I’m sure you all agree, that we could have done without witnessing Shane and Emily getting their noses and asshole waxed. I like how they show these ‘real’ moments that NO ONE wants to see, yet telling them what to say and do, to create conflict and drama, instead of letting them be their real selves. But, here we are, practically looking at Emily’s asshole. Thanks, Bravo. I’ll never unsee this.
The waxer tells him that it feels like “getting punched in the face” (but a quick punch) to get your nostrils waxed. Not sure if that’s a good way to sell it, waxer lady. Especially to Shane, who seem kind of like a wimp.
No shade on Shane (well maybe a little shade) but this looks exactly like the scene in ‘40 Year Old Virgin’ of Steve Carrell getting his chest waxed. And they kind of resemble each other. I am dying.
Emily feels the need to tell the world that he’s into butts (literally) and she’ll be paying for this waxing appointment later, if we know what she means. We do, Emily, and we’re nauseous.
Emily is having a slip ‘n’ slide party at Shane’s parents.’ “How can you fight when there’s an adult ‘slip ‘n’ slide’??” Okay that all sounds a little raunchy.
I’m a little worried that some of these ladies could seriously injure themselves engaging in this activity.
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There’s sort of an unnatural scene with Taylor, her daughter and a friend, meeting up with New Jenn and her 13 year old son. The girls being juniors in high school, and poor dude is in 8th grade. They go to a beach amusement park with teenagers for some reason.
I felt sort of bad for the kid when he had to announce that he was only in 8th grade. Couldn’t she have brought one of the older ones for these girls, or her daughter? Did this kid draw the short straw or what?
Shannon arrives for this awkwardness, and what’s she wearing? White skinny jeans of course!
I don’t mean to be totally dragging her for wearing nothing but white jeans, but it’s getting a little strange, Think I commented on this last season. Doesn’t she read my blog??
Thank God she didn’t bring the twins, this kid would be curled up somewhere in the fetal position crying. No shade on the kid, this is just an awkward age for boys, and the twins would put him over the edge.
They shuffle the kids away so they can housewife talk about the last activity and what went wrong. That poor kid is stuck making chit chat with two seventeen year old girls, I can’t even imagine what they would talk about.
Is Jenn really sitting here right now trying to rationalize Tamra’s behavior towards her? She really doesn’t know, or is she playing dumb? If she is she’s good at it.
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Tamra and Heather meet at a bougee boutique for a ‘hostess gift’ for Emily’s party. Maybe she should be at a sex toy store? Just kidding. I mean, an ‘adult slip ‘n’ slide party?’ Am I the only one?
Tamra’s rockin’ an Army Private look for some reason. Maybe she just wanted to wear her new Louie combat booties that her husband got her for her birthday.
Heather feels she’s been on an ‘apology tour.’ Whatever. She does her usual yap thing where she says she’s not really sorry, and doesn’t really care.
Tamra says that the Nobu night is fuzzy. Well yeah, when you arrive to a social event ALREADY shitfaced, then continue to drink, that’ll do it. But, as I’ve said, she’s needing liquid courage to execute her antics, in such a way that she gets an invite back for 2024 season.
A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.
Tamra – oh so dramatic: “You know me, and there’s one thing I can’t deal with is a goddamned liar.” Is she not doing the Jesus freak thing anymore? Just wondering that.
I feel like that’s such a cliché and comical line to use. I mean, have you ever met anyone that loves people that lie? Normal rational people are put off by liars. It’s not this unusual personality trait.
But whatever, we’re rollin’ with it. She continues to crucify New Jenn about her relationship with Ryan. Frankly, Tamra is coming off as jealous.
Doing the back and forth scene thing.
Jenn points out that her annoyance with Tamra, has more to do with the fact that they were all joking around about ‘hot Ryan at the gym’ so lose all of the drama and fake annoyance, at the ‘I’m going to fuck her comment.’ Alleged comment.
We’re still maintaining that Ryan and Other Heather, the recipient of this now very infamous dick pic, were never involved with each other at all. In her yap, Jenn says she thinks that Heather was/is into him, yet believes there was never any type of interaction.
This dude is all about women being into him, and how many are into him, and who’s into him more, and who’s serving his needs the most in the moment. I know THAT type.
Is this dude worth all of this? I’m feeling no. They are still together, at least as of a few weeks ago, anyway, they were on WWHL together.
