Day 2 San Diego.
Lots of flashes (and lots of under boob) in the pool of Lisa hardcore brokering for Jen Shah, and wondering why she’s always getting punished by this convict crybaby hag.
“it’s unacceptable, it’s this it’s that…”
Now moving to Heather’s and Whitney’s feud. Heather hasn’t even noticed they say? Yeah pretty sure she’s ‘noticed.’
Again not to keep beating the same old deader than dead horse, she tried to make up with her at the ski resort like 18 eps ago, and Whitney told her she wasn’t ready and “needed a minute.”
So Heather gave her ‘the minute’ she requested. It’s a newish thing we’re saying now. If I were to estimate what ‘a minute’ is in real time, I guess two, three weeks to a month?? Or eternity? I don’t fucking know. The point is Whitney was not open to making up at that point.
A few days later, we don’t know what it was in real time, but I would guess a few days, Whitney cries that she’s being ‘ignored’ by Heather, and is always the one chasing after her. Hence the scene at Heather’s when Whitney went over, and sang this song to Heather, and she spun her ditzy ass around and pushed her away from the her bedroom door. It was priceless.
Heather brags about her ‘loyalty to Jen’ too? What in the holy fuckest of all fucks is wrong with these chicks? I might not make it through this.
And for the love of God the ONLY reason why Jen gave Angie K the shout out at dinner with that “she’s the only one I can count on – and the, omg I love you, I’m sorry, let’s start over…” poopoo is because she can’t pay this fucking party bill!! FUCK!! Who’s buyin this BULLSHIT? Can you see her goin to Coach and being like, hey by the way, can you pay the Katsanevas’ like 15g for your birthday soiree? Happy Birthday!! In addition to all of the money you’re shelling out to fake defend me, and pretend you think I’m innocent.
I predict more of the F word, if you’re offended by that maybe you should quit reading this and go grab the bible or something.
Lisa bitches in her yap about being stuck in this crummy mansion in crummy Southern California with this intolerable constant 80 degree annoying fucking sunshine, and having to go to a crummy California beach. (as opposed to Turks and ‘Quesos…’ She makes more attempts at pronouncing it and fails. She wants to go there, but she can’t pronounce it.
Okay so I will agree with the complaining about playing beach games. I have to agree with the whining by Meredith. Beach games? Are we ten? How about just slather on some sunscreen, have a 2marg or six, and just fucking lie there all day? Especially after the emotional roller coaster that is Jen fucking Shah for the whole entire previous day? Beach games my ass!!!
First is a Sand Castle building contest.
Heather is team captain and taking this shit fucking seriously. I mean seriously.
When time is called Whitney proceeds to wreck Heather’s team’s castle. We don’t know why. Because she’s six. Because she hasn’t matures since the age of six. I guess her team lost?? What did I miss there?
Now a sack race and I want to spoon out my eyeballs now. I needed a stronger fucking drink for this. And not to be outdone by those other stupid fucking games, now followed by bubble soccer. Torture.
So the beach goers break up for surfing and dining. Team Heather Lisa and Jen go to lunch, the others are getting surf lessons. (Is there ever a housewife beach trip where there are not ‘surfing lessons?’) Asking for a friend. And is anyone ever successful with standing on the board longer that a milisecond?
Whitney in her yap “I would take drowning in the ocean over going to lunch with Jen Heather and Lisa right now.” Hey wait thought Lisa was your buddy? Your very good best friend??
Meredith opts out of lunch AND surfing because she doesn’t want to be around Lisa, and doesn’t want to break her neck.
Whitney probably the most successful surfer I’ve ever seen on any Housewives ever. At least from what they showed. Everyone seems to get kicked off the second they try to stand.
Heather wants to have some serious convo with Jen during lunch. They talk about the boat fighting.
Jen says “obviously I’m not a mean person…”
Well OBVIOUSLY.
Okay I’m ready to check out of this already.
Jen sort of apologizes, sort of, to Lisa for being a dick.
Heather to Jen: “do you think our relationship is toxic?”
