking ridick.
So here we are now, and that wasn’t that long ago really, there’s a Vegas show featuring his music, AND the performers, dressed as Michael Jackson, are presenting Crystal (who thought it was deplorable to even utter his name) with her birthday cake. I mean, what is there to say, besides ironic AF.
I would say it’s redemption for Kathy, who was treated like an imbecile when she requested Billie Jean, which is what I think triggered the whole meltdown, and tantrum because she she was spoken to disrespectfully by the staff, and wanted to leave, and Kyle didn’t give a shit.
They arrive at Gilley’s not Tilley’s, and it’s very country western, complete with the infamous mechanical bull.
Kyle is first to tackle the bull. She didn’t really need her arm twisted. I feel like doing this requires a few cocktails, but she’s still doing good avoiding the margs. And we know how much she likes her margs.
I feel like this bull kind of just shakes and gyrates as opposed to sort of bucking around, like you usually see them. Looks like it could get you kind of – excited. It doesn’t look that hard to stay on. It’s not very Urban Cowboy, where they were getting tossed around like rag dolls. Thought this was Gilley’s!
We should have foreseen how Erika came after Sutton, doesn’t she do this every fucking season. Every one. She starts out acting all nice, then does some slimy fucking shit like this.
So the dancer from the Magic Mike show ‘magically’ appears on the elevator as they’re leaving, and Erika tells Sutton she needs to apologize to him for saying their show was shitty. Which she never said.
That one part just wasn’t her taste, no pun intended.
Sutton tells her she didn’t say the show was shitty.
“Doesn’t matter.”
Well yeah Erika it kind of does, because that’s what you fucking said, you twit!!! So it’s plain to see, Ghetto Erika is coming out to play. She was hiding. Temporarily. Claiming she’s now ‘at peace’ and lent and whatever the fuck.
Erika complains in the van how she ruined the night when she became pissed about that certain act on stage. Sutton points out she just left and didn’t want anyone to follow her. Well, she kind of probably expected Garcelle to.
I don’t think it’s very fair that they’re all on one side of the van coming at her. Erika looks smug. These Sutton gang-ups are so ick and highschool, so tiring, same shit, every fucking year. Every. Fucking, Year. Isn’t Sutton bored with this? She certainly doesn’t need the money.
Kyle calls her ‘unhinged.’ Okay Kyle. Pot calling kettle black. Well she’s crying so Erika, your work here is done. Dorito moves, and sits beside her, which I thought was nice.
But then covert racist fucking Dorit comes out, as they continue to discuss, when it’s way past time to drop it, and she scolds Garcelle for not saying the correct things to her, and not being able to calm her down? As they sit there talking about Sutton like she’s not even there. Then she gets pissy when Garcelle slightly raises her voice because what she is saying is fucking ludicrous. Don’t you love when people say dumb shit to you to get you worked up, then scold you for being worked up?? How about this Dorito? Shut the fuck up. You’re a racist piece of shit.
When Garcelle repeats back what she just said, I think she realized what a fucking cunt she sounds like. And I want to point out, she doesn’t talk to any of the other ladies this way.
Kyle smirks when it’s all over. She;s clearly trying to deflect from talking about Mario. And, well she’s just being herself.
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Sutton makes a really strong cocktail. We’re trying to make this alcohol thing happen this season with Sutton. The problem is, for Bravo, wanting it to be entertaining, is that yeah, she may drink a lot, but she doesn’t get sloppy drunk. So who cares.
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Erika and Garcelle meet. They bitch about sharing rooms in Vegas. You know I was wondering what was going on, when they weren’t whining about that.
They discuss Dorit and what a racist dick she is. Well, I’m adding the racist part. There is just no reason for her to talk to Garcelle the way she does. It totally seems targeted. To me. In my opinion.
Then Sutton, and I think we’re all sick of it by this point. Didn’t everyone still get their little thrills on? I don’t see what the big deal is. Why am I getting the feeling we’re stretching this out until the end of the season? So we’re going to talk about 30 seconds of fake simulated oral sex, on stage, at a show in Vegas, for the next three months? YAY.
To be honest, it WAS kind of gross. was it not? Not surprised, Erika is raunchy. I’m sure a lot of viewers and people thought that, that were there. Not worth leaving. Just worth making a disgusted ‘euw’ face and turning away. But we had to make Housewives drama.
Kyle visits and Sutton, who did seem really ‘mellow’ when she first arrived, and here we go. Kyle has a really shysty look on her face.
Sutton mimics Erika. Dorito and Sutton are on point with their Erika impressions this season.
Kyle keeps asking her if she’s okay, but not in a concerned way of course. In a way to imply she’s crazy. Well, she’s tipsy, but Kyle take a seat, we’ve seen you tipsy and erratic plenty of fucking times.
And I think she’s buying time so she can ‘name them.’
And by the way, she always FUCKING takes Erika’s side. She’s afraid of her.
“Name em, Name em, Name em!” when Kyle tells her she has a habit of losing her shit. She ‘names’ the ugly leather pants, and one other thing.
Well we did need a fresh new Housewife quote, didn’t we??? It’s totally viral already,