Who knows – maybe he’s a ‘changed man.’ Just kidding.
Tamra wants to bring Other Heather to Emily’s party so she and Jenn can ‘talk it out.’
I’m super sure that’s your motivation Tamra. She has so much going on between ‘Cut’ (which is closed, so… confusing) and ‘The Dog’ and she’s sorry she threw the napkin. Yeah that’s exactly why she threw a napkin.
Again another cliché line – “don’t mess with my marriage” Mmmkay, again because all other people love it when their relationship gets shit talked. Or, in this case, if you get accused of being into someone else. No one’s messing with your marriage. I doubt if Eddie even cares if you ARE into Ryan.
Then Heather – “I know! you’re preaching to the choir!”
By the way, we all know Terry cheated, and who can blame him? I hate that she got her way, and it got cut from the show. What the hell does she have on Andy to have been able to accomplish that?? The show would be just fine without her, if that’s her flimsy threat?
This is so sad what Tamra is doing to her friend in the name of a Bravo check. Jenn seems genuinely upset and bothered by this shitty treatment.
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Can we talk about how much Brit, Gina’s ex’s girlfriend looks like Kelly Dodd?
Not sure how much of this is jut for TV, but the fact that Gina and Matt can meet at a park with both of their new significant others, and be all cool and kosher is really cute.
Any scenes with Matt in, are okay with me. I know it was fucked up what he did to her, but I can still say he’s cute. Hopefully this dude learned from his mistakes. What’s with dudes and their anger issues?
He still seems like kind of a dick with the comment he makes to Travis about doing something with his kids that he “doesn’t feel like doing.” That’s cool, Matt.
Unfortunately we have the Ginaccent in full force. Haha, okay that’s what I’ll call it. I’ve been struggling with how to refer to it when making fun of her. Think she’s annoying Britt too, actually.
She’s appearing to not be even listening to her. I feel like Matt still sort of blames Gina for his career woes after his arrest. But you know, tough titties.
Boys aren’t supposed to hit and bully around girls! Sorry your mommy didn’t teach you that bro.
Imagine being a dude that feels good and gets a high off of bullying their girlfriend or wife, and making her cry and feel bad. FOR NO REASON. What a MISERABLE FUCKING EXISTENCE.
“I got the chargesssss lowerrrrred because that is what was best for my famillyyyyyyyyy” Insert Ginaccent.
Translation: Matt needs fucking income, so he can pay me fucking child support. Let’s face it, other than Bravo, which isn’t any type of guarantee, she’s not really any type of money making machine. She needs Matt to work, preferably, in the same position he was when she was the lax SAHM, just chilling and shopping all day. She shares that she no longer cooks. So six fucking kids and she doesn’t cook? Think in her first season she presented herself as this great Italian cook.
She admits she hasn’t even had an actual ‘job’ in forever, other than generic moisturizers handed to her by Bravo, probably made in China like BlaBla’s from Vanderpump crap, in which she did no actual work.
Poor Britt seems to think pasta she made two years ago was this ‘real Italian dinner.’ So this girl has low standards when it comes to food we see. She probably thinks Olive Garden is good.
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What’s with Tamra and this weird new ‘country’ image she’s trying to portray? She and Emily meet at some fucking weird saloon type of bar, where they order champagne, of all things, served in a wine glass. Is this an OC thing? Champagne in wine glasses?
They talk Shannon, and their rekindled friendship. I have figured out why Tamra was pretending to be so worried about making up with her.
Remember I kept saying, “what’s going on? Something is up.” Stupid Shannon buys it though. Even though I love her, I kind of wish she’d remove herself from this show. It’s just not serving her anymore in any type of positive way (other than money of course. )
Now Tamra’s here throwing HER under the fucking bus, just like she is Jenn.
Like this isn’t cool coming for her relationship with John. What did she just to Heather, “don’t come after my marriage!!” ( which, like no one was coming after her marriage – such drama) But it’s cool for her to shit talk someone else’s relationship. Got it Tamra. Got. It.
She brags, and they flash on a scene, with Eddie when they all went to dinner, taunting Shannon, asking if they were living together, and he knew full well they weren’t. Classy, Tamra. Get poor Eddie involved, and playing dumb to aid you in your take-downs.
