VPR 4/16/24

Who all is flabbergasted that, like Countess Luann on RHONY, no one will tell Sheana she can’t sing. Oh well, also like Lu, I guess she’s having fun.

Why oh why are we re-releasing this ‘Good as Gold’ garbage?? BlaBla and Ariana are, of course featured in the video.

Katie opts out because she’s pissed at BlaBla still, for having a hot dog with Jo.

She claims she’s sick. Cool. Stay in bed. We’re good.

My favorite BlaBla scene is replayed – “Because I’m SOFT right not Katieeeeeeee!” As she snaps and sneers this at her. I feel like this scene did not get nearly enough riducule.

Real ‘soft’ Blabla.

I can’t with this girl. I hope you’re not all acting like this is a normal fucking thing to say. Well to prove my point about the garbage she spews out of her face, she’s now back to the normal BlaBla we all know and love, hating on everyone.

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Why does Bravo always have to shade James and Ally’s house by showing an airplane flying over it? I think they just keep showing the exact same Southwest plane.

Rachel has started her podcast and I had heard that she blamed James’ treatment of Graham for his aggressive behavior. She also called Ariana ‘just an acquaintance’ which is kind of more fucked up.

Nice Rachel, way to go, she said she wasn’t over James and she was just banging Sandoval to get her mind off of him.

BlaBla’s ‘sperm donor party’ sounds really really bizarre.

She’s ‘soft’ now. I feel like there’s a joke there somewhere.

I don’t even know where to begin about Ariana’s house being a pigsty which she shares when BlaBla wants to use her house for this stupid sperm thing.

Ariana blames it on ‘life without Ann.’ So Ann wasn’t so much Tom’s assistant, but a housekeeper. And now that Sandoval has hired a dude as his ‘assistant’ he doesn’t have to unclutter nor clean the house as Ann did.

Real question, these two can afford assistants but can’t seem to afford a fucking housekeeping/maid service. They don’t have those in LA?

They are such fucking slobs. Ariana takes no pride whatsoever in this house. Which is one big reason why I have a hard time buying her ‘omg my dream house!!’ fucking crap.

Isn’t that embarrassing that your house is such a fucking wreck with shit everywhere, that you can’t even host a gathering in it?

******

Sperm banks are fucking weird. Like how do you even know the dude you’re choosing out of a catalog is the sperm you’re going to get?

It’s so difficult to sit and watch Sandoval walking around sulking about how Raquel doesn’t like him anymore. Does he not see they were fuck buddies. and that is it? Did you notice every time Sandoval says he loves or misses her, he takes this big pause gulp thing before he says it. “I obviously (gulp, pause) love her?” And almost says it as a question.

When she was asked at the reunion if she loves him, she said, “yahhhhhhh.”

That sounded convincing.

I mean really, just stop. It’s okay to have a fuck buddy, but be honest about it. Call her a fuck buddy.

Schwartz still looks like chubby Ken.

OMG the fucking crying.

Gordo can’t believe it either.

He threw away his girlfriend of ten years, who stood by his side, put up with his fucking crap, and stayed with him when he had nothing, all for a fuck buddy.

Happens every day.

Most people don’t get rich and famous from it. They just have to live with it every day knowing you gave someone love and support that didn’t deserve it and never ever cared about you nor your best interests, nor making you happy.

You don’t see hind nor hair of Schwartz and Sandy’s, but we’re seeing plenty of TomTom this season. That is at Lisa’s insistence I’m pretty sure. But really, she couldn’t allow one or two scenes to promote their restaurant? After the entire story line, other than that other thing, last season being the opening of the stupid joint.

Lisa meets Toms to sample cocktails for a new brunch menu, and Sandoval breezes in an hour late because he was pouting about his side piece not liking him anymore.

LVP has no time for this fucking Raquel nonsense. “Who cares” are her words exactly. That’s what we’re all thinking.

She advises him to sell the house, and points out it’s more than what he needs and too much upkeep, when he now questions if he wants to keep it blaming Ariana taking two months to answer him about the buyout.

Clearly he’s not keeping up with ‘the upkeep.’

BlaBla drops in and asks LVP to host the sperm thing. You can’t make this shit up.

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Ariana bitches about Sandoval now wanting to sell the house when he was so gung-ho about buying her out. She brags how she was right, and that’s what she wanted to do and she could have been ‘out of here in March.’

Okay Ariana that’s all well and good, but how then how do you justify ignoring his email for two months if you were so anxious to ‘get out of here.’

