Opens with an outside shot of Gizelle’s house. I don’t know what the fuss is all about. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. So what it’s not a stupid cookie cutter Colonial box. Know what else? She’s a homeowner! Not renting some fake ass palace in a bougie neighborhood for five figures per month in RENT, tryna keep up with the Joneses, and pretending to be super loaded.
Also she didn’t have to follow her soon-to-be-ex around like a lost little puppy beggin him to buy her a mansion. So everyone can just hold their stupid commentary about her house. So THERE! NOT sorry.
Not sure what to make of Karen and Gizelle being fake nice to each other. Pretty sure Karen whose living situation is as described above, just wanted to come and judge her house, and make sure her rental is nicer. As soon a she walks in the door, she looks up with a Gizelle-like face from last year.
Except this year she’s all smiles. She must have a new dude? Or not !!
Or this, maybe she’s just resigned herself to being single, and she’s actually happy. Not needing a human with a penis in her life, and doing what she wants, when she wants, doesn’t have to answer to some narcissistic bossy male with a multitude of issues, tellin her what’s wrong with her all day long!! As they tend to do. Imagine the ludicrousy (don’t think that’s a word but I don’t care) of actually being happy and at peace about that!
Okay I went off one of of my tangents. You know the drill. I think the house is it’s gorgeous inside though. It’s open and airy, it’s a totally fun bachelorette pad for these three lovely ladies. Zebra print, hot pink throw pillows, what’s not to love? Karen is probably jealous, as she is really starting to come off this season.
So Karen is fake commenting that she loves it, then gets all shady in her yap and acts like it’s totally hideous. Girl sit DOWN! Go home to your rental, where you gotta ask some rich dude that actually owns the joint, if you’re allowed to paint a room.
They discuss Karen’s live thing, and compare it to Gizelle’s live thing. They move to Mia and Jacqueline and how Jacqueline kept speaking on Mia’s behalf in Miami. Then onto the admissions of the kinky shenanigans goin on with Gordon, Mia and Jacqueline. Okay so this is all so not shocking. It’s not shocking that Mia and Gordon would be into this, and it’s not also not shocking when you witnessed her aggressive reaction to Wendy divulging her dirty secrets.
I sorta don’t get the reasoning behind her violence towards Wendy for sharing the juicy tidbits when she’s walking around talking about it, and making tons of insinuations that they indulge in this sort of thing.
I don’t care about Wendy and her kidney stones, I just don’t, and her sob story about it. So she intentionally lets this shit go, then has this attack or whatever the fuck. Tired of listening to her brag/bitch about “pushing herself and doing too much.”
Eddie who is doing his house husband job, still paying his debt to her from the embarrassment that he caused her last season, and his dutifully reading his queue cards of how ‘hard she works’ while cell phone recording her in the hospital.
Annoying Ashley scene actually not dressed like a street walker, and not ‘ticky-tocking.’ However still annoying. She’s actually vacumming, and interacting with her toddler. Aww he’s cute. ‘The Nanny’ arrives with Dean in tow, and now for the love of God, her super extra naive commentary about this ‘house hunting’ and how Michael supposedly has again “found her a house” that he will quickly see to it that she does NOT get. Is she not capable of doing her own research? It might cut into the ticky-tocking but if she really wants this swanky house, why not put some effort into it?
How she really trusts Michael is hilarious.
I actually don’t even think he’s making offers on these houses. She’s too dumb to see how he’s placating her totally. She refers to herself as a “first time home buyer” as she talks to the nanny about knowing nothing about “negotiating for a house.” Girl that’s a stretch.
Who wants to tell her she’s not the actually home buyer? He is. Who wants to tell her there are no negotiations? And what the hell does she need a five bedroom fucking house for? To fill them with more kids to old rich dudes that she divorces? Yes.
He’s making phony offers on these houses, that he knows will get rejected, or no offers. I think her nanny even knows she’s talking out her butthole.
“I’m leaving all of that to Michael.” Oh my God. Poor silly Ashley. I feel sorry for her.
She talks in her yap about what is ‘normal’ for a separated or divorced couple, as far as her fantasy of living in this mansion, that he buys for her, and if he should be ‘allowed’ to stay there.
Poor Silly Ashley. She sounds like a moron. She’s back to the ear to ear grins now, after the fake meltdown last week about how ‘scared’ she is to be single.