Someone seems to be projecting…
And also, don’t you dare discuss Heather’s fucking rocky marriage and Terry’s infidelity, but she’s like the town crier announcing to everyone about Shannon and John. What’s worse, she’s repeating shit that Shannon told her in confidence. (Allegedly)
Shannon’s the scapegoat again to keep these bitches from talking about their own issues. Is she making the most cash here, because she certainly deserves to be.
Oh and don’t forget the rumors of Shane being unfaithful too, but let’s focus on Shannon and New Jenn. Look here, not there!
Tamra trying hard to sell that she’s coming from this place of concern, just like she is with New Jenn, by addressing Heather’s blabbing with her. On camera. To humiliate her.
Emily claims she doesn’t want Shannon to be upset. Oh please. Go back and watch last season. ‘Worried and care about her’ – my fucking ass.
Thought ya couldn’t stand liars Tamra. What a joke, the only way to get through these episodes anymore is to just sit and make fun of these fake ass evil ho’s, and get extremely intoxicated.
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Emily’s bougee pool party at her in-law’s is getting underway.
She tells the bartender “it’s your job to figure out” referring to this champagne super soaker thing. Well, you know, everyone has their place, and some people were put on this earth to figure out how to work a champagne squirt gun for a bunch of fake rich bitches. Hasn’t Emily been dragging Heather for being pretentious, but you talk to this bartender like this?? No. Emily his job is to make fucking drinks, not figure out some stupid cheap made in China contraption that you got on Amazon.
Shane’s mom wants included in the festies. I know it’s her house and all, I just kind thought it was funny she wants to be around these crazy bitches. She walks around introducing herself to everyone, which is funny. She’s wants everyone to know – “this is MY house!” She’s so cute and teeny.t
Of course they all arrive in their stripper heals … to a pool party. Gina already tall, is in six-inch platforms. Maybe she wants to make sure she can reach stuff.
Tamra arrives with Other Heather in tow, and seems really pleased with herself.
After a few, or a lot of fake “Hiiiiiiiiiiiii’s – you look SO cute!” New Jenn and Other Heather sit down together and immediately you can tell this chick, first off, wants to be a Housewife, that’s a no-brainer, and seems incredibly on the defense as soon as Jenn asks to talk to her. She reminds me of Heather Locklear.
Other Heather maintains this story that she never had sex with Ryan ever, and was shocked by the dick pic. Everyone is on the sidelines, in full scripted mode, speculating on how the discussion is going.
Tamra think she needs to be present. I think she’s worried about what’s being said since she’s been cooking up this confrontation, and needs to make sure she’s being represented correctly.
Shannon and Tamra both approach and sit with them, which is weird. Two people that are trying to have a ‘private’ convo about their issues, that these two bitches would just plop themselves down, just to be nosy, is kind of bizarre. But what really makes t his scene, is that they all have the same fucking hair. Same color, same style.
Again this phrasing that’s confusing me. That she ‘left her kids for him.’ Did she leave her kids initially? Because she doesn’t correct anyone. Like if someone kept saying that you ‘left your kids’ and you didn’t, wouldn’t you correct them? I guess it’s not important. No one is questioning it. Why do I care? I don’t know.
Other Heather really really wants her to acknowledge and show that she’s pissed about Ryan’s cheating when they were on this ‘break.’
Jenn has admitted she chose to overlook it, and move on. Do these bitches need smacked in the head with a shovel? It’s not that complicated. They don’t have to agree.
And yes I know, this is the talking point, story line, what they’re told to beat to death. but isn’t there a point when you’re like “I can’t anymore !” They’ve collectively discussed this with her like twenty fucking times.
Jenn explains to Tamra she wasn’t insinuating that she was hitting on Ryan, again it’s the sudden clutching of her pearls over Ryan’s inappropriate comment, when she was also being inappropriate.
Emily in her dalmation sarong seriously joins this little pow-wow. Not sure where she’s parking her fat ass, but whatever, Emily. She needs to know what’s happening, and needs to know now! She’s so fucking nosy.
Oh and now Gina and this random dark haired chick (dark hair –WHAT?????) who is following Gemily around like a lost puppy, joins the party. Jenn has to feel so ganged up on right now. Wasn’t Gemily just making fun of Shannon for being present a minute ago?? But now here they are.
Did Tamra even answer the valid and important question of why so umcomfy now, when she was also joking around about banging Ryan? Don’t think so, because that’s when the enormous dalmatian interrupted.
