All right, so here we go, after months and months (seems like it anyway) of endless pics and headlines of Kyle traipsing about with this tatted up much younger country singer, Morgan Wade, that’s said to prefer the ladies.
I was kind of feeling like, good for her.
Who doesn’t love a late in life lesbian? Whatever. It’s been pretty clear to me in at least the past two seasons that Mario can barely stand to be around Kyle in their scenes together. I’ll have to go back and read my recaps from last year, but pretty sure I said that more than once. I think he has had it with her stupid antics, and her teenage behavior. Not in a cute way. Also, he’s always stoned around her.
How much longer is Kyle going to pretend she’s not have a romantic or whatever thing with this chick.
It’s clear to see they’re not just ‘palling around.’
Another one of these Spiritual Healers. What is with Housewives and this shit constantly?
Every franchise, every season. Dorito is planning a ‘healing’ gathering with the rest of the ladies.
PK still wearing the hoodies, I see and looking like a slob. I don’t know what could be more unattractive than a fucking hoodie. Unless you’re outside, and it’s cold and you’re wearing it for warmth. Women in them are worse of course, but men also look like bums.
PK ridicules the names of the healer gurus, Eaglewoman and Blue Raven. Dude has a lot of issues, but he is funny. He forewarns them as to what they’re in for when they meet all of the other wackos.
Do they seriously have to have someone do their hair and makeup for every stupid activity that they do? Again here we have Erika, season three since the revelations about Tom stealing money from his clients, in which Erika spent every fucking penny, and then some, surrounded by assistants and glam people, and taking fabulous trips. It has to be awful for those people he stole from, knowing they will never ever see that money.
I know Erika, not the mastermind behind the scam, but the spender behind the scam, not having to pay back a dime, just living her best life. Only, now sad that she doesn’t have Tom’s money anymore. And believe me, that’s all she’s sad about.
Is this sitch not the same as someone robbing a bank, purchasing a car with the stolen money, gifting said car to someone, girlfriend, let’s say, sounds like something a dumb ass dude would do. Robber gets busted, they ask for the money, he says “oh, well, see. I don’t have it, I bought a car for my girlfriend.” Would the feds not seize this car?? Yes, of course they would.
The chick didn’t rob the bank, she didn’t know the dude robbed the bank, he told her won the lottery. She doesn’t get to keep the fucking car because she ‘didn’t know!’ It’s ludicrous to me, that she’s not having to pay these people some of the money back. Ludicrous. She should not be seeing a dime from Bravo, and she should she be forced to turn over very fucking thing she owns of value. I feel like I’m living some kind of apocalypse, that this ho just walks around crying over her plight and her sadfeelings (although she doesn’t care about anyone else’s) and claiming that she owes these poor people nothing. And it’s theirs and Tom’s fucking problem. They’re not her ‘victims.’ This is all shit she has said.
Kyle is apprehensive about seeing everyone because of the shit storm with Kathy and Rinna last season, and all of that completely forgettable whatever.
Erika makes excuses, I guess, for just being her disgusting deplorable basic self, last season. She mourns the ‘loss’ of Rinna.
She claims ‘hormones’ for her sudden weight loss. ‘Hormones’ don’t make you lose weight, stupid.
“Is it spelled O Z E M P I C??” Dorit sarcastically asks in her yap. Wish she would have said that to her face. Producer throws some shade, and inquires this as well. She denies it.
Okay woman, you’ve been a Housewife for like ten years, and ALWAYS pretty squishy and not really thin. Not obese, just not thin. Suddenly, there happens to be this new trendy weight loss/diabetes drug, that I guess makes it all just poof, go away, without diet or exercise (hmmm that can’t be good.) and she’s suddenly down like 30 pounds.
Of course, compulsive liar shyster Erika denies it. She’s on some really good hormones she claims in her yap, and “they should be too.”
Yeah, they’re on the ‘hormones’ too, Erika. Kyle and Garcelle are suddenly also super svelte, and probably taking the same ‘hormones.’ Just like Emily on OC, and Marlo on Atlanta. At least they admit it. And if she were even a little bit smart, why wouldn’t she just say she was eating healthier? Like hey, I just cut out the Taco Bell and pizza every night!
I’m not feeling Dorit’s darker hair. I foresee her going back to blonde.
So BravoCon is being used as a vehicle to have the ladies brawling in the subsequent seasons, I’ve noticed.
I’m sure you’ve all heard by now that Dorit and PK have split. I’m surprised it took this long. The money dried up several years ago. Guess she hung in the extra token three or four so it wouldn’t be completely obvious she was out because he wasn’t the loaded successful guy she thought he was.