Time for visiting the venue of ‘The Live Show.’ So the theater holds 400 people and sounds like they don’t have too many tickets sold. But whatever. You gotta start somewhere right?
So Juan has a part in this? Robyn is right to be nervous about that. He seems totally like he would say to her ‘yeah I never agreed to that, I already gots plans.’
She gets harassed about the wedding. No one can comprehend that they want to just go and do it, without making it a whole big thing. I actually think that’s appropriate for the remarriage. Why make it a whole big ass shindig? They already did that. That just adds to the embarrassment when they get divorced again. Look at Poor Cynthia on Atlanta. No she didn’t remarry the same dude, so not exactly the same. But both times, filmed on the show, she has had two dig huge wedding ceremonies, with two different dudes, complete with all of the wedding bells and whistles, that both ended in divorce a mere few years later.
Danielle on Jersey also comes to mind. A whole big destination thing to that dude and they split up in TWO MONTHS. Ladies, just save yourself the expense and hassle, when there’s like a 20% chance the union will be successful. Wow I sound cynical tonight. Sorry.
Candiace is filming her video for the new song collab with Trina. Trina is so sweet. So NOT Nikki Minaj and the snarky way she treated Candiace at the reunion last year.
She compares it to last year’s ‘low budget’ shoot. Actually I didn’t mind that video’s vibe that much. It kind of reminded me of some early videos in the 80’s, that were probably also ‘low budget.’ But they were also more realistic.
In comparison to this laying on the car thing, with the over the top wardrobe, hair and makeup. The one last year seemed more spontaneous and real.
Robyn and Juan talk about “setting the date.” Robyn tries to act like Juan is the holdup in this. He tells her, like “just pick a date.”
I don’t know if Robyn really wants to remarry Juan. I can’t really blame her, but why did she agree to it then?
Looks like Robyn got all extra dolled up for this dreaded convo.
The infamous ‘Infidelity Clause.’ I love Juan’s reaction here. He makes this fucking face as if it’s completely ludicrous that he would cheat on her. When he’s ALREADY CHEATED ON HER.
He says “I don’t think that’s gonna be an issue.” (He doesn’t THINK so) He makes some type of word vomit type comment about “how long have we known each other” which has NOT one fucking thing to do with cheating. Like dudes NEVER cheat on their wives that were their high school sweethearts right?
He knew what he was doing. He was trying to appeal to her female romantic fantasy thing, by reminding her they met as teenagers, to divert her attention to that, and pretend that makes him extra extra devoted to her. But he’s already cheated on her, so we’re all confused by this, but Robyn seems to be buying it.
So stupid. Juan seems so sketchy to me. Of course he’s going to cheat on her again. I’ve been reading comments on Twitter and FaceBook that he may already be fucking around. Which makes it totally true if it’s on FaceBook and Twitter.
Robyn: “You hear horror stories about…”
Juan:“We’re not those peoplllllle!” as he angrily cuts her off. She’s trying her best to stand up to him, but it’s just not working.
He’s NOT that!! he claims. That seemed to end with no resolution. If you watch Summer House, that reminded me of Kyle going to Amanda about a prenup, and she kept shutting him down. Not because she was against prenups, as she at first tried to make it seem. But because if there is a divorce (or when) she wants a large piece of that Loverboy pie. Which she did admit in her yaps toward the end. Kyle eventually just gave up and they married with no prenup. And can you imagine how messy it’s going to be when they get divorced?
Cringy Wendy and her mom. She’s home from the hospital in her Coco earrings, bracelets, big fake lashes, full hair and makeup. Super dramatic music like she’s dying. Her mom orders the boys around like a drill Sargeant. “Go ask your mom what she wants to drink!!!” As she’s standing right there and could have asked her herself? I think they’re a little afraid of her.
Mom is hitting the red wine. I think when she asked Wendy if she wanted wine, it’s because she wanted some. I hate to say it, but don’t think alcohol is what you’re supposed to drink minutes upon arrival home from getting surgery. Probably not recommended.
Wendy asks about HER health. That’s right, she had some minor thing that Wendy was trying to make a big talking point in the beginning of the season. Her mom tells her she was just exhausted. So that was her official diagnosis. Being exhausted. And we’re talking about this why? Oh so Wendy can divert the attention to her and “how hard she works.” AGAIN.
