This stupid Pioneer party Heather wants to host, to sort of ‘honor’ Mormonism, but not really, (since it’s the month of it’s inception) is bizarre, given that she hates it all so much.
Sounds like an excuse to get together and argue.
Monica interacts with her oldest, showing prom pictures, and pictures of her real dad, whom she hasn’t seen since she was a baby.
******
Angie and Shawn have a date. Angie looks like the Tin Man. Shawn is never not in a baseball cap. I thought that was a thing, that guys aren’t supposed to wear hates inside. They seem awkward and disconnected. They apparently haven’t had any one-on-one time in two years because they’re SO BUSY with ONE twelve year old child, and can’t possibly leave her for an evening. I feel like they really baby this girl. Maybe that’s how it is when you only have one.
They bicker about music that was played in the car (country – I would bitch too) and how she feels annoying to him. They agree they’re going to schedule more alone time.
******
Heather has Lisa over, and has enough fast food to feed an Army, the Navy, and the Marines. She hits a big rock near her driveway as she’s pulling in. Yeah that’s probably going to cost like 10grand to fix.
I’m sure your Homeowner’s Insurance is ‘activated’ Heather, if you took out a loan. If not, guess you’re shit out luck if it burns to the ground. It’s kind of important.
Heather lets Lisa know that she is planning a trip to Bermuda, in honor of Monica, and her birthday, since she vacationed there when she was a kid. She’s supposed to apologize to Lisa. Okay. Whatever, This feud over nothing, between these two is getting tiring. I think they’re a lot alike is the problem. Both pretty bitchy and vicious, but Lisa is loaded, and Monica is not.
******
Whitney and Angela meet. Whitney decided she needed to darken, and looks like lengthen, her eyebrows for whatever reason. She looks ridiculous. I’ll have to look into her hot pink tiger sweater set. I kind of don’t mind it. The eyebrows gotta go though.
They discuss their marriages and how they’re at a point where they don’t know what to talk about.
Whitney seems to me to be eluding to actual problems in hers, and that they’re unhappy. When she said they asked each other “do you still want to do this?” I wasn’t sure if she meant their anniversary trip, or staying married.
I have seen a side of Justin this season that made him seem like kind of prick. Not the worst I’ve ever seen in a dude, but not the super nice guy he always came off as. When they were out to dinner and he bitched that she wasn’t fucking him enough was so off-putting. NORMAL women don’t want to have sex with their partners, when they’re acting like a fucktard every other day. Normal women. They don’t use it as a way to keep reeling you back in, just to NOT FULFILL any of their claims.
That’s kind like whorish behavior.
Whitney questions if monogamy is even natural in humans. Whitney and Justine did meet and started hooking up when they both married to someone else, so apparently she doesn’t take it very seriously.
******
Meredith and Seth are having the happy unhappy couple over in their latest Airbnb residence, to participate in their podcast. It is very weird that they move every year, and rent random houses. It seems so chaotic and unstable. Do they just use the furniture with the house? Clearly there is a reason why they’re unable to purchase a home. Who would elect to live this way?
Justin walks in saying “we’re excited to see your place.” Kind of a sublte dig, maybe. They joke about the bathtub argument. It’s good we can laugh about it so soon. Sometimes it takes 2 – 3 years.
Meredith and Seth seem to have different ‘podcast voices.’ They ask where is the craziest place they have had sex, and Whitney tells a story that probably stems back to when he was her boss, and she was banging him at work, and had to hide under his desk when someone came into his office. Classy. Of course she has no problem putting that out into the universe. Probably should’ve kept that one to herself.
Why is Justin wearing that stupid hat?? I think he tries to appear younger, since Whitney is twenty years younger than him.
******
So it’s the butter churning, Little House on the Prairie, Mormon ‘celebration’ event. Bonnets are a must.
Monica arrives, and immediately is patronizing to Lisa. “Hi LISAAAA!!!!!”
She ignores her.
I really wish Angie could stop wearing those goggle glasses everywhere. She looks like Little Bo Peep.
So apparently all you have to do to make butter is shake heavy cream and salt for six minutes. And the motion is similar to a hand job.
Enough of that. Onto doll making. Meredith is committed to her butter though, and want to complete t the task.
Monica does a whole big thing, when showing her doll, referring to herself as the black sheep, the other ladies are goody goodies, her doll has a scarlet letter, and represents forgiveness. I don’t know if I would refer to any of these women as ‘goody goodies.’ At all. Meredith fucked half of New York, Lisa gives blowies for B-ball, Whitney was banging her boss on his desk during the workday, I mean, REALLY. Granted they never banged their brother-in-laws, that we know of.
Meredith is really committed to shaking her butter jar. Maybe she’s enjoying the simulation. Or really likes butter.
The Mormon ‘comfort food’ meal is being served, and all seems to be going well, until it’s not. Meredith is still shaking, even during the meal. I feel like it had to be six minutes by now. I think she’s looking at it as sort of a competition, and wants to achieve the butter before anyone else.
Heather has a shady game planned of course. What’s a Housewife get-together without shady games anymore.
“If you were making your way across the plains in 1820, who would you throw off your wagon, if it was too heavy?
Meredith is still shaking. Maybe she really needs butter at home.
Lisa answers that she’s a big supporter of women, and Monica would have to go since she’s the nastiest to women.
So this gets going again. It’s the same exact meaningless dispute and name-calling conversation as at Whitney’s event. If you want to call this a conversation.
I’m sure Ted Bundy would have been really flattered that he’s so often the topic, but kind of annoyed Lisa gets him confused with Jeffrey Dahmer, or the Silence of the Lambs guy.
Monica suddenly now is sad, and pouting. In all fairness, Lisa was the first one to sling an insult today. However, Monica is the one that has been initiating this feud with Lisa since filming started.
She was listening to Jen bitch about them, as we know, but at the same time, Monica, consider the source. Does Jen Shah have any fucking leg to stand on to criticize other women for being insensitive?
A fucking thief!! Sitting in prison! Career of lying, and stealing money from people who really didn’t have much. And Monica is hanging her hat on what she says??
Speaking of Jen, I heard that that she is going to be zooming in for the reunion from jail. And why isn’t Heather moving in on Coach yet?? I would be.
I don’t know what the hell Heather is wearing, by the way. That coat is so gaudy and ugly.
Monica announces that she’s not going on the trip, and she felt attacked. Heather assures her, “it was a game.” Oh so THAT makes it okay to be a dick, Heather. She has really stepped up the bitchiness this season.
Lisa approaches them, and apologizes, about saying she was being rude to her mom, without knowing the whole story, and wants to bury it and move on.
Monica apologizes for calling her ugly. Okay, this means the argument and animosity is TOTALLY over.
Now I can’t unsee the jerking off/butter shaking. I wish there would be some butter already.
Why does Meredith have her bonnet folded back?? She gets overly fake excited, “are we peacefullllllll??” Meredith, continue with your hand job and shut up.
Guess the ‘game’ is over. That was fun. Heather announces the girls’ arguing trip, and wants Monica to get excited, and she starts to sob, and clearly wants pity.
I think what we’re forgetting here is that Monica went after Lisa early in the season, being critical of her Lisa-ness. Lisa’s giving her a run for her money, which she should have anticipated.
So the victim thing is a little too much. She dabs at her eyes. Okay, as if she’s not going to go. Really ? Her broke ass and a free trip??? I guess her mom will suddenly be okay to care for her kids in her absence.
Heather gets a little pissy with her for the crying act.
“Bermuda is going to be great fun.”
Yes I’m sure it is.