She contradicts herself constantly.

Scheana continues to cash in on Scandoval, and has now written a stupid song about Tom and Raquel. She’s quite pleased with herself.

She and Brock want to help Ariana organize and clean up the place, because Scheana thinks it will help her mental state being in a clean environment.

Yeah Scheana, that’s how normal people are. However a fucking slob like Ariana, it doesn’t bother them. She refuses to deal with any mess up that’s ‘not hers.’ Or a mess that IS hers.

This is a nice idea that Scheana has, and her heart is in the right place, but Ariana is sitting here on her ass, and could very well do this herself. It would actually be therapeutic to unclutter and organize this house that she loves so much, that she put all of her time AND MONEY into.

She seems like she’s also thinking this and feels a little embarrassed. She’s too fucking lazy to even throw garbage away for crissakes. Her excuse in her yap is now that she knows she’s moving, why bother cleaning anything up now. Okay Ariana, that’s a good reason to not throw trash away, or put fucking water bottles in the fridge, or move a Christmas present that’s been sitting in the same spot, still in the gift bag for nine fucking months. My God.

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James and Graham drop in on Sandoval rehearsing. Sandoval sings almost as horribly as Scheana.

He pisses and moans to James about being ‘used’ by Raquel.

James is the James we all know and love. He taunts Sandoval that she said she was never in love with him, and she got with him because she wasn’t over James.

He thinks their whole ‘relationship’ was a fuckfest. I tend to agree.

No, Sandy says, they TALKED too! OMG. Can’t make this shit up. James needs reminded she also called him a lousy lay.

They part ways ridiculing each other about which is more lame, Tom’s band or James’ Djing.

That’s a tough one.

I wanted to throw this in here. I wondered this about Raquel. Does it make sense that she spent all of these months in a fucking mental facility to heal and get over all of this trauma, only to leave and rehash and relive all of this supposed trauma on a podcast??

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Sperm party, and Katie and Ally talk about how Katie is definitely NOT miserable, as BlaBla accused. Who would have the NERVE to say such a thing??

Actually the word BlaBla used was ‘unhappy’ but whatever, same thing.

Word on the streets lately is that Sandoval and this Craig ‘assistant’ dude, who seems to be more of a bought friend, have been hooking up, and Sandoval can be found in WeHo frequently, with dudes.

The guy does dress in women’s clothes, just saying.

He has a fucking ‘leg knife’ and jokes about cutting Mya in half so they can share her. Who has a leg knife? Who says that?? With the way he’s sitting here with this butcher knife taped to his leg, and dicking with that kaleidoscope like a crazy person, I wouldn’t even put that past him right now.

Now he wants Schwartz to move into the house with him, and pay him 6grand in rent every month, and/or go on the new mortgage after the buy out.

He doesn’t even know what the hell he’s talking about. Those two propositions are not the same.

Back to the sperm selection, BlaBla has it narrowed down to three. They pick one, and we’re off to impregnate BlaBla, because she really thinks she needs a second child right now.

Her answer to having one child, with a fucked up pervo father, that she thinks she failed, is to have another one with no father. Got it.

Sounds like typical BlaBla logic, does it not?

James and Ally have an awkward baby/marriage conversation.

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TomTom brunch thing, and Sandoval arrives in a women’s polyester pantsuit and pearls, because why wouldn’t he? He and James kiss and make up.

Ariana, suddenly now unbothered to be at the same event, and in the same area as Sandoval, is absolutely inhaling her food oblivious to her surroundings as BlaBla and Katie bicker about BlaBla telling Ally that she thinks Katie is miserable, angry or unhappy.

It’s a big big deal as to the exact adjective that was used to describe her constant scowling constipated face, when they all basically mean the same fucking thing.

This is Ally’s first time being a little messy, and in the hot seat. And BlaBla isn’t the one you want to be misquoting. Oh wait, no scratch that, she’s ‘soft’ now.

Scheana again just like at Sur, when she and Sandoval argued in the alley, goes to the restroom and just happened to walk by Sandoval, and they fight about this stupid song where Scheana references a Jetta, and Raquel drove a Jetta.

Not to defend Sandoval, but you can see how he may be having the shits of everyone being so disgusted with him for fucking around on Ariana with Raquel, however don’t mind talking about it non-stop on podcasts, writing songs about it, and selling merch, bitching all the way to the bank.

Scheana started bragging assuming Sandoval already had heard it because she thinks everyone is stalking her social media all fucking day.