And now in a strange turn of events, her mom brings it back to herself, and asks Wendy to buy her some new titties, and blames Wendy because she breast fed, so she’s responsible to rebuild the titties.
They flash to when she also brought this up last season.
I did NOT know that’s how that worked. I didn’t know you did mom things looking for a pay back.
I didn’t know you literally could scold your kid for your boobs not being perky. I may have done it in a joking way, but this bitch is serious. Guess she thought she’d get her second request in quick, while Wendy was nice and loopy from anesthesia.
And she brings this up right after her daughter gets out of kidney stone surgery. Wow, that’s one self centered mom. Well Wendy is not having it. “Your breasts are at the bottom of my list.” That was sort of funny. Also not to be mean, it doesn’t really look like she’s super worried about her figure. If ya get my drift. Also, not a good idea to be going under at her age, at an unhealthy weight, for some new tits. Sorry this is all sounding kind of snarky and bitchy, but IT’S MY OPINION!!!
Karen visits Mia. She’s making her rounds she says. Mia is acting strange, which isn’t very strange. She makes really weird faces and does this odd puckering thing with her lips constantly? Too much botox?? or a nervous tick like Dijana on Beverly Hills and her lip licking??
Karen dives right into Gizelle’s comments about Mia and Jacqueline showering together.
I’m not sure why this is such a whole thing and a shocker with these ladies. They’ve been listening to Ashley talking about being bisexual, and her and Michael’s free love sexual antics and threesomes for the past five years. Who cares. Why is this news? Ashley has been there, done that. Next please?
Mia tells her that she and Jacqueline have done “weird promiscuous things.” Karen acts like this is outrageous. I mean they SHOWER together. When you shower with someone doesn’t that infersometype of intimacy? Like hello.
Karen tries to get deets on what precisely the goings on were, guess she can’t just use common sense and her imagination?
Mia shares that when she was younger she thought she wanted to be a gynecologist, so she was poking around down there on Jacqueline’s lady parts. Okay so full disclosure, when I watched this the first time I thought she said that she wanted to be a guy. Which I thought made sense because again, social media has been buzzing about her having a sex change or wanting a sex change or something like that.
Okay so moving on, Karen is trying hard to act so appalled when you know she really wants to hear the dirty details. Because the questions keep on a comin. “I was also told you and G have sex with other people together?”
“Yes.” So riddle me this. If she’s being so open and okay with sharing this with the world, and laughing about it, why the fucking explosion in Miami when Wendy taunted her with it? Why not just own it? She clearly isn’t ashamed. She could have just called Wendy a prude or something and laughed it off.
Or said “maybe you’re jealous because you and Eddie don’t have sex at all, that’s why he’s perusing naked booty models online.”
Actually maybe that would have been bad. Wendy would have totally been the one throwing shit and going off the deep end. Because it’s true. Especially since she tries to portray Eddie as the model fucking husband.
“Was it Peter?” Karen needs to know!
“Peter’s girlfriend.”
Well there you have it. Show’s over.
Peter’s girlfriend was their girl before Peter came into the picture. I’m guessing that’s how they met. Okay so that is over. Now we know way more than we wanted to know.
Moving on to the opening of Robyn and Gizelle’s live show based on their podcast. Karen can’t help herself with the shady ass shade when it comes to anything involving Gizelle and Robyn.
“The seats are empty.” Karen points out.
Okay well it’s their first show. And it’s a 400 seat theater. I don’t think they expected to fill every seat.
Karen is recording the empty seats. Thought she and Gizelle were all chummy now? This seems kind of crude when you’re claiming you’re here for support. Can’t wait to see how many are at her stupid thing that makes no sense. The previews look a little scary.
Ashley tells Karen she’s doing “a watered down TikTok dance.” What is with this chick’s, and everyone’s obsession with her TikTok videos? She surely is getting paid to advertise for them, I hope. She’s going to need money to get this house that Michael is definitely NOT buying.
I like the ‘watered down’ part. I guess they meant, ‘don’t dress like a fucking trashy ho’ when she got her instructions. I looked at her tiktoks and they’re the same tired dances she does over and over to different songs. She should probably get a new hobby.
