In Naomie’s annoying narration, she says “Whitney lifted her up.” Then they play the scene of her whining to him, “Craig is being mean to me.” He’s looking her up and down in a pervy old man way. That’s ‘lifting you up?’ Doesn’t take much there to drop your panties, there, now does it girl?
Sheesh you don’t even make him buy ya a steak, and a glass of Yellow Tail.
Shep and Taylor discuss the Raya thing and he assures her he’s not been using it. They’re planning on hosting a trip with the gang – somewhere beachy, I didn’t hear where.
So Finally – FINALLYYYYY, Whitney decides to open his crusty cobwebbed wallet and take out his new 29 year old fuck buddy. She’s meeting him there though. Guess he couldn’t fire up Patricia’s Rols and pick her ass up.
She’s wearing chaps I guess? At first I thought they were boots up to her ass. Then I saw an angle of her sitting down, and she has short booties on. So confused.
She pulls out this kind of shit when she’s with Whitney. The black leather pants, the black latex pants. So freaking thirsty.
She said she’s “not that picky about wine.” Yeah she’s so not, that’s why I made the Yellow Tail comment above. I remember with Craig, she was always drinking cheap beer, and he always ordered good wine. This probably crushes Whitney. Could be a deal breaker. I like good wine, Whitney!!! And trust fund dudes that act like pathetic losers with anger and Daddy issues!
They gossip about Shep. Whitney keeps defending him. Whitney, who has never been married, nor even had a long term girlfriend, gives his opinion on love and marriage, in his grim reaper Tee.
“You can’t force it” he says, or something like that. What is that thing he keeps doing with one of his eyebrows? Does he think it’s cute? Sexy? What? Stop. it.
Naomie’s doing this weird coy thing again. Oh my God, they’re so awkward.
I can’t. She closes her eyes constantly too I noticed. It’s hard to get pictures with her eyes open. She tries too hard. They both try too hard to be flirty. I could give them lessons.
So I get they need this Austen and Taylor scene, but it’s so not normal for a girl to call up her boyfriend’s friend, to see what he’s doing, and if he wants to hang out. Just wanted to get that off my chest. Also the fact that Austen is being a teeny bit of a hypocrite, how he walked all over Ciara.
No, not his official girlfriend, but still doesn’t matter. When you treat women impeccably then you can rip on Shep.
Marcie had her baby. Yayyyy! Does that mean we won’t see her for a while? SO (not) disappointed.
Austen gets annoyed that Taylor is buying pants for Shep, for some reason. She points out, “for Christmas.” I’ve been seeing Christmas decorations, so it must be Decemberish. Why would he not assume she meant as a Christmas gift? And why does he care? Whatever.
This place looks like all men’s clothes. They congregate in the shoe area. Austen brings up Shep. Taylor defends him by saying that his bad behavior is because “he has walls up.”
Austen tells her that Shep being a dickhead isn’t a wall, a wall is someone that’s afraid to date and put themselves out there or whatever,
Not really. It can be used to refer to someone who’s in a relationship but is afraid to open up, or make it official by moving in together or getting married. But I agree, she does make excuses for him. Women tend to do that in bad relationships with bad dudes. I found myself doing that too. And the way she keeps repeating the “but he’s such a great guy, great heart, he’s amazing” rhetoric. I used to do that did that. No, he wasn’t a great amazing guy.
If he was, I wouldn’t have had to walk around defending him and telling everyone he was. People would be telling me, “wow you have yourself an amazing guy that loves you.” Same with Taylor. Stop defending him. At least he does tell he’ll “work on” his issues.
I never had that told to me. Just a lot of deflection, projection and lies. Because you know, he has ‘nothing’ to work on. I just needed to work on my reactions to his tricks, mind games, lies, and eratic behavior. Makes PERFECT sense!!
Austen is NOT taking it easy on his bro. I’m sure Shep is loving seeing this right now. Oh Well Shepherd. Tough titties.
He gets really emotional and choked up about Shep being a dick to her. Is he being extra dramatic? Maybe a little. But Austen is kind of an emotional guy. Which is kind of endearing. Here’s this 7 foot dude crying. It’s kind of cute. Kind of wimpy, but kind of cute. We know how this all turned out.
Leva is not attending the outing, which I think is smart. She doesn’t need this shit, and yes, she needs to spend time with her kid. I agree with her about the guys. Usually it’s the girls with all the drama and petty arguments, right?
Not Southern Charm. It’s these quasi feminine dudes, that get into these constant lovers’ quarrels. I’m tryin to recall if that’s how it’s always been on Southern Charm. Maybe? Just not as frequent as this season? None of the girls are really at odds with each other. Naomie and Kathryn seemed to have patched things up, since Kathryn gave her the thumbs up on screwing Whitney. And I think they’ve all just accepted that Venita is weird and obsessed with Madison. She stopped calling people racist, so that’s cool.