Now suddenly, everyone feels like they’re being intrusive by sitting there. Well, fucking duhh. It looks like a fucking circus at this point. Tamra now apologizes to Jenn for ‘over drinking’ and throwing a napkin in her face. Claims she’s been sick about it. Yeah, so NOT sincere Tammy. Try again. Hey, thought she ‘hated goddamned liars!!??’
Jenn cries and admits it did upset her (so are you happy now Tamra?) that Ryan was with someone else when they were just supposed to be taking some time apart to regroup. Can we drop it now?? It’s clearly upsetting her to keep having it thrown in her face. I’m not defending this douche, at all, but it’s time to LET IT THE FUCK GO !! Fuck !
Slippy slide time and I guess they’re dousing it with champagne?? And the spray tans are all getting removed, all over it.
Jenn leaves, because you know she got ganged up on by these bored deflecting bitches, and was reminded, again of her boyfriend’s cheating. So she doesn’t feel much like partying. Mother in law looks on disapprovingly, when Tamra removes her top.
Heather agrees to take a stab at the slippy side, in a wet suit thing. Shannon joins, in her spanx. It looks kind of pathetic and .Grannies Gone Wild. I have to agree with Emily for a change.
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We HAVE to talk about Jenn and Ryan’s therapy session with, of course some kind of weirdo healing guru, that makes these moaning noises as part of their ‘therapy.’ Ryan’s face is priceless. Either he really does love Jenn, or he’s doing a really god job of acting like it.
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Gina is making Travis a ‘proper meal’ for the first time, since they first started dating. So curious as to what she has been feeding all of these kids? Do they order out every night? Does Travis cook?
She yammers about getting her real estate license. Is she seriously going to show houses and talk to bougee people in this voice? Travis looks so proud of her. Which is cute but also sad.
“This is a good fit for meeeeeeeeeeeee.” Followed by hair toss/flip thing. Oh my God. I can’t with this chick. She’s SUCH a fucking ding bat. Does she know this? I would almost put her on Teresa Guidice level. Not joking. I thought that hair toss was going to be like a funny exaggerated thing she did on purpose. But, no, this was real. Sometimes we do get these random ‘real’ moments. Usually they’re embarrassing ones though.
“I haven’t worked in a really long time, so I’m really proud of myselffffffff”
Remind me, what she’s done? She hasn’t even taken the test yet. But she’s proud of herself. For what? That remarkable hair toss? Travis asks if she thinks he’ll get on her nerves working together,
Sorry, but I just don’t see these two ding-dongs as being this high-powered real estate duo. I mean, is this a joke?
Pouting now about her life change from the track that it was on, meaning when she was the actual Housewife that shopped all day. She was pretty happy with that track. So happy, that she didn’t even seem to mind, nor bothered to question, that Matt had an apartment in another city, and was rarely home.
Now she has to get, like a jawwwwwwwwbbbbb. No wonder she looks so annoyed, as she picks at her artichokes.
All kidding and making fun of her aside, she credits not drinking as helping her ‘process’ what happened between her and Matt, and feels like she can move on.
“It’s a true fresh start now” says Travis.
“Yahhhh fer surrrrrre.” In Ginaccent. I’m already back to making fun of her. What a twit, FER SURRRRRRE!!!
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And she’s baaaaaack! Vickie G in the house !! Tres Amigos are reunited.
For whatever reason, they decide to pray, and Vickie thanks God, and informs him how they’ll be whooping it up! Sure he’s glad he was warned.
Tamra needs Shannon to “define rocky year with Heather” last year. Really Tamra ? It was literally on TV. I have a hard time believing she didn’t watch.
They flash on that obscene, horribly acted mafia-like scene of Heather threatening to ‘come after’ Shannon if she ever dares mention this law suit from a botched titty job from 20 fucking years ago, that was not even pursued. And never was an issue for stupid Terry, in any way shape or form…
The fun doesn’t last, since this was the venue in which Tamra has planned to approach Shannon about Heather repeating the John issues. Shannon pleads with her to not elaborate as Tamra smirks, and can’t wait to blurt it out.
See what I mean, why she wanted Shannon back as her bestie. What a bunch of phony BS. But she hates goddamned liars, I’m reminding you again.
Shannon approaches the producers and tells them she doesn’t want this to be discussed on camera.
Tamra is such a dick.
