Jesus, what an ominous and dramatic intro. We know how this works by now Bravo, we don’t need a Housewife tutorial.
Meredith has yet another AirBNB/rental. I really do wonder why they can’t buy a house. Who on earth in their 50’s wants to live like that? Moving every year?
I’m assuming being in the mortgage business previously, is that they have shitty credit and or unverifiable income, so unless they want to pay cash or obtain the funds elsewhere they have to throw thousands of dollars away per month renting these big bougie houses.
I’m assuming this big dramatic intro was because of Monica last season and her betrayal.
That girl really shot herself in the foot. Don’t think she was planning on being a one-season-er.
Pretty sure Bravo knew she was part of that gossip site upon being cast.
Heather hit the Ozempic. Do we have any curvy Housewives left even?? It’s funny how they all claimed they were okay being bigger and happy to represent that not every woman can be a size 2, however the minute the got an opportunity to lose 20, 30, 40 lbs without diet or exercise, just having to whip out their credit card, they all fucking took it.
So apparently they weren’t okay with being a little curvier than the other Housewives, they just didn’t want to put the work in.
I would love to have one Housewife franchise where I don’t have to talk about Ozempic. Heather is getting the ‘Ozempic face.’
So it’s end of winter as usual for the SLC ladies. Lisa is hosting an outdoor Valentine-themed get together.
As per usual there’s tension with the wives due to the off-season social media posts and podcasts, which is getting annoying.
Whitney is in trouble again. Last year she pissed Meredith off by making fun of her baths. Now she was blabbing on a podcast about Lisa not knowing how to apologize without being dismissive and ‘loving being the villain.’
So is that really all that terrible?? Both are kind of true and Whitney knew that it would get her all cranked up.
But still, you know, she can overlook these comments and still invite her to her party.
In a strange turn of events, apparently Mary and Angie have bonded since filming wrapped last season. Mary is back full-time.
Apparently Bravo is over that minor scandal from 3 years ago, how she refers to herself as God in her church, brainwashes parishioners in a culty kind of way, and was stealing thousands and thousands of dollars from parishioners to fund her and Gramp’s lavish lifestyle.
Including but not limited to, a dude that she was allegedly having an affair with, that passed away from cancer, whom she made take a mortgage out on his house to give to ‘the church.’
You know, minor extremely disturbing borderline illegal behaviors such as that. BUT – We’re over it now. We’re moving on.
Poof! A few years have gone by, so very much other Housewife drama has replaced that chatter and we’ve just forgotten about it as if it didn’t even happen. It’s the Bravo way!!
I’m deeply concerned as to how Mary, of all people, would score an invite to THE Kathy Hilton’s Christmas party. Was Kyle even invited?
I feel like a Mary/Angie duo will be kind of – interesting. Angie came on as someone’s supposed bestie last season but I totally forget whose.
Mary’s face looks kind of chunky, not sure if she’s gained weight or is over-filled. I’ll have to wait for that assessment when she’s not wearing this huge over sized coat. Not that it matters, I’m just curious.
The girls were encouraged to ‘bring a friend’ – no boys allowed though – love that.
Heather brought new prospect Britani, that is NOT a Housewife.
Mary is very impressed with Heather’s weight loss since she tends to make snarky comments about her weight.
Heather brags she ‘cracked the code’ to making Mary like her.
I’m not loving Lisa’s snow white, ill-fitting, not any bright accessories in sight, white pantsuit.
As the hostess of a Valentine themed party – why would you be in all white? Because she’s so sweet and innocent?
New Housewife Bronwyn, friend of Lisa, for the time being, arrives dressed as a heart. She understood the assignment. And it is high fashion – NOT a costume!!
What’s with the bitches dress in black?? To a Valentine’s party? Well okay after I thought about it, never mind. It’s fine.
I don’t know what to say about the super hero outfit Bronwyn was trying to rock in 37 degree weather. I feel like she loves the shock factor.
I’m a big believer in part of being ‘fashionable’ is dressing appropriately for the weather, as well as the venue or event in which you are attending.
So this Bronwyn chick fails on both counts, wearing a leopard Wonder Woman outfit in the winter to meet for lunch. And I would definitely call this a costume.
