We’re getting the lowdown on Scheana’s new man, Brock is a fitness instructor. I wasn’t sure what he was exactly, besides Scheana’s new victim. He’s got the Toms working out with him. Not sure if the Toms are used to this vigorous of a workout , or any workout for that matter. And since when is Sandoval “Sandy?” I know he wants to call the bar that, and THAT’S a whole big thing, but he just referred to himself as Sandy? Is he trying to make “Sandy” happen?
Schwartz goes off on some tangent about Brock’s thighs, and a dude’s “thigh to junk” ratio.
So “Sandy” starts getting pretty emotional discussing in the confessional his and Schwartzie’s ‘relationship’ and how they met, (on craig’s list – I think I do remember them saying that- an ad for a roommate I think) and their weird matching outfits, and their motorcycle side car thingy, and Lisa was all ‘inspired’ by this to have them run the bar named after them… I mean it goes on and on about their love for each other. I guess it’s sweet and cute, you don’t often hear dudes talking that way about their friendship with another dude. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that…” (for any fellow Seinfeld fans, you will get that).
Schwartz admits in his confessional thingy that the “uninspired” adjective was actually his word.
Guess he’s having Katie, his freaking wife, doing his dirty work, sort of not unlike Kyle does with Sutton on Beverly Hills. Guess this is an LA thing ? Anyhow, Sandoval is INTO this Schwartz and Sandy’s name, and it seems to NOT be up for debate. I guess it’s ok, I don’t hate it and don’t love it. Not sure what you guys think ? I am wondering also, how they are going to keep up with Tom Tom AND Schwartz and Sandy’s? Does this concern Lisa at all ? It does not seem to.
Ariana and Lisa meet for lunch discussing the opening of the new bar/restaurant. Ariana seems to think they’re besties now, but LVP probably just needs some camera time, so she’s feigning a concern in Ariana’s life. They’re discussing Katie’s involvement being an issue already in the new bar because Katie is a bitch basically, is what she sort of said, without saying that. It’s pissing off her Tom because she doesn’t like the name . This discussion is all getting rather silly.
But wait, there’s more! It gets even sillier when she starts talking out her asshole about Tom pulling cash out of their house for the new business, but it’s not affecting “her half” of the equity, which makes no sense whatsoever. I would expect this type of gullible rhetoric, when it comes to finances out of like Brittany or Lala, but not Ariana, who claims to be so much more intelligent than everyone else. (not to mention a ripe old 36 years of age…) Sandoval obviously fed her this line of bullshit, that she’s stupidly repeating. This MIGHT make sense if she’s not on the loan at all, but I have a feeling she most likely is.
I’m getting to this a few days late (hey sorry my many many fans and followers, but I’m on vacay !!) Guess where I am, guess where I was Wednesday night ? I was SUR !!! Didn’t see any of the “Rules” folks AT ALL . BLAH disappointed. (didn’t expect to honestly) and LVP, what’s with the fake flower decorations ? TACKY, not what I would expect out of Madame LVP at all. My drink was good, I got “the Mediterranean.” A little sweet, but ok. I don’t know, I was “uninspired.”
And let me tell ya folks it was DEAD there, like DEAD !! like I know it’s a weeknight but holy hell. This is LA bitches! Guess not like NYC, the city that never sleeps. And they closed at 11, so we basically got kicked out. We were ubering back, and passed PUMP, which seemed to be open and hopping, dang shoulda gone there !!
ok so anyway back to Ariana sounding really naive and uneducated about her ownership and equity in the house, and how that all works. I was reading last night online that she has been getting a lot of backlash from mortgage/finance gurus how she made no sense, and she’s reassuring everyone that she’s having her “people” on it, and she is informed as to what the deal is with the (I’m assuming) home equity line Tom is taking out for his new business venture, that only affects “his equity”
Ariana begins to address the squabble that has erupted between Scheana nd Lala. Lisa loves this shit. Not out of a concerned place, more out of a nosy place. Ariana tells her about the very odd, but not surprising comment that Lala made in reference to Charly being able to take the wrath of Lala better, or something similar. Thought we would be getting a more grown-up, new improved Lala this season. But, Not So Much. There is an upcoming infamous Bravo-planned “field trip” coming up in which Ariana replies to Lisa that “It’ll be fine” and as we know, with ANY of the Bravo shows, Housewives, Southern Charm, Below Deck outings, it will NOT be fine.
