Dolores fills Paul in on all of the shore antics, and again we talk about fuckin’ Frank.
Paul suggests that have she and Frank have this one-on-one convo. Fuck me, how annoying is that going to be? To listen to him griping about Paul scolding him for not texting him directly, whining about Dolores not being at his beckon call 24/7, Dolores having to point out she actually has a dude that likes her and not him now, and … blah blah blah, as he sips his stupid appletini. When did he become such a fucking pussy? Oh and he doesn’t like change. Maybe Dolores should tell him she didn’t like change either, when she had to divorce his sorry cheating ass when she was pregnant with his kid!!! God sometimes I hate men!
And Frank is STILL living with David. Okay, can you say gay? Not that there’s anything wrong with it, except when you’re pretending not to be.
So back to this shore house, is it Frank and Dolores’ together? I never knew that. Last year I swear during the scenes, the caption said “Dolores’ shore house” (because I was wondering how she had a shore house) Now it seems to be Frank’s? Am I the only one that notices this weird shit?
They talk as if this is a super serious matter, and it seems to be more like Dolores has nothing else to discuss, since she’s basically Paul’s housewife, and that’s her life. I guess if the shoe fits… It is is called ‘Real Housewives.’
She is going to also meet Jennifer and have a sit down about their stupid “you’re not my friend!” argument. Dolores has such a busy schedule. She better take a nap.
She makes a hamster wheel ‘analogy’ in her yap, and feels the need to explain to us what that means. She must be spending too much time with Teresa. Dolores, we know. You didn’t come up with the ‘hamster wheel’ expression, pretty sure.
Wow these Jersey ladies. They just don’t sound smart.
*****
Rachel starts bragging that she and John “have their hand in a bunch of different businesses” is making me immediately suspicious, of what is really going on. And exactly what does she mean that she comes from a “corporate background?” I find that hard to believe.
I feel even more like I’m right, when she also says to John “are you serious?” when they discuss her adopting her stepson, and John informs her that his ex would have to approve and ‘sign off’ to relinquish her rights as his mother. This is shocking to her? That both parents have to agree to this? That you can’t just decide you want to adopt someone elses fucking kid, and that’s that? Even John is like, “she would probably need to sign off.” Probably?? Jesus Christ, and we’re supposed to believe they’re running ten businesses?
Rachel does more rambling. She talks with that exaggerated high pitched twang thing at the end of every sentence. It’s so fucking annoying. I hope she’s a one and done.
******
Dolores follows through with one of her assignments. She and Jennifer meet for lunch and make awkward small talk. They ultimately make up, and decide to have a joint psychic coffee cup reading, at Paul’s house. Sounds very Housewives.
Jennifer tells her that Bill of course wants out of the therapy thing after one very uncomfy session, with that witch doctor lady. It is quite disturbing that he sits in the pool house alone after work, every evening and not even interacting with his five children. He wants to critique Jennifer about the kids, but does he stop and think how that behavior may be affecting them? It’s not exactly complimentary to them. And what the fuck is he doing in the pool house for hours on end?
I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s banging someone again. Maybe this time it IS the receptionist, as opposed to a pharma rep.
I see divorce in their very near future. Well the divorce probably will take years. But I think she will leave him soon.
So we’re witnessing the construction of Joe and Melissa’s very strange, very plain, very corner-cutting new ‘mansion.’
You can tell in these scenes, when Melissa drops in while he’s working, that Joe is really feeling himself and likes impressing Melissa. I guess it’s sort of cute, and cringy at the same time.
I think that’s why he almost takes a nose dive off of the second floor. He was too busy trying to appear all manly, and didn’t look where he was going.
He brags to Melissa and Antonio about how difficult it was to install some ceiling lights, or some shit.
They do some scripted Housewife gossiping about Danielle.
Moving on – Please, let’s move on.
Teresa has covid, and bitches to Danielle about Joe and Melissa. Let’s move on again.
I do agree with Melissa and Joe, that Luis comes off a little bit like a fraud. He seems to be all over the place with Teresa’s ongoing issues with these two. One minute sobbing like a bitch, the next, sort of egging her on, and enjoying the drama.
Now Teresa even has an issue with Dina, her total ride or die BFF over the years, something having to do with Captain Kumbaya and a defunct business deal with Dina’s husband.
All of this ‘are you Team Joe/Melissa or Team Teresa’ rhetoric I always see, to that I say, who seems to have a history of more trouble getting along with everyone?
Joe and Melissa are annoying AF, but they get along with everyone. Jennifer is the first housewife, actually that Melissa has an issue and altercations with. And she just so happens to be tight with Teresa, so do the math. The common denominator here is Teresa. None of the other ladies, current and past, can stand her. Her own brother can’t stand her. (but he really does try!)
Her only friend is Jennifer, and that’s because Jennifer is playing the Housewife game. She’s no dummy. She knows Teresa isn’t going anywhere, and is the main, so that’s who she befriended. She should watch though alienating everyone else, then she’ll only be able to film with Teresa. So there is that flip side.