Love the Housewife thing of inviting someone to your party that you’re pissed at, or just don’t like at all, then being dramatic about the awkwardness. Like ‘OhmiGod why didn’t she come say Hi to me??’
Having said that, I think it is extremely rude to not immediately approach the hostess of a party upon arrival and thank them for inviting you. Irregardless of Housewife circumstances and drama. It’s just fucking weird.
Whitney reassures her that the past six months of her life have been exceedingly fab. Which means it’s probably NOT exceedingly fab, but let’s just go with it for now.
I see they bought a house that looks exactly like their old house. Her many businesses are ‘growing’ and she’s been doing tons of press, so let’s see how much we see her doing actual work during the season.
Lisa looks annoyed at Whitney, whom she invited, has shown up to her party.
Heather talks about her friend Britani, and name drops this Osmond dude, nephew of THE Donny and Marie that she is (sort of) with.
Are we really supposed to be impressed with that?
Apparently they are very on-again-off-again. I gotta say, he looks like he would be a complete douche bag. I can just tell. I know. He looks smug, and like an asshole. The fact that they’ve only been together eight months and have broken up several times indicates a toxic relationship. Did she really say he’s ‘yummy?’ Is she in high school?
Britani makes a serious fashion faux pas, by telling Bronwyn she likes her ‘costume.’
Then it just goes down hill from there as she tries to put words in Mary’s mouth by calling her a hoarder, and then poor. The girl cannot say anything right. She’s seeming very desperate to fit in.
I feel like it’s the ‘in’ thing now to say you grew up poor. It seems like no one is ashamed of it anymore like they used to be. It’s almost like bragging to say “I grew up with nothing.”
******
They do a flash scene during the party of Meredith complaining to Heather about last season, and how her issues didn’t get addressed at the reunion since it was basically The Monica Show.
She’s ‘salty’ about Whitney copying her bath bomb idea, since you know baths, like hoop earrings are HER THING!!
Did she really just say that exactly like the chick in Mean Girls, however she was dead serious.Usually when people quote Mean Girls lines, it’s sarcastically and jokingly.
Meredith refers to it as an ‘attack’ on her when really Whitney just you know, copied her idea.
Yet another season of talking about bathing non-stop. Hmm. Can hardly wait.
Jack seems to be doing great preaching the Mormon way in Colombia. Lisa brags how “they have the coolest book stores and barber shops in Colombia.” Kind of a random combo. What constitutes a ‘cool’ barber shop exactly?
She goes on to brag about the Michelin restaurants he’s going to, and super hip and cool coffee shops.
Something tells me he’s not doing a lot of preaching about Mormonism. Apparently he’s hanging out in barber and coffee shops, and eating fifty dollar plates. The kid’s probably just happy to be eating hot non-fast food meals for the first time in his life.
I’m having dejavu when Meredith approaches Whitney which she does in an extremely abrupt way, about her bath products.
It’s almost exactly like last season when she cornered Whitney in the same fucking manner with the same constipated look, about making fun of her bathing, on a podcast or to People, or whatever, who cares. I think we all lost brain cells with that convo.
But here we are again, bitching about bathing.
Whitney who is overfilling her face by the way, and looks like her dress is from Temu or Shein by the way, smirks at a very pissed off and very serious Meredith exactly like last season.
Come on Bravo, let’s use some imagination here.
We again have the same two Housewives arguing about the same damned ridiculous subject. Bathing. Perhaps we need to make some changes.
Meredith demands to know what her problem with her is. I would say if someone keeps copying your ideas, they don’t have a ‘problem’ with you, they just think you have good ideas?? Right??
OMG stop saying BATH BOMBS! They’re gross anyway and cause yeast infections.
(Also being with a guy who’s lying to you, that’s banging the town ho causes yeast infections.)
We’ve moved on, which is good news I guess.
However we’ve moved on to leftover resentment that Angie has about Meredith’s comments last season that she’s in the mafia, telling Monica she could ‘take her house’ (I totally think she said that, and why on earth would you put that in numb skull Monica’s head?) and her husband is gay, and shit about their beauty businesses…
All written on a ‘scroll’ – not phone scrolling, but an actual real-life scroll.
I agree with Angie that Meredith has no sense of humor. She storms off. She’s not apologizing for shit, even if she did say it.