Heather and Jen bicker about that fucking Insta account that Angie and the chunky leprechaun started. You know the one where there was ONLY a post about Lisa on. Even though they have talked about this already, and Angie H apologized for it. Even though Heather had nothing to do with it. Heather is not allowed, per Jen, to be friends with Angie anymore.
Jen cries and dabs at her tears with her knuckles like I didn’t think actual adults did. She needs Candiace’s napkin trick.
This infamous hot tub party at Whitney’s whenever it was, is the subject AGAIN!! Where they all literally sat and gossiped about Heather the entire time it seems. Heather actually should feel pretty important. The things they were bitching about were pretty fucking stupid anyway.
Jen: “You flip flop, Heather!!”
I guess Jen doesn’t flip flop though right? To Heather’s face they’re besties, and the second she’s at an outing without her, she shit talked her the whole entire time.
Heather recaps for Jen how erratic she’s been acting since the trip started.
So naturally – “I almost committed suicide, I tried to okay? Because your friend is heartless and decided to drag me and my entire family. Omar wasn’t going to have a mom and Sharieff wasn’t going to have a wife…”
Friendly reminder: there were no posts about Jen or her fucking family on this Shah Xposed account.
Well enter the reactions she wanted. Heather shuts up, drops it and pities her
She begs for pity in her yap too, because it was “a bad day with the trial.” You mean the trial where she is guilty of what she’s accused of?? That trial?
She locked herself in the bathroom and he kicked the door down because Sharieff didn’t know what she was going to do. So did she actually try to commit suicide, or just locked herself in the bathroom? I say the latter. She was in the hospital for 2.50 days she says in her yap (2 and a HALF ya all – that HALF is important.)
She tries to put Heather on a guilt trip for pretending that she was going to commit suicide. She storms off and sits at another table for two seconds and chugs her drink. Good for Heather, she is trying to show compassion, but also sees she dropped this just to deflect, and get them to stop holding her accountable for her behavior. Heather rolls her eyes as Jen threatens suicide as they leave the restaurant. I think there was a lot of eye rolling by the viewers during that scene. Jen is playing a game of emotional manipulation. And that’s a fucking fact. And it’s sick.
I can’t listen to Whitney talk about all of this ‘ hurt’ anymore that Heather has caused her. I can’t stand her voice. I can’t stand this fake argument with Heather, she insists on constantly perpetuating for a ‘story line.’
Great, another fucking Housewife costume party. What would we do without those. Marilyn Monroe. Hey, I dressed as her for a Halloween party one year! I’ll have to dig in my phone and post a pic! Make sure you’re following me on FaceBook and Twitter!
Angie demands that Whitney’s Marilyn Monroe wigs “better not be cheap wigs.” Sure bitch, they’re $500 fucking wigs for a stupid Housewife theme party!!
Now for the somber ride back to the house with Jen, Heather and Lisa. Jen is crying. Lisa and Heather feel like crap. Which is what she wanted.
She’s suddenly feeling festive for the Marilyn party though.
I don’t know who looks the best. I think I looked the best, actually. Just kidding. Not really. The all look kind of ridiculous. They almost leave without Jen. I don’t think they noticed she was missing.
They should have noticed how quiet it was.
So they’re seriously going out in public like this.
How hard does Meredith try to make her voice sound like that? And why does she try to make her voice sound like that?
They’re having dinner at a Charcuterie restaurant. Well, why wouldn’t you?? Who doesn’t love a charcuterie?
Right on queue, Meredith asks about lunch earlier. Where Jen confessed that she pretended that she was going to commit suicide for attention.
Jen acts like she’s being all bashful about sharing it with the rest of the group, but you all know she couldn’t wait. She says it was way too emotional too share. Whitney wants to know if both Lisa and Heather were part of the convo for some reason. What does that even matter. It seems to be dropped, but you don’t know if that was ‘bad editing’ or not.
Jen: “okay do you really wanna know?? I tried to commit suicide and Sharieff had to take me to the hospital.” Okay so did she REALLY try? Because at lunch she just said Sharieff was afraid she was going to try. I’m sorry but it’s important.