Maybe he lied to her about what house he owned, what job he had, you know the normal shit guys lie to new girlfriends about. Just kidding. Normal guys don’t do that.
Anywho, she bitches at Erika for stating at BravoCon, when asked, whose marriage was next on the chopping block, and she said PK and Dorit.
So I’m not that great at math, but at the time of filming in the spring, she had to know she was fixing to ditch him. So who cares. We all knew she wasn’t gonna stick around since he’s flat broke and unemployed. In his first season didn’t Dorit talk him up like he was some high profile celebrity manager or something? And OhmiGod, if we had a nickel for every time they name-dropped Boy George.
Only on Housewives, are these kumbaya ‘healing’ rituals synonymous with starting random rumbles.
Erika calls herself a showman? A showman? She “gave the people what they wanted.” Well Thank God for Erika Pain Fraudi, existing to ‘give the people what they want.’ She delivers this line with her typical smug expression.
Dorit mocks and mimics her in her yap, which is getting many many accolades across all SM platforms. Erika asks Dorito if her marriage is strong.
Well no, she’s probably kinda pissed that PK is unemployed, gambled all their money away, then arranged a fake robbery two years ago, where the dude pointed a gun to her head (allegedly) while the other bagged up all of her purses and designer duds in trash bags.
Dorit calling Erika ‘mean-spirited’ is like saying an alligator isn’t that cuddly. The woman is more than ‘mean-spirited.’ She’s one fucking mean, crass, and vile bitter broad.
She delivers a fake-ass apology about her behavior last season. She goes on with more crap, about HER, that sounds to me like she’s making random noises. And then, we get the water works.
Kyle hugs her, as she looks stone-faced as usual.
Kyle cries about all of the drama and issues that took place last season with Kathy, when she got all cranked up about the DJ in Aspen refusing to play MJ, and Kyle refusing to leave with her. She accuses Sutton of being a social climber, and no one being on her side.
They group hug, I guess there was some positive Eaglewoman energy that caused this to not escalate into a whole big screaming Housewife thing.
******
Sutton meets with a good friend, new possible Housewife audition, Jennifer Tiley. She looks familiar. Was she on before? Sutton wants her ex to know ‘how successful’ she is.
Okay, but isn’t her ‘success’ due to the 300g spousal support she’s getting per month? Is she really in a position to gloat? She doesn’t even have to be concerned as to whether or not the store is profitable.
It appears to be in the middle of nowhere, and there are never any customers in it. I find it hard to believe she’s making any kind of profit. I feel like it’s kind of a hobby.
******
Erika meets with her therapist, who literally has to sit there and look at this fifty-somehting in the eye and define the word ‘empathy’ to her, and instruct her on how to feel it. But we’ll get into that.
I mean, guys, if you ever had any shred of doubt that this woman is one cold hearted narcissistic selfish piece of shit, then this scene should set you straight. And what is the CLASSIC trait of the CLASSIC narcissist? They don’t know how to feel empathy, for anyone, ever. They don’t understand it, they don’t get it, they think it’s some kind of urban legend that others actually have it.
That’s how they’re able to be so fucking abusive and humiliate people, project their behaviors on to you, even their significant other, without missing a beat.
They simply don’t give a fuck.
Erika has never had one second of remorse nor guilt for her out of control spending addiction problem, which lead to – LEAD TO, (not blaming her for Tom’s desperate actions and theft, so don’t need her two or three fans coming at me) her husband being in a constant panic to scrounge up the cash to appease her, even if he had to steal from his own clients.
She’s had no ability, and never for one second, thought of these people, who trusted Tom, and assumed he was a professional. They were awarded compensation over the loss of family members, and Tom helped himself to those winnings, and proceeded to funnel it all to Erika, to she could spend outrageously on senseless shit and services, prancing around pretending to be 1986 Madonna.
For one thing she’s too fucking old to be 1986 Madonna, and another thing, she’s NOT fucking Madonna. She’s not even Taylor Dane.
Okay, so she’s been in therapy for two and a half years, and it was just LAST YEAR, that she literally said with cameras rolling, “I don’t give a fuck about the victims, the only one I care about is me.”
Lady, therapy’s not helping. Get a new therapist. Oh that’s right, they really don’t try to actually help you. Because if they told you what behaviors were unacceptable, and causing your issues, then you wouldn’t keep doing the same dumb shit, and you wouldn’t keep having to go back and complain that your life sucks.