I guess someone who doesn’t own one single brick of fucking real estate can casually suggest to some dumb bitch that doesn’t know her ass from a hole in the ground, she can take someone’s house over her nonsensical Monica-like grievance.
They go inside so they can sit down at the table and argue like normal people.
Whitney and Bronwyn bond over having stepkids that are close to their age. Whitney does love to say that Justin’s oldest is five years younger than her. Bronwyn has her beat because her stepson is older than her. So shut up Whitney. It’s such a weird flex anyway.
Heather brings up ‘the scroll.’ Meredith immediately looks irritated.
Her expressions are fucking scary aren’t they?? This woman is a little off. For real. She’s that type of crazy where I could see how she’d be the one to just snap one day. Like for real, snap.
Maybe she’s mad she can’t buy a house?
I knew this was coming –Angie pointing out she lives in a pathetic rental. She walked right into this when she encouraged Monica to sue her and ‘take her house.’
You would think she and Seth would at least try to get their shit together and buy a house just to avoid these snarky ‘rental’ comments.
You would also think an attorney, even an unemployed one, you wouldn’t be dumb enough to drop something like that so casually. Why was she siding with trailer park Monica and conspiring against Angie?? I forget.
Angie IS harping on it excessively, and ignoring everyone telling her to drop it, but she’s not wrong. I don’t mind listening to harping and repetitiveness when someone has a very rational point that’s not being validated. Meredith needs to just own it and say ‘yes I said that in the heat of the moment, when we weren’t in a good place, and I probably shouldn’t have.’
I bet Angie would then drop it. It is disturbing and frustrating when people won’t own their fuck-up comments and behavior. Yeah talking to you ASS.
Dinner is served and these ungrateful bitches are of course complaining. Mainly Mary. Her dry bitchy comments are funny, but to a point.
We can never just eat on Housewives, ever. Between this and Ozempic no wonder they’re all so skinny.
This is of course the perf time for Whitney to bring up her comments in the podcast about Lisa which Lisa briefly mentioned during cocktail hour.
“What’s your PROBLEM with me??” Whitney demands to know, as if she doesn’t know.
I know, shut up, roll with it.
Meredith is happy they’ve moved on from her being a lifelong renter. Like, all kidding aside, why do they have to keep moving? Do they not pay and get evicted?
Can you imagine the astronomical monthly rent payments they are making on these huge multi-million dollar houses?
Okay, I’ll stop. But I’m right.
“Ehhhh, like what part of the podcast are you upset about??” Oh don’t know, Whitney, maybe the part where you were bashing her and calling her names?? Just a guess.
Lisa demands to know who told Whitney she was pissed at her?? Am I crazy? Did I have too much wine or wouldn’t Whitney like already assume Lisa would be pissed??
Lisa, whatta hell does it matter WHO TOLD HER you were mad??
I’m sure it was kind of the point.
Now there’s a ‘stand-off’ Whitney declares. I feel like I’m watching ‘Gunsmoke.’
Angie admits to being the guilty party. Because prior to her blabbing I am sure Whitney had NO CLUE at all.
Lisa throws a glass so we know she’s REALLY pissed off and brings up three years ago when Whitney claimed she did sexual favors for tequila sales.
“I’ll be your villain bitch, game ON!!”
OMG. Can’t make this shit up.
“What have I lied about?? I never lie.”
Heather and Meredith chime in with various lies and/or things she said that they don’t agree with.
The part about Mary running a cult and being a predator, (or ‘pornography’) I do agree with.
Whitney is right, I hate to say. You can’t call differences of opinion ‘lies.’
Literally everyone is simultaneously yelling at Whitney. She’s taking it pretty well. Perhaps she had a heads up.
Now her trauma is being ‘weaponized.’
Lisa tells her to leave. She’s going home to her “new beautiful house and her childrennnnnn.”
Okay Whitney how is that relevant? If you’re so into spending time with your family, why are you here?
What ‘trauma’ is Whitney even referring to? Her two years ago story line? It’s back?
More yelling.
The musician guys seem to be amused. No one prepared them for this?
In the previews there seems to be a lot more ‘lying.’ Everyone’s fucking lying apparently.
It just occurred to me that Meredith and Mary have always been tight, so that explains the sudden Mary/Angie love fest.
