Missed last week’s recap – sorry!! And I really wanted to make fun of those hideous bangs Meredith had on.
Audrey Hepburn was doing fucking back flips in her grave and no, not the good kind of back flips. Wow Meredith just wow. So fucking embarrASSING.
Heather drops in on Whitney. They’re planning a Girl Scout type event for the ladies.
What could go wrong, putting these pretentious spoiled bougie bitches in the wilderness??
I swear to God, I know I keep saying it, Whitney’s new Farm House style residence looks exactly like her old one, even down to the outdoor area and the scenery. Wasn’t there a pond in the background of her other house also?
Whatever, who cares I just think it’s funny. Anybody else noticed this?? Anyway as they start to chat making smores, Heather says she thinks Bronwyn is ‘sneaky.’
I’m not sure what she’s being sneaky about, she seems pretty straight forward to me.
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Post dinner argument, Meredith and Mary convene. I don’t mean to keep picking on Meredith necessarily, but what in the fucking fuck is she wearing? Does she steal Chloe’s clothes? These women need stylists. This is not age-appropriate.
I am also somebody that maybe pushes the envelope somewhat, and if I’m calling this not age-appropriate, it’s fucking not age-appropriate.
For whatever fucking reason instead of the normal coffee shop or Italian restaurant meeting, they decide to meet at an art gallery. An art gallery. You can’t make this shit up.
These two never really did ever have any type of squabbles before I don’t believe so this is kind of new, and I guess it needed to happen. Bravo orders.
And why would you invite somebody to an art gallery that you’re having a tiff with? Isn’t there a better place to argue than a fucking art gallery??
Again you can’t make this shit up. Meredith pretends to be very heavily observing an exhibit. Somebody fucking shoot me. Wow, her boobs are huge. Thought she just got a reduction?
What do we think of this the yap look of Mary’s? Yeah I agree.
Meredith calls Brooks to whine that Mary is an hour late. As if Brooks gives a fuck. She tells him that she’s going to “focus on the photography.”
Ohhhhhkay Meredithhhhh. You do that.
Mary arrives and makes no apology for being late. She’s dressed more like a normal person.
They have what sounds like a circle jerk conversation that’s not even worth recapping.
“You were out of character.”
“No YOU were out of character.”
“You’re harboring hostility.”
“No, YOU’RE harboring hostility.”
I’m not kidding. You would think Meredith the attorney, would be a better arguer. She kind of sucked in Palm Springs too attempting to confront Shawn about what he said about Brooks.
I hope she at least buys a piece of artwork after this embarrassing display. I mean, she saved a lot of money on those those $6.00 bangs.
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Lisa, Henry, Angie and Elektra meet at an aquarium thing. At least it’s not an art gallery.
Who names their kid Elektra?
They crack me up when they say they get phone calls several times a day from their housewife friend. Who the hell has time to sit and call somebody several times a day?
Elektra gives some side eye, for Lisa being so very Lisa. She’s so good at it.
They shoo away the kids and discuss their Housewife issues. This is kind of funny, arguing with a shark lurking around in the background.
I guess Angie‘s mom was an alcoholic. I don’t know that I picked up on that last season. How the hell are you an alcoholic with seven kids? I mean, I guess I should clarify. I kind of get it, but at the same time I don’t. Meaning how do you have time to be drunk all the time? With seven kids??
OK, so they make up. So relieved.
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It’s time for Whitney and Heather’s Girl Scout whatever thing. Mary makes digs to Angie in the car about Meredith renting AirBNB’s constantly.
Bronwyn does some Housewife pot-stirring by saying she’s surprised Whitney and Heather are collabing on this event, because Whitney ‘doesn’t speak kindly of Heather.’
Well, like none of them ‘speak kindly’ of the other, ever, so what’s your point Bronwyn?
Brittany is invited. Did anybody miss her? Didn’t think so. Literally all she talks about is this stupid ass Jared dude and their dysfunctional relationship.
Why is Lisa saying “Ahhhhhh like you guys? Mary is here.???” That was weird.
Meredith lights the fire in her rented Burberry and she’s very proud of herself. She rents her houses and she rents her clothes. Not judging. It’s a $600 coat FYI. Maybe it’s not rented, but maybe it is. I actually thought it would be a lot more.
Britani is officially back with that fucking dickhead that looks like Lurch. He’s flaunting Uncle Donny around her hoping to impress her I guess.
Like who give a fuck about Donny Osmond? Not to be rude, but unless you’re like an elder boomer, he’s someone that was a little before your time. No offense to Donny, I’m just saying. He’s not that impressive.
She repeats this dude’s fucking stupid ass lines, that he says to every woman he talks to, and that he has no intention of sticking to.
Been there, done that.
This ‘soaking’ thing, I don’t even know what to say. I don’t even know what to say.
I don’t even have words. Okay a few words, Mormons are fucking WEIRD.
Why you would have a bunch of women in their 40s and 50s, that have had children doing potato sack races, if you get my drift.
Lisa is the only one that points out she has an issue. I would definitely have an issue.
So moving on. Angie brings up to Britani how hypocritical it was of her to be pissy that she brought a bottle of wine to her get-together.