Duh. Therapy is a fucking racket.
Wahhhh, Tom was unsupportive. Whatever. He was ‘supportive’ in the way that she wanted, which is the only reason she married the old dude, thirty years older than she is. She reminds me so much of BlaBla on Vanderpump.
I have the same thoughts listening to that slut boohoo about Randall. It’s hard to feel sorry for these dumb ho’s that married or were with these dudes for money only. It’s funny how they thought they’re the shysters as they’re also being shysted.
These bitches are so fucking dumb, they’re like – ‘heh heh heh I’m so sly!! I’m pretending to love him, to get my mits on the money, and live in this bougee house, and I bet he has NO IDEA!’
Like get real, NO ONE has ever heard of a penniless woman marrying or dating a MUCH OLDER LOADED DUDE. Ever. Like who knew that was even a thing? Wow you bitches paved the way. It’s not like it’s a tale as old as time. Jesus Christ.
I honestly can’t sit here and listen to this bitch. All she talks about is herself, and what SHE lost, which we know, is her bottomless pit of money. And that’s literally ALL she cares about. She didn’t love the dude. Why did she ditch him and leave the second she finally realized the poor old guy was broke? She was able to tolerate what an awful douche bag he was, as long as there were six-figure deposits going into her account every fucking month. And she was too stupid to realize he had to finagle the firm’s money and/or outright steal, to be able to supply her with that kind of cash.
I mean, there’s a little bit of overhead in running a huge law firm, stupid!!
They flash to Rob telling Crystal what I’ve been saying, that she’s not responsible for stealing it, she’s responsible for spending it. Should she be in jail? No. Should she have her wages garnished and put into escrow by the victims’ firm (hopefully not thieves like Tom) and have it distributed to them? Absolutely.
Scarika points out to this bogus therapist quack, that he’s older and he’s going to die. Well newsflash Erika, you’re no spring chicken, and eventually you’re going to die too. As is everyone.
Like she has NO CLUE how awful that sounds. Even if she’s just sitting around, waiting for him to die, hoping all of this ‘inconvenience’ disappears when he croaks, she’s too fucking stupid to know she should keep that to herself, and not say it out loud, to the universe. How do you think his kids feel hearing that??
And isn’t she even a little bit gracious, even if he was a dick, and I believe he was, for supporting her lavish lifestyle for over twenty years? This stupid fucking therapist reassures her, she’ll start a new stage of ‘grieving’ when he dies. These bitches are chomping at the bit to kill this dude off.
Erika: “Really??”
Fake Therapist: yes, I think it will surprise you, how sad it is???
Erika: How sad it is??
Is this a fucking joke??
You can’t make this shit up. Yeah I know, a lot of Housewives IS now made up. However, this embarrassing debacle of a therapy session, I don’t believe is.
No Ms. Therapist, she will NOT be grieving when he croaks, she’ll be partying when he croaks. I’m guessing she’s just playing the ‘therapist game’ and telling her what she wants to hear. Not to mention, we have the cameras, so she’s needing to lay the bullshit on thick, and act like she doesn’t know this woman is hopeless and beyond repair, and definitely going to hell when SHE dies.
She has to know goddamned fucking well Erika won’t be fucking ‘grieving’ or shedding one damned tear, when he kicks it. My. God. I mean, look at her. This woman is gritting her teeth. I hope Bravo is paying her a couple bucks to sit here and embarrass herself like this.
Housewives are starting to feel like actual sitcoms. This shit that’s said, it’s like, is this a joke?? I’m half expecting to hear the canned laughter.
This has to be an attempt at sketch comedy. Where’s Ariana? She takes this shit seriously.
This whole empathy discussion is such a mess, that this is in front of the world.
“How do you develop that? Where does it come from? How do I get that??” As if it’s an object, like a vintage purse.
Tell us you’re a narcissist, without telling us you’re a narcissist. I mean, WOW.
Fake therapist: “You imagine being in that person’s shoes with their background…” try to imagine what they feel like emotionally.”
I’m surprised she didn’t say, “what kind of shoes?”
“For them, for them” she mumbles, as you can almost see her head fucking exploding, that this is an actual thing.
“You need to take the high high road, you’ve done low, that didn’t work, lets try something different.”
That was her flimsy attempt at telling her she’s a useless piece of fucking shit. Let’s face it, she’s been trying to kill Tom off for like twenty years. She was dumb enough to blow through every last cent he had before he croaked.
