Vanderpump 3/1/23

So it looks like I missed last week’s recap on Vanderpump, and here it is Tuesday already, and we’ve got a new one tomorrow night, 3/8. I feel like a slacker.

I’m sure you’ve all heard by now, it broke last Friday, of Raquel and Sandoval having this affair thing behind Ariana’s back. The timing of this was sort of cracking me up, because I was literally just thinking, even though Sandoval’s not my favorite, he’s kind of odd, and can be kind of a dick, but they seem to really have it together as a couple, and are pretty drama free. Ariana wasn’t pressuring him at all about getting married, like the others with their dudes constantly. (Katie, Scheana) She’s kind of a go -with the flow type of girl. And I like that. She doesn’t get all mad and pissy at Tom over nothing, and vice versa. They seem to both pick their battles and not sweat the small stuff.

Having said that, I guess Tom’s cheating shouldn’t be shocking, if we go way back in time, and recall that he cheated on Kristen with Ariana, and then when he was with Ariana, there was some drama that Kristen stirred up, that he had hooked up with some chick in Miami. Or something like that. I remember thinking, judging by his deer in the headlights reaction when she showed up at Sur, (Kristen’s doing) that I did believe it.

What is disturbing about it, not exactly shocking, given the way that Raquel has been behaving, this season, is that Raquel would be mixed up in this. Either someone else has invaded her body, or she was never ever how she presented herself. Sweet, insecure empath, innocent. Things like that.

She and Ariana were friends! This is just so disgusting to me.

So there’s strife and drama or whatever you want to call it, with Katie of course while they’re on a group outing. Katie makes a huge scene crying, storming out and whining that Scheana is reporting to Schwartz “everything she does.”

Ariana follows her, Katie leaves. Girl, bye. No you don’t belong here, because ex’s should not be hanging out and running around together. This isn’t hard, and I think the show could do without it. Katie needs a fucking ‘thing’ to do.

Those two never got along, were rarely even intimate (they eluded or shared this info many times throughout the years, so I’m not guessing) and should have NEVER gotten married. It’s been a joke since Day 1. So all of this hype over their separation and divorce, and more arguing, isn’t that interesting.

It honestly feels like the last nine fucking years.

Except, as Schwartz pointed out, now he can throw her ass out and tell her to go the hell home. To her home.

Raquel is hot inside the club, maybe because she’s wearing a fucking sweatshirt. It’s half of a sweatshirt but still a sweatshirt. She feels the need to haul Allie, James new girlfriend outside to talk.

This whole convo is now embarrassing for Raquel, of course, dragging James and Lala for hooking up when she was when she was with him. Also who cares. Allie confesses in her yap that Raquel sort of lecturing her about James is getting kind of redundant and annoying. Like move on to banging married men and dudes in relationships. (Oliver and Sandoval, respectfully)

Weird Sandoval and his weird band are getting ready to perform. What do I think of his band you ask? I would say mediocre at best. He’s not a great singer. I believe that he believes that he is.

I WAS okay with his ‘Jesse’s Girl’ rendition though. (that is, until I realized he replaced ‘Jesse’s Girl with ‘Schwartzie’s Mom’) But that’s probably because I believe it to be one of the best songs ever written. And it’s probably hard to screw up. Except when you screw with the lyrics.

She WAS kind of a hottie. Was she a model? I’m not sure how excited Ariana was over the song wrapping up with “I wanna fuck Schwartzie’s mom.”

His band has literally about 27 members and instruments. I guess to drown out the fact that he can’t sing that well.

Not sure what was with Raquel’s yap where she’s two fisting a can of beer and glass of straight alcohol? Not trying to be a buzzkill or anything, but it’s looking to me like she could be our next James and/or Lala. That sort of looked like ‘things alcoholics do.’

So she’s buzzing pretty hard at this night club and announces “I want to make out with somebody.”

She approaches Schwartz, sitting there minding his own business, to fulfill this need. Sorry but this is coming off as quite pathetic, I think most would agree. Scheana seems to be thoroughly enjoying this. Tom does not give into the temptation, citing it would upset Katie.

Racquel challenges him, that she and Katie are not that close. So I do believe that this is the timeline, during filming, of Raquel and Tom officially hooking up.

Here is what’s going on now if you’re not up to date. Apparently there’s a video floating around of an explicit FaceTime interaction between Raquel, and Sandoval, that had been recorded. Probably by Ariana, when she saw it on his phone, I’m assuming. I can’t say I even blame her for doing that.

https://pagesix.com/2023/03/07/raquel-leviss-sends-legal-letter-to-vanderpump-cast-over-video/

Schwartz and Sandy have a visit at Schwartz’ new apartment. Guess it’s back to the basic little apartments as all the couples begin to split up. I’m sure Ariana’s and Sandoval’s big bougie house will be soon on the market.

‘Friends and Family’ night has been pre-planned, at Schwartz and Sandy’s when they assumed they would be open by this point. They’re not of course, but still moving forward instead of postponing it.

I hate when people say “quarter of a million” instead of $250,000 to make it sound more bougie, which is the amount of cash that Sandoval’s mom has invested in this place. Like a dumb ass. I think this scandal will absolutely affect this business venture. I assume by this point, they are finally opened.

Sandoval posted some crap on SM to not take it out on their business and employees…

Boy Crazy Scheana, always with the boys, visits the Tom’s, and tells him he needs stuff to zuszh up the place, and to “spice up his wardrobe.” Whatever.

I don’t get why Scheana is so obsessed with him and Raquel “making out.” With the exception of Raquel, these people are pushing 40. Of course Katie is still making demands on Schwartz, and of course he is listening to her. Scheana gets all weepy about Katie being pissed at her and calling her a troll. Seriously?

