Our poor newly unemployed Jen Shah, just meandering around her (ONLY) 4000 SF rental all day, in her comfies, putting dishes away, doing puzzles. Not an old lady in sight to rip off, so she can buy her designer duds and rent her 9000 SF house.
Maybe she can research the elderly in her new neighborhood, go door to door, claiming she’s collecting for a charity.
Her mom visits. Wondering if she’s pissed Jen lifted her whole 401 for her ‘defense.’ Guess she IS still ripping off an elderly person after all.
She “leans on her mom” she says in her yap, “and the fact that I can be accused of these things, that I’m INNOCENT of, scares her.” These things. Because you know she’s completely INNOCENT of all of these charges. It was just her employees committing the crimes within HER business, and she had NO fucking idea what was going on. She thought it was 100 legit. Girl, please. Another example of these ho’s assuming the viewers are numb skulls.
1000 pieces. That should keep her busy for a while. Good she likes puzzles, they probably have puzzles in jail.
She tells her mom that Omar was crying because he “doesn’t want to be without his mom.” Well Omar tell your mommy not to engage in criminal activities. Also I find it hard to believe the teenager was sitting in his room sobbing. And if he was, it was probably from the embarrassment.
And right on queue, here we go with the dabbing at the eye, making sure she’s looking at the camera. Looks like there was just that one fake tear, in the one eye. I’m having fucking 2021 deja vu right now. Who else?
Woe is me, she cries, people are just living to “tear her down.” Who does she sound like?
Enter ugly cry face. Really ugly cry face. Now she’s really goin to town. I have the world’s smallest violin right now playing the world’s saddest song!!
Why would she unload all of this on her poor mom? Who already gave up her life savings to defend her against something she definitely did. Did her mom really think at this point, early this year, that she was innocent??
Whitney is charcutering, and Meredith comes to visit. Looks like Whitney borrowed one of Southern Charm Naomie’s outfits.
Guys, this is TOTALLY how a normal mom walks around her house during the day, right? And in the winter, in Utah. What the literal fuck is this? The bright red lipstick just rounds out her whole daytime, hanging-around- the- house- waiting- for -my- kids- to-come- hom- from- school, dressed- like- a- harlot look.
Meredith also looks strange. She normally does though. I’m recalling weird outfits from last season too. And those sunglasses? She’s not 20. They both look like they’re trying way too hard. Just put on something cute and normal for a casual visit to someone’s home.
Meredith wants to know if she did the charcuerie board “all by herself?” I love how they all talk to Whitney like’s she’s four. Back to what she’s wearing, the more I look at her, the more in disbelief I am, especially when they walk in the door. They look at her like she’s an idiot.
I can totally see myself standing in the kitchen dressed like that at 3pm when they came home from school. Jesus, my daughter would have started to cry, like she did when I picked her up a day care in my 80’s Madonna Halloween costume. But that was a Halloween costume.
So they decide to sit outside. Meredith to Whitney like she’s a child again “I think you might need a jacket…” Possibly little subtle dig on how she’s dressed inappropriately, for the day time, for a mom at home, for the weather… ??? It’s just all wrong.
Like for real, and then I promise I’ll let it go, when she stared into her closet deciding what to wear for filming this scene, at home with her kids, in fucking January, this is REALLY what jumped out at her???
And Meredith is all about those skinny weird sunglasses. Whitney somehow manages to cover up her body, with a coat, even though there are cameras around, girlfriend’s not as committed as Naomie. Then again, this is Utah in January, not South Carolina in November.
Whitney asks about Lisa right away. Meredith says Lisa should “practice what she preaches” as they flash to many scenes of Lisa shit talking everyone. They’re dying to talk about these ‘rumors’ surrounding Lisa, about having affairs. She does sexual favors having to do with Vida Tequila apparently? Oh well, good for her.
Lisa’s oldest cracks me up. He’s so stinkin cute. Yes he grew another foot, so now he’s over 6 feet tall with still this cute baby face.
Not getting any warm fuzzies that the kid wants to go to college, as he keeps saying “I don’t know I don’t know…” Lisa: “If if you didn’t go to college what would you do??”
He says “I do own a company, and I can work on that and then start other companies…”
No kid, what are you, crazy? You must spend thousands and thousands of dollars, to get indoctrinated by radical professors, and brainwashed, then get a useless degree, work for someone else, and make THEM rich, it’s the American way!! Lisa starts giving him some advice, as to why she thinks he should think differently.
She does the “when I was ONLY 17…” thing. I love when people feel the need to point out they graduated from high school and/or started college ‘when they were 17’ …
So yes, 30 years ago, we didn’t have to wait out the extra year to start kindergarten, to be officially five.
So if you have a later in the year birthday, you could start Kindergarten when you were still 4, and then you are technically ‘still seventeen’ when you graduate. It’s not that big of a deal, because we turned 18 later in the same year, in a few months. People love to say that for some reason. It’s stupid.
“OMG I was on my own at seventeen?” As if they were some sort of child prodigy. As if they didn’t turn 18 in two months.
Anyway, I wanted to get that off my chest.
Lisa points out he has his own company because of her and his dad. True. So she should have maybe seen this coming when she bought her sixteen year old a company. I do kind of feel like Jack is repeating negative things about college that someone may have told him. Maybe a friend? I can see both of their points.
Lisa explains to him he’s not at the point where he’s standing on his own with his business, and when that happens he can take on the ‘tude. We’ll see how that plays out.
He’s kind of lipping off to her, when usually he’s pretty obedient with her.
