Did James really not even go after Ally when she walked away from the table because he was acting like a fool? What a turd. “She’s not used to all of this confrontation.”
No, it was more like you were embarrassing the shit out of her because she was there with you. Did anyone really not do the token ‘go check on her’ thing?? Maybe they just didn’t air it. Second thought, maybe it’s better.
******
And here we go, the moment we were all (not) waiting for – this debacle of a ‘dinner’ Katie and Schwartz were having to ‘celebrate’ their marital home being sold. I’m sorry for being a repetitive big fat bore, but that’s not a celebratory event. It’s sad. Even if your marriage was miserable, which theirs clearly was, divorcing and selling your home is melancholy. Regardless of who was ‘at fault’ or who initiated the divorce, you don’t go out to dinner to celebrate.
Majority seems to think this was production’s idea. Maybe. But maybe it wasn’t. I can see one of them actually thinking this was a good idea, and that they were capable of having a normal dinner. They seem to forget how much they hate each other, and are trying to pretend and convince people this is some sort of amicable and friendly split. It’s not.
At any rate, production knew it would go left within minutes, even if they didn’t. Have they even been in one single scene this season (or any other season) where they weren’t bickering, and Katie was crying? And what makes it so extra predicable, and not entertaining is that they argue about the SAME SHIT. Can’t they come up with one new thing?? One?
Always always always, it’s how he never defended or backed her, then Schwartz takes the long way around, but basically says “because I didn’t want to defend you, you’re a bitchy miserable mean girl!!”
I would normally say a husband should defend his wife, but I make an exception for Katie Baloney. And riddle me this, since this seems to be the MAIN ISSUE in their marriage, so it comes up a lot, why is Schwartz constantly in a position of having to defend her. Just act normal!!
I would have actually liked to see him and Raquel get together. Yes I know, she clearly has now become a lying deceiving skank, but let’s pretend she’s not for a second. She has such a fun and easygoing personality. (probably one thing Sandoval was attracted to, oh and she’s gorgeous) I think her and Schwartz would have a fun drama-free relationship, with no one putting the other down or needing to ‘defend’ the other. If you’re constantly needing to defend your partner, there’s a problem.
So tired of this stupid ‘bubba’ thing. Just stop. It’s not cute. It wasn’t even cute when they were together. And why is he calling her his ex-wife? They’re not divorced. He even tells the server they got divorced.
The server thinks they’re wacko when they explain why they’re celebrating. He probably thinks he’s misunderstanding. No, you’re not. They just like to torture each other. They decide to get a cocktail and “a nice bottle of wine.” That’s just what they need, three or four glasses of alcohol each.
They choose a very fancy and romantic restaurant. Which is also so preposterous. And they seem to be the only ones there. They flash on some scenes that just magnify what a mismatched couple they have been from the start. Like we need reminded.
“If Tom couldn’t romance me when we were married, I don’t think he’s going to romance me now.”
Yeah calm down Katie Baloney, think he just liked the menu here. Not really tryin’ to get in your pants. They’ve probably literally had sex four times since they’ve been married.
They both order the surf and turf. So like $60 or $70 plates to sit there and bicker. Good thing Bravo picks up the check. These two are morons. Schwartz is acting so jittery and weird. Did he pop some ‘shrooms to try to get through this? Forget to take his ADD meds? What?
They end up cheersing to “maintaining a good friendship.”
Then true to form, they proceed to sit and insult each other for ten minutes. Something about ‘playing the groom card’ and the ‘wife card…’ gas lighting… Whatever. Tom suggests they stop talking to each other, Ya think??
He reprimands her for even being here in Mexico if she was pissed at Scheana and not attending the wedding.
Just as the food arrives, she sobs at hearing this, because she knows it’s true. She came here just to be a pain in the ass. I know, some would say, she’s here because she’s ‘filming.’ She could have been ‘filmed’ in LA? Chugging tequila, and hitting on dopey guys? It would have been more entertaining than this predictable bullshit.
He calls her the provocateur in most of the issues she has with people. She leaves. Bye bitch – don’t let the door hit ya in the ass.
Hope he finds a cute fun girl. Not Raquel.
He continues eating. I don’t blame him. There is literally NO ONE in this restaurant.
******
I guess Lala has jumped on this ‘safe space’ stupid train that a mostly certain group of people like to say. And there are a lot of them in California. She tells Scheana she doesn’t want to go on the boat thing the following day “because she just wants to be somewhere where she’s safe.’ Seriously Lala.
You’re trying to sell that you’re afraid of Raquel?
Does she know how ridick she sounds using this terminology that does not suit her personality whatsoever. No one is buying it. She’s just trying to piss Scheana off. It seems to be working.
She drones on about her ‘energy’ this, that and the other thing. None of it make sense. Typical Lala nonsense. Brock points out that it’s weird she seems to be preferring to hang out with Katie and Boring Old/New Kristine instead of participating in her wedding festies. I see where Scheana is coming from.
