The Mexico excursion is still goin on. Are they finally having a fun in the sun day, just relaxing.
No weird spiritual yogi activity?
Oh my God, I’m laughing at Gizelle and her stomach issues. I was wondering why no one was having any problems with this, especially after that lunch they ate, after the swamp visit. Remember my joke last week about the colon cleanse after eating that slop? It didn’t even look good. I didn’t mean to wish it upon Gizelle, but I guess I did.
They flash to several scenes of Gizelle eating everything in sight. You’ve all seen the Sex and the City movie right?? When they all went on SJP’s ‘honeymoon’ in Mexico, and Charlotte shit herself just from drinking shower water?
I had this issue in Aruba several years ago after every restaurant except for one or two. We were with a bunch of couples and I even passed on the cool seafood restaurant the girls were going to, and went to a dumb American sports bar with my husband and the guys, hoping to find something plain and bland. It killed me! I didn’t wanna hung with the dumb guys at a dumb sports bar. But I was sick of running to the bathroom!
For water, also switched to American bottled waters from the grocery store, instead of the ones the hotel or the bars provided. That all seemed to make it better.
Anyway, it’s a given when you go to these island countries, that there is a large chance of this happening. Gizelle seems surprised. Do you guys remember on RHONY when they went to Colombia? The bitches were literally shitting all over the place.
Maybe the key is staying away from the meat and seafood products? I don’t think it’s because the food is contaminated, because they have all been eating at the same places.
Well Gizelle musn’t be feeling too horribly, she seems perky enough to gossip about Karen with Mia.
They go to jealousy right away in reference to the strife between Karen and Charrisse. I think they say Charrisse is jealous of Karen? Or maybe other way around.
I agree that does play a big part in a lot of the Housewife tension and troubles. Teresa and Melissa on Jersey, Vicki and every new pretty Housewife are two that immediately come to mind. But I don’t think it’s a factor here with those two. The issue is clearly Charrisse knows embarrassing shit Karen does not want out. And then the whole ‘who’s the real Grande Dame’ But it’s mostly the dirt I’m pretty sure.
Then Gizelle says she thinks Wendy is jealous of Mia. No, that’s backwards. She knows that. But she hates Wendy, so of course that’s what she’s going to say. Mia is jelly of Wendy ‘one hundred percent.’
Intelligent educated, and shit mostly together. (even though she’s annoying as fuck) Mia seems excited at the thought of Wendy being jealous of her. I think she knows it’s not true, but is going to of course play along. From that they move to Mia and Jacqueline’s argument. Wow there sure is a lot of arguing going on here. So out of the ordinary. In like three minutes’ time we covered three separate quarrels. Two of them involving Mia, so do the math on that.
Gizelle wants her and Jacqueline to talk, and smooth things over. Mia has no interest in talking things out with Jacqueline. She makes horrible faces like she’s extremely constipated. She’s being really really cold to her BFF of 30 years, and it’s actually quite bothersome.
Like is this fight really worth this? As we know, they didn’t air the airplane argument, most likely it couldn’t be filmed on the plane. I guess no one pressed the record button on their phone. So we don’t know all was said. But it seems like Mia got really upset over Jacqueline’s comment, “it takes a village, but you wouldn’t know anything about that.” Mia thinks that’s a dig on her childhood situation (maybe she doesn’t know the meaning of the phrase) but I think it was a dig on that she doesn’t have to have help organizing care for her kids. (Because Jacqueline can’t afford to pay a nanny, and Mia can)
I’m just kind of guessing on that, because that’s what makes more sense, and I don’t think Jacqueline would ridicule her being in the foster system? It seems like Jacqueline really goes to bat for her.
Mia’s faces she makes are just gross. What is that face? Gizelle even says “I don’t know what that means.” Gizelle, you don’t know what this trying to take a shit contorted face means? Or are the fake lumps on her ass bothering her?
This is her fucking friend of 30 years. And she truly just doesn’t give a shit. And I don’t get it. I’m not about just shutting people out of your life over a disagreement. But some people are. As I have experienced in my personal life.
Mia agrees sort of, to talk to Jacqueline. But you can already tell she just doesn’t give a shit. She sold her soul to Bravo. Just like Jacqueline said.
Gizelle whips a hunk of bread out of her purse and starts eating it. It’s (almost) like when Emily took the sub out of her purse, on OC last season. Not really the same. Not as pathetic. It was just a piece of bread, and it’s because she doesn’t feel good. Not because she’s a big fat disgusting pig like Emily Simpson. Sorry, I don’t like Emily.