They laugh. Yeah, this is hilarious. The havoc this greedy bitch has reeked on so many peoples’ lives and is absolutely unaware, and unconcerned, is extremely hilarious.
Did we really sit here and witness this fucking exchange? It seemed more like some kind of skit.
******
Kyle drops in on PK and Dorito. She brags about her sobriety. Which, I for one, am quite happy to hear, so we don’t have to witness this behavior:
I can’t listen to Kyle whining how Kathy treats her, when she also treats people horribly. It must run in the family. It trickles down. She may not treat Kathy horribly because she’s afraid of her, but she treats others horribly. She’s far from this innocent, sweet victim that exudes ‘happiness and positivity’ (stole that from Sai) to all.
Dorit starts to lay the ground work for what I assumed was coming, that she and PK aren’t connected, she’s sick of him, he’s a loser, and wonders if they’ll make it.
******
Garcelle has an outing with her two teenage sons, and I kind of feel bad for her for that. Just kidding. They’re funny. As they hang on the beach, one of them guilt trips her that she’s been out of town working, shooting a show, and he feels like she’s been negligent to his needs. They’re going back and forth between her house and the ex’s and he’s whiney.
So after the one issues his grievance that he didn’t like being at his dads because he was bored, the other wants more freedom.
They’re acting kind of bratty actually. And don’t sound like a dumb shit coming after me like people do on the FaceBook Bravo chat groups, if you dare say something about a teenage or adult child. If Garcelle is choosing to have them on the show, viewers have the right to voice opinions, and they are acting entitled and bratty, sorry not sorry. That’s teenagers for you, we were all there.
Two years ago, he says he needed Garcelle and she wasn’t there and didn’t feel like she was being a mom. The other one kind of glares at him, so I don’t know how much weight I’m giving that statement. Not sure what he means, he’s a 15 year old boy. Her ‘lack of parenting’ he accuses her of because she was working, I mean, his issues could actually be no home cooked meals every night and no rides to friends’ houses. He’s not really specific. Garcelle apologizes, and he’s glad they aired it out.
******
This Kyle/Mario convo was almost as weird and awkward, as the Erika/Therapist convo. If it was producers’ goal to have viewers sitting here laughing at these broads, and rolling our eyes, or yelling at the TV for 45 minutes, I think they accomplished that.
Kyle literally acts like a teenager. And not in a fun cute carefree way, in a way that her behavior is that of an actual idiotic teenager. Of course we know she’s attempting to showcase her bad acting skills, so that could be a big part of it. Untalented ‘actors’ over act with their exaggerated faces and mannerisms.
She sighs, stomps, huffs and whines, like a child, as he’s on the phone with his assistant, supposedly, discussing his very busy schedule, and upcoming trips to New York and Portugal, first class flying, and golf. It all sounds very important. And, what?? Is he flying FIRST CLASS?
And what in the hell is Mario wearing? Like the whole thing was so hard to watch. Between him looking disheveled, in a bathrobe (however not stoned for once) barking out orders, and expressing his disgust over about her five teeny tiny non-colorful tattoos, and Kyle sitting here bobbing her head around with her ‘too bad so sad’ rhetoric and faces, it’s so embarrassing. It comes off as like a comedic scene, and it’s supposed to be serious.
Mario is going to Portugal, and wants to know if she and Portia would like to join him for a little vacay.
Again the teenage style rhetoric. “I can’t do that, I can’t go to Portugal, I have too much going on to do that.” (aka her new lesbian lover) Literally like a parent talking to a teenager.
He tells her that she looks amazing, and then the reprimanding begins, as he asks how many tats she has, and she proceeds to show all five.
He looks fake confused when she scolds him for not knowing she has five, and should be looking at her body closer.
That’s enough he tells her, five is enough, no more.
“If I want to I will.” Who talks like this at this age.
He will not allow it. He forbids it. He actually says this.
This is a side of Mario I don’t know that we’ve ever seen. Usually we seem him nodding his head and agreeing with her, and telling her she’s pretty. Past few seasons he’s been stoned while doing this.
She then very bizarrely and childishly says “you don’t have a choice” and repeats it two more times, whispering, as she does this weird thing with her face.
Mario continues to make bewildered faces. He seems genuinely confused as to why she’s acting like this. He accuses her of being rebellious. Again a very teenagey type of conversation, that’s just so hard to watch coming from a 54 year old woman.
She’s in no way rebelling, she assures him. Well, that’s completely obvious, Kyle.
That was weird. Who all thought that was weird?? Silly Kyle. No wonder Kathy doesn’t take her seriosuly.