James pops in for a visit to the Sandoval/Madix not so humble abode, where magically they separate equity on a joint loan. Sandy/Sandoval (who is a very unique dude) is making some artisan ‘mini lattes’ We learn that James is proposing to Racquel. I don’t know what to say about this. Racquel is SO YOUNG ! (so she’s 26. I did look up, thought she was few years younger, but still) and James does seem to have his shit together now, like twoish years sober right ? So even if you’re not a James fan, you totally HAVE to respect that. It definitely seems to have helped his career move along in a positive way. He’s back DJ-ing at Pump again, which we know seems to be his ultimate goal in life, so that’s good. James goes on to tell this story about asking Racquel’s dad for her hand in marriage. (honestly I don’t mean to go off on a women’s lib tangent, I’m not that girl (usually) but do we not realize how OUTDATED this ritual is ? It literally dates back when women/girls were “property” of their fathers. (same with the walk down the aisle, folks) I think it’s just one of those things we still do and just don’t question it. I know it’s kind of like viewed as a “respect” thing for prospective fiance/husband to do, but is it really necessary ? Like what would the dude do if the father said “no, I do NOT want you to propose to my daughter.” Do you think the average guy would still propose ? I do. (“I do” heehee – I didn’t even mean that). Anyway, how funny is this story that her dad threatened to throw him in ditch? Like how much would you have paid to see this conversation ? Poor little James was probably shaking in his little sneakers.
So Sandoval is helping in the planning of the whole proposal thing, which is this “Coachella” themed event, which is a huge music festival that takes place every year in Coachella CA.
Scene with Lala and Randall, who seems to be getting more comfy with being part of the show, discussing her book, and being on the NY Times best seller list. I just gotta say, the books I have heard of being on this seemingly very prestigious list (speaking mostly about these celebrity, reality show celebrities, tell- all-ghost- written -books,) have not been all that impressive to me. So I don’t know. Who cares is I guess what I am trying to say about this whole overly dramatic scene where Lala does this fake two second cry, which is reminding me a lot of Leah on RHONY, actually, about being on this coveted list. I don’t even mean to be totally rude, but who would really buy this book? And would these people actually be seen reading it in public, I’m curious. Turns out she does not make the list, and Randall apparently was getting her a cake and whatever whatever. Still trying to deal with the fact that Lala is carrying around this baby that is hers. Is that just me? She doesn’t even look like a real baby. She always seems to be swaddled beyond belief, and not even moving.
Arrival at the Palm Springs Coachella themed destination. Everyone seems to be in good spirits and relaxed, so I really don’t foresee ANYTHING going wrong. Swimming, dancing, drinking Coors Light again ? (ok so I am convinced this is some sort of advertising campaign with Coors Light- this does not seem to be the beer beverage of choice for these prima donna dudes. ) Am I crazy ?
There is also some sort of strange fashion event being planned …
There is some ridiculing of Lala who does try to act all tough and gangsta. Charly is ridiculing her comments at Scheana’s birthday event, and rightfully so.
Charly wants Lala to “bring it” Lala who seems bored and full of herself even more so than she used to be, I am sure will NOT disappoint.
Aaaannnd here we go again with Scheana and the bragging on her man. He apparently bakes , cooks cleans and SEWS . (Craig Conover move over– you just may have some competition!) but can he hang a TV in seven mere minutes ?? Scheana is not sure, but thinks he may try ! That joke never gets old. Scheana even gets in on making fun of herself about it.
This fashion show competition thing is strange. But I get it, it’s supposed to be “high fashion/avant gard type of apparel. Charly gets ridiculed in the confessional by “Sandy” for looking too “plain”. She was wearing something almost identical to Lala, but that seemed to be ok with him.
Sandoval wins. Wins what I don’t know, bragging rights I assume. Bragging about what I don’t know.
Discussion over dinner now about the new bar. Apparently Schwartz knows nothing about the “concept”. He should’ve answered “alcohol” to the producer when asked this in the confessional thing.
Lala’s dude is being pretty much a dick to him, that he didn’t know what was going on. Apparently he wanted to invest, but they did not want him to ? Schwartz is a wimp as usual and can’t just tell him to shut the fuck up. How about open your own damned bar dude, or something… or just shut the fuck up. You’re ugly.
Discussion about James’ and Max’s ridiculous argument over a salad and his text insults to Max and getting reprimanded by Lisa. So now guess he’s off the bill Djing at Pump. Lisa literally STILL dangles this DJ gig over his head constantly, taking it away and giving it back every other day.
James has learned from this step back he says, and everyone says “awwwww it’s ok James, everyone fucks up sometimes” This irritates Lala who is like “No one said that to me when I was acting like a see you next Tuesday two years ago…!!!”
Lala is now pissed off, and begins acting like fucking Lala and and talking down to Charly. I forget how it even started. Charly is not having it. She gets bitchy back, then starts crying over food issues and storms inside. Lala is made to feel bad, goes inside and sort of not really apologizes. She storms in with “I’m not amind reader”and didn’t know, and did not seem one bit remorseful. Still not really an excuse, because you don’t need to be an asshole to people period. Has nothing to do with not knowing about their past. Lala’s an asshole. I forgot how much of an asshole, and how childish she is.
I can’t picture this girl as a mother.
Can hardly wait for next week.