You do have to understand where Robyn is coming from, by not wanting a huge wedding shindig, that really is more for, as she says, for everyone else. And then you have to worry about all of the judgy BS. She just wants this shit over with, so Karen the ‘Karen’ stops fucking asking about it!!
Ashley and Karen convene on the beach to discuss Robyn and Karen’s argument the previous night. Karen is mostly bothered about being called fake. She dismisses Ashley bringing up Charrisse.
She’d much rather talk about Robyn and how the fact that they want to have a small private ceremony means that they’re lying and not really getting married. There are not going to be any witnesses (other than their children) It’s ‘suspect’ according to her, and she tells Ashley there’s so much she knows about her and she knows she knows, including Juan’s other woman. Well. Karen is ticked off and on a ‘take down Robyn’ rampage.
She tells Ashley that Juan has this ‘mature’ girlfriend in Georgetown, that is blonde and looks like her. So apparently Karen thinks that Juan is obsessed with her. Okay so I’m not saying that it’s not possible. I guess some dudes prefer more mature women. I’ve heard of it. She thinks Robyn knows about this side chick, and she’s okay with it. I doubt Robyn would be okay with Juan having a girlfriend. Karen knows better than that.
So we’re going to be “tabling it.” Told you that’s the new Potomac phrase. Karen sort of, kind of, not really, tells Ashley not to say anything. So that whole convo reeks of a Bravo set-up. She knew Ashley wouldn’t be able to keep her trap shut. She wants Robyn all riled up for some reason.
Ashley and Karen part ways, I’m guessing so Ashley can go ahead and blab what she was just told. She immediately approaches Wendy and Candiace in the ‘Lobby bar’ (why are we sitting inside? sorry that just bugs me) and lets them know she has some tea she’s not supposed to be spilling.
So they run down the list of “is it about me, is about Mia, Charrise Robyn Gizelle??” So simply a process of elimination. Ashley discloses that Karen was upset about this argument between her and Robyn. Really sick of hearing about it by this point.
“It’s not my place, it’s not my place…” as she tries HARD to not divulge the whole spiel.
So they’re off on their next adventure. Ashley promises “quesadillas are on the bus.”
Gizelle: “I’m not eating a bus quesadilla, that sound deplorable.” Yeah right, good idea Gizzy. Almost as deplorable as that slop served in the woods by the swamp. That’s what probably got you into this mess. No pun intended. Well whatever, not being shady but she can stand to drop a few.
So it’s a shopping event. Now this is more like it! Still would rather be lying on the beach, but whatever.
Thought Ashley was ‘respecting’ Karen’s wishes to be the addressee with Robyn and the blonde old chick that Juan is supposedly banging. She forgot about that pretty quickly. But who cares. Sounded to me like Karen wanted her to blab, so here we are.
They have a moment when Ashley wanted to go to a neighboring shop, so Robyn coincidentally tags along. And basically Ashley spills all of the tea. All of the tea.
Robs whips out her phone and calls Juan then and there. Long story short, Juan becomes extremely abrasive and belligerent towards Robyn about it. Not only mad at Karen for telling her the info that’s been presented, but pissed off at Robyn. So how do you interpret that? One could say, he’s getting really pissed off, so it’s most likely not true. If it were true, he would just be laughing it off and not getting angry. If you watch Jersey, you’ll know what I mean, but that was my theory with Evan on Jersey. He was always so calm and unbothered by his cheating accusation, that it made me even more suspicious that it was true.
He was never even pissed at Teresa for running around at his OWN birthday party telling everyone and their brother the rumor. I don’t think it’s possible to be that easy going. (and if you recall, this wasn’t wrong, in her eyes, because it was a RU—MOR, remember she always said it like that when asked?) Gotta love shit for brains Teresa Guidice and the fucking retarded shit that comes out of that fucktard’s mouth. Sorry for using an unPC word. But when it comes to Teresa Guidice, it doesn’t count.
People tend to be ‘nice’ about an accusation when it really is true, because they’re trying hard not to show any reaction. So it translates into being overly understanding and forgiving, as an overcompensation for the fact that they are guilty.
But then again, I believe Juan does have anger issues. So he may have found it difficult to take the high road, and just laugh it off and act unbothered.