Shep’s room is an utter disgrace. He’s a fucking slob. Did Taylor want to really pick up after this dude for the rest of her life, (or until they get divorced) anyway?
Everyone assembles at Shep’s. Venita is the first to arrive. Shep and Taylor are taking their cars to the vacay destination. Taylor tells her that she’s riding with her, and immediately she wants to know who else is going to be riding with them. She should have said “Austen and Olivia” just to be a dick.
The back of Shep’s vehicle is similar to his bedroom. Where is everyone supposed to put their luggage? what a fucking slacker. Dude, you have NO job, no career, you do NOTHING!
Olivia arrives via her dad, in a golf cart. Apparently this is a ‘southern thing.’ I was asking on FaceBook last week about that. So they are allowed on the streets? Interesting. Olivia’s dad harasses Austen and gives him a hard time, which is funny and deserved.
Okay, so we are en route. Austen is driving Shep’s car. Apparently he’s a bad driver too. We heard that on a previous ep. So we know he’s good at ‘country club sports.’ Is there anything else this dude does well ? Can’t cook, not techy, slob, no job, no interests… Fucking trust fund or not, he fucking blows for a partner.
Shep rolls out the “I kinda want to ask Taylor to quit her job” thing, because Mr. No Schedule, No One Tells HIM What To Do Shep, can’t be tied down to a schedule, and wants Taylor to “travel the world with him.” I think he wants a full-time maid and cook. really. Girlfriend played it all wrong. She shoulda said, yeah sure I’ll quit my job, did the traveling thing for a year, made him take to all kinds of cool places, THEN dumped his dumb sorry ass. Shep denies that this would be for controlling purposes, which of course is part of it.
So how would that work, they’re not even married. So he would be giving her an allowance, from HIS allowance? Or she gets a whole separate allowance from his parents? What does she do? I did look this up earlier. I think she’s a dental hygienist or something.
Naomie arrives. She’s actually wearing a sweatshirt and not half naked yet, since she knows only the girls are in the house, and she’s not desperate for Whitney and/or Craig to notice her.
Craig wants to “sit in the hot tub and drink beers…” with the boys. So is that weird? He makes commentary that Shep doesn’t need to hang with Taylor, he’s always with her… he’s like sulking.
Straight dudes sitting in the hot tub drinking with dudes? I don’t know, whatever. These guys are a bit ‘different.’ Maybe it’s a southern thing too. Like the golf carts.
Austen calls Olivia as the boys are arguing about whether they’re playing tennis or canoodling in the hot tub with each other. They sound like fucking IDIOTS! Tennis it is.
Again everyone in sweatshirts and Naomie in a sports bra only. Is she just one of these people that’s never cold ? I don’t think so. There’s zero percent fat on her body. She did have a sweatshirt on when she first walked on the court, but quickly sheds it as soon as she sees Craig. So I think she just sucks up being cold, out of desperation to be noticed. Can someone just tell her she has a nice fucking body already so she covers the fuck up? She’s making me cold. By the way the other girls are just as skinny and don’t walk around dressed like this.
Now we have ,who’s dick is bigger, goin on with the guys as to who’s the best at tennis and all sports.
So Taylor and Shep are on the same team. I feel like her being on the same team with Shep is equally as problematic as being on opposing teams. Two seconds in, and he’s already bitching at her and she’s apologizing. God help Taylor if they don’t fucking win. They’re down. He tells her “we need to win!” Taylor: “I hate playing doubles.” (with Shep) Wonder why.
Shep and Taylor win. Thank God. Can you imagine?
Austen fills Craig in on Shep wanting Taylor to “quit her job so she can coddle me, sit on my lap 24/7, and wait on me hand and foot” I’m paraphrasing.(that sounds familiar too, only I wasn’t asked to quit my job, he just made it miserable for me) Austen tells Craig “you look nice.” Also weird for dudes.
Craig is already drinking red wine. Not on Pat’s $45k white couch though. He needs an undershirt.
Not to keep sounding like the fashion police, (but I kind of am) Shep is dressed like Mister Rogers, and tried to do the deep side part thing with his hair that Austen and Craig sport, and it just looks bad. It doesn’t work with wavy hair.
And he’s also juggling. Fucking dork. So guess I stand corrected when I said he has no skills excpet tennis and shuffle board.
And here’s Naomie dressed for dinner, wearing the least amount of clothes of anyone. Not surprised, at all. Again everyone in long sleeves or sweaters over their shirts. She asks Shep “is Whitney meeting us at the restaurant?” Calm down there Naomie, not to worry, he is TOTALLY going to give ya the creepy once over, and then you’re gettin fucked in his private villa on the beach. It’s all good. Drink up so you can pretend you’re attracted to him.