Okay so pause for reaction. Now Jen quickly diverts to the traumatizing suicide attempt to the hot tub scene. Yes we know, it was an afternoon of bash Heather in the hot tub. Who cares. Can we not move past this? I thought everyone knew it.
Jen demands that Whitney share what SHE had said about Heather that day. Great. Now we’re back to the great cover-up of Heather not recalling the gossipy bball convo about Lisa. Thanks Jen. Would rather of discussed your fake suicide attempt.
Heather didn’t know there were still unresolved issues since she thought it was resolved, and Whitney was just continuing to pout so she’d have something to talk about on the show.
Lisa tries to shut it down because she’d rather not discuss her boinking other dudes for tequila sales.
Repetitive Whitney: “I’ve told you multiple times and you don’t hear me.”
I can’t with this. I’m actually confused. Can we lose the dramatic music?
Every time she tries to make her point, Heather cuts her off, Whitney claims. That’s because she can
can’t stand the sound of your voice either.
I believe she did tell Heather about this vague ‘abuse’ bull already did she not? I don’t know what the fuck she wants Heather to do or say about it ??
Heather tells her she’s listening, what is still the issue?
Heather makes fun of her in her yap and compares this conversation to Alice in Wonderland.
She says, “when I needed you (needed her??) you say you don’t remember the conversation.” Guys AGAIN we resolved this at the ski lodge. Whitney even said that’s not really a big deal anymore, and she was more pissed at her for not caring about her fake abuse story. I don’t even know how she sits here with a straight face retelling this.
The play the Garbage Whore party of Whitney drunkenly repeating “you were there, you were THERE.”
Back and forth about “a friendship break” which is reminding me of Friends when Ross kept telling Rachel “we were on a break!!”
So if she wanted to take this ‘friendship break’ why was she so mad that night at Heather’s that she’s doing all of the reaching out and chasing her around. Or whatever. Something like that.
Now Jen enters the convo. And we’re doing this again where we talk about Jen in front of her as if she’s not there. About who is the most rude to her.
“Our issue isn’t that deep” Whitney admits. So then why does she keep bringing it up, is the $64,000 question. OMG I’m bored.
Maybe she knows she sounds ridick to keep repeating the same fucking garbage, then resorts to her hand clapping tantrum. I think she’s actually not even drunk.
She walks away from the table for a split second and comes back. She still won’t say what’s bothering her in regards to Heather.
She finally comes up with, she shoved her during the Garbage Whore party argument when she’s “processing childhood abuse issues.” Well don’t act stupid then.
Yes Whitney IS up Lisa’s asshole. Heather makes some funny condescending well deserved comments to Whitney, and they all gang up on her and are like “OMG you’re not being sincere.” No. She’s not. Who cares.
Trauma again. Funny how she seemed to forget all about it when she was hanging upside down on the booze trolley having wine poured down her vagina. And hasn’t really brought it up at all for weeks, until now. Since there’s a costume gathering.
And we love watching the Housewives argue in character. I think the OC 80’s party was the best.
Now Heather is ignoring her because she’s a dumb ass, now Whitney is begging for her to look at her, and acknowledge her. When she just said she’s not accepting her apology and she still wants the ‘break.’
They leave. Thank God.
They’re going “to the club.”
Whitney seems over her childhood abuse she’s been processing. Again.
Back at the house, everyone is all cranked up, eating pizza, and running around naked.
I’m sure John is so relieved that Lisa called him at 2:30 am. I’m sure he wasn’t sound asleep at all not giving two fucking shits where Lisa was right that second during her Housewife vacay.
Whatever, at least Whitney has shut the fuck up.
Jen is lovin having those titties out.
Okay so we have the very dramatic ending of Heather having a black eye in the am. After she answers her bedroom door at 5 am. Or that’s what the want us to think. Do they want us to think it’s Whitney in a drunken rage? I don’t think she was even drunk though. Which really is shocking. Unless she chugged half a bottle of tequila in her room?
Which we have to wait until NEXT week for. I hear there is not a new episode this week.