So you could say he’s going off on Robyn because it’s true, and he’s caught, so he’s blaming her, blaming the women, blaming everyone except for himself and his own actions. Which is typical dude behavior. Blame the bitches! Or possibly it is bullshit and he’s pissed off at the accusation.
Ashley seems in shock that Robyn is calling him. What did she expect? I guess not to call him right in front of her. Juan is screaming that Karen doesn’t know him, and that he doesn’t go out, and he’s tired of their bullshit…
Meanwhile Ashley seems to be texting someone. Karen or Gizelle?? And looking frightened.
Juan is threatens to punch all of the women the fuck out. Nice. I think that’s what he’s saying anyway, there are lot of bleeps.
He ultimately barks into the phone that he he loves her, and appreciates her, and not to let the women do this to her. That didn’t sound really loving, but okay.
He hangs up on her. Guess that’s what dudes do when they love and appreciate you.
Along with telling you they hope you get beat up and raped. (inside joke, he knows. I’ll be saving that little tidbit. Who is dumb enough to put that in writing??)
I guess you can see Juan’s annoyance. IF it’s not true. Robyn is laughing it off. But you know she’s extremely bothered. She has “names” she says about Karen.
They are assembling for lunch. Candiace looks about six feet tall and is wearing very inappropriate shoes for lunch on the beach. But what do expect of these ladies? I do like her denim bustier top and hat. The glasses? Not so much. They look like cardboard 3D glasses you get for a movie.
Mia being so mature, doesn’t want to sit by Jacqueline, but ends up having to because Gizelle tells her she needs to move down. They laugh at that in front of Jacqueline.
Robyn forewarns the group she has some tea she’s about to be spilling. She goes into the fake phony bullshitter rhetoric that she was accusing Karen of. Karen arrives back
from the washroom. Karen feels that her integrity was attacked and that she is in no way fake, and this future ‘wedding’ of Robyn’s is fake. And here she goes again with that. No one is sick of hearing that.
She tells Robyn she knows that she knows about the blonde girl in Georgetown. Candiace and Wendy both say they have “heard it.”
So Karen makes a very not smart remark, where she had to have known she was walking right into this. I mean, really Karen.
She says that she would prefer if Robyn doesn’t tell them about her upcoming marriage or wedding. Robyn cuts that shit right off, and reminds her that she is constantly asking her about it!
Which she is! I said earlier, it’s gotten to the obsessive point with her. She seems obsessed with Robyn and Juan. And thank you Producers for digging some of the various footage of Karen asking her about it! They flash on three but the could’ve come up with at least ten. But I know we only have an hour.
She repeats “it’s suspect because there are no witnesses.” Not sure why Robyn doesn’t point out that her sons will be in attendance. They’re people. Witnesses. Yes, under 18, but still witnesses. And I guess she’s never heard of photography and recordings.
Does she really think Robyn would completely make up that she married Juan in a small ceremony??
She then presents what she’s been dying to roll out, and brings up Karen’s fake wedding/vow renewal whatever thing from last season when she’s been stepping out on Ray.
Robyn rolls out her alleged facts about the blue eyed Redskins fan in Vegas being Karen’s lover.
Karen is immediately in denial mode and starts to refute any type of affair.
Well Robyn has receipts. Karen girl, you have no one to blame for this but yourself. Robs shows her phone around to the group, of this dude and won’t allow Karen to see it. Karen keeps pleading to see it, and looks extremely uncomfy. And it’s hilarious. Robyn keeps telling her “no you’re good” as Karen begs to see her photos. They all confirm it looks like Karen in the photo with this dude.
She insists she has no idea who this is, and what she’s talking about, yet also says “he’s a married man.” That’s usually how it works in extra-marital affairs isn’t it? Most of the time both parties are married to other people. Not always, but often. So Blue Eyes is a married man. Karen Perfect Marriage Huger is/was banging a married man. Also a Redskins fan but we’ll try not to hold that against him.
“So you were in Vegas with a man?” Gizelle wants to know. Karen neither confirms nor denies it.
Now it’s Karen’s turn, a new bombshell being dropped. She’s been “protecting Juan” she says. After a previous reunion where a threesome was joked about, they went out to dinner and Juan hugged her so hard her breasts were in her vertebrae. (I think she loves saying that) and told her she wants her to be the third person on their ‘threesome.’ Karen insists that Juan has a thing for her and therefore Robyn is jealous and hates her.