Whitney is being all dramatic with Justin about something. She says she just talked to her brother and is finding out she was abused as a child. He was doing some sort of memory therapy. So someone was sexually abusing her? We don’t know, but I think that’s what she’s eluding to. She seems really upset, but with Whitney you don’t know if she’s being extra or not.
So we’re off to Arizona to fight, I mean a zen little vacay. Whitney and Lisa go ahead first to keep everyone from being ‘together.’ Which makes no sense, since they’ll all be together on the trip, same house, hotel, whatever, same ‘healing’ classes, same table for meals. Why was Lisa chosen? I know I know! To get Lisa’s side of the Meredith vs Lisa squabble, since she already got Meredith’s side at the charcuterie visit, where they were dressed like they were going to a night club.
They bitch about going to ‘meh’ Arizona and not somewhere beachy and bougier. Whitney points out Jen can’t leave the country. Well she could have not come? Small price to pay when you’ve spent twenty years scamming people out of their life savings?
So I’ve been to nice hotels, but I guess never one nice enough where someone was standing there with a cocktail as I got out of my vehicle. And I guess I never will. Every fucking time the Housewives go on a trip, there is ALWAYS a tray of cocktails awaiting them the second the crawl out of their limos.
Ugh whatever.
So Lisa and Whitney are in the hot tub for a little info pumping about Meredith, before the rest of the group arrives.
Whitney talks about the memories she’s starting to have from her childhood. This is too deep for Lisa. Even if this was someone she was actually friends with.
I know she doesn’t realize what Whitney is actually referring to, because she’s being vague when discussing it, but she does elude that it’s serious, and refers to “blocking out her childhood.” Lisa, who loves to talk about herself, starts whining about “being the middle child and assuming everything for her sisters” (there’s no such thing as ‘middle child’ in a family of 6, but whatever) and having to do her younger sister’s hair before school.
So to be fair, Lisa doesn’t know exactly what Whitney is talking about, she was being really cryptic, (feel like she should just NOT be talking about it, if she’s not going to share) but when someone tells you that they have blocked out eight years of their childhood, not sure if you should compare that to the annoyance of braiding your little sister’s hair in the morning??? But this IS Lisa. It’s just all going over her head.
So they talk of her sisters, and having each others back (like sisters should do) has lead her to segue into the Meredith feud, since of course Meredith was like a ‘sister’ to her. Whitney wants to know if she has talked to Meredith about it, and how she felt about it. She tells Lisa she has spoken to Meredith also.
So the rest of the gang didn’t get met at the door with cocktails. Okay I feel better now.
They see Whitney and Lisa in the hot tub, and make their way outside, where Meredith blatantly ignores Lisa.
Whitney reminds them this is the third attempt at one of these healing shakra retreat events, and if this one goes left, she’s retiring. I think that’s probably a good idea. This group, or ANY Housewife group, are not good candidates for these kumbaya, we are all one people, type events.
Jen is feeling all warm and fuzzy, she says in her yap, and that “these women have shown up for her.”
Guess she forgets all of the foul things they were saying about her last year. Now all of a sudden, when everyone on her payroll has plead guilty and taken a fucking plea bargain, making it exceedingly obvi that she’s guilty, they’re all rallying around her, and feeling sorry for her.
But we’re in Housewife Land where nothing fucking makes sense. We gotta just roll with it, and accept it. Whitney “pre-selected” rooms before they all arrived. Whitney Rose being the brains of the operation, whooda thunk?? Jen again gets the best room, due to her criminal activities.
Whitney and Heather discuss Lisa’s ‘affairs’ aka “sexual favors for the advancement of Vida Tequila.” Heather is so fucking giddy, she can’t even contain herself. And guys, I don’t even blame her at all. Lisa was such a dick to her in season 1. Calling her ‘easy’ in college (20 years ago) and now look who’s blowing random dudes in the bathroom to peddle her crappy tequila. You gotta love it.
Whitney, says “she feels bad for her” and is seriously considering bringing up these rumors to Lisa, on this trip, her ‘healing journey’ slash ‘let’s pretend Jen is not a criminal trip??’ Are you fucking kidding me??
Okay, so a healing ceremony is going down. Meredith is casually getting her makeup done, like she things she’s fucking Meryl Streep on the set of a movie. She calls Seth.
So this cacao shit, (which is raw cocoa, aka chocolate) is there any reason why it can’t be sweetened somewhat, so it at least has a pleasant-ish taste? I have never drank this, but I imagine it tastes really bitter, like unsweetened chocolate baking bars. I actually didn’t even know this was a thing, and supposedly had these calming and healing elements. I first heard about it on Dubai Housewives when they were having a ceremony of some sort. Where Caroline Brooks bitched the whole time.
Here’s a link if you’re curious to learn more about it. There’s a recipe on the page that does call for a sweetening element. Maybe it’s gross regardless??
They’re going around the group, and are to share what they are releasing, and what they are calling in.
Brainwashed Heather and the Mormon BS. She needs to get out of this Mormon trap too and try to get a grip, and realize she’s not a “bad daughter” if she releases herself completely.
Lisa does that half cry thing when she gives her affirmation.
Meredith descends the stairs to the area, and she’s in a formal-type wearing dress, for some reason.
She didn’t get the memo as to what was going on? That they were going to be sitting on the ground and crying??
And this is also something you don’t just show up to, when you feel like it. It’s a ceremony. Be on time.
If she couldn’t be on time (and it seemed like she was purposely late) she should have just skipped it.
And was this on longer than an hour? Because my DVR stopped recording, and I know there’s more, because I did watch the last half hour Wednesday night.
I know that Lisa tries to talk to Meredith and it doesn’t go exactly well.