Meanwhile, Teresa bitches to Danielle that Joe is her only family and “they’re being so mean to Luis.” Mean to him? I see them trying so hard to get along with him, and trying so hard to get a long with Teresa. It’s frustrating.
Marge’s ‘arsenal’ comes up again. It’s like a constant analogy of arsenals this season.
******
Turkish Coffee Reading event, and side note, I think this lady’s voice sounded exactly like Kathy Hilton. Thought maybe Kathy made a trip to Jersey, in her hotel slippers, with her fabric purse, and six inch wedge boots. In Jersey she’d fit right in. Just kidding!
I think Dolores just wanted to show off Paul’s house. Melissa is right, she seems to be doing okay living off of men. This coffee psychic, Jennifer knows of her through Teresa. Well then that explains all of her ‘predictions’ right?
I love how Dolores thanks everyone for complimenting Paul’s house. She is eating this shit up. I looked up what he does, and he’s an electrician or something? I guess an electrician that does very well. Dolores prances around this house like she’s the owns the joint. It’s a lot of stairs.
Why is Jackie so obsessed with Danielle? It’s coming off as a creepy obsession at this point. And making her appear bored and kind of robotic. I’m surprised she put up with being a ‘friend’ and didn’t tell them to suck it.
Jennifer has a point when she says, she never considered asking Danielle what she did to deserve that behavior from her brother.
That actually is an odd way to think, when someone confides in you about something. It also seems really sexist. I wonder if the same line of accusatory questioning would have taken place if it was a sister? Or a dude said his sibling got mad at them for something that sounded irrational and stupid. This whole thing is getting more and more absurd on every episode.
Dolores and Jennifer announce to the group that Teresa was ‘meditating’ (so many jokes there, but if I start, this will end up being ten pages long) and that she had some sort of vision of them both being bridesmaids.
This irks Melissa, and she lists all of the reasons why it doesn’t make sense. Because Dolores wasn’t at the engagement party and whatever else she said. It does make sense Melissa, because it’s Teresa. I don’t even know why she would want to be in this stupid wedding.
It seems kind of late to be asking people to be bridesmaids. Dina backed out so that left an opening, but why the extra addition?
Also it’s strange she didn’t ask Dolores to begin with, but that probably has to do with whatever they were previously at odds about. I remember reading some shit about this last summer, but I kind of forgot. Dolores gets asked in her yap if she didn’t attend the engagement party because of Dina, and Dolores gets all weird and refuses to address it.
Danielle and Margaret are awkwardly sitting next to each other eating. Danielle speaks first breaking the awkwardness by pointing out that it’s awkward. That was a lot of ‘awkward’ but at least I didn’t say ‘arsenal.’
So a predictable fucking disaster ‘girls trip’ to Ireland is on the itinerary.
Kathy Hilton starts reading the cups and she claims that “there is a ring in Dolores’ future.” Buzz Lightyear peers around the corner. Did he put her up to telling her that, or is he looking like “oh shit now I gotta get this bitch a ring.” Oh, Dolores, so many men, so little time.
She sees an ‘L’ representing Marge’s ex-friend Laura, that Jennifer has befriended.
There’s some eye rolling from the naysayers. Yeah, it’s all strange.
Okay now we know it’s complete bullshit when she says to Jennifer, that Bill loves her a lot. No, he does not. He cannot stand her. I don’t think he loves her at all, or ever did. It was an arranged marriage. You can’t learn or be forced to be in love with someone.
Then when you think it can’t get weirder, Kathy Hilton tells her some shit about how she’s going to be getting ‘endorsements??’ This is just not the typical shit that psychics tell you. Everyone attacks Jennifer for telling her what to say.
She probably didn’t, but perhaps production did? Going out on a limb on that one. She probably wouldn’t tell Kathy Hilton to say this crap because she would know these bitches would chew her up and spit her out. Dolores who barely is her friend, is her only ally here.
Jackie apologizes to the cup lady for insulting her. Jackie needs to go away. She might want to spend some time going through her husband’s phone.
Kathy Hilton voice cup lady also knows of Danielle’s brother, and wedding absence issues from her cup. She seems to have a lot of detail from the coffee grounds. She thinks a reconciliation is on the horizon.
Jackie mumbles some fake nicety about it, and Danielle questions her sincerity.
Jackie assures her she does really care, and that they’re not being catty about their constant questioning.
Okay. Sure Jackie. Why doesn’t Danielle start saying shit about her eating disorder, or her husband’s fucking around? that would shut her right up, has she seen the past two seasons??
I don’t know why these bitches find it so hard to believe that Danielle’s brother, who they don’t even know, by the way, they don’t know his personality, wouldn’t be capable of being a fucking dick and making a silly thing, like Insta blocking, a whole big thing. Maybe he’s an asshole. He IS a guy.
Danielle then bitches to Rachel for her tattling to Margaret, about their convo at the boutique. The coffee talk, the conversating. Rachel continues to just play dumb. She’s really good at it.
Kathy Hilton leaves. Her work here is done.