Hey everyone, play the WWHL live game and take a swig every time Ashley says TikTok. I don’t know why the cast is so impressed with this? Have they ever been on TikTok, and have seen how many chicks are doing this? It’s not really unique. But she seems to enjoy letting them think it is.
They discussed why Candiace isn’t present, which should be obvious.
Kicks off with Gizelle making fun of herself, and a little audio trouble with Robyn. It’s live, shit happens. Karen is hanging on and obsessing over every fucking little mishap that is no big deal, to feel better about herself. That’s called extremely jealousy and insecurity. So there we have it. Yes I said it. Karen is extremely jealous of Gizelle and Robyn. This is what women do when they’re jealous. Not a good look, and how does she not know this is obvious.
The crowd seems excited. So I’d rather have a small excited crowd, then a bunch of seat fillers sitting there looking bored.
Juan is up first thing. I can see how they wanted to get his bit done before he got all pissed off about something. Their little act is cute. I’m sure they didn’t show it all. Juan was pleasant.
Ashley is up, who is the only girl on the planet doing sexy TikTok dances don’t you know? But maybe this was a good audience engager. They called some of the audience up to shake their things with THE Ashley Freeloader Darby. Karen decides to sit there and look bored and miserable and pretend to do things on her phone as she complains. Mature.
The audience seems engaged and entertained. It’s probably a fun girls’ night out for these ladies. These are fans and viewers of the show, who are seeing the wives up close and personal. So of course it’s not going to generate the same excitement for the other Housewives. Pretty sure their assignment here was to show up and be supportive. Not show up and bitch and moan. But we don’t do that here. Women don’t support women on Housewives.
Gizelle opens it up for questions. First question. “When is the wedding?” Okay so now I agree with Karen, this IS boring. I wish they would go through with it so everyone shuts up.
But can we get rid of Karen?? She’s being such a ——- KAREN.
The audience was actually really engaged, so the jealous haters can just shut their pie holes.
And a $14,000 profit for a few hours, as Robyn claims, if it’s true, I would call a success. I’m assuming that’s net profit AFTER the 10g they put in? Math probably isn’t Robyn’s strong suit, so jury is out on that one.
Even $4,000 for 1 or 2 hours isn’t a bad haul. It’s not like they traveled any type of distance or anything, or had to put a lot of time into it. They just sat up there and jabbered, and were themselves. And made $4,000 or $14,000. We’re not sure.
Gizelle now wants some more skinny on the alleged threesomes, Porsche buying, and G sharing gossip, and starts harassing Jacqueline. Who I assume is vying for a champagne glass next season. Shouldn’t they be holding a cherry blossom?? Or a flag, or their voter ID’s? Oh no, black people don’t know how to get an ID. My bad. (Don’t come for me, I’m being sarcastic.)
Jacqueline deflects to Mia. Mia gets called over. I would think they all have enough info at this point to get the general idea. Apparently they want the full fucking picture. Why don’t they just indulge in some online porn, and call it a day.
Gizelle asks Mia if she bought Jacqueline’s car. This needs to be over. Does anyone really care? With their current financial troubles, I’m sure you’ve all heard about them getting booted from The Joint, I’m sure it’s been repoed.
So they continue to be confusing and cryptic about who actually purchased the car. Just to keep the ladies interested and intrigued. Smart I guess. Only we have to sit here keep listening to the same convo. Now they want the juice on whether or not Jacqueline and Gordon have boned with Mia as their audience.
It’s pretty obvious they have, however now they’re trying to change their story. They have not convened on what details they wanted to share on the show, clearly.
Gizelle and Charrisse clearly haven’t been laid in a while, if they are finding this whole sordid tale this juicy and riveting. I feel like if someone told me this, I would be just like “Oh I see. I love that for you” and wouldn’t really pry into the details. Because I could figure them out for myself. I guess it’s giving them something super enthralling and naughty to discuss and fantasize about. Gizelle does need something to discuss, since she’s moved on from Chris allegedly trying to proposition her.
Okay, The End. Well that is OVER, and I’m not mad about it.
However next week there’s more coochy talk. Next ep is probably not til January, actually. I’m assuming the new one will NOT be aired Christmas night. Oh poo, two weeks until more of the same thing. Then we have the reunion to look forward to, where they wear tacky dresses, and argue about the same thing.