Tell me again why Lala is acting so bizarrely, and pretending to be afraid of Raquel?? Because she called her a mistress and a bimbo? Both of which she is. And Lala who is the queen of insults, and telling it like it is, can’t take being called a fucking bimbo, when she goes out of her way to sound and project herself as one? Constantly.
Katie and Old/New Kristine bitch about Schwartz in her room, as Raquel knocks on the door and proceeds to tell Katie that she’s not invited to the special pool area, since she’s not here as part of the wedding. Raquel seems to have done this on a dare or drew the short straw or something. Scheana claims it was a joke, but seemed like she was pretty serious to me when they flash on Scheana assigning ‘a bridesmaid’ to do this.
“Since you didn’t book through the hotel (which makes no sense – I’m sure that is how she booked) in a preferred room, you don’t get access to the preferred pool area.”
So you can imagine how this goes over. Old/New does a whole cover her mouth overly dramatic overcompensating gesture. I think she does feel dumb.
Sheana just doesn’t want her around any of the wedding related events at the hotel. It would have been better to say it that way, instead of going into this ‘preferred’ dialogue. Since Katie just came there to troll and ridicule the whole event, I think it makes sense. Old/New seriously has to question if it’s just Katie or her too, that needs to avoid the wedding gatherings? Like girl, you’re not invited to the wedding. In what world should you have attended that dinner the previous night with BlaBla? So inappropriate. And Katie sits in her yap on her high horse accusing Raquel of not having self awareness?
This convo ends with Katie looking sinister and like the provocateur that Tom accused her of being, and she insisted that accusation was just so mean and disrespectful, as she tells Raquel she will not try to avoid the wedding festies at all. Old/New looks awkward and embarrassed. I guess someone has SOME self-awareness.
Old/New and Katie Baloney are at a pool area that I assume is THE forbidden pool area, and she seems so pleased with herself about it. I guess she misunderstood Raquel, and didn’t catch that no one really wants to see or hear her. They look so bored and miserable. I guess if did make sense for Katie to decide not to attend the wedding and all of the events. She’s so grumpy and groany.
******
Everyone seems to be having a blast at the bachelorette. Katie would be bitching about EVERYTHING. Lucky for us, we have Lala instead who has morphed into Katie. Raquel ridicules Lala’s ‘safe’ speech about her. Lala is really presenting herself as not very bright. Not saying I thought she was, but she was better at pretending to be previously. Now she really does sound like a big dumb bimbo every single time she opens her mouth.
Schwartz so very painfully tries to talk to a girl that seems to not speak great English. He compliments her eyebrows. Not her eyes, her eyebrows. She’s outta there.
******
Should James go into stand-up?? He is really cracking me up this season with all of his
sarcastic little analyses of everyone? And is it me, or is he like, completely spot-on with all of his imitations?
Yet another wedding related event, if you can believe it. A white party, welcoming party, after the ‘welcome dinner.’ Hopefully everyone feels welcomed.
Here we go with ‘safe’ Lala. She feels ‘safe’ with the dull and dusty Old/New Kristine and Katie.
She opted to have dinner with them, over attending Scheana’s event. They have dinner with her party in full view. The table is literally facing the outdoor area. It’s still beyond belief to me that Lala and Katie are BFF’s now. Katie insists she’s pleasant and everyone loves her.
Raquel does a hilarious rendition of the two grumpy old guys on Muppets as BlaBla and Katie. Yes they hate love, and they hate fun. They hate everyone. I think Lala’s defense mechanism over her Randall humiliation is to now be extra nasty and idiotic.
Old/New shares with the grumpy group that she spoke with Scheana and sort of apologized for commiserating with Stassi seven years ago and ridiculing her wedding dress. Katie scoffs at this of course. It sounds like much too pleasant of an interaction for her, and she just cannot approve.
James gets ticked that Ally doesn’t recall their “spinny thing.” James proceeds to skip and hop to try to show her, as everyone is looking at them. So that was all very awkward. He has poor Ally feeling so bad. His skipping was more humiliating than the fact that she didn’t remember it.
The group tells Schwartz it’s time to cut the cord with Katie. It’s weird for them to be having dinner together and him inviting her to bar events. Schwartz whines in his yap about it. Yes dude you can care about her. Just stop insisting on hanging around a chick that you cannot stand to be around. This is NOT hard!
So I guess the climax of the episode is when Raquel and Schwartz kiss. (I refuse to say make out.)
It’s excruciating watching the three haters of love and happiness sit here and cut their meat, engaging in boring-ass conversation, as the others party on the other side of the window. It’s also funny.
Schwartz I assume is drunk, and approaches their table asking Katie to cut his armpit hair. CanNOT make this shit up. They shoo him away.
Then he proceeds to ‘makes out’ with Raquel. Maybe she’ll cut it for him.