Holy fucking hell, are we STILL talking about this?
We all new Mormonism is hypocritical unethical, and confusing as fuck. You can drink, but not really, and you can have a premarital fuck, but not really.
Like enough already. They sound possessed.
And let’s all take a swig every time Angie points out that she’s Greek. Is she the only Greek in Salt Lake or what?
Britani had a spaz attack over the wine, but then thanked her for it, and said she and Dipshit drank it and it was lovely. But how dare she bring it?
These ladies sound loony. Why?? Because a cult-like religion is loony.
Bottom line is she didn’t want all of her churchy friends knowing she drinks. But she’s not worried about it enough to NOT drink. On TV.
Now we argue about Bangs leaving Mary’s in a huff. When they flash the scene, Mary did look directly at her, and scream at her to get out of her house so, it’s pretty stupid for her to be acting so fucking beyond offended that she left.
It’s obvi this is a manufactured argument. You would think with those fucking ridiculous embarrassing clip-on bangs she would be happy for her to leave. I can’t believe she even walked out of her rental like that.
Angie chimes in since she and Mary are now chummy which is weird.
Moving on to Whitney and Lisa. Lisa is like a child. Every time Whitney opens her mouth, Lisa says “don’t lieeeeeeeeee, you lieeeeeeeeeeee.”
She literally sounds like a child. Who only knows one word.
Like if doesn’t matter what it is. It’s her automatic response. She’s like a shorted out robot.
Bronwyn shares her shock at Whitney and Heather being chummy when Whitney talks how she doesn’t have her back.
That doesn’t land, but she tried. As Taco Emily would say on OC, she tried.
There’s some hearing aid ridicule.
Some more ‘lying’ when it’s really just an expression of opinion.
I thought Girl Scout events were all like ‘kumbaya.’ Or gumbaya if you’re Dolores on Jersey.
They keep quickly moving from dispute to dispute. It’s actually funny if you know not to take it seriously.
It kind of looks like an SNL skit making fun of Housewives. No lie.
Lisa and Mary argue as to who wore the Tiffany jumpsuit better and who got it ‘off the rack.’ Mary calls her a ‘copy catter.’ Again is this a skit??
I’m not a Lisa fan. but they do tend to gang up on her, as per Bravo instructions because they love her reactions.
Mary goes completely off more than necessary given this sparked from Lisa having the same outfit. Do you see what I mean about an SNL skit?
Lisa actually holds it together, I’m assuming because Mary sounds so stupid the more she talks. She tells her to keep talking.
Whitney encourages everyone to keep bickering for some reason. Can’t make this shit up.
And they do.
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So we’re doing this again.
Meredith is hosting a Shabbat dinner at her newest and the coolest AirBNB, which is a Jewish dinner that takes places on Fridays.
I don’t know why Todd the Sulker can’t just sit these get togethers out. He’s clearly miserable and brings the worst energy ever.
Bronwyn clearly is a Housewife, as a plan to have her own income when she ditches this dork. I’m all for theming it out, but don’t know that she needed a special dress for a Shabbat dinner. What is her statement, I mean if she’s not an Orthodox Jew, she doesn’t need to cover up from head to toe.
Heather talking about this ‘soaking’ with Meredith’s kids is so fucking disgusting. Heather sometimes worries me with the things she says to her own kids, now she’s doing it with others,’
Now there’s a third person involved to ‘create motion?’ So it’s okay to have a random person in the room while you’re fooling around, but not okay to actually have sex?
Mormons are a bunch of psychos.
Heather seems a little too excited to see John Barlow?? How many espresso martini’s did she have?
Thought she was supposed to be checking in on Sharieff??
This dinner is some sort of prelude to her Bat Mitzvah. Meredith suddenly wants to be Jewish and is ‘embracing the traditions’ she decides.
She admits in her yap that she’s not religious, so it makes this whole thing a little sus as to whether or not it’s genuine.
Speaking of not genuine as they’re talking about DNA testing, No-Social-Skills Todd thinks that’s a segue to announcing that he had a background check done on Bronwyn when they started dating. Not the same as a DNA test, but okay.
She is NOT thrilled that this got put out there.
Yeah she’s ditching this dude within a year.
Angie’s not present I just realized.
Todd is already pissed as they start rehashing Girl Scouts.
Bronwyn refers to herself as sometimes being “a snarky bitch” and Captain Revenge of the Nerds reprimands her.
Mary is also absent.
Meredith refers to her behavior as ‘unusual’ which I find to be funny. Were they around last season??
Even prior to that, before she exited due to the church controversy, she’s always been very very odd.
But okay, sure, let’s go with it. She’s just acting weird because she’s worried about Robert.
They all pretend like they don’t know what’s going on with her.
Britani is like, “it’s almost AS IF there’s something wrong????” Hmmmmm,
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Mary has a heart-to-heart with Robert Jr and he admits to doing various drugs.
It’s not funny but I did have to laugh as she acts so clueless when in that scene when she walked into his room, there was so much sketchy shit laying around.
There’s a lot of social media talk as to whether this should have been done with cameras rolling.
I’m seeing online he did go to rehab so that’s good.
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