Crying over being called a troll?

So we do have Charli back. Why?? Is she still eating PB&J, pizzas and quesadilla’s only I wonder.

Well I don’t really wonder. I don’t care. This girl is a snooze fest.

Raquel tells her that James and Allie got into a loud fight at the club where Sandoval was playing, and had to get escorted out by security. Here we go.

Raquel asks Charli what she thinks of her and Schwartz as a couple, or ‘making out.’ I need to make this a drinking game and take a long ass swig every time Raquel says ‘making out.’ Has she never like made out with a dude before? She’s acting like a middle schooler.

Everyone seems to think that the Schwartz supposed thing with her, was just sort of a joke or a deflection maybe, because she was really ‘making out’ (and a lot more) with Sandoval. And it was Sandoval she was with at Coachella, not Schwartz.

The Tom’s are have a meeting with Greg, the partner. I’m not sure I’m really understanding what all needs to be accomplished for the joint to open. I know they need staff, and that’s important, but hiring wait staff and bartenders in LA shouldn’t really be a problem should it? They’re just like dragging their feet.

Sandoval drops a goal that’s in 30 days, and Greg seems to think that is outlandish. It’s an entire month away. And end of August, so probably a week before Labor Day Weekend, when people will be out and about is actually a smart goal to shoot for. And I also think it’s a good idea to have a deadline.

I don’t often refer to Sandoval (nor does anyone) as ‘smart’ so this is really a compliment. I’m not sure why this Greg dude is stalling. As previously pointed out, the Tom’s are the ones paying the rent with NO money coming in.

There seems to be something up with Greg. How difficult can it be to get this shit done? One month seems like plenty of time. Just fucking do it, and stop whining. This dude is an idiot.

LVP and James catch up. She scolds him about the altercation at the club and drinking again. His excuses are fucking lame. One being that he’s “older and more mature.” Yes sure that’s TOTALLY obvious. He does the infamous James cry thing, when talking about Raquel.

S&S night. I can’t stand Sandoval’s hair. Could these two dudes be more dramatic? Is it possible?? They do some kind of weird thing to get themselves all pumped up.

So Katie “didn’t think she belonged” at Sandoval’s performance, but for some reason she thinks she belongs at Tom’s ‘Friends & Family’ event. And as I think back, maybe that was harsh of me to say that Katie didn’t belong there. I guess what I’m trying to say is that if she can’t be civil around Schwartz, then maybe she shouldn’t be hanging around him.

I certainly don’t think she should be going to this event, when she basically blames this bar for the demise of their relationship. On top of that, the sheer sight of him pisses her off. Schwartz claims she’s invited because she’s ‘family.’ No, she’s not. She’s your ex-wife. There were no children born of the marriage. She’s not family. It’s just an excuse to have her there in hopes they get into an argument.

The viewers are sick of hearing them argue. They’ve argued over everything from Tom’s bedroom performance to whether she should be involved in the bar. Sick. of. it.

Giving out free food and drinks doesn’t seem to be what they should be doing. But what the hell do I know.

Sandoval’s mom was a firefighter. That’s kind of impressive.

I love when ex’s try to be friends, and it works out great, until someone gets a girlfriend or boyfriend.

Katie looks completely miserable and has a grumpy grimace on her face. Schwartz and Katie talk, and it starts off fine, for three seconds then quickly takes a turn for the worst, as soon as Scheana is discussed. They have a senseless argument about her, and Raquel, and ‘boundaries.’ Getting tired of that word too. Boundaries. Katie tries to shoo and swat someone away, that approaches to greet Tom. Tom gets pissed and tells her she can’t do that to people at his business.

Perhaps this isn’t the best time and place to have a heated argument with your ex-wife, who should not even have been invited?? They keep referring to her as ‘ex-wife’ so I guess they were already divorced at this point. Quickest divorce ever.

They then start to bicker about the hand swatting, and Tom tells her to leave, it’s not about her tonight. Good. She should NOT have done that. She’s such a bad vibe. Bad energy, bad everything.

Tom in his yap, “when we were together this happened a lot in our relationship…”

Yeah no shit. And we’re all over it.

Schwartz feels nothing for her, and insists on trying to pretend that he does.

This Vegas girls’ trip is going to be a fiasco.

Raquel admits to Katie that she asked Schwartz if he wanted to make out. Swig. Raquel says she doesn’t know who she is anymore. Yeah we don’t either. Katie refers to her in her yap as “the human equivalent of cotton candy.” Yeah not so much. This chick is out to bang all of the Vanderpump men. Whether they’re single or not.

How can this girl sit here, with Ariana, and admit to this harmless flirtation with Schwartz, all the while she’s boning Sandoval. That is diabolical. As Katie says she’s not, and puts it all on Scheana for “putting it in her head.” (flirting with Schwartz)

So what’s going to be the Toms’ affiliation and involvement in TomTom when the new place finally opens, I wonder.

They meet with LVP, and she wants to know what’s going on with the bar still not opened. So how could they have been part owners, for at least five years, working there, and the face of TomTom and have no fucking clue how a bar/restaurant is ran? This is why people pick on them and call them morons. Christ Sandoval couldn’t even spell ‘Schwartz’ last season, remember?

LVP tells them that Greg owning the lease, and those two being responsible for the rent, they shouldn’t have agreed to that. Schwartz cries and has a feel sorry for himself moment. Oh my God.

Seems like LVP wants to get her mits on part ownership of this place. She wanted to be involved from the beginning. If she did manage to, she’s probably sorry now.

“Let’s think of a way that Greg isn’t involved.” Hmmm let’s think about that. Thought the whole point of this was for them to get out from under Lisa’s control.