The crew arrives to the restaurant. Naomie gets told that “Whitney is on his way.” So she should be excited her ex, and her new bang boy are at the same dinner table, while she’s half-naked. It’s like 2014 Kathryn. Although I don’t think Kathryn dressed this desperate. And she was 22 and also had a banging body. Just sayin.
Talking about guys’ asses now, and Naomie asks Taylor if Shep has a good butt? So not that I was looking on purpose, but Shep has like NO ass. She says that Shep is always talking about Austen’s ass.
Someone shoot me now !! Am I really writing this right now? Is this normal ? This can’t be normal. I am really beginning to wonder. (not that there’s anything wrong with it – but these dudes should just come out already! I’m actually wondering about all three of them!)
So this prompts Austen to stand up, who is sitting at the front of the table, and the poor server chick is there trying to get orders, and turn around and show everyone his ass. Venita doesn’t seem to be minding it.
Yeah, well, okay they’re right, it’s a lot of backside flesh for a dude. And yes Shep really does love it ! I mean his face is lighting up. Never saw him light up like that for his girlfriend, or any female on the show. Hmmm, maybe we are seeing Shep’s issue here as to why he’s never been married, and is in is first serious relationship at 42 years of age.
Maybe he — you know prefers boys. (not that there’s anything wrong with that ) Shep says in his yap that “it’s gotten more bubbly and bigger.” All righty. Sounds like he’s really keepin tabs on that ass of Austen’s. This is definitely NOT the norm for dudes. Straight dudes. So Shep’s gay. Now it’s all making sense !!! This is probably the source of all of his anxiety! I don’t mean to start this rumor, but it’s food for thought. Right? And everyone’s always saying Whitney is gay or bi. He’s actually looking like the only straight one out of the four of ’em!
Naomie tells the group to be better at respecting the server since they were all yelling drink orders at her at the same time, and talking at once. They were, and that is weird. Were these assholes raised in a barn? I’ve never been at a group dinner in a restaurant where everyone did that? That’s something I just thought you knew, because it’s like common sense if you’re over the age of ten.
So Craig who has been drinking all day, (actually they all have, he’s just the worst at holding his alcohol) needs to ask Naomie, “how many years did you serve?” (as if she was in the military) “Did you work in food and bev?”
So this is ridiculous. Craig is shitfaced so he feels the need to sort of ‘pick on’ Naomie, since he’s all in his feelings right now and shit.
This is similar to her wearing the scarf hat things at the Friendsgiving. So not a thing, but he’s making it a thing, since he clearly has some unresolved crap going on with her.
And not to sound like the fashion police again, but thought Paige would have handled this T-shirt thing by now!
So Craig is very intoxicated, and that is the problem. No matter what Naomie said, it would have been wrong.
Craig says in his yap, her tone and expressions are giving him a sort of PTSDish type thing, reminding him of the last year of their relationship, and there is a God, because he says it “sets him off” and he did not say “trigger.” I know it means the same thing, but he didn’t say trigger! And I applaud him for that. And I understand what he’s talking about, she does have a condescending tone.
But the word does rear it’s ugly head – Olivia says “relax with the triggers!” Well I got excited too soon.
Can’t imagine why Leva passed on this trip. I half-expected her to start having FOMO and show up.
Craig goes to the bar for two seconds and comes back saying he’s better now, they just don’t see eye to eye. He still has his head in his hands. He really needs to call it a night actually. And they’re still doing shots yet?
Whitney arrives now, because this isn’t awkward enough, and we need another Craig meltdown before the food even comes out.
Venita falls off her chair when Austen tells her that Whitney “is hung like a bull.” Guess it got her excited ? They’re going to get themselves kicked out of this joint, and it’s far from a bougie place. They’re acting like they’re at a frat party.
Criag summons Whitney to the bar with him to do another shot with him.
This is going to be bad. Even had I not seen the previews, you KNOW this is going to be bad.
I just noticed, why is Shep not sitting next to Taylor?
Craig did like six shots one after the other and you can tell he’s completely blacked out. Guess Naomie can’t see that because she thinks this is the perfect time to address the “crazy ex-girlfriend” comment that he made about her to Leva.
Even though he’s unhinged right now, I know. I kind of agree with him in his yap that this is what ‘everyone’ says about their ex. They’re ‘crazy.’ Sometimes it’s true, and accurate, and sometimes it’s just an expression. I think with Craig saying that, it’s kind of expression.
Leva didn’t need to run and tell her that. She’s not even here and she’s causing problems. Now we understand why she didn’t join.
Well, things get interesting with these ladies on this week’s show. It’s Shep’s turn for a hissy fit. Imagine that.