I guess it’s not out of the question. Some dudes like older women. She did manage to change the subject from her blue-eyed boyfriend in Vegas. Crafty. Change the subject when you know you’re guilty.
So I assume we’re dropping the ‘Chris versus Gizelle and The Ugly Muppet’ story line at this point. Assuming we won’t be seeing that hag again. Thank God. I can kind of see Juan doing this. Not that it’s a contest, but if it were a contest, I think Karen would win this one, as to who was made the most uncomfortable by a House Husband.
But did she have to say in her yap, of course Juan is attracted to her because “I’m a beautiful woman.” Oh my God, okay, Karen.
This Housewife fight at the arguing table seems to have worn itself out before it got into the throwing food and drinks stage. I think because Robyn and Karen both had equal dirt on each other, is what kept it from escalating.
Robyn does look a little agitated by this revelation, I must say.
Redirect to Jacqueline and Mia. Jacqueline is clearly distraught – this isn’t fake Bravo shit, at least not where she is concerned. The producers really really want it discussed, so they start to scream at each other and throw shit, but since this is really raw and real with Jacqueline, she keeps genuinely trying to shut it down.
Mia of course has no interest in shutting it down. She wants it brought to the Bravo audience in the worst way, since she’s using it as a ‘story line’ that Jacqueline is having affairs with married men, and didn’t organize her kids’ supervision before she left, and is a terrible person in almost all aspects. According to Mia.
It is starting to turn into a thing of course, because they keep poking at her. Mia keeps slinging insults.
Now apparently Jacqueline didn’t spend Mother’s Day with her mother.
Candiace being Candiace, and also leans towards keeping it real, and not playing for the cameras constantly, thinks they should shut it down and not do this here, since they are sisters. Sort of.
Now Mia turns her head away from her, and starts talking in a loud whisper to the others about her as if she’s not even there.
“She does this all the time, I told her to stay home because of this, she’s been acting like this all week, she’s exhausting me you guys.”
Jacqueline leaves the table, and Mia throws her arms up and does a really overly acted, and badly overly acted “Again??” thing.
Again what? Jacqueline DID actually try to shut it down and not speak about it. (Again!) So not sure what the dramatic “again???” is all about when she left the table. Again what? You insulted and belittled your friend of 30 years in front of others, so instead of making a scene, she maturely gets up and leaves the table like an adult? How dare she? Maybe she should have thrown a drink at her? Would that have made her happier. It’s very clear who the bigger person here. And no it’s NOT Mia. Well maybe her feet are.
Mia quickly dismisses Jacqueline’s departure and starts sucking up to Wendy. Maybe she’s worried Jacqueline will pull Wendy on her side?
Mia tells Wendy she wants to like her, and starts showering her with compliments. They’re going to be having a talk later.
Candiace, Wendy and Charrisse attempt to console Jacqueline. Mia insists she just wants attention. Even though she sat there all through lunch saying nothing, and tried desperately to shut the convo down? That’s how someone acts who wants attention? Who looks more like they want attention here?
Wendy and Mia visit, and they’re calling each other “gorgeous” while baby talking to each other.
Already coming across as quite inauthentic. And nauseating. But we’re rolling with it, because it’s Housewives. No one forces us to watch it.
It seems pretty awkward when they first sit on the bed. Wendy acts confused as to where to sit. I don’t know, maybe on the bed? It is a basic hotel room, so there’s no sectional. They have an awkward exchange over whether or not they showered.
Mia starts by saying she doesn’t know where they went wrong. Really??
Wendy reminds her of the drink tossing event, and how disrespectful that was. Mia then manages to admit it was disrespectful and apologizes.
Wendy: “We both got fake booties, you’re beautiful, I’m gorgeous.” Who talks like this??
Well, then, it’s settled! Fight, what fight? it’s officially off! They’re both gorgeous. They embrace.
And just when you thought that was the ending, since we’re down to a minute and a half left in the hour
(but my bad, that’s like two hours in Housewife time) Ashley narrates how after a great non-fighting dinner (which of course was not aired) they decided to extend the evening, and go out afterwards.
There were some drunken vagina flashes, because apparently no one wore underwear this evening.
Wendy shares that Mia slithered towards her and said “I just want to eat your box.” (she then denied it on WWHL because she doesn’t use the word ‘box.’)
So stay tuned for next week to see if the box got some girly action. Sounds like maybe it did??
Guess Eddie’s not taking care of business at home. Which does NOT surprise